Team Diamond

Understanding, Change, and School

2012-02-01T17:53:00.002-05:00

I stepped back and let Heavenly Father help guide me. I decided that I did not want to have this anger inside of me (it just blocked out the Spirit and I lost focus on my mission). I understand that people are ignorant- they have not been around people of different ethnicity. I cannot get angry at them for something that they do not realize is wrong. Our mindsets are different- I have struggled through life thinking that I cannot accomplish anything because of my skin color- while they have struggled with other things (I do not know what but we all have trials). It makes sense that I will be extremely sensitive to their remarks and they will be oblivious to how their comments can hurt me.

After my blow-up against Brigham Young University-Idaho and my roommates, I was able to get involved with school organizations. I talked to the Dean of Students about my concerns (and hate of the school); however, he helped me to see things in a different light. He says that since I wish that these students can see things through my eyes, why don’t I help them? He got me in contact with the Student Association. They have an African Heritage Association, that needs a President and they are in the process of interviewing candidates, and if I want to I can be on the board and help get things up and running. Although, I do not know a lot about my actual African heritage, it will be nice to learn and also help the students to see people of color as more good-for-nothing prisoners, drug addicts/ dealers, and prostitutes. Not only am I now getting involved in the African Heritage Association but I am also on the Student Involvement Representatives, today is my first day (so I will let you know what my actual job is). I was told that we go to apartments and tell them about the different associations and activities available on campus. It will help me to get to know other people.

After meeting with the Dean, I was able to speak to both of my teachers about my feelings. They understood how I felt and apologize for the actions of the students. They reiterated that these students are mostly from all-Caucasian neighborhoods and probably have never seen any other kind of ethnicity. I agreed and thanked them for talking to me. I was never angry at the teachers, just the ignorant students.

I then was able to meet President Clark (the president of the university). That was intimidating but awesome. He was so very nice and kind. He talked to me about his son-in-law who is Hispanic/ Mexican. He gave me great advice for how to deal with the students and roommates. He told me that the best thing is to let them know how I feel in class (“I do not agree with that and this is why…” or “I am a minority and this is some of the experiences that I have that are not what the media portrays us to be.”). He told me to never be afraid to stand up against their opinions or if I do agree but I do not agree with the “why it is the way it is” let them know (“Although Detroit may have a lot of bad officials I believe that it has to do with … and not with their skin color.). He then told me to do service for my roommates instead of being angry with how they treated me. He said that more than likely they were having a bad day and I just happened to get caught in the cross fire. I took the trash out and wrote them a note saying that I loved them (Sunday they apologized for what they said and they, indeed, were having a hard time). He is such a smart man.

On Sunday I also went to the Dean of Students home for dinner. He has two teenaged daughters and a four year old son. We had rice, meatballs, orange pudding, and pina colata cake. It was awesome. Then we played Just Dance on the Wii Kinect. It was awesome and it was good to get away from the apartment too.

Monday was a normal school day. But we had Family Home Evening (FHE) at Brother Mooso’s amazing home. It is so big and so beautiful. Our apartment had the lesson (McKenzie talked about how we should really know who Jesus Christ is and find a way to bear our testimony about him). We had yummy tacos. After that we played “Murder in the Dark.” I got killed three times! It was so much fun (3 killers and 18 people -including brother Mooso and 17 students). As we left to go home the boys, in their car, played Chinese Fire drill at every red light. I have never seen it before so I freaked out and my roommates laughed their heads off at me. It was so much fun.

I got my (almost) one month report card. I have a 87% (B+) in Psychology, 97% (A+) in Human Resource Management, 100% (A+) in Mission Preparation, 98% (A+) in Computer Basics, and 100% (A+) in American Foundations! I totally bombed my very first test in Psychology which coincided with the day that I got my mission call so I was not really in the right mind-set to take the test. Since then I have received an A on all of my Psychology tests and I am slowly but surely bringing up my grade.

As you can see, I am doing much better both in and out of school. Life is great! I cannot wait to go on my mission. I have $1000 saved for my mission necessities. I cannot wait to get there and let those people know just how much Heavenly Father loves them and can change their lives (just like he has done for me).

Trying to Beat up the Devil

2012-01-25T16:59:00.003-05:00

This has been a trying week for me. I am learning to not be so sensitive and how to forgive others. I have run into the same things that I witnessed Southern Virginia University but unlike last time, I was ready. Some students in two different classes have said very ignorant and flat-out stereotypical things regarding people of color. I do not think that they realized just how stereotypical they sounded but I am learning that not all people know any people of color and therefore based their opinions, about a particular race, on what they hear on the news, television shows, and what their parents may say. If I return to BYU-Idaho upon serving my mission, I hope to find a way to help this campus really learn what diversity and culture is. I mean the Culture Clubs do a good job at showing the campus that there is diversity but I have not really seen anyone show how diversity is good and how culture is important. People of color born in the United States is different from say Mexico, Africa, and Asia. I know that my culture is way different from Africa (we do have tribal dance or wear boubous) but we are also more than gangs, drugs, and prisoners. The people here tend to think that only people of color go to jail- I wonder if they know that only 15% of African Americans make up the jail population of drug dealers and addicts. I want them to know our struggles and our concerns. Why is it that only a few percentage of African Americans go to college? I think that it is because of people like the students in class that say that the only thing that African Americans are good for is crime! Well if you tell us that we will be nothing and do nothing with our life then nine times out of ten that is what will happen! I have spent most of my life having people telling me that I cannot and will not accomplish anything in my life. I have been told on numerous occasions that universities and colleges are for Caucasian people- there is no reason to go to college when you will not succeed. I have had people that I thought were my friends make fun of me because I was smart and they told me that being smart will get me no where in life- I will just end up on the street. I am just so tired of people beating up on African Americans and then expect us to do better. How can we if you keep pointing out the bad in us? I am very sure that African Americans are NOT the only ones who commit crimes and I KNOW for a fact that we are not the only ones that are members of gangs. I am also equally sure that there is more to us than what the media depicts of us.

Studying, Mission Call, and a Trip to the Doctor

2012-01-17T15:04:00.003-05:00

This past week I have been knee deep in school work. I have found that I do not like the feeling of being overwhelmed (which I am sure that many people can agree does not feel good) so I have been trying to "get ahead" in school work so that I will not feel that way. This past weekend was a five-day weekend for me (I do not have classes on Friday and Monday was a holiday) so I spent most of the weekend doing homework (with the exception of Sunday and most of yesterday). I also had all of my first tests last week. I found that Human Resource Management was not as tough as I thought but Psychology will be my tough class. I; however, really like my teachers and I enjoy how all of my teachers tie in gospel to each of our class discussions.

Thursday I got my mission call! I have been called to the Washington DC South Mission (English Speaking) and I report to the MTC on May 2nd, 2012. I; therefore, will be able to spend a few weeks with my family before I go. I am excited to go to DC. I love the Temple and I will really like to get to know the people. I actually know a few people who will be in the Stake there so that will be exciting. Hopefully there will not be too much governmental debates (I get enough of that in my American Foundations class).

Saturday I woke up with a sharp pain in my right leg and let's just say I cried like a baby. I did not want to have to pay to go to the doctor and it really was not that bad so I just dealt with it. I guess I was afraid that if something was wrong I would not be able to go on a mission and I did not have class until today so I tried not to do too much walking. This morning; however, it was a little unbearable so I paid the $10 and went to the on-campus doctor. He asked me if I had been doing anything out of the ordinary and I told him that I have been pushing myself a little more on the treadmill and bike because I want to be in shape for my mission. At first he thought that maybe I just sprained my ankle but he decided to take an x-ray (at no cost to me!). Well after class I went back for a follow-up and he told me something cool. My left leg is 1/3rd of an inch shorter than my right leg! My right leg is trying to compensate for the difference by working harder than my left leg. He said that I need inserts to try to close the gaps but that I should be fine. I think that it is pretty unique but at the same time I always feel like whenever I am happy the Devil has to knock at my door. Go away! No one is home you jerk! Anyway that's all for now.

A New Year, A New House, and A New School

2012-01-08T21:13:00.002-05:00

Well things have definitely changed over the past few weeks. On December 31st I left for Brigham Young University- Idaho. My first stop was Brigham City, Utah where I stayed with a wonderful family. Of course it being Christmas/ New Years time, (almost) the entire family was there. Sister Cooper has such a wonderful family. It was nice being there. I spent New Years eating yummy Chinese food and making "New Years predictions" with them. They made predictions about where I will be serving my mission (as close to home as Ohio and as far away as Africa). It was very nice. We celebrated New Years twice (both Sister Cooper and I have family in the East so we celebrated East Coast New Years and also Mountain New Years) it was very exciting. We ended the night with them surprising me with gifts for my new apartment.

Then Monday I headed off to BYU-ID on the Salt Lake Express. I met some very interesting people on the shuttle. Upon arriving, I realized that I would have to pull all of my stuff to the apartment 3 blocks south and two blocks west of campus! The blocks are like a mile long! But some wonderful girls gave me a ride and even helped me bring the suitcases up 3 flights of stairs! I live in an awesome apartment. Well, it is actually pretty small but I like it. I have 3 housemates (Jessie and McKenzie are from Wyoming and Allysa is from New York). Me and Allysa have been getting along very well. She is so funny. She reminds of a friend that I had at SVU so it is nice.

The campus itself is so confusing! It is so big that it has its on zip code! In one of my classes there are 75 students. Other than being really big and yet at the same time having me feel claustrophobic I like this place. I like being around LDS people. I enjoy seeing guys wearing ties (sorry Mike I have not seen any Bow Ties) and opening the door for me. I especially love hearing teachers add the gospel to our conversation. Of course there are some things that I am not quite fond of (I agree that clothing should be BYU-ID approved but seriously do I HAVE to wear a BYU-ID
t-shirt to the gym?). But other than the randomness of clothing attire at the gym I can say that this university is quite awesome.

Church is another thing! Today I just about had a panic attack. No the ward is not super big (in fact we only have 120 students in the ward). The church is basically in the Institute building. This normally would not freak me out (at SVU the Institute building is also our church building); however, we do not have a chapel to have sacrament. As you already know I do not like change. This like blew me away. We have sacrament in a class room that has individual desks. We do not have pews or a podium. When people bore their testimonies, they had to do so by walking up to the front of the room and use a microphone (kind of awkward). I just have so much change happening and it is finally hitting me that I am not in Michigan and soon I will be getting my mission call (another major change). Am I ready to leave AGAIN and this time go to some place where I really do not know anyone? Yes I am ready. I am ready for the next chapter in my life.

Thank you all for your support. I know that none of this would be possible with out you all helping and supporting me.

If I Don't Blog now I Never Will

2011-12-29T22:08:00.003-05:00

Right now I am in the midst of figuring out what to take, what to ship, what to donate, and what to throw away. I have been doing this for the past 8 hours! I must admit I have the "what to throw away" all done but sheesh I still need to pack! In my defense this past week has been a little trying. I can feel the Devil watching me (kind of creepy). My mother is in the hospital and the doctors have run, will run, and are running tons of tests on her and all I want to know is WHAT IS WRONG. It is difficult because I feel like should I stay, should I go? Well that is already made up for me- run, drive, fly away ( you know since I have the airplane ticket that 2 people bought for me). I am just glad that I am done with that torturous Organic Chemistry. Saturday I will be in Utah and then off to Idaho! I am excited, scared, nervous, happy, anxious, and well excited.

Oh and by the way my mission papers have been submitted and I should get my mission call on January Th. Funny story so my Stake President "changed" the address to my apartment so that it will get there, unfortunately he switched my "home address" to Idaho instead of changing the address for "where to send your mission call". This normally would not be a problem. Well my apartment manager sent all of the tenants that she manages (not just my apartment) an email saying that we will not know our apartment numbers until check-in and NOT to send anything to the generic apartment building because that is actually the manager's office and all mail that is sent there will be sent back to sender. Hopefully I can get in contact with her and see if there is a way for that not to happen; otherwise, the church has no idea where I really am from or where my parents stay. One day I will find out where I am going to serve. Time to start guessing!

Bus, Finals, Grades, Packing, two Deaths and a Wake

2011-12-19T17:35:00.005-05:00

This past week has been quite hectic with finals and all. To add to the craziness of final's week, the buses decided to make a new schedule. This meant that I had to learn what buses to take to get to class and finals on time! I was so panicky that I did not really think about taking the actual finals. Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays I have to be at work at 9am- luckily with the new schedules I got to work at 8:30 so I could get more hours in at work but getting home was another story. Getting to and from work required me getting on different buses so I had to remember what 3 buses I take in the morning and what 3 buses I take in the afternoon and I had to make sure that I did not switch them up.

Tuesday I was treated to lunch with the Stake Relief Society President she really helped me to relax from school and not worry too much. I knew that I was doing well in two of my classes so I was not worried about the finals but I was not doing very well in Intro to Organic Chemistry. After lunch I studied for my test in Chemistry. I then took my Chemistry test (not the final just a 5 chapter test!) Thursday I found out that I scored the highest grade, a 93, and then we took the final! I also took my Marriage and the Family and Astronomy finals on Thursday.

The results: A in Marriage and the Family and an A in Astronomy. I received a B+ in Intro to Organic Chemistry (a miracle because I had been getting C's in the class before the test and final). My overall GPA was lowered a little to a 3.69 from a 3.75. But I am happy and I hope to bring it up once I start classes at BYU-ID.

After finishing school and work I started packing (more like getting rid of stuff that I refuse to take with me). So far I have given away or donated clothes and books. Now I have to go through folders and paperwork to decide if I am going to keep it or throw away.

Saturday I usually go over my parents house to spend time with them and also so my dad can take me and my nieces to church on Sunday. Sunday after church we found out that a woman who I have known all of my life (kind of like an aunt to me) died and that her wake was today (as in today- Monday) and I knew that my real aunt had died and her wake was also today. Unfortunately my real aunt lives in Ohio and my poor dad's van will not make it. However, my other aunt paid to bring my aunt's body up here to Michigan (her funeral will be tomorrow). The other woman's wake was today so I spent Sunday night at my dad's house and today we went to her wake. It was so very sad. I wanted to talk to her daughter and tell her that there is more to life after death but she was so angry and bitter that I do not think that I could change her mind. I wrote her a little note though. I am so very grateful for this church and this gospel because I know that we can see our family again. With that being said I had a conversation with another woman from my church who told me that if my parents are not married when they die, I cannot be sealed to them. There is so much that I do not know about this church. How in the world can I serve a mission when I do not know enough?

Everything is Falling Into Place

2011-11-30T22:06:00.004-05:00

As I am typing this, I am full of emotion ( the usual: worried with a mix of happy). I just got back from having a meeting the Stake President Lantz. He was interviewing me so that I can go a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. He, of course, was intense with a mixture of funny. I am very happy that everything is falling into place: I am leaving in a month to go to BYU-Idaho, have a few job interviews lined up, and now getting my mission call in the next two weeks. But now I have no control over: if the plane will not kill me when I am traveling to Idaho, if I will even like BYU-Idaho, if I will get the job, or where I will go on my mission (could be Texas, not Utah- please not Utah, Antarctica, Belgium- oh yes Belgium, France- not too shabby, or China but the point is I do not know where). There is just so much that I do not know. I know, I know, trust in Heavenly Father. I do... I just do not trust other people like the pilot, strangers in Idaho, unknown mission companions, just people okay! But I know that this is what Heavenly Father wants for me. This is what I want from me.

I have done a complete 360 in my life- no, I have never been a bad person but I have changed. I have gone from contempt with my life to hopeful and I like it! I like the direction that my life is headed. I have come from nothing, believed in nothing, gone nowhere, and wanted nothing to knowing that I come from Greatness; believing in myself, my capabilities, and my desires; going to Virginia, will go to Idaho, and then a mission; and I want what is best for me. I want to live a righteous life and graduate from BYU-Idaho, get married, have children, and make something out of myself. I want to close my eyes and not think of the bad things. I want to not have to make up "a fantasy life" in my head because it is too difficult to imagine a real man wanting to be with me. I want to breathe and not wonder if this is all a figment of my imagination. I just want to know if this is for something and not all for nothing. I do not want to come back from my mission and some how have my walls crashing down. I do not want to hear "there is no one out there for you" or "you are not good enough for this" or "you can never have this." Brain please shut up.

It's official... I really am leaving

2011-11-17T20:45:00.006-05:00

I have been so preoccupied with school and work that I have not had time to notice the time going by. Yesterday I had a reality check. My boss asked me if I had received my schedule for next semester. We started talking about my church and what not when she asked what classes I was taking. I let her know that I could not register until November 16th and she replied that that is today!

That means that first: I have to register and second: there is only one month left in the semester! That is crazy. I feel like summer just ended not winter is here. I have so much to do and so little time. On a side note I got my first B in Chemistry! I have struggled this entire semester with Intro to Organic and Biochemistry. If this is how difficult the intro is, how difficult will the real deal be? Maybe I have to rethink my major. I got my "progress" report for the class and I have a 82% that is like a B- I feel like a failure; however, there is a another test and the final left so let's just hope that I can do better and pull out a solid B.

I finally registered for classes and I am excited for them. Here is my schedule for BYU-Idaho:

General Psychology (online class with Sister Amy Morris)

Human Resource Management with Brother D. Joshua Holt

American Foundations with Brother Ryan S. Johnson

Missionary Prep with Brother David Christensen

Science Foundation (online class with Sister Lynn S. Durtschi

Computer Basics (online class with Brother Raymond Dean Allen)

and Medical Law and Ethics with Brother Dan C. Dummar)

All together I am taking a full load (16 credits). By the way, I think it is funny that they call their professors Brother and Sister and not Professor. The classes that I have to take in order to start the program are Anatomy and EMT Basics; however, I cannot start them until after I get back from my mission. But the classes that I am taking next semester I have to take as graduation requirements. I am going to enjoy taking these classes, I am ready to get started.

Speaking of mission, everything is falling into place. Last Sunday I had my meeting with President Chirolla and he sent everything to President Lantz (the Stake President) I am hoping that I will get my call by next month because I leave December 31st and it would be nice to open it surrounded by people that I know.

The Dental Experience from Hockey Sticks! and a Little Bit of Life

2011-11-08T13:05:00.003-05:00

A couple of weeks ago I had a dental exam. The dental hygienist was amazing and she told me that since I do not numb well, they would "put me under" when I get my two fillings. Well, today the doctor told me that they do not "put people under" for fillings. It took them 15 times (5 tries with three pokes each) and I was finally numb for the first fillings. While doing the procedure, the doctor told me that I had a "psychotic" tongue so each time she moved the hygienist had to move my tongue out of the way (she did this forcefully). The doctor then called in two more hygienist to "help" but the only thing they did was hurt me (for instance, one of the hygienist stabbed my tongue, tooth, and gums with the "mirror" numerous times, she even complained that she could not see and yet she "sucked" my jaw until I could barely breathe)! Of course, by the time it came to my second filling I was no longer numb. Well they were too busy talking to each other to notice that I was "SCREAMING" that I was no longer numb. Finally the doctor heard me and they poked me six more times until I was numb again. Needless to say, I am glad that it's over. Now everything is done and soon I will have my meetings so that I can go on a mission.

School and work have me so busy that I barely have time to rest. Last weekend I was able to have a breather. I helped Hallie with her Mom to Mom Sale. I was even able to spend a little bit of time with the kids. They are so adorable and they just brighten up my day. I cannot wait for the time where I get to work with little ones. However, school is another thing. Chemistry is going to be the death of me. The Coroner will write: "Death by Intro to Organic Chemistry." It is a tough class. Maybe I will be a therapist instead of a P.A. then I will not have to take any more chemistry classes. I have an A in both Marriage and the Family and Astronomy 1. I love my job at the college. My coworkers are so nice.

I have a cell phone now! It only took 2 years to replace my old one. If you want my number let me know. It is a MetroPCS phone, not the best service in the world, but better than no phone at all I suppose.

Sunday during Fast and Testimony Meeting I realized that I do not have long before I head off to BYU-Idaho. I am both excited and nervous about the whole thing. I hope, no I know, that it is going to be a wonderful experience. I am going to spend two nights in Utah staying with my Stake Relief Society President's family. Then I head off to Idaho for classes. I will leave for my mission sometime after April 6th, when Winter Semester is over. I cannot wait to see what Heavenly Father has planed for me.

School, Work, Family, and... A Mission!

2011-10-23T17:19:00.003-04:00

These past few weeks has been nonstop work, school, and studying with a sprinkle of a fall cold. It has been stressful to say the least. I have had 2 exams and 2 Astronomy and Chemistry quizzes. Let's just say I do not get Organic Chemistry one bit. I do not care about carbons and lipids- I just want to be a Pediatric Physician's Assistant! That makes since right?

I spent last weekend with my family. Friday and the better part of Saturday I stayed with my sisters. We had a Comedy (i.e. Madea) and Action movie night and game day with yummy different foods that I have been craving- my sister's spicy Nachos are amazing! Saturday morning we had a game day, complete with Monopoly, Spades, and Trouble. Then I spent Saturday night and Sunday morning at my parents house. We likewise had a movie night (my dad's favorite movies: Avatar (He is like 63 and he LOVES it), Godzilla (the funny one), Planet of the Apes, and Major Payne. It was nice being with them.

This past week I have been busy at work and studying for my Chemistry exam. I have also been getting to know my coworkers and hanging out with them. Saturday one of my coworkers (though he does not work in my department I spend a lot of time in his building) invited me to Red Robin's for dinner with his friends. People are so friendly and laid-back. Hopefully I can relax this week though- I have been a bit sleep deprived.

Oh and about the mission thing. I just submitted my papers today! I cannot wait to have my interviews and start thinking about where they are going to send me.

Health Science and Technology

2011-10-05T20:55:00.002-04:00

I am officially working at Macomb Community College. I work at the Health Science and Technology building as a Clerical Assistant. It is such a fun place to work! I am learning about children, pets, and food! Today the Associate Dean, Larry, brought over these amazing low-fat cookies that a coworker made for him. They were so delicious.

All of my coworkers are so nice and very helpful. Health Science and Technology's motto is: "You learn by doing" and I can totally see that. My first day at the building they had me do a fun walk-through. The first one was with them (Jennifer and Barbara, my supervisors, and Chris, another new employee). The second walk-through included me touching and trying to memorize everything in the office. I learned how to work the copier, printer, and fax machine. Then I answered the telephone (which was basically me asking them to hold while I found someone who could assist them). I also walked around campus and met other workers that I would work with closely (Mary the Copy Center Manager, Kim, my real boss who works in the Health and Human Services Department, Kim's other employees and Lois from the Learning Center. I can tell that I am going to really enjoy this job.

I have met so many interesting people at the college. It has been a fun experience being at this campus.

Music Therapy

2011-09-17T22:53:00.003-04:00

Words cannot describe the feelings that I have felt this past 2 weeks. Let's just say I needed a musical pick-me-up. And I got it with these songs and videos.

Worldly:

Michael Buble Ft. Blake Shelton- Home (live)

Hot Chelle Rae- Tonight, Tonight

David Archuleta- Crush

Dixie Chicks- Not Ready to Make Nice

Garth Brooks- Friends in Low Places and Dance

Javier Colon- Fix You

Keith Urban- Be Here Album and Where the Black Top Ends

Madonna Ft. Justin Timberlake- 4 Minutes

Taio Cruz- Dynamite

Inspirational:

Jessie Clark Funk- Everything Speaks His Name Album

Jenny Philips- Every Breath Album

David Archuleta- Christmas from the Heart Album

David Boye- Be Still My Soul

Josh Groban- Noel Album

Mark Geslison and Geoff Groberg- The Field is White Album

Michael McLean- Ninety and Nine

The songs and albums have been tremendous help to me. I am grateful for so many people who are willing to bless me with their talents.

A great week

2011-09-05T20:57:00.001-04:00

This week has been really good to me. I am very grateful for all of the great things that have happened. I have tried to focus on the positive that has gone on.

Last Monday, to celebrate my birthday, Hallie took me out to Olga's for dinner and C.J. Barrymore's for some fun activities. It has been a long time since I had so much fun. We laughed and I learned more about her. I also faced a ton of my fears (drowning, going over a bridge, fast softballs, walking across a sewer hole, etc). There was so much to do! We had bumper boats, soft balls, and the Grand Prix. Okay I am obsessed with being a kid. I love just feeling like I can be and do anything! I did not have that opportunity when I was younger, so it makes sense to me to do fun stuff like that. Did you know that up until my 16th birthday I went to the state fair? And for my 18th birthday I went to Chuck E. Cheese's.

On Tuesday (my birthday) I had lunch with Sister Cooper (the Stake Relief Society President). She was so amazing. After that I went to my classes. I got home at around 10:30pm.

Wednesday I did part one of my physical. It took forever! But most of it was finished. My doctor is hilarious. The hold time he made references about my imaginary boyfriend. I also had a great conversation with the receptionist, her nephew served a mission! I also remembered that I had an astronomy observation due the next day. I tried to go out and look at the constellations and see two planets and the moon rise/set, unfortunately being a procrastinator failed because it was too cloudy to see anything more than four stars.

Thursday I had class again again got home at around 10:30pm.

Friday I babysat for the Nugents. Their daughters are so adorable and easy to care for. My parents told me to come over for dinner. They gave me a (not so surprise) birthday party! My sisters, nieces, and nephews were there and I was so glad to be around little people again. It was great, until my nephew decided to drop my camera! I have not used it since I was at SVU and the one time I bring it out, it gets broken! It does not turn off very well. Then my dad car was side swiped and it would not close, now that he got it to close, it does not open!

Saturday I worked all day. It was fun though! For the first time ever, I was able to verify fifty and hundred dollar bills. It was awesome. I also got to hang out with my friend Brenda! She is so funny. After that Hallie, Mike, and the kids picked me up and we watched the BYU Cougars play Ole Miss. I was not worried, I knew that BYU would win. I am good luck!

That's my awesome week.

2011-09-05T20:15:00.003-04:00

Because I have been given much

2011-08-28T22:33:00.003-04:00

I have been extremely stressed lately because well, I am a worrier. As a child my parents called me a worrywart. I have a job; however, the hours suck. I get maybe five hours per week (if any). I love the job and the people but I cannot live off of maybe $30 per week. I got really depressed. I finally decided to tell someone and the ball started rolling. Miracle number one: I was able to get the most needed things ready for BYUI (school supplies was on a super sell). Miracle number two: I was able to get help with my medical bills and also I was able to get some of my bills lowered. Miracle numbers three and four: I was able to get my physical done with less money and I am in the process of finding someone to do my dental examination for free! I am also in the process of getting my financial aid processed at BYUI. Miracle number five: I will get a refund check for $125 from Macomb Community College. It is not a lot but it is enough to pay my rent for this month (yes I know the month is almost over and I have to pay September’s rent) and buy the bus card to get to and from school. Miracle number six: I have a job lead as a nanny. I hope that it pans out. I love children and it would be nice to get even more experience in the field. I am crossing my fingers.

I have been overwhelmed by the love and attention that Heavenly Father has shown me. David told me that nothing matters until the next journey. I only have to get by right now. This is not the part that Heavenly Father is overly concerned about. He knows how strong I am. He knows where I will go from here. He just wants my will to be aligned with His. He wants me to know that He is here for me, He cares for me. I have struggled with that for a long time. Coming from where I have been, I find it difficult to just let Him direct me. I am so used to relying on myself. I always feel like whenever I do rely on someone, they let me down and it just breaks me even more. My dad said that Friday he would pay the $35 for my doctor’s visit; however, when Friday came he told me that he didn't have the money. That hurt me more than I thought it would. That meant that I either couldn't get the medical stuff done for my physical or I would have to ask yet another person to help. I feel like all I do is mooch off of Hallie and Mike. They have enough to worry about, the last thing they need is an adult asking them for money, food, shelter, support, everything. I just hate it so much. Self-reliance anyone? Hallie offered to pay because well that’s Hallie. Fortunately (what number miracle am I on?) I did not have to pay since it was just a follow-up to my TB test. I am learning that as long as I am on the Lord’s errand He will find a way.

Today in Young Women we had a wonderful talk by the 2^nd counselor in the Young Women Presidency. She told a story about a girl whose mother was divorced and could barely afford to give her children any necessities. The girl went to school with nappy hair and mismatched socks. Her seminary teacher asked a popular girl and boy to just be nice to the girl (walk her from seminary to school and just talk to her). The girl soon cared about herself and her appearance. She brushed her hair and eventually married in the temple. This story reminds me a little about me. No one knows much about my past. I am extremely guarded and hate attention. But today I feel like sharing. I was molested by a family member multiple times and finally I told my parents, my family became separated. My immediate and distant relatives were always close but then (and now) we separated (some on his side and some one mine). I was 11 wen I finally told. I went into this awful depression. It was like a huge part of me died. I got these fears. They were so contradicting of each other (for instance, two fears were I was afraid of the dark but I also was afraid of light, I was afraid of showering but I was also afraid of not showering. If I showered I thought he might come back but if I did not shower I thought something bad would also happen. I was afraid of that if it was dark he would come back but if it was light something else bad might happen.) that I became mentally paralyzed and physically I could not perform daily functions. Soon my parents had me hospitalized for fear that I would kill myself from my fears or from not eating, drinking, etc. Slowly but surely I was able to return to “normal.” I was not happy and I was still depressed; however, I was not as depressed as before. Soon I opened up and I began writing again (which calms me). I was ready to have God in my life, so the missionaries came. When I joined the church I was able to be around people who set examples for me. They helped me to learn that there is a way out. I can be happy. As a reminder of the place I never want to go, I wear mismatched socks. Is it a coincidence that this story had a girl that went from wearing mismatched socks to white clothes going to the temple to be sealed forever? I do not know. All I know is that just as that girl changed after having wonderful examples in her life, I also have changed. I can look at myself and know just how much God loves me. He has brought so many wonderful people into my life. He has strengthened me in so many ways. If I can go through that without knowing that he has been here all along: I think I can go through my current trials with no problem. Now brain, stop worrying! And everyone please excuse the large post. My heart is full of gratitude. This is going to be a lot to write in my journal.

The end of Chemistry

2011-08-02T09:07:00.003-04:00

Thursday (July 28th) was my last day of Intro to Chemistry. Both Wednesday and Thursday were major test days (with Wednesday being the chapter test and Thursday being the Final). On both days I waited long after the test was finished to see my grade. I received an 80 percent! This was the first chapter test that I did not get a 70 percent. The next day was Finals! I did not get much studying in for the test; however, I figured that I have been studying like crazy so it should not matter. And I was right! I received an 85 percent! I could have gotten an 100 percent but I will not get into that today. I am so proud of myself. I worked very hard in this class. I managed to get an A- in Chemistry. I know that there were grade fairies that helped me.

I am very appreciative towards my teacher. Professor Wolf is a wonderful teacher. He helped me a ton - more than any teacher I know. He has spent countless hours with me almost every day helping me with homework and with the chapters. I do not know many teachers that are willing to spend three hours going over moles and the Stoichiometry Chart. He is willing to go over the same question ten times it if will help you understand it. He loves Chemistry. He even authored a Chemistry book for a high school and was (and still is) in the process of editing/ rewriting it and still was willing to stay hours after class to help those who struggled.

Now that school is over, it is time to figure everything out. My track at BYU-I starts in January. That means I have to buckle down and get things ready for the trek to Idaho. That means I really have to find a job. The job that I have has decided now that the Grand Opening is over with, to give us crappy hours. I worked less than 10 hours last week! At less than eight dollars per hour, that is not good enough to do anything. Either I find a second job or I find a new job completely. This sucks. I spent so much time finding a job, only to have to find another one. When life throws you lemons, I guess. I have to figure out travel arrangements: by plane, by bus, by train to get to BYU-I. Okay by plane or by train. Did you know that If I just travel to Utah (BYU more specifically) there is a cheap bus that can drop me off right at BYU-I! That's cool.

Work and Chemistry

2011-07-21T19:50:00.004-04:00

Today I had a test in Chemistry covering solubility and chemical equations. While that may sound easy for most people, it was difficult for me. I dislike mole, Molarity, and Solubility with a passion. I enjoyed my labs very much. The past two weeks have been full of chemical reactions. I loved seeing things bubble, fizz, change colors, and blow up.

However, I have had a tremendously difficult time with getting to class (roughly on time) and getting along with a certain classmate. The past three days I have missed buses (because the first bus was late or the second bus was too early), had buses break down while on it, and other buses not show up at all. There is also a particular student who is extremely rude and harsh. This past week she sat across from me and my partner because her old partner dropped and she got a new partner (whose partner likewise dropped). Each time I asked my partner a question, she will butt in. Now I do not mind getting advice from her. The problem is she speaks rudely and harshly to me like I am a five year old asking stupid questions. I finally had enough and I told her how I felt (maybe a little too strongly) and the teacher finally intervened.

The tests are a pain. It is weird because I get As on the chapter and online homework but I repeatedly barely pass the lecture tests with a C. I was so nervous that I would fail this class. However, I have a 92 percent on labs, 95 percent on homework (book and online combined), and an 80 on tests (due to a 96 on the first test). Yesterday, he told me that I have an 86 percent (A-) in the class and all I need to keep my grade is to get a 60 percent on the test! After the test I stayed until he graded my test. I got a 75 percent. I am not as ignorant as I thought. I still have an A-; however, I have my last lecture/chapter test and final to do before I get too happy. I am proud of myself. I have worked hard in this class and while I am not getting the high grades that I want on the test, I do understand the material and I will continue to work hard.

I can not say that for everyone. On the test today there were three people cheating. One person tried to copy off of my paper (good luck with that buddy) and two girls were comparing answers on their test. My partner and I nicely went to the professor (who was in his office grading the tests) and let him know. He thanked us and told us that the situation is already being handled (this is not the first time they cheated). I cannot believe these people! How dare they. If I have to work my butt off to get a good grade in this class, what makes you think you are so special and you can get away with whatever you want? Are we all five years old and do not know any better. My fall schedule is already set. I have made the classes so I am in school only on Tuesdays and Thursdays (and I do not have to get up at five in the morning). I am taking Strength Training, Marriage and Family relationships (Sociology), and Intro to Organic Chemistry. A total of 9 credits.

This leaves me more hours to work. I love my company; however, they are not very good at scheduling hours or workers. I am only scheduled to work five hours this week! What is that? They have so many people working here that they are trying to get everyone something. Well that stinks for people like me (those who are not in high school just working because the parents said so). I actually have bills to pay. So I either have to find a new job or find a second job.

The First Day

2011-07-09T11:10:00.002-04:00

Friday:

The bus arrived around 7: 30am. While on the bus I read from the current Ensign: Start Moving. I just finished reading when I reached my stop in order to catch the next bus. I stood at the bus stop for about ten minutes and the bus had not arrived (it was due five minutes after I got off). The article was still reeling in my head, thus I decided to walk to the previous street .I waited and the bus still had not come. With the article still in my mind I walked to another major street and the bus still did not show up. Another bus arrived and I asked the bus driver if I was in the right spot and he told me yes and that my bus was stuck at the Transit Center and should be there shortly. The bus finally showed up 25 minutes late.

I finally arrived to work (miraculously on time). There were eight of us and three managers. Tony (a manager) gave us an overview of the warehouse and his needs. We were each (Me, Brenda, and Andrew) given a box cutter and a price gun. I and Brenda were put together with Mary as our supervisor. Both Brenda and Mary are amazing. Brenda and I are the ultimate duo. We just instantly clicked. Two hours into work two high school girls were added to our group. We became their supervisors (because Mary left) and they were not very good listeners. But after awhile it was smooth sailing. Our job was to put the boxes (two 16-wheelers worth) in the right department and then to price check all of the miscellaneous items put into boxes (and items that were not priced).

After work Brenda was nice enough to give me a lift to the mall to catch the bus. She stayed until the bus arrived (6: 50pm). However, it was not in service. I ended up waiting until 8:10 before the bus came. A woman got on after me and told the bus driver that she got on the wrong bus and she didn’t have the twenty-five cents needed for a transfer. The bus driver got so angry with her and yelled. She, in turn, got angry with him and yelled. I gave her the quarter but he wouldn’t stop yelling and so she started back yelling at him. Luckily nothing happened.

While waiting for the last bus, I met the cutest seven year-old boy. The boy said that he wished that they had two cars so they wouldn’t have to get on a bus. The mom asked how they would get the car and the boy answered: “When I’m Mayor I am going to give everyone free cars and free gas for five months.” I and the mother started talking about work. He chimed in “Well when I’m President I will give everyone jobs and I will lower taxes too.” He said: “I am going to be an entrepreneur and I will make up good companies, not the ones that will hurt the country but very good ones.” While on the next bus (it came at 9:20pm) there was this HUGE Fish fly on the bus! It had two long wings and was just gross. As we were riding down Kercheval, the stores were crawling with those things: they covered businesses, lights, streets, and sidewalks (can you say creepy?). Then I ran home.

Miracles do happen and I have proof

2011-06-26T16:19:00.006-04:00

After crying my eyes out every night (and day) for the past two and a half months a miracle happened. About twenty minutes ago I received a phone call that I had been longing for. I received a job. I had been nervous that I would have to live off of or depend on others for my basic needs but that is no longer the case. Just yesterday (literally 30 1/2 hours ago) I went to a job fair for the company 'Five Below'. The job fair lasts until tomorrow. I was interviewed by the best woman in the world. She is in her late thirties and is very funny. She commended me for being the only person to bring a cover letter with their resume. She then asked me two questions.

1. "Why do you want to work for my company"? To which I replied: "I must admit I did not know anything about your company when I heard about the job fair; however, after researching your company and looking at the website I feel that this will be a fun environment not only for your teen age customers but also for me as an employee- the layout of the store will be (since it does not open until July 17th) fun for me to be involved in helping to create. Also, I enjoy helping young people in any way that I can, I have worked with children since I was 11 years old as a nanny and I feel that I will fit right in.”

2. "Since you do not have any retail experience how do you think that you will fit in a company that is fast paced and in need of capable employees"? I said: "While I do not have retail experience I have excellent customer service and administrative skills. Again I worked as a nanny for close to 7 years and I occasionally received requests for babysitting every summer since and I have maintained close relationships both with the children but also with the parents...."

She then told me that by Wednesday she will call everyone who received the job and she went on to advise me not to look for any more job opportunities!

Today, again 30 1/2 hours later, she called me to let me know that I had the job!

While I am grateful that I have a job now, this would not have happened had I not listened and received help from others. David, Supervisor at the Resource Center, has helped me since January when I contacted him to tell him that I had to come back home in February to have surgery and I needed help finding a job after I got off bed-rest. He offered me a partnership/paid internship at the office, which gave me tremendous knowledge of Microsoft Office and other software that helped land this job. He also proved amazing at helping me to get the skills and courage to go out there and search/ seek a job. He called to check-up on me numerous times and also gave me advice on the job hunt. Mike and Hallie have been here for me more than anyone else. They have helped me also to get the courage to go out there in this scary world. When doors closed they promised me that windows would open and to not give up. Mike even lovingly pushed me to really go and put my face out there. If it was not for that I do not think that I would have been able to go to the job fair (after all there were tons of doors slammed). Hallie told me: "You are going to get the job." Mike, Hallie, David, and countless others helped me to improve my interview skills. James and Sean provided extra help and comfort; Sean even called a friend of his to give my resume personally to them in order for me to get some sort of job. Linda, a career specialist at Macomb Community College, gave me the lead about ‘Five Below’.

Of course none of this would have been possible without Heavenly Father. He provided this miracle. He prompted me to call the Resource Center in January to tell them that I was coming back home. He prompted me to move out of my parent’s home and into Mike and Hallie's and everyday they pushed me a little more to keep at it and not give up. He prompted me to go to the college's Career Services when I got out of class early which helped me to find out about the Job Fair. He definitely prompted me to go... I had just received five rejection emails the day before.

Yes miracles do happen. Heavenly Father really does know me personally. Often times I wonder if He really is there, if He sincerely cares about me... and then things like this happens. He may not show me in a big way, like getting a job, but He does let me know He's listening. I find it quite humorous to see how many times we, as humans, ask why me or please show me that you care when things go wrong but then just like that we forget (read about Laman and Lemuel in the Book of Mormon) him and do things our way. Of course I do that often but then, like this, He continuously gives me His answer: "Diamond, I never left"! or "I'm right here"! or "Why can't you just be patient... there is obviously a job that I think is better for you"! or my personal favorite that I think he says just to me: "Get off my nerves and just let other people help, that is what they are for"! I recently found the later to be true. The previous people mentioned are only a hand full of people who have helped me along the way (hence "TEAM DIAMOND"). He has brought so many wonderful people to help me. I am new to this whole "having faith" thing but boy it is real and it works.

Nothing to blog about...

2011-06-19T21:17:00.003-04:00

However, since it is Father's Day I thought that I would post the main points of the Religion paper that I did in Sociology (I received an A). I thought it fitting since it is about marriage.

“Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh” (Genesis 2:24 King James Version). The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (2010) noted that in 2009 there were 2,077,000 marriages in the United States. However, in this world the lines of marriage and family have become blurred. Many people are opting out of the traditional family roles and instead are making new and sometimes costly ones. The media has turned love into lust. More people are becoming single parents or choosing to abort their family. The world is slowly losing out on the most important thing: family.

Many people are attacking the family roles. The mother is no longer being seen as gentle, and some mothers work outside of the home; the father is not always the sole provider, and some fathers choose not to help in rearing their children. Extended families are sometimes the ones rearing the children of parents who are avoiding taking direct responsibility themselves. Gordon B. Hinckley, former President of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (1995) said, “HUSBAND AND WIFE have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. . . . Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children.” In 2009, Maria Shriver (2011) reported, “Women now make up 48% of the US workforce and ‘mothers are breadwinners or co-breadwinners in a majority of families.’”

Latter-day Saints believe that marriage is extremely important; however, the media says the opposite. Gordon B. Hinckley, former president of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (1995) stated: “Marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children”. In the LDS religion the temples are the most important. The most important thing that is done is being sealed for time and eternity to your family. Although, the “Mormon” religion believes that marriage is important, many people are finding out the world simply does not agree. For instance, Bleakley, Hennessey, and Fishbein (2011) found that 50 percent of teenagers actively search for sexual content using the mass media. Many television shows depict women and men in sexual manners.

The world would lead people to believe that getting married to start a family (or getting married at all) is useless. Many people point out negative things about getting married, such as the cost, divorce, adultery, and so on. They question getting married when people can have sex without the official title. Sue Christensen and Ann Rosen (1996) found that the American pop culture glorifies sex. Music videos and television shows show women being lusted after. Many unwed people are fast becoming parents; people are having sex at a younger age and, as a consequence, are having children before they are twenty years old. “In 2002, 12% of all pregnancies, or 757,000, occurred among adolescents aged 15-19” (as cited in Ventura SJ, Abma JC, Mosher WD, Henshaw SK, 2006). The CDC also stated, “In 2009, 46% of high school students had ever had sexual intercourse” (Health Topics, 2010). Many people are opting not to wait to have sex, and as a result the idea of "marriage" has become lost.

To conclude, the family is important to the Latter-day Saints religion; however, if the world continues to put importance on others things such as having sex before marriage, they will risk losing the morality that we once had. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints believes that the family is essential to their salvation; however, the negative way that the family is depicted in the world will have a negative impact on the family. The youth should learn more about the consequence of their actions; only parents can teach them that. Love is clearly different from what the world shows it to be. People should not look to celebrities or the mass media to define love or family. Mothers, fathers, children, and extended family roles are important and should not be belittled or thrown away. The Latter-day Saint religion needs to stand firm in their view of the family and help put an end to the attack of the family roles. If we fail to do so, the children (next generation) will grow up without the beliefs needed to raise their family.

The End of Sociology

2011-06-09T11:46:00.002-04:00

Today was my last classroom discussions day in Introduction to Sociology (although I have to go tomorrow to get my grade). It was a wonderful three weeks being in that class. I learned a lot about how important and the impact that sociology has in the world. My teacher Dr. Bonner was a interesting person. The students got away with a lot; although, I managed to learn more and do exactly what he asked. I did 3 presentations and papers: The LDS family versus the world; Choose Celibacy Instead of Moral Sin; and The Story of the Acadians. I also did 3 current events: Osama Bin Laden's Death; Naomi Campbell and Cadbury Chocolate; and A father's involvement in his son's life (Utah father embarrasses son). I enjoyed that the class was a discussion-centered classroom. I had not really had that before, we only read out of the book once.

Most importantly I was able to incorporate my religious beliefs into the classroom discussions. Although I was picked on by some of the students, I was able to stand firm in my beliefs- just as missionaries do (wink, wink). I was even able to give a Book of Mormon to 2 individuals (my teacher and a student studying to be a preacher). I have another Book of Mormon to give to a student tomorrow. I have learned just how much my religion has shaped who I have become. This is very remarkable. Just 3 years ago if you asked me about cohabitation, premarital sex, etc, I would not have a problem with it. Now I see the harm that it does and I was able to give that insight (and much more) to the students and teacher.

Yep, Sociology was an eye opener. Now I hope Introduction to Chemistry will be as well. I just bought my books for the class online! It really will happen. Wish me luck!

Memorial Day

2011-05-30T22:09:00.003-04:00

This Memorial Day hit me very hard. I do not know why. Maybe it is the hot and humid weather that got me going. All I can do is think about the wars (past and present). Sometimes it makes me want to cry, other times it makes me proud to be an American. In politics every one says "I want my soldiers home" or "I am glad that they are fighting for our freedom". I have no idea what the soldiers think of fighting a war.

So every Memorial Day, I talk to my uncle on the phone and thank him for his services in Vietnam. I thank him for giving up his time and protecting us. It almost becomes automatic- no feelings behind it.

But today as I for the first time went out to eat. Seeing the flags on poles, homes, and buildings, seeing other people walk around as if today is any other day. I am inclined to well...

What makes a soldier a hero?

One's strength?

One's courage?

A big gun?

A fast plane?

A heavy ATV?

A willingness to give anything

to protect their country?

Their beliefs?

What makes a soldier a strong?

Overpowering the weak?

A strategic plan against disorganization?

Outsmarting the ignorant?

Fighting the cowards?

Facing the unknown?

Ignoring Pain?

What makes a soldier memorable?

The noticeable battle scars?

A missing limb?

A slight limp?

Mental instability?

Sleepless nights?

Crazy rants?

Unrecognizable face?

Neat attire?

Nameless graves?

What makes a soldier a soldier?

Getting in the Swing of Things.

2011-05-27T17:22:00.003-04:00

So I just finished writing 2 Papers! Oh how I missed school... NOT!! I had my first class Monday. Macomb Community College is not as bad as I thought. I love my interesting Sociology Class. There is never a dull day there. Everyday we talk about all of the controversial things that are going on in the world. Of course everyone has their own opinions- that's what makes it interesting. My class is very eclectic: a convicted felon, a few Detroiters, 2 Nigerians, 2 Bosnians, an Iraqi, 2 Afghanistan/ Iraq soldiers, 2 Police Officers (studying), an aspiring Priest (seriously), 2 Pre-medicine students, 3 Communication students, 2 know-it-alls, and a female Middle-east American. Yep. I love my class.

Because it is only a 3 week class, it is a fast-paced class. I have a Current Event due every Friday (3), a group Presentation and paper due this Tuesday (done), and three papers. I finished my first paper (that is due Wednesday). The paper is about the importance of family in religion and how it is different from the worldly view of family. It is a 5 page paper (including title page). I think it is pretty good; however, I am going to ask Mike to read it over for me. I do not quite like the way the teacher does things. I LOVE structure and order, I freak out when I do not have that. He is extremely unstructured. His idea of giving us a grading rubric is "Paper must be objective and subjective and must be in APA format." That's it!

The other 2 papers "Homosexuality" and "Race" are due June 6 and June 8 (2 days from each other). The group presentation is due Tuesday. Our group received the problem "Socialization from the perspective of life" meaning the problems that people have as they age. My subtopic is Toddlers- young children (basically 2-10). I decided to do my part of the presentation on stuttering. My nephew Shaun has that speech impediment. I only have 5 minutes to talk about it and about how we "as a community" can help children with speech impediments become more social.

I have had a ton of things to think about. Right now, I no longer have a job. My temporary job ended May 20. I do not know what I am going to do financially. I have applied everywhere and I am getting the run around. I need a job so bad. I am also thinking about other stuff and so far I keep getting answers that does not make since. There is just so much going on in my head. I worry way too much.

So far so...

2011-05-13T22:07:00.005-04:00

So for whatever reason, I have yet to give an update about my life. As usual life is well, life. However, there have been some HUGE changes- for the best I hope.

I am no longer a Detroit resident. No. I am now a suburban girl. Well only by a few blocks. I am now staying with Hallie and Mike. For those of you who do not who they are, well they are like my rescuers. They have been here for me since I first began looking into the church. Mike was the Branch President when I was baptized and Hallie just has that nurturer mentality. I think she could sense that this new convert had TONS of issues and needed someone to lean on. Living with my parents just became so unbearable. I will not go into that. I have been here for almost 3 weeks. They have two adorable children who I just love to pieces. So far it’s been good.

I start classes at Macomb Community College on May 23. I will take Sociology (South Campus) until June 10. You say but that's just 3 weeks. Well it is for 4 hours everyday! Now I bet you aren't jealous. Then I have Intro to Chemistry (Center Campus) June 20- July 13 a 4 1/2 hour class. I am excited for them though. I need intro to Chemistry to prep me for the real thing. I think I will rather enjoy them.

What I will not enjoy is the 1 1/2 hour bus ride everyday. Especially like days today. I had the most interesting/ angering bus rides today. I went to Macomb Mall to look for jobs and then I needed to go to the college to get my Sociology books. The bus ride to Macomb was funny. The woman was talking to everyone over the sun! She told all of her business and other people’s business as well. I do not like it when people talk about me to other people- even if it is the truth. I am not that open of a person. Hearing this woman talk about herself (not in a good way) and other people just made me irritated. Good thing I brought a pamphlet/ excerpt, “The Holy Temple” by President Boyd K. Packer, with me or I would have exploded. I then went to the Mall to apply for jobs. Then I thought that the bus that I needed to get to the College was already at the bus stop so I ran (as best I could with two bags) to the bus stop. I tripped and smacked my face on the ground (kind of funny, no scars) only to find out that my bus wasn’t coming for another 10 minutes. That bus ride made me furious. I asked the bus driver if she would be able to tell me when we got to my stop. She said sure and another woman was getting off there too. The whole time she was arguing with someone and talking to someone else. The she said “Hayes” and people started getting off the bus. I asked her if this was my stop and she said “no, this is Center Campus”. Only after we passed the campus did she say oh this is South Campus… and she kept driving! I had to tell her that I NEEDED that stop. Finally she let me off. How is it that people like them can get jobs and not me? Oh that’s not the end of it. I ended up waiting over 30 minutes for the bus to get me back home; however, the bus that was suppose to come broke down. I need a car. I need a job so that I can get a car.

I will get a job- eventually. I love and appreciate all of the people who have helped me and continue to help me. I am very grateful to Mike and Hallie. They literally have been my angels in disguise. They have done so much for me. In less than 2 months they went from a house of 3, to a house of 4 (baby girl Eliza), to a house of 5! They had her little room/ father’s office all set up for Eliza and then they had to change it to my room/ Mike’s office. I know that it’s tough for them, especially with me being unemployed. I have to rely on them for everything. I hate it! I hate feeling like a freeloader. But I am thinking positive. I mean things are working out. I need this house. I need the Spirit that I feel here. For the first time ever I was able to just go downstairs and ask for a blessing. I obviously did not have that at my home (me being the only member) and it such a wonderful feeling having the Priesthood here. I just enjoy having that.

I also appreciate everyone who has been so wonderful to me. I find it difficult to tell people face to face what problems I am having. No one in my Branch or Stake knew how bad it was at home until the Spirit warned me that if something didn’t change I would go down a road that I would possibly not be able to return from. It is nice to be able to tell someone “Hey I’m having a bad day, can you help me”? I also appreciate my wonderful Branch for making things happen. Random but although I hardly ever speak to them just the thought of that wonderful Christmas Break in Utah, just makes me smile. No I am NOT moving to Utah- Idaho yes, Utah NEVER. Kaili has no idea how much of an impact her parents have had on me. They are so funny and so very spiritual. I think about my first “Father’s Blessing” and also wonderful talks I have had there. I actually still read it; although, I probably should have found someone else to give me a Father’s Blessing for this year. But still it has helped me.

I think that his year will be something great… maybe even extraordinary. No I am not getting married… at least not yet.

I don't get it

2011-04-09T11:06:00.003-04:00

Ever since I came home, it has been one headache after another. I have yet to "rest" like the doctor said. I was already upset that I had to come home, I really wanted to stay at university, but I decided that I would make the best out of it. Unfortunately, there was nothing that I could do about the situation. My surgery got postponed three times before I had the surgery. I was forced on bed-rest before and after the surgery. Luckily the surgery went well. But home was another story. From the time I arrived I was "babysitter". Everyday I had to watch my nephews (even though the doctor told me to stay off my feet). I love them but I wanted to rest and continue to study my classes.

I thought that things would look up when I started working but of course no such luck. Instead, I found myself juggling work, school, and children. I was left feeling like a single mother! Also because of me working the family decided that they no longer had to spend all of their money of bills or food (which left me paying half the rent and all the food with my $500-$700 paycheck a month). I had no money for myself.

I decided that things would obviously have to change. I need to move out before I start summer classes at Macomb Community College (MCC). Unfortunately, the job that I have is temporary so I need to find another one and an apartment soon. I started actively looking in March. At first I only looked online (due to health reasons). The final week in March I bravely took the bus (for the first time alone) and traveled as far out as Macomb and Mt. Clemens. The jobs that were "available" of course said that I did not have enough experience (but really how much experience do you need to flip burgers or sale something).

To make matters worse I received bills for the doctor and emergency visits before my surgery (while at SVU), the surgery, and post op care totaling $3000! Double whammy- still no job which means I cannot pay the bills nor get an apartment

Then I thought, something will happen just focus on MCC. I did the placement test and orientation and I met with an advisor. How hard could it be. I am only here until January. But just when I thought things would get better, today I received a nice letter in the mail saying that I cannot receive financial aid because I either applied (for financial aid) too late or I did not register for classes. I forgot to register at my allotted date (April 4) because thanks to my parents not paying the cable/ Internet bill the Internet/cable got shut off. I was working from the library but I forgot to register. I finally registered April 7th (just 3 days late). As far as filing my Fafsa, I filed back in January but the school sent me a letter (4 days after MCC said the deadline was) asking my mother to verify her income. We sent it out the next day after receiving the letter. But now they said that everything was late.

I MUST take summer classes in order to not have to pay on my loans. If I do not get a job I cannot pay my loans. How am I going to pay if I don't have money? How am I going to pay for classes if I don't have money? How am I going to get an apartment if I don't have money?

I just don't understand why I am always having issues that are not that easy to solve.

Really?

2011-03-21T11:36:00.004-04:00

All I have been able to think about (when I am not thinking about being in physical pain and having a stupid cold) is the recent disasters going on over seas. A couple of weeks before I left SVU in class we talked about how people usually feel sadness for a short time when another country is hurt (not having anything to do with war). Well that does not pertain to me. Seeing all of the death tolls rising in Japan just makes me want to cry. My mother always said that I was the most sensitive child she has ever known.

Why Japan? Why did the tsunami hit and where did the earthquake come from? Poor Hawaii. It was a miracle that most people had already moved to higher land. Then out of no where a nuclear plant is in trouble?

Now the United Nations issues a no-fly zone over Libya? Really? That's all you care about? Fighting Libya when Japan needs all the prayers they can get. Come on people. That is only going to lead to more death tolls. That is the last thing we need. Japan is predicting 18, 000 deaths and you want to go start another war.

I don't know all of the details- of the no-fly zone. I read about some rebels. But that's not the point. I am not into politics. That is not why I am writing.

I am writing because it just doesn't make since to me- the deaths. I believe in Heavenly Father. I trust in Him. I know that these innocent people are returning to Him. But I just cannot stop thinking about the children (both in Japan and in Libya).

No one that I have spoken to, about Libya, seems to care and if they do care it is directed at President Obama. I don't care who is to blame (the rebels or the United Nations- it was not just the U.S. President's decision) all I care about is the end result. No. I am not thinking about we need a win... I am thinking about death. Because that's all it adds up to. Libya, USA, France and any one else will lose people. Every one is fighting for something.

Japan is fighting for survival. Libya is fighting for power. The United States of America and France are fighting for stability. And every one will lose. Japan is already losing 18,000 people. Libya is losing their people. The United States of America and France are losing supporters.

Now do not get me wrong I believe in my military. I just don't believe in attacking unless being attacked or we are positive that there is an imminent threat to Americans lives.

I just cannot fathom people being fatherless, motherless, or childless. And that is just what's going on. Yes I guess my mother is right I am just too sensitive.

Surgery is over!

2011-03-06T10:41:00.002-05:00

Well hopefully. I had the surgery Monday and I stayed in the hospital until Thursday. The dermoid cyst (teratoma) in my left ovary was so big that they had to do a partial hysterectomy (remove my left ovary). I was put to sleep and did not wake up until a couple hours later. The doctor said that every thing went well. I have to be on bed rest for two weeks do to a few complications but for the most part everything is okay.

I am still waiting to hear from BYU-I to find out what track I will be in. Thank you for your prayers offered up on my behalf.

Accepted and postponed

2011-02-24T10:33:00.005-05:00

If you have a Facebook then you already know; however, I thought it is not official until it is on my blog. I am going to Brigham Young University- Idaho! I do not know when I am going... they are going to send me my track in the next few weeks. They have a paramedic program! But I will stick with becoming a pediatrician. I think I am going to enjoy it there. I have yet to figure out how I am going to get all the way to Idaho (seeing how much it took to get to Virginia) but I will get it done.

My surgery has been postponed...again. I am for sure having surgery on Monday. The reason it didn't work out this time is that my doctor is not doing the surgery. I am having surgery at Harper Hospital but my doctor wants to be there so they had to coordinate their schedules. I am not sure what time the surgery is scheduled for. I will be in the hospital for three days following the surgery.

Things are working out. Thank you all for your support.

I am here all you have to do is reach up

2011-02-11T13:51:00.004-05:00

The reason: Monday I will have my meeting/ surgery. Am I nervous? Of course. But I am thankful for the gospel. It is the reason I am able to go into this surgery knowing that everything will be okay. Whether I can have children or not, I know that Heavenly Father has a plan for me. He knows the "secret pleadings of [my] heart". He cares for me so much. He was able to help me get a job as soon as I came here. He helped me to have a schedule (plan) to make sure that I do not fall back into the trap of the world. He is doing His part... all I have to do is reach up for Him.

I am very grateful for everyone who have touched me and been the example that I can live by. My little branch here full of people who want me to succeed and who encourage me everyday. My ward/ friends back in VA - especially my roommate Prisca who is such an amazing person and is okay with me ranting to her. The LDS Employment Resource Center for giving me a job and helping me get the skills that I need to continue on my path. And any one else who has helped me along the way. I truly appreciate it. I would not be able to survive this "transition" without you all.

Almost on the Road

2011-02-03T15:25:00.003-05:00

As I write my dad is driving down to come and pick me up. He left Detroit at around 10am. I am hoping that he will be here around 10pm. I checked out of my room yesterday. I went to the financial aid office and my balance for this semester is $702.80 (housing, laundry, and meals). That is a lot cheaper than the $5000+ that we originally thought that I would have to pay. When I get home I will have a job waiting for me- Data Entry for Deseret Industries. I applied to BYU-Idaho for the fall, as a back up I applied to Wayne State University. I got into WCCCD and Oakland Community College for the Summer. I also applied to Washtenaw Community College for the summer; however, I have yet to hear from them. I think that Washtenaw is the college that I really want to go to. It seems so much fun and the summer is fast-paced which I like. Oakland is my next choice. It also seems like I will have fun here.

I do not know what Heavenly Father has in store for me. Mu surgery has been moved to Valentine's Day. I am praying and hoping that things go well. I got a Blessing last night and I have faith that everything will work out. I look forward to my future.

What do you call this again?

2011-01-19T19:22:00.002-05:00

Sorry it has taken me so long to give an update. Things have been... well I have no idea what to call this past 2 weeks. I was so excited to be starting a new semester. I had it all planned out: study harder, more fun time, make new friends, and go on dates. And then life happened. Friday I woke up in so much pain- it felt like an evil leprechaun hopped into my side. I could barely move. Saturday and Sunday were not any better. I called my doctor on Monday (with the last phone minutes that I had) and he said that my dermoid cyst must be growing and that I need to have surgery sooner rather than later. He said that if it is growing fast there is a chance that it might rupture and that can be horrible. My mom got in contact with my gynecologist Tuesday and he is scheduling me for an emergency visit (in the hospital) to look at it and if it is as bad as he and the doctor here thinks, I can have the surgery right then. However, there is a 6-8 week recovery period. The doctor here sent my CAT scan from December off to the doctor in Michigan. He believes that the dermoid cyst may have grown on my ovary so bad that I may have to have my ovaries removed. As a result- I am taking a medical leave of absence from school and going home on February 1st. My parents are renting a car to come and get me.

I talked to the financial aid office here and apparently because I will not return until next fall, I will have to start paying off my loans. I have no idea what I am going to do. I cannot come back in the summer because I have to work during the summer to pay for school. They are going to see if there is a way to get out of it. I do not know what I am going to do if I have to pay. ARGH!!! Why can't things go right? I am praying about everything. I know that things will work out. I have to be patient through my trials. Heavenly Father has a plan for me. Oh and 2 weeks before I leave, I meet a very interesting guy. I will let you know how that goes.

Final Grades

2010-12-20T11:16:00.004-05:00

My grades are in. I received an A in Information Literacy. I obtained a B- in America and the Enlightenment. I was given a C- in Biology and a C in French. My GPA is a 2.2 my career GPA is a 2.6.

I intend to do much better in French and Biology next semester. General Biology is extremely difficult but I am going to try harder. I did not realize that French III would be so different from French I and II (we could only speak French in class).

I got a Withdrawal from Body Attack because I could not do any of the exercises due to my health. But I did not need the class anyway (I did all of my PE classes, with the exception of Health and Wellness, last year. It was just a fluff class).

Classes and Books needed for Next Semester

2010-12-04T11:45:00.002-05:00

This is my schedule for the Spring. Classes start on January 6. I am taking 15 Credits. I will also still be on the Honor Council and hopefully will have a job (if my health permits). Because I do not currently have a job I have not been able to save up money for books. If there is anyone who is willing to help me pay for books I will much appreciate it. These are the classes I am taking and how much each book will cost at the Bookstore on campus. I am willing to rent books from the bookstore if they are allowed and I have given the prices for those books. I have also included the ISBN in case you know of a place where the books are cheaper.

General Biology II- BIO 202 (03)

· Already have books

French IV- FRE 202 (01)

· Sur Le Vif (Audio Program) (w/ 4 CDs) Author :Jarausch Edition:5th
ISBN:9780495809715 $59.50 in bookstore

Western Civilization I- HIS 210 (02)

· Portable Greek Historians Author: Finley

ISBN: 9780140150650 $9.75 rent in bookstore

· Praise of Folly & Other Writings Author: Erasmus

ISBN: 9780393957495 $11.25 used

· GREEK TRAGEDIES VOL I Author: GRENE

ISBN: 9780226307749 $11 used

· Secret Author: Petrarch

ISBN: 9780312154387 $12.50 used

· Divine Comedy (V1:Inferno) Author: Dante

ISBN: 9780142437223 $9.75 used

· Selected Political Speeches Author: Cicero

ISBN: 9780140442144 $7.31 rent in bookstore

· Prince (Intro Viroli) Author: Machiavelli

ISBN: 9780199535699 $5.25 used

Health and Wellness- PER 143 (02)

· Concepts of Fitness & Wellness Author: Corbin

ISBN: 9780073376387 $68.25 used

Introduction to Theatre History- THE 215 (01)

· History of Theatre Author: Brockett Edition: 10^th

ISBN: 9780205511860 $91 Used

· Bedford Intro to Drama Author: Jacobus Edition: 6^th

ISBN: 9780312474881 $52.53 rent in bookstore

· Rabbit Hole Author: Lindsay-Abaire

ISBN: 9780822221548 $7.50 new

The total amount if I get the books from the bookstore is: $345.59.

Dear Body: You are a jerk. Sincerely, Diamond

2010-11-24T17:44:00.003-05:00

Well I went to the doctor today. The doctor gave me an ultrasound. We looked on the screen (there is a screen that you can watch as the doctor gives you the ultrasound so you can see what he/she sees) and there is a big image (about the size of a soft ball) of something dark. The last time I was there he thought that it was my bladder. However, after further imaging he could not identify the image. So in the coming weeks I have to go to the hospital to get a CT scan to identify this thing. This is so ridiculous. I dislike my body right now.

Much Better

2010-11-13T08:13:00.003-05:00

After the tough week that I had, this past week has been better so far. I spoke to a lot of people who really helped me out. I spoke to President Smith about the situation here and he is helping me and the students become more unified as a school. Of course it will not be perfect (I have come to learn that no one or nothing can be) but at least it can be bearable. I was born a very sensitive person so I get really upset when I hear or see someone saying mean things about someone or something. I know that is something I need to work on. I let things build up until I explode- like last Friday. I apologize if I hurt any one's feelings. It just was a bad week for me. I know that people do not mean to say things that I take as being ignorant. I just felt like the past three weeks had been bash on African Americans. I felt like people thought that it is wrong to be African American. Any way enough with the past. Today I am going to Monticello! Also the movie Inception is playing in the SAC tonight. I am so excited.

Today was a bad day

2010-11-06T00:03:00.001-04:00

I and Prisca almost died (thanks to the ice on the stairs that we could not see because of the fog) and things went downhill from there.
I read a comment from a dear friend of mine and it angered me. I LOVE where I come from. The automobile industry is faltering- duh no one can afford to buy a car in this economy. The crime rate is up and our government officials have made ignorant and horrible decisions that made CNN headlines. However, a few rotten apples does not give anyone the right to say that our entire city sucks or make false assumptions about Detroit as a whole or Michigan.
Three forums ago “Service Forum” was about students experiences of travelling abroad and the culture shock of it. How people lived differently. The forum two weeks ago was about Abraham Lincoln and how he was assassinated because he freed the slaves. In this weeks forum he spoke about how the government viewed Mormons as a weird culture. They compared them to Asians and Africans and as a result the Mormons did not allow African American to hold the Priesthood.
Right after that I went to America and the Enlightenment and we spoke about how the philosopher’s views of man and wife did not include Blacks. They were slaves and their “Master” was their father.
My Biology teacher finally gave us our test back and I failed it. It was nothing like the first test. Not only did I fail the lecture test, I also failed the lab test.
At the basketball game there was a Black baby and I got to hold him. He reminded me of my nephew. Then a girl took him from me and would not give him back even though he wanted me and kept putting his arms out to reach for me. She was upset because he did not want her. That was the crappy ending to my day.
No one is unified on this campus. There are two cliques: The Black Non-LDS students. They stick to themselves because the white LDS students judge them. When the laptops got stolen I overheard numerous groups of people saying how they bet the black students had something to do with it. The white Non-LDS students pretend that they are LDS and so the hang out with the white LDS cliques. They are in the “Mormon Bubble” and say ignorant comments like: “Does the African president like basketball because he’s Black”?
Everyday I get to hear about how bad President Barack Obama is. It bothers me; however, when I hear stuff like that is why “some people” should not be president or elected in office period.
My family raised me to love and respect everyone. Especially because of my ancestors and what they had to deal with. One of my closest friends is Hmong. I do not have my family to protect me and help me with this. I just wish that this world will become a better place and that I can learn to take things in stride. However, I doubt this place will get better and I am too sensitive to not have anything affect me.

2010-10-26T19:37:00.002-04:00

This past week has been a bit crazy and eventful. School is, well school. I am trying hard to get good grades. I will see how well I am doing in my classes in the next week. For the most part I am struggling in Biology. She is inconsistent on her tests. The first lecture test was full of short and paragraph length answers. There was maybe four words that needed defining. Well this last lecture test had three pages of words that needed defining and only one short and paragraph answer. I had my first lab exam (that covers all of the past labs). She is slow about grading so I will not find out what I got until next Monday or Wednesday she said. She is a wonderful teacher she just makes difficult tests.

I will have my first test in America and the Enlightenment. I am studying hard for her class.

I am doing really well in Information Literacy; although, this new home work assignment is challenging.

I am still trying to get used to speaking French completely in class. It is weird to do everything in French. I love it though.

I really love my Doctrine and Covenants Institute class. I think that it is my favorite. Elder Bastian is amazing. He is serious though, we have a test every day and he does grade us.

I have had some medical problems but I am trying to deal. I am coming back to Detroit for Christmas Break to get it all cleared up.

While praying to Heavenly Father about my pain and all the medical stuff, I felt Him here with me. He told me to start preparing to go on a mission. Well His exact words were "Diamond, you need to go on a mission. Start preparing now."

So that is what I need to do. I talked to the Bishop and he said that before he gives it real consideration, I must get all of my health problems out of the way. I have a meeting with a gynecologist November 10th (Prisca's birthday) I believe. I will then go home for Christmas Break to talk to my gynecologist and other doctors.

I am so extremely happy for the gift of receiving revelation. I am so grateful that my heart and my mind was open so that I could listen. I am so grateful for the priesthood and most importantly, I am grateful that Joseph Smith's heart and mind was open to the Spirit and he was able to receive and act on that revelation.

Could Sundays get any Better?

2010-10-18T09:52:00.002-04:00

Sunday was the best Sunday I have had in a while. It was not that special but it made me feel so much better.

Me and Prisca went to church as usual. The lessons were amazing though. In Relief Society (we have our classes backwards) the lesson was about Baptism. We ended with the teacher (Jenna) saying that when we partake of the sacrament and doing baptisms for the dead, we should think about when it is our turn to go to the temple and get endowed. She said that that should always be our goal- the temple. It really got me thinking that I have changed. That is my goal. I have been working on it even more since coming here. I know that what I am doing is right.

The Gospel Principles class was about... eternal marriage. It was a wonderful lesson. Again we talked about the importance of temple marriage. We also spoke about how we should always be worthy of entering the temple. It was pretty fun. I really enjoyed it. I really learned a lot.

After that me and Prisca was home taught. That was so much fun. I love Michael (VMI cadet) and Alex (Freshman football player). They are so much fun. They made fun of Prisca (texting while being taught). But they made her feel comfortable and they made sure to ask her questions. The lesson was about temples; however, they did not make her feel awkward or weird. They really included her.

She is really changing. She is not cussing anymore. She is more confident in herself. She is more happy. But at the same time, she is still her. She is funny and silly. She loves to be on the phone. She is awesome.

After dinner we went to family ward to watch a movie about the building of the Salt Lake Temple. It was amazing. It truly testified to me that the prophets are called of God and that good and wonderful things can come from trials. It reinforced the power of prayer and work. It humbled me and got me thinking about a ton of stuff. It was awesome.

After that we went to "Hymns on the Hill". Students get together to sing hymns in front of Main Hall. I have not done it since last Spring but I really wanted to start back up and Prisca wanted to go to. It was so much fun and so spiritual. It is always great to be around other people singing hymns. I felt the spirit so strongly and enjoyed it so much. It was magnificent. I am so grateful for Sara (a student) for coming up with this idea last year. There is a power that comes from singing hymns.

After that we came home and did roommate devotional. We have been reading from the BOM for a few weeks. We started from the beginning and we are at 2 Nephi 22. We are almost done with the Isaiah chapters. We read about the birth of Christ and the Second Coming. We both got a lot out of it. It was wonderful. We actually went to bed at 11:30 last night; however, I feel like I never slept. But it was an amazing Sunday and I am blessed to have had it and feel the spirit so strongly.

A Wonderfully Amazing Day

2010-10-16T18:44:00.002-04:00

Yesterday was truly fun. I have tons of things to be grateful for.

It was fun hanging out with my roommate as usual.

Friday morning we went to breakfast together and just talked about everything.

Forum was simply amazing. The guy spoke about service and how we should acknowledge the little blessings that we have had in our lives. I have had a ton of them. I am grateful for all of them.

I went to my classes and had a ball.

Then I got to talk to my last roommate and her mom. It was fun seeing how well Kaili is and how much her family cares for me.

I am truly blessed.

My roommate also had a fun night and we stayed up until 1 am talking about it. It is a good thing that today is Saturday.

If I was a captain I would say Argh all day

2010-10-06T14:56:00.002-04:00

This past few days has been down, up, and then down back again. I am so lucky to have such a great roommate and wonderful Home Teachers because I have been floating on thin ice for the past few weeks. With my PCOS and a blood clot in my left ovary, I have been in a ton of pain and I have a beautiful limp. I am both frustrated and annoyed at my health right now. Because of this I missed a ton of classes and work. My roommate is nice enough to bring me food when I am an in so much pain and talk to me. My Home Teachers (and random guys who are around when I fall from being in so much pain) have given me blessings. I have been messaging one of my home teachers for a few days and he always has something insightful to say.

Monday was so horrible. The Honor Council met with seven students who decided to go on a theft spree during a movie. It was horrible. I cried for like half an hour later and all during it. I just felt so bad for them and for their future. It was so horrible. After that I got sick (from my PCOS and blood clot) that night and just cried myself to bed because I did not want to wake my roommate.

Tuesday me and Prisca went to the Washington D.C. Temple on the school temple trip. It was amazing. I totally felt the Spirit. It was magnificent and gorgeous. I loved it and Prisca did as well. Later on that night I was in a lot of pain and I could not sleep. It was a good thing that I did not have class until 12:30.

Today I was angry and mad. I probably should not be but I just could not take it anymore. I have been trying so hard to just look at the bright side and not think about the bad. But because I was ignoring my feelings everything came out all at once. I lost my job thanks to my health. I failed my first paper test in Biology (D+) that I studied like crazy for and thought I did a good job on. In America and the Enlightenment, they talked about how the English settlers killed all of the Indians (for the better of mankind) and Friday we are talking about African American slavery. Really! Now! Seriously! Why?! I just got so upset. I cannot deal with anymore. I am tired and I want to just give up.

I am suppose to be strong but I am irritated at everything. But I am trying to follow the Prophet. I will be more grateful. I am grateful for my friends, my roommate, my family, the Priesthood, and temples. I am grateful for little acts of miracles- like the awesome message my Home Teacher wrote me and all of the people who helped me get to SVU and for missionaries bringing me the gospel. I am grateful for the plan of salvation and most importantly the Atonement. I am grateful for life.

Feeling Spiritual in a Tough Time

2010-09-25T21:43:00.003-04:00

The hospital has been my best friend lately. Not because I want it to be but because I keep going there. I have been there twice in the span of one week. The first time the abscesses under my arm got infected (it is not that serious but it is taking FOREVER to heal) the last time (yesterday) was pretty serious. I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome and it flared up. This was the worst pain it has caused me since being diagnosed with it two years ago. The pain was so severe that a the strongest (and safest) pain pill took three hours to take affect (which normally takes effect almost immediately). It was so severe that I am still limping and was put on bed rest.

However, instead of doing like I normally do (cry) I put my trust in the Lord. Maybe it is because I am reading a book that Hallie gave me (Trusting in the Lord by Elder Holland). Maybe it is because I am fellowshipping my roommate and dealing with my family issues and thus I do not have time to wallow in my misery. Maybe it is because I am forcing myself to do better in school so I have to study. I do not know. All I know is that Christ is here with me, he knows my needs. He knows that I am trying to be a better person, friend, and member.

Yesterday I was given a Priesthood Blessing and everything that I needed to hear was spoken. Today was the Relief Society Broadcast and I was able (although in pain) to walk down the horrible hill to the chapel and listen to the messages that was given. I was able to feel God's love for me so strongly that I know no matter what happens I am His daughter and that will never change. I know that as long as I live righteously I will be with Him again. I know that the sun will somehow shine and this trial will pass.

Tomorrow I have the opportunity to fast. I am so appreciative of Joseph Smith being given the keys to restore the gospel so that I can fast. I am humbled by the thought of it. I love this gospel and the wonderful scriptures. I am able to read verses on how to overcome adversity and trials. I am able to feel the love God has for me. I am happy that I have so many people who care for me and love me. I am grateful for friends and wonderful and meaningful friendships. I am also grateful for Priesthood Blessings and just the Priesthood. How wonderful it is to know that God loves us so much that he gives us men who can comfort and bless us when we need it most. How amazing to know that my name can be put on the Temple Prayer Roll. How amazing to have a temple! How amazing to have the gospel!

Lonely

2010-09-21T08:05:00.003-04:00

School has been going good for the most part. I really enjoy my Information Literacy and Body Attack classes. They are so much fun- times goes by pretty fast in there. French is well French but I like it, I am still trying to get back in the rhythm of speaking it (especially since you are not allowed to speak anything else). I love Biology and on my first lab a got a B+. I however, could not manage to get that or better on this last one. I went to the hospital and after hours of being there they finally told me that an abscess had got an infection. The next day was lab and I was in so much pain. I ended up with a D; however, I talked to the professor and she told me that the worst lab grade gets dropped. I do; however, have to study that lab and make sure that I understand it because I will be tested on that stuff on the Lab Test. America and the Enlightenment is not my most favorite class. It deals with the Pre Enlightenment and post Enlightenment era. We read tons of books and discuss them in class. Everyone views the Enlightenment (or the reading) differently so we spend the hour being told that we are wrong.

For the most part I love my classes. Me and Prisca (my roommate) have been getting to know each other. We spend meals together and have Body Attack together as well. She is awesome. We have been meeting with the missionaries. She is afraid of getting baptized because her father does not approve of the church. I am not sure if she will gt baptized but she goes to all of the meetings (even the out of church ones). Yesterday we had our first roommate Devotional. I just flipped through the scriptures and landed on 3Nephi (it ended up being the Matthew chapters) it was great because she did not really want to read the BOM. It turned out well. We even sung "How Great Thou Art" I of course cried but she was nice about it. She said a prayer as well. It was nice. I felt the Spirit.

Now for the name of the post. Last night I was bombarded buy guys (not in a bad way). The guys were friends and they wanted to talk to me (or so I thought). Turns out they wanted to meet Prisca. That was fine. The guy said that he had been trying to talk to her but every time he sees her I am with her and so he wanted to talk to her alone. He went on to say maybe I should be lonely and let her "out". I guess he meant that I should stop hanging out with her all of the time and let her meet other people. I had not noticed that we hung out all the time. Any way it made me sad because he called me lonely. He then asked me if I could bring her down (we were in the Lofts on the first floor). I said OK. They hung out, I came back upstairs.

Some how it got me thinking. Am I lonely? The truth of the matter is yes I am. All of my family and friends are back at home. Yes I have friends here but not true friends. Not the ones that I can talk to forever. Not the ones I can call up at midnight to say I need you. The truth is... I am homesick.

Donations needed

2010-09-09T16:29:00.002-04:00

Canned/ Boxed Food Assignment from October11th- November 15th.

My biology teacher (Professor Schramm) has given the class an assignment to donate 15 cans and/or boxes for the Buena Vista Community Share Project Food Bank. The food must be non-perishable such as vegetables, SPAM, fruit, tuna, noodles, rice, macaroni, oatmeal, potatoes, etc.

Because I am a poor college student, I am looking for donations. If you are willing to donate any food please let me know. You can leave it as a comment or email me. Thank you so much.

New school year, new semester, new life, new routine

2010-09-07T23:05:00.004-04:00

This past week has been pretty hectic. I have finally started my routine (literally today). This past week I had different work hours and had just started my classes. It all was pretty hazy (and lazy): school, work, internet. There was nothing too special about it all. But this week. This very short week has been the start of the semester.

I now have my classes down (French III, America and the Enlightenment, General Biology, Body Attack, Information Literacy, and Doctrine and Covenants).
My classes are nothing less than interesting. In French we are not allowed to speak English (unless we are talking about a new grammatical concept). America and the Enlightenment books are written by people in the 1700 ( which means they do not speak modern English) sometimes I think we are reading Shakespeare because I do not understand them. We are reading Gulliver's Travels. I just finished reading about a horse eating a cow and how the horse can speak. Exactly it makes no sense, just like Shakespeare. Biology is biology and next semester we will be dissecting a worm (and catching it too). I have not gone to Body Attack (I added it today and class starts tomorrow; however, I hear that the class is all girls (with the exception of the teacher). I look forward to getting into better shape because those stairs are killing me. Information Literacy is actually pretty fun. It is an easy class (if you remember to do the online homework). We only meet once a week. Doctrine and Covenants is... difficult. Elder Bastian tests us every time (but not on the home work assignment but on the book as a whole). For instance, he asked us what section(s) are not revelations? I have no idea but I do know that the sections that you assigned for homework (1-10) are all revelations. Over all; however, I love my classes.

Tomorrow will be the first Honor Council meeting. I do not think that we have any problem with the students (although some girls are getting on my nerves- I am tired of asking girls to go change their top) but nothing too serious has happened. It's more of a get to know how Honor Council really works and how to have a Honor Meeting (when someone is sent to us for an honor violation).

I work Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Friday night; and Saturday lunner (2-5; lunch/dinner time). Too bad that all the soccer games are Saturday at 2 or 3 for the next 3 weeks. But I do have more hours now (12) last week I only had 6. The 12 hours a week are final. I am allowed to pick up 1 extra 3 hour shift if someone needs to be covered. That is cool.

Me and my roommate are getting along well. She is funny. She is a bit different than me though. She cusses and says OMG a ton. She can be pretty loud. But overall she is cool. She has agreed to meet with the missionaries! and I get to fellowship her. If anyone knows what that means let me know. Speaking of missionaries I am emailing one. His name is Sam ( I met him my freshmen year). He left for his Argentina mission in April (some how that place has surrounded my life a lot). Mike's (my first branch president) mission was in Argentina; the first counselor in my very first ward served his mission in Argentina and his wife is from there; and now Sam. Any way I started really writing him a few weeks ago but he is awesome and he has told me that he is glad that I wrote. He is a sweetheart. He was the first guy (when I started SVU) to cry in church and I thought he was so cool. He worked in Jonzzey's (school owned cafe) and we always talked (and got in trouble). Any way I think I have updated you all. Hopefully you are not bored to death.

If only for a moment

2010-08-31T09:40:00.003-04:00

I now have time to give you all an update of the past few days since coming back to SVU.

Friday:
I finished packing and really got to know Prisca (my roommate). She is funny and so outgoing. The school had a concert given to us by a guy name Jeremy Hoop (he is pretty good). After that we watched Iron Man in the SAC as a student body. It was awesome. I met tons of new students. On the first floor there are four freshmen to a room (we have 300 freshmen and 750 students in all). I live on the second floor. Me and Prisca stayed up all night talking.

Saturday:
Me and my friends hung out. That morning was Rise Up for Honor (RUFH). I said the opening prayer. We went to downtown BV for the Battle of the Bands where I had a snow cone for the first time. Me and Prisca had dinner at Elora's house. I worked the Dress and Grooming (DAG) table for the first time (as part of my Honor Senator duties) during the Stop Light Dance. When I was done I got to dance with my girls and meet some cute guys.

Sunday:
Me and Prisca went to church. During lunch we met more cute guys. Me and Prisca started our own language ( turn boy names into girl names and girl names into boy names). We had dinner and then Elora gave me a surprise birthday party. There were about seven girls and two guys. It was fun. We played games and ate different kinds of bread products. Elora made me a chocolate cake and an ice cream punch. After that we rushed to the Single Adult Fireside and still managed to get good seats. Prisca has been very nice and willing to go to all of the church activities. Adam (aka Ashley) gave his rendition of my favorite hymn (A Poor Wayfaring Man of Grief). We reararnged our room and created the Quote Wall. Prisca wants to be roommates the summer and next year. I am so excited.

Monday:
Me and Prisca had breakfast before class. Many people wished me a happy birthday. I worked the dinner shift and then was surprised by Kim when she made me a cake. My room was heart attacked as well. Then we cleaned up the room for roomchecks and then found out that roomchecks is not until today.

Today:
Me and Prisca had breakfast before class. I did some Honor Senator work. And now I am about to start on homework before my 11 am Institute (D and C) class. Then me and Prisca are having lunch before her next class. Then I a doing more homework before Information Literacy.

For the love of SVU

2010-08-27T21:41:00.002-04:00

As most of you know, the past three or four months of my life were not so good. However, things began looking up two weeks ago. After Hallie and Julie surprised me and came to visit me, everything seemed to go right. I finally got to SVU yesterday and things have been great every since.

First, I have an amazing roommate by the name of Amevi (Prisca). She was born in South Africa (Togo) but now resides in Maryland. She is so wonderful. We get along great. She likes my friends and we can talk about anything. She is not LDS; however, she believes in God and is spiritual.

Second, I got a huge surprise today. My friend Kimberly has a new computer and is letting me borrow her old one for the school year! I am so excited. Right now it hates me but I am hoping that it will warm up to me.

Third, today was a wonderful day. I got to hang out with my friends and roommate. We had breakfast, lunch , and dinner. There was a luau for dinner and tons of stuff to do (I won a Tshirt).We went to the boys soccer game (we won).

They are throwing me a surprise birthday party Sunday. I love my friends and my school.

The Climb

2010-08-22T22:15:00.003-04:00

Things have gotten so out of control that I closed myself up to everyone. After a two month hiatus from the world (and four months from blogspot) I am ready to face everything and everyone. A painful recap would consist of arguments, joblessness, anger, hurt, parents drug habits, not going to church, depression, and a loss of self worth and self esteem.

I almost died from the pain of not understanding. The thing is I saw this coming when I was at school. I knew that when I came back I would end up staying- maybe this was all my fault. Either way, I ended up the last place that I wanted to be- depressed and angry. I could not talk to anyone because to me it was my fault and my parents raised me to be self reliant. I did not know who to talk to or where to go.

I had hit rock bottom when out of nowhere two angels appeared on my doorstep- Hallie and Julie. I had given up on going back to college because I could not afford it and had no way of getting there. The reason I came home was to get a summer job, yet every door I knocked on and every resume I sent out kept getting rejected. I was jobless and now depressed. Even though I had long since gave up on myself, they did not.

So many people have helped me out since. Hallie has spent her own money to pay for school supplies and is driving me back to school. Deseret Industries is paying for my books. Hallie's neighbor Dawn helped me find an Internal Medicine Doctor to help with my psoriasis and is paying for me some sneakers and church shoes. People in my branch are giving me money to buy necessities. I am so grateful for everyone.

The title of this post is rightfully named. Although I dislike Miley Cyrus, this song is about getting out and finding yourself.

This blog has been renamed so everyone who is helping/ has helped me can see my progress. I will not let anyone down. I will try my hardest to get through this (drama) and make something out of myself. I will not be another statistic (black girl from Detroit working a minimum wage job with 3 children and 3 baby fathers). I intend to show my family and the world who I can be. I will never forget the kindheartedness of so many people. I will pay-it-forward when I can.

A Trying Time

2010-04-08T13:42:00.002-04:00

I must admit that I was not able to get as much out of General Conference as I had hoped. Maybe it was because of all the drama that has surrounded me or simply the fact that I was unable to really get in the "mind-set" for General Conference. I did enjoy a few talks; however, none of them answered the questions that I need answered. I went to General Conference with three HUGE questions and not one was brought up. I do know that Heavenly Father loves me and will eventually answer them; however, I only have three weeks before school is over.

Yesterday I had the worst night of my life and there was noone to help me. Of course I did not ask for help (granted it was 10pm and I was not going to wake some one up). My roommate was skyping someone so I could not ask for her advice. It does not matter anyway because there is nothing that she would have been able to do. I do not have any minutes on my phone so I could not phone anyone.

After crying my eyes out and saying a heartfelt and teary-eyed prayer, I managed to pull my together and go to the library. I was able to read my Patriarchal Blessing and my notes from General Conference. It really did help me out. I was able to feel Heavenly Father's love for. I know that He knows who I am and what I am going through. He will show me the right way and will help me to feel loved and appreciated in my family. He will guide me to the right direction and will show me what I need to do. I will have a place to stay this summer and I will be able to get a job so that I can pay the $1800 that I owe for the fall semester. I will forgive my family and not be so angry at them. I know that everything will work out. It has to.

The life of a college student

2010-03-01T08:46:00.007-05:00

I apologize for not posting in a while things have been forever hectic. Let's see the last two months of my life have been pretty great. I have had fun being in the Relief Society Presidency (secretary). I did not think that I would be in the Relief Society Presidency after being baptized a year before. It was awesome thought. I enjoy getting to know the girls and taking notes. It has been a little stressful trying to get to know ALL of the girls and learning what we can do to meet all of their needs. However, I do enjoy it. I love my bishopric. They are fantastic! It is weird getting to hang out with them outside of church (in school). I have a pretty fun bishopric. I officially have my Patriarchal Blessing (paper form). It is so vague to me right now; however, I am glad that I have it.
I am taking some pretty fun classes. I know a little bit of french and hope to one day use it. I love my philosophy class: it has opened my eyes to other people's views. I am tired of math, I am having such a hard time and cannot wait until it is over. I enjoy strength training, although, I am not enjoying our new work-out.
Personally I am learning more about myself and my decisions. I have been reading and pondering my scriptures in hopes of finding out something that I need to know (I have had no such luck on finding an answer yet). I have been praying daily and I love it. I am meeting new people and getting to know them. I am on the Honor Revision committee and hopefully we had our last meeting. It is stressful trying to find the best policies to help the students feel more empowered and yet still protect the school.
It has been nice to get out of my shell and explore. Our sports teams are awesome and you know me, I have to go to all of the games and support them. I am sad that basketball is over; however, Lacrosse is here and...scary! But I love them anyway. Our sports teams are talented and at the same time approachable. I have classes with a few sports players and they are actually intelligent. There are a few baseball players in my philosophy class and they are funny and intelligent. Sometimes it is hard to find players like that, but not here.
I love the Fine Arts programs here. Chamber Choir and Orchestra never ceases to amaze me. Our theatre department is also fantastic. The theatre put on a show "Rhinoceros" it is an absurd translated version of the french play. It was scary for me (face paint); however, it was pretty good.
I love all of the ways that the school tries to get the students involved in things- student government (including Honor Council); athletics (intramural- one of these days I will find time to attend); and clubs (philosophy, management society, pre-med, and pre-law).
I enjoy it here. However, I do miss home very much. I am sad that I do not get to go home for Spring Break; however, I know that I will eventually get to see my Detroit again. I hated the fall here, it was so ugly compared to the beautiful autumn leaves in Detroit. I never missed orange, red, and yellow so much in my life. I miss the good Detroit snow. Not the hard and unappealing Virginia snow. I miss my family and my friends. I especially miss my nephew, Shaunny Poo, he is almost completely potty trained and now my little nephew Sylvester ( my family has yet to find a nickname that suites him) is almost walking.
I am trying very hard to do well in my classes. I am doing good in Philosophy (Leader-Servant and Strength Training does not count); however, I can be doing better in math and French. I have not been studying as hard as a could be and it has come to bite me.
I have made some really great friends. My best friend here is Elora. She is so bubbly (like Shay) and she is just amazing. I have had a few crushes here and there (that is putting it lightly); however, I am not in the right place in my life to do anything about it. However, I am content for now.

School and Christmas

2009-12-31T01:29:00.003-05:00

Things have been pretty crazy since I posted last. It has been hard sticking to applying six talks to my life. In the end I have been working on feeling the promptings of the spirit and having a stronger testimony. It has helped me out better than choosing the six talks. I have learned things about myself that I did not know before.
My first semester of college is finally over! I am so excited. I finished with a 2.6, which is very low in my opinion. I should not have put so much pressure on myself. I have promised myself to never do that again. At the same time I also did not manage my school, work, church, and social activities very well. I know that if I had, I would have done much better. I seemed to have felt like I missed out on a lot when I worked, so when I did not work I hung out more than I should. I have also never been around so many people so I took it for granted. I received a C in Biology, B- in French, B in English and Western Literature, and a P(Pass) in Volleyball. I will do better and I will work harder next time to balance and prioritize my life. Next year I will be on the Honor Code Revision Committee so that will be fun and awesome. I am going to try to apply to be on the Honorable Society next year(It's the Honor Code Committee).
I miss my Institute Classes. I only have room to take 1 Institute class. I will be taking Book of Mormon with Elder Cochran. The class is at 6pm so it will be interesting to see how that works out. Last semester my New Testament class was at 6pm and I was dead tired by the end of it and only about 10 people came.
I am spending Christmas break in Utah! I have been here since the 18th. I could not afford to go home for Christmas (It cost about $300 for a bus, train, or airplane ride and $200 to get to and from the bus, train, and airport). The Residence Halls closed on the 18th so I was afraid that I would have no place to go. Kaili (my awesome roommate) and her family invited me to come to their house for the break. I am so grateful for people like them. They have pretty much taken a stranger in and have treated me very well. I really appreciate what they have done for me. They even gave me a Christmas present! I received a MP3 player (which I am addicted to and when I go back to school have to set a time where I can listen to it, otherwise I will not get anything done).
I have visited the Salt Lake Temple and most of Temple Square. Their ward is bigger than the amount of students that go to SVU! It is beautiful (I love the mountains). It snows like crazy and the power has gone out twice since I have been here.
I even went on my first triple date. It was great. I had a lot of fun.
Thanksgiving break was awesome. I stayed at school and my Bishopric and their families had a dinner at the Institute building and invited the ward. It was great.
I have been having issues with my psoriasis and cannot wait to Spring Break when I go home and talk to my dermatologist. Many people in my family have died this year. I have never had so many people die in such a short amount of time. Since I have been at college two of my family members and one family friend has passed away (in the space of two weeks!). I learned two days ago that my uncle (who the family calls Scooby) has cancer in his liver, lungs, and brain and is on an aggressive chemotherapy treatment. The possibility of him surviving is only 2%. That will be four deaths in the space of one month.
I have been praying, reading my scriptures and the Ensign. I know that it is all a coincidence but I am very worried.
Things will look up and will work out. I have faith.
Tomorrow is New Years eve! It is time to think about my goals for next year and make a plan to do them.

a better update

2009-10-27T17:55:00.002-04:00

Things have been pretty hectic here in Buena Vista. I have had great couple of weeks.

I was able to finish my second and third week of Burdens. I have learned a lot about myself and how I can do better.

Classes have been great for the most part. I am still doing not so great in science. I am trying really hard and I hope that I can do much better as I continue to try harder. I just had mid-terms; however, only Western Lit had a real mid-term the other classes had tests and essays. I think I did great in all of my tests except for science of course.

I have gone to plenty of school and Institute activities. Our football team had its first win of the season. Our girls soccer team is going to Nationals! The Bella Voce, Chamber Choir, and Orchestra had their first performance. Fading Point, our schools A Capella group of 9, had their first school performance. Fading Point has only been together for 5 weeks and they are ranked 6th out of 25 as the best school A Capella group. The Shenanigans, our schools comedy group, had their first performance. Institute had a Fireside which I loved. This past weekend was the regional Single Adult Conference which was pretty cool; although, only about 20 people who weren't from the school came.

School has been pretty fun! It seems like everyday there is something going on here. Since this is Halloween week there is a lot of Halloween stuff going on. Friday is "Wear a costume to class day" Although everyone must make sure to stay in the Honor Code and there are to be no masks. I am not sure if I am dressing up or not.

We had Ward Conference which was really fun. The Stake President and my awesome bishop, Bishop Olsen, spoke. I loved it. Bishop Olsen is awesome. He makes me cry all of the time, not in a bad way it's just that he cries all of the time which makes me cry.

I have a calling as Family genealogy co chair. I haven't started my duties yet because we need a "special computer".

I am going to two Institute classes. Book of Mormon and New Testament. I love my classes and the teachers. Elder Cochran teaches BOM and I love him so much. He is so funny and loves to make us laugh. He graduate BYU Summa Cum Laude. Elder Berrett teaches NT and I love him. He knows everything about everything and he even helps students with their school work.

I have met a lot of interesting people here.

I can not think of anything else so I will leave it here for now.

Another update

2009-10-26T13:15:00.002-04:00

I apologize for being so preoccupied that I forgot to blog. I have been so busy. I had mid-terms last week. One class was a "real mid-term" and the other ones were a test and an essay. It was pretty hard but I survived. On the second part of my actual mid-term I got 110.75 out of 130. That is not bad for my first mid-term.
I have also been preoccupied with work. Granted I only work three days a week but it is a killer when you do not get home until 8pm and have to do homework, read the scriptures, and sleep.
On Mondays I also tutor elementary school children and it is awesome but sometimes after tutoring I am so worn out.
I go to all of the school functions so that means on Fridays and Saturdays sometimes I do not get home until after 10pm.
But things are great here and I love it.
I wish I could go into more details but I have to run to English literally so I will try to fill you in later. I just wanted you all to know that I am still alive.
I will also tell you about how My talk on Burden is going.
I also want to let you know that last Sunday I got my Patriarchal Blessing! I am so happy.

A "Burdenful" update

2009-10-11T20:55:00.005-04:00

As you know a week ago I let you all know that I have decided to pick six topics and live them for a month. This month I chose burdens since my life has been full of them. Well it has been a week and I have finished my first test. I read and applied all of the scriptures on distress, afflictions, burdens, tribulations, oppression, grief, and suffering. I am so excited that I got to do all of them in time.

I have learned a lot in this short week, but I know that I have more to learn. I will share a few scriptures that I liked, learned, and will ponder as I start my new adventure of getting rid of my burdens.

Distress
* What I liked: People, like the King Abaz, continue to sin against Heavenly Father because they are in distress.
*What I learned: The Lord answers us when we are distressed; however, he may not answer us immediately.
*What I am pondering: 2 Corinthians 4:8

Afflictions
*What I liked: When I look to God and are pure in heart, and pray with exceeding faith, he will console me.
*What I learned: Heavenly Father sends afflictions so that I will remember my duties.
*What I am pondering: Mark 4:17; Alma 31:33 and 36:3; D&C 98:3 and 122:7

Burdens
*What I liked: Numbers 11:11-16 meaning Heavenly Father brings people into my life so they can help me with my burdens.
*What I learned: Psalms 55:22( If I cast my burdens upon the Lord my righteousness will not be moved).; Matt. 20:9-13( No one is more righteous than the other).; Acts 15:28 (burdens are necessary).
*What I am pondering: Matt. 11:28-30; Jeremiah 17:21; Mosiah 24:21

Tribulations
*What I liked: Deuteronomy 4:30(Listen to the Lord when I am going through trials).; Judges 10:14 (I can not be delivered out of my tribulations by other gods, only the true God).
*What I learned: Acts 14:22; 2Cor. 1:4
*What I am pondering: D&C 58:4

Oppression
*What I liked: D&C 109:67 I will be redeemed from oppression
*What I learned: Prov. 3:31; Psalms 9:9; Isaiah 53:7
*What I am pondering:Isaiah 5:7 and 2 Nephi 15:17

Grief
*What I liked: Eccl. 1:18 (grief comes from wisdom and sorrow comes from knowledge).; 1 Nephi 1:18 (I can pray unto the Lord for other people).
*What I learned: John 21:17; I John 5:3 D&C 103:4
*What I am pondering: Hebrews 12:11; D&C 63:55

Suffering
*What I liked: Psalms 101:5-7( Those who are faithful will dwell with God).; Matt. 19:14 (The kingdom of heaven is full of children).; Hebrews 2:18 (Because Jesus Christ knows what it is like to be tempted, he can help me through my temptations).; D&C 18:11 (Jesus Christ died so I can repent and come unto him). and 109:76 (For all of my suffering I will be crowned with glory and honor and gain eternal salvation).
*What I learned: Matt. 3:15; 1 Cor. 12:26; Hebrews 11:25
*What I am pondering: 2 Cor. 1:5-7; and 1 Peter 2:20

As you can see I have learned a lot and have a lot to ponder in order to learn more about myself and what to do to get rid of all the burdens I am carrying.

Next week my week's homework is to research talks on burdens and apply them to my life and write how it makes me feel and what I can do about it. I just went on the website and searched talks on burdens and there are over 3, 000. I am going to be swamped this next week; however, I know that it is well worth it.

Sunday I will also be getting my Patriarchal Blessing. I know that it will help a lot.

Thank you so much!

2009-10-06T19:07:00.004-04:00

I know double posting is bad taste but I just had to post this. I have been worrying about not being able to pay the rest of my balance since I got here and realized that everything wasn't fully covered. I have been praying about finding a job and paying it off. Two days ago my dad gave me one hundred dollars to buy a homecoming dress and I gave it to the college to make my debt go down to $300 and also so I would be able to register for the Spring semester. Then today I found out that I got the cafeteria job here at college on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Saturdays and I was just so thrilled because I would be able to eventually pay off my debt and if I still had some money to save I would be able to go home for Thanksgiving or at least buy I phone so I would be able to talk to them everyday because I have been missing them like crazy.

To my surprise as I got on the computer about 10 minutes ago something told me to look on my SVU email, where teachers email you and the financial aid office talks to you about any problems they have, and to my astonishment I had an email from the financial aid office and it said that an anonymous donor paid off my remaining balance for the Fall Semester.

I just found out that not only did she or he pay off my remaining balance of the fall semester him or her paid most of my spring semester debt and so I only owe $96.25 for the Spring and since I have a job I have them taking money out bi-weekly until its covered. I am so relieved and happy.

Thank you so much! I know that in this economic time it must not be easy, but thank you. I will not let you down. You helped me out so much and I know that you will be blessed for this.

A test

2009-10-06T13:08:00.003-04:00

I realized yesterday that we have six months before we hear from the prophet, his counselors, the apostles, the seventy, and other authorities of the church.

Monday, the day after General Conference, I went to the Book of Mormon Institute class and Elder Cochran told us that we all should read our notes that we made from General Conference everyday and try to apply them to our lives and then live them. This got me thinking about everything.

So I decided that I could do even better. What if I chose six talks that I can relate to and apply them to my life and live them or get rid of them?

But there are about 26 talks that I would have to go through and choose only six to live by? Yes, I know that was very hard for me so I am going one month at a time.

This month I am doing Elder L. Whitney Clayton's talk on burdens. I realized that there are some problems in my life that have become burdens and it is hard to be going through college with stupid burdens that I do not need. Some of the burdens are a result of my stupidity and others were caused by others. In any case they need to be gone and this is the best action to get them out of my life. If I just continue to be acted upon nothing will get accomplished-Elder Cochran taught me that.

I chose some very cool and informative ways to go about doing this talk:

For a week I will spend writing scriptures about burdens, grief, suffering, tribulations, and three other types of scriptures. I chose to look in the topical guide and choose the scriptures that were mentioned. This is going to be a test for me because I have a hard time keeping at this type of thing, However, I am so determined to do this that I know it will get done. I feel that it will help me because I will read about all of the people in the Bible and Book of Mormon that have went through things and made it out. It will be harder than just writing down word for word what happened and what was said. I will actually write how each thing makes me feel and how I can apply that to my life

The next week I will research seven talks on burdens. This will help me to see and feel what people felt and learn how they dealt with burdens and how they got over them.

The following week I will ponder what I have learned and continuously ask Heavenly Father if there is anything else I must learn in order to get these pesky little, and one huge, burden out of my way.

The very last week I will see if I can actually give a talk on burdens; however, if it doesn't work out I will listen to hymns and continue to ask Heavenly Father if there is anything else I should know.

I have a problem with feeling the spirit and I know that it will help me out a lot to do it this way. It will help me to know that the spirit is with me and that I am worthy of such a marvelous thing.

My test to you is to try this out for yourself and see if it helps you. You do not have to do yours the exact way I am doing mine, you don't even have to do yours on burdens. It doesn't even have to be for the six months, just try it out.

Needing a little pick me up

2009-10-01T14:57:00.003-04:00

When I got here I knew that I would have to have a job to finish off college, I only needed $600 to pay off my tuition. That's not bad. However, when I got here I was sick for the first week and a half and just went to my classes slept and was dragged to some school functions. I was so scared and happy to be on my own that I totally forgot to look for an on campus job. Then after the week and a half I remembered and starting looking, after all it is a small campus and only a few people will need a job, well there was no on campus jobs available and I couldn't find anything around Buena Vista. I was able to bring my debt down to $400. And now there are two openings available in the school. One is in the mail room and the other is in the Cafeteria. The mail room job has interviews because so many people have applied and the cafeteria people are taking there time looking at the applications.
Well now because of my debt I can not register for the Spring semester until I either get a job or pay off my debt. I talked to my dad and he said that the money he was going to give me to buy a homecoming dress will have to go towards the debt, which I agree with, however, it is only going to be $50-$100. That is only 1/4th of the debt and I have until the end of the week to come up with it or I can kiss my education goodbye.
I feel so awful. I love it here. I mean I can do better spiritually but I have never felt like I belong to anything in my life like I do now. I don't know what to do. I have been praying and reading my scriptures everyday. I am glad Saturday is General Conference. I need Him so bad and I can just feel everything slowly starting to fall apart. I can never be happy for longer than a moment it's just doesn't happen for me.
The financial aid people have been trying to work with me and I totally understand, it's only right that I give them their money for this awesome education.
I just do not know what else to do. If I had the money I can give it to them and the problem would be over, but I don't so I am left teetering on am I staying or am I going.
Please just keep me in your prayers.

A bad week

2009-09-28T12:20:00.003-04:00

I knew that it would happen sooner or later, no one can be happy forever. I just didn't expect it to happen so hard. I got a really bad grade on my first biology test (55/100) and it hurts my feelings and plans. It is my fault because I have spent too much time going to our school functions and not studying afterwards. I also could spend my Sundays better. I mean I am not spending them wrong (after all what can you do in a small town) but I can try to invite the Spirit more. It just gave me a huge wake up call.

I do not plan on not attending school functions but I will make sure I study before and after. I also have been battling feeling loved. I know that Heavenly Father loves me, but I don't feel it sometimes, this probably has a lot to do with all the "love" going on at SVU. It is the 4th school to have a high percentage of marriage. I just feel that I am incapable of feeling loved and loving others.

This of course is not on my high priorities list, I do not plan on getting married any time soon, but it is on the list. And most of you know that I am a list person. I am also lost on my career choice, I am not sure about Pre-Med, and it is really getting on my nerves that I am now unsure about myself.

Because I am failing Biology and having a hard time in French and English I am thinking about dropping Yearbook. It is sad because I really want to stay on the committee and they only have 10 people in Yearbook and it will be very hard for them. I do not know what to do. I have been praying to Heavenly Father about it, but so far I haven't gotten any response, this can be due to not feeling the Spirit.

However, I am not a total lost cause, Sunday most of my anxiety melted. I am still having problems but I felt totally at peace for the first time in 6 days. I went to church and I just felt so good. I got a calling as a Family History and Indexing co chair. This is a Ward and Stake calling. I am so excited. However, it is very ironic because I can not find anything on my family. I have also been praying about that as well. I also will get my Patriarchal Blessing on October 18th. I know that it will help me very much.

Last week we had our Stake Conference and it was talking about Temples, missionary work, and living righteously. I loved the talks they gave.

Last night we also had a mission fireside and it was awesome. We got to meet people who had served a mission and others who were thinking/planning on serving a mission. I loved it so much.

All of this got me thinking that this is all a part of life: Trying to feel the Holy Ghost, being unsure of love and your future, and just being all over the place.

During Fast and Testimony meeting today I said something that I really liked. " We are all different and sometimes being born on the difficult road helps you to see that there is another road." I never knew that there was a better way other than the difficult one and being baptized showed me that there was. I am so happy that I found the church and because I know that there is a wrong way I am more able to see the two.

I would like to add something to that. After having a horrible dream a few nights ago I now realize what it meant. "Even when you feel like you are at your worst and everything is going wrong, know that it can be worse." You can be starving in China or born in Africa with aids and die at 8 years old. You can be an orphan with no family and no one to love or love you. You can be a football player now paralyzed, never to walk again.

My life has had it ups and downs and will continue, but I am continuously fighting to stay on the right side of the veil, are you?

Dating Auction

2009-09-17T09:49:00.004-04:00

Last night at 9:30 the school put on a dating auction. It is exactly what I said a dating auction. There were 18 guys were lookoing for the affection of the girls. the opening bids were between $10 and $20 dollars depending on how hot you were. All of the proceeds went to out school newspaper, which is actually a book. It was so much fun! The guys had to wear good guy or bad guy costumes. A guy wore Choose the Wrong costume and got a date for $50! He is actually really cute so it was worth it I think. Another guy wore Superman costume, and looked like Christopher Reeves, and he is going on a date worth $35! I think that it was a great experience and really fun! I know that probably sounds lame, but it was awesome! The guys were really fun and danced and was happy to be going on a date, even if it was only $10.

I love this school! It is so much fun.

I also went to the boys soccer game. Which was fantastic! Although we lost, we had a lot of spirit and it was a low scoring game; 2-1. I love our soccer team and it helps that they are literally around the corner from the lofts.

Shapiro

2009-09-07T09:33:00.002-04:00

Friday night we had this awesome dance! It was so much fun and the music was awesome! I met a lot of people at the dance and had a lot of fun. I was dressed up in my pink, black, and white shirt and black slacks I had rolled up to make capris. It suffices me to say that I looked like a rock star.

But before the game I went to a play for the first time! It was our schools A Midsummer Nights Dream play! I can not give you much details on it because they are still playing this weekend, but I will tell you that it was awesome. I loved it so much. The people in it were awesome and I was laughing and crying the entire time!

At the dance I danced with a few people one guy I really liked and he was really awesome! I also hung out with the girls and we just had a blast!

Saturday we were treated with a concert! It was an up-and-coming band named Shapiro. You should check them out on Myspace and Facebook. They were awesome. They are basically soft rock, but they can make anyone dance. After their amazing concert we actually got to talk to them and take pictures. Me and my friend Tiffany got individual pictures of all of them and then a picture with all of them. She will probably have the pictures on her facebook soon. They really are awesome and I hope they make it big soon.

I also did study so don't worry about it. And sense as a rule on campus you can not do homework or study on Sunday I made sure to have everything done Saturday before the concert. I am so proud of myself. I have been handling this experience pretty soon. I think the volleyball girls have a game today and so if they do I will be there, that is of course if this cold doesn't get worse.

I am also on the Yearbook Committee! I am so excited this will be the first committee I have ever been on. I hope it is as amazing as I think it will be. We meet for the first time tomorrow and hopefully I am well enough to attend. Right now I feel miserable.

So anyway that is my update of the weekend.

Having a testimony

2009-09-06T17:36:00.004-04:00

Today in Relief Society we talked about being alone. It couldn't have been a better subject for me.

My testimony couldn't have come at a better time. Yes I said that right, I did not have a testimony until today.

When the missionaries came, I was at a low point in my life, so much so that I would believe anyone if they told me that there was a better life out there. I would have been Catholic if they came to me first. I didn't gain a testimony in church because I was dealing with a lot at home. I got baptized because I felt that I had to, not for the missionaries, but for me. I felt that the only thing I had was a belief that there had to be something better and nothing could get worse for me. I came to this school because I wanted to get away from all of the drama at home.

But today, during Relief Society, when all of the women bore their testimonies and I saw that I was different from most of them. I saw that I brought something here. I realized that this is where I belong. This is who I am. I can be different. I can be better. I can be anyone I want, not in the sense of I can be Brittany Jacobs, but in the sense of I can be a doctor or lawyer. I don't have to wallow in my misery; I can pick myself up. I don't have anything to prove to anyone.

For now on I am not the girl from Detroit Michigan trying to prove that I am not a statistic, or trying to hide who I am or where I am from. I am the girl whose parents are drug addicts and entire family have so many problems that there isn't enough paper in the world to describe. I am the girl who has no money and next to nothing in her dorm room an only 6 days worth of clothes. I am the girl who may not be the prettiest girl on planet Earth and definitely not the thinnest ( although I am eating healthy, at least I am trying to). I am a girl who got here with a 574 on her GED test and 19 on her ACTs. I am the girl with PCOS and psoriasis so bad she has to wear a wig that is now falling apart. I am the girl who was sexually abused as a child. And I am the girl with no lap top or phone.

But I am also the girl who loves life and knows where she is headed, well at least the directions. I am the girl who although has been through hell and back was and is able to pick myself up and dust myself off. So yes I belong here and am happy to finally realize this and truly know that I am a child of God and there is a plan for me.

I am also the girl who knows when she talks to much, so goodbye for now.

A quick update before classes

2009-08-31T09:45:00.004-04:00

Yesterday was my birthday. I turned 19. It was great. during lunch everyone sang Happy Birthday to me and another girl.
But let me tell you everything that happened before then.
Thursday we arrived around 9am and after checking in (and getting these cool hotel key card for my room) I began getting ready. I met my awesome roommate Kaili and her parents. We had awesome activities like orientation group where we met other freshmen and just hung out an did fun stuff, like play fuzzy bunny. It was awesome. We even had a stop light dance (where you wore those colors to describe your dating life). I can not remember all of the things that we have done these past few days but it has been awesome. I love it here.
I have another friend Kaile and she is awesome. The three of us have so much fun together and the guys here are HOT and smart.
I have learned so much about myself in the past few days.
I have awesome Resident Directors and an even more awesome Orientation leader (Kara). They have been helping me so much.
Because Pre Med is not actually a major I can major in Business and do pre med classes. I will not actually start my business classes until next semester, but I am very excited.
I met awesome people and met my academic advisors. We did a game to find out where everything is.
Our dorm (which is made like an upscale hotel) is on this huge hill and we have to go up and down 4 flights of stairs to get to campus, which is horrible but fun.
Anyway that is all for now. I do not want to be late for my first class. French.
Schedule: bio, french, volleyball, english, and western lit.

The party and the leaving

2009-08-21T11:44:00.002-04:00

In case you haven't heard tomorrow is my going away/birthday party. I am excited about it, not the party but the going away. I can not wait to be there. Somewhere different where I don't know anyone. It will be a big change but well worth it.
I have been stressed so much about other things that I haven't had time to worry about college. I look forward to it. I am so ready to be gone that I feel like 5 days can not get hear fast enough.
My parents are driving me straight there only stops are for gas and rest rooms (yeah right). I am glad that they are driving me. I guess it's the goodbye part that I need.
My middle sister has been getting on my nerves. She refuses to make the potato salad and she said she will not come, because I should stay here. My brother said he is coming but I doubt it, the only way he will come to Michigan is if my mom is dying so I have at least 30-50 years before I see him. My oldest sister has been here. I am going to ask her to bring her awesome baked bbq chicken. She only makes it on special occasions and I figure this is one.
My parents have been good sports so far, but I know the tears will be shed as I turn around and head for my dorm.
It's a new life I am embracing well.

Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome

2009-08-14T20:46:00.002-04:00

I was diagnosed with PCOS on April 9th, a day before I went to California. Unfortunately, the gyn I went to cost $75 for an office visit and everything was happening so fast that I never got the chance to go back. I did however, read a lot about PCOS and I still can not really tell you everything about it. I do know that it is when your ovaries are covered in cysts due to having a lot of male hormones with your female hormones. I know that some people with it can not have children and have acne, weight gain, irregular menstrual cycles, and hair on places that you don't want hair on. It is not curable, but it is treatable. The main treatment you get is birth control pills and a visit to a nutritionist.

Because, I never went back to the gyn, I got sever pains to my stomach 3 days ago and was rushed to the hospital. They told me that my left ovary had a cyst which is measured in 8 cm and it was leaning in a very bad direction. I had to choose between doing the surgery and not going to college because I would be on bed rest for 6 weeks or postponing the surgery for a few months. The pain was actually from constipation.

I chose to postpone the surgery, but if the pain doesn't subside I have no choice but to go through with the surgery. The doctor let me know who my new gyn would be in Virginia and gave me a few numbers to nutritionists near the university to help me choose a diet and exercise plan to help.

They say that if you lose weight and eat healthy you are least likely to have big cysts.

So please pray for me and wish me luck!

Thinking about doing a double

2009-08-10T13:56:00.002-04:00

I have always known that I would be a doctor and after that instead of doing the retiring bit, I would buy a building and own a doctors office. But I put that dream behind me when things went sour. Fortunately for me things have been going great. I am so excited about going to college and being a physician assistant. However after talking to Mike, my dream came back. And so I am thinking, once again, about owning my own office when I am done with the hospital life. So why not do a double major and take up business management and leadership. Well I am a worrier and I am afraid of failing. But how do you know you are going to fail if you don't try?

That lead me to my decision to minor in business and if I like it after my first year I will have a double major!

SVU mode

2009-08-06T14:30:00.005-04:00

I only have a two weeks before I am a Virginian (I hope that is right). So I am so excited. Today me and my mom did a little bit more shopping. We still have more to do though. I looked at my almost official class schedule: I have until the day I actually go to class before they call it official. I talked to Jacqueline who told me that the church is willing to pay for the books for the first semester. I also learned where my dorm is, but not who my roommates are yet. My parents calculated how much it will cost to rent a car and drive me down there ( a pretty penny I might add) We talked to a few car rental places and decided on Hertz (thanks Hallie). I called and cancelled my train ticket (they gave me a full refund and apologized for not telling me that there is no checked luggage to Virginia). I made my almost complete 72 hour kit (just missing the first aid kit). And realized that my mom didn't schedule a time to get a copy of my immunization record so we have to pick it up Monday. I also have to find out where I put my birth certificate and ssn (which is why my mom said that I am not leaving her house until I clean up my room).

She finally told me about the secret going away party she is throwing me. Actually she overheard me inviting Jacqueline. To all my branch friends you are invited. It is at my house on Sat. Aug. 22 at 4pm. Send me a message for the address, my phone is broken. And please bring something to share. Dinner will be my favorite: Spaghetti, turkey and dressing. (I know weird combination, but it is my favorite). We also will l have cake and ice cream. Running out of time. So bye for now.

I can not be more happy

2009-08-01T13:58:00.004-04:00

Yesterday I realized that today was the last day to pay the housing deposit for college. I thought, "My dad doesn't get paid until tomorrow and the library will be closed. And what if he doesn't have enough to pay it" I was so scared. I talked to my dad and he assured me he would have the money and also a friend of his told him that there was a discount if we bought the train tickets tomorrow as well. I asked Hallie if I could come over, and being the nice person that she is, she said of course. I paid the housing deposit and train ticket.

Yesterday I also found out that because my parents have "HORRIBLE!!!" credit I was unable to get the parent plus loan. However, after talking to Chrystal (my admissions counselor) she and her boss nominated me for two grants worth $4000 and added another $4000 to a loan I was eligible for. I was so happy and relieved.

My god mother came into town and my mom told her about the trouble I was having getting the things for my dorm and she gave me $40 and I was able to get some stuff. I am hoping my dad will be able to get a job and help me buy the other things that I need.

Today as me and my dad were coming home, we passed the library and it was open. So I just had to let you all know the good news.

College Donations Needed

2009-07-28T12:26:00.004-04:00

My aunt who was going to help me get the things I needed for college, is unable to. And unfortunately, I only have 4 weeks before I am off to college. I feel like the universe is conspiring against me. So as a last resort I am hoping that someone in blogger land can help. I have a list of things that I need and if you can help me out in getting it I will really appreciate it. But if you can not I understand. Right now things are tight here in America.

The list

Plastic shower tote (optional)

Alarm Clock

Umbrella

Roll of quarters

Tape recorder

first aid kit

can opener

Study Supplies:

Back pack

pens

collegiate dictionary

It's official

2009-07-16T12:24:00.003-04:00

I am officially on my way to Southern Virginia university!

I yesterday I received the acceptance letter in the mail and was thrilled. However, I was a bit terrified because it is for the fall semester and I was unsure as to how I am going to pay for it. Then I got the surprise of my life! I called them today to see what I had to do to have the semester switched over to Spring (January) because I wouldn't be ready to go in August. The guy asked why and I said financially I am unable. Then he asked had I seen my financial aid report and I said no. He rattled off all of these grants, loans, and scholarships. Pell Grant for 5,600, academic scholarships for 4,000, a scholarship for books 800, and 3 loans for 13,000 ( and only one that comes with taxes and I can choose to pay as I go or defer it to later). They are also going to help me get down there.

I just might be able to go in August. I just have to pay the $250 registration fee and that goes to the housing fee instead of paying another $250. I also have to buy the things I need for the dorm.

I am so excited and scared at the same time. However, I know that if Heavenly Father wants me there in August that is where I am going to be.

An apology

2009-07-07T12:06:00.003-04:00

I felt that it is only right that I apologize to some people that I offended with my last post.

I don't have much time to say everything that I want to say so I will just say the important stuff.

I did not mean to offend or hurt anyone. That was never my intention. I did not try to get anything out of anyone and definitely did not try to deceive anyone.

I did know MJ and I didn't tell ANYONE about it because me and my sister got beat up everyday we went to elementary school because my sister told a girl we knew him and this was a few years after the first molestation case. So I started not trusting anyone because I was afraid it would continue, even my best friend didn't know.

I went to Neverland twice, once when I was 5 and a year later both times I was with my sister. I didn't tell anyone about that because to be honest I didn't remember. My mom and sister were the ones to bring it up and I started remembering some of the things. You see after I huge incident with my family, I pretty much blanked out my childhood. After my sister and mom told me about it, I began remembering some things like: how nice he and his family were, how big Neverland was, and how much financial troubles we were in. My mom said that we went because we were about to lose the house and my parents were too prideful to take money from MJ, so he said fine then let the girls come to Neverland while you sort some things out. We stayed both times for 2 or 3 days. My sister said that I was so shy that when anyone l would talk to me, I would start crying and run to her. I of course don't remember any of it.

Anyway I again apologize to those who were angry at my post. I never intended it to be that way. Once I remembered about Neverland I guess I should have come to you, but I was just as stunned as you were.

For anyone who was angry about something other than the Neverland stuff, I apologize to you as well. You are a good friend and I never meant to write something that would make you angry. I was not angry at you or your family when I wrote the post. I was actually happy, I had the best time at camp.

And to those who helped me get to camp, I want you to know that I really appreciate it.

My first time at camp

2009-06-30T12:29:00.003-04:00

This post will be a little long so bare with me.

Monday: I had to get up a 4am so that I would be ready when my ride arrived at 5am. However, they did not get there until 5:30am. We then got off at the wrong exit so we didn't get to camp until 6:30. But they only had 2 people filling up the truck so we didn't leave until 8:45. We dot to camp finally at 10:30. An hour after we arrived and finished packing, we were told to meet them at the flag pole. We got to the flag pole and was told that we were going high roping. I didn't know what that meant but I knew it wasn't a good thing. Finally we got up to where the high roping course was and all of the sudden I couldn't breathe. We walked all the way up and strapped in and told to get on the rope. There was no way I was getting on a little bitty rope and walking. My stomach was hurting (by this time it was 12 and I hadn't eaten since last night and the sun was right on us). I saw a girl named Katie, who was like me and couldn't for the life of her get on the rope, finally conquer it. Finally I got on the rope and walked half way until my stomach told me I wasn't going any farther. However, I had to walk back. The other girls were such pros at it. After that we had free time, so we got in the lake and hung out for the rest of the day.

Tuesday: The other girls came to camp and it was my job to get the 1st years situated. One girl named Kathryn was so shy and so afraid. I felt terrible that she was so scared. I had her hang out with some other first years and saw her changed completely, she was smiling and happy. I was the 1st years that entire day. I also got to conquer canoeing with them.

Wednesday: Presidents Lantz and Mackey came and we had what I liked to call a "spiritual enrichment". It was awesome Lauren was Esther, President Lantz was Joseph Smith, President Mackey was Moses, Brother Johansson was our Prophet, and another woman was Moses Mother. It was awesome. They stayed the night and we all got to talk to them.

Thursday: My branch president came over and gave us a devotional. It was about allowing God to help us when we are having trouble. We also got to take him out and show him the camp. It was very nice having him there.

Friday: In the morning we had testimony morning. All of the girls in our branch got up. I really loved Sophia's testimony. A few other girls went. But most of the people that got up were the leaders. However, it really was awesome. We finally had another free time where we could relax before leaving.

Also while I was there we did have smores and yummy food. I met a lot of girls and got to see all of the different personalities.

While there someone close to my family died and I felt so angry and sad that I couldn't be with my mom. I personally knew MJ. He was friends with both of my parents and he is actually the reason they met. I don't like to talk about him because not everyone was nice to him and I am very sensitive about the matter. He was truly a good person and I remember a lot of times spending my birthdays with him and his family. Since my birthday is a day after his I remember always hanging out with him and his family. I remember plenty of times going to the Neverland ranch for a few birthdays and just wanting to be around him (sorry Hallie for lying about not going to California before, I was just afraid of how you would react). He was the most intelligent person I knew and was always wanting to help everyone. The last time I saw him was last year in February, we just talked and hung out for a hour. He and my parents fell out because he wanted to help us financially but they wouldn't budge, but he told me if I ever needed him he would be here, it might be with a but load of cameras but he would come, and me and my sister felt so great. I am so sad right now words can not explain how sad I am.

If only for a moment

2009-06-19T11:22:00.002-04:00

Yesterday while at the library I received an email congratulating me on getting in to Southern Virginia University. I was so happy and couldn't wait to tell my family. After boasting to my family about this huge accomplishment to my family. I realized that I was still at the library and could register right then. They asked me what my student i.d. was and I realized that I didn't receive one in a the email. I called SVU and the admission counselor said that it was a mistake and I am still in the admission process until I get my ACT scores sent to them. Since I only took the test a week ago I still have up to 5 weeks before I get the results.

However, even with that set back I am okay. I got into WCCCD-Eastern Campus for the fall semester. But their webgate is on the fritz. They said that it will be a week or so before it is fixed and registration doesn't start till Monday.

I was also unable to go to Youth Conference this weekend due to my not so smart Gyn. He won't tell me why I have to go to an emergency visit with him until tomorrow. Wish me luck. Hopefully I will be able to go to camp.

Anyway, blogging out.

Accepted

2009-06-03T10:45:00.004-04:00

In December I applied to Wayne County Community College District ( WCCCD)- Eastern Campus, because I thought no one else wanted me. Anyway they sent the acceptance letter in January, but somehow I didn't get it until last month. I jumped up and down seeing that it was the first college that accepted me, granted it is only a community college. I felt great and it will be a good stepping stone. I plan to go there for a semester and transfer to a university.

Today I showed it to my uncle and to my surprise my uncle laughed and said that I should be there now because I was accepted to the Spring semester. I called to let them know that I applied to the fall semester and to my dismay the number doesn't work. So now I am at the library trying to find the updated number and so far no such luck. Looks like i am going to have to go up there and talk to a counselor.

I have chosen a field that I want and I will not change my mind. I am going to choose LPN and then go to a college for Anesthesiology and become a Nurse Anesthesist.

If somehow by some miracle I get married I will at least be a LPN in case something happens.

Anyway that is my story and I am sticking to it. At least for now.

Oh and does anyone know how long it takes to be a LPN and does BYU offer that or just RNs?

What I have been up to

2009-05-13T10:22:00.002-04:00

I have been sick since Saturday. I went to the Relief Society Enrichment at the Stake Center. I learned about filling your bucket with good things. For some reason if I get in the rain for just a minute I catch a cold and it lasts forever. I think it might last for only a few more days. But because of my cold I missed Mother's Day at the church, I hope it was great.

I memorized the Presidency and 12 Apostles. I even made up a funny song to help me remember it. I also memorized 6 Scripture mastery's in 1 day. I have memorized 11 all together so now I have 14 more to go. But since then I have been trying to remember math stuff like y=mx+b. and the 30-60-90 stuff. I remember most of it.

I finished the fundraiser for camp. However, I could have done a better job.

I read the entire Book of Mormon and finished the Young Women Personal Progress. I can't wait to get my medallion.

I have to finish reading the New Testament now. I have to admit I haven't read much of it. I have been so busy worrying about other stuff. I will get back in the groove of reading though.

My sister had a little boy on April 7th. His name is Sylvester Christopher Anthony Pye. Everyone calls him Babee (Baby).

I am thinking about one day moving to Nevada. I don't know why.

I figure I might wear a wig for the rest of my life because the Psoriasis isn't getting any better.

Anyway, that is what I have been up to.

California

2009-04-30T18:49:00.004-04:00

I know. I know. I have been home for a week and two days and I have yet to post about my time in Cali. I have had a lot going on in my small little world.

California was awesome! I got to see and walk the grounds of the Newport Beach, San Diego, and Los Angeles Temples. I also got to go to Distributions (at the San Diego Temple) and Deseret Books. I bought a pocket size hymn book and the hymn on CD.

I got to see and get in the Pacific Ocean. My body never warmed up to its cold temperature.

We got to go to a lot of shops and see beautiful children clothes.

I got to go to lots of eateries and eat food like real Californians. I really loved the ice cream at Didi Riese.

I got to stay at Embassy Suites for 4 days. I really hate elevators but as fate would have it we were on the 5th floor. We got complementary breakfast and a nightly Managers Reception. While there in San Diego we went to Seaport Village where Mike got his Kite.

Before and after we were at Embassy Suites we stayed with Hallie's parents. They were so nice to me. Hallie's mom gave me sparkling lotion and a pillow case with the Los Angeles Temple on it.

I also got to meet Hallie's sister-in-law Elise and her two beautiful children. Lily became so close to me, it was like we were best buds. She is so pretty with beautiful gold hair. Emerson is so shy and it was nice to see him warm up to me. His favorite word is 'this' and it is so cute to hear him say it.

While in Simi Valley I got to meet Mike's parents and his two nephews Haydn and Lucas. Haydn is so funny and we got to play with his cars. Lucas was also pretty shy and I only got to see him for an hour or so.

I got to see 3 horses, Beverly Hills, the Hollywood sign, Rodeo Drive, The Chinese Theatre, and the Hollywood walk of fame (that had creepy impersonators).

I got to go to church in Thousand Oaks and Simi Valley. The youth in both churches had went to their prom the night before so they had on their beautiful gowns. It made me think about the church prom I was missing by going on the trip. But you can't miss what you never had.

I also got to experience first hand what is widely known as California traffic. It took us so long to get to our destination.

Our last two days was filled with water thanks to the hot weather. We went to the local pool to cool off. It was so fun seeing the children play in the water.

However, none of that compares to the beauty of the mountains and flowers. Mike said that I was lucky because California isn't normally that colorful. He said that it is normally brown. While on a bridge I was able to look to my right and see the ocean and look to my left and see the mountains. It was such a breath taking sight. Which is something I hope to see when I start my own family.

Overall my trip to California was great and I hope to have many more trips like it.

I want to thank Hallie and Mike for inviting me, everyone at the church for making this trip possible by letting me babysit for them, Hallie and Mike's parents for their hospitality, Elise and her family for making the trip fun, and Haydn for being such a great kid.

The New adventure

2009-04-09T19:46:00.003-04:00

Tomorrow I am going to California with Hallie, Mike, and Landon. This will be my first time going on an airplane so I am pretty nervous. I am excited about going to California and seeing if there are any mountains and hills. I look forward to seeing the Hollywood Walk of Fame and many other attractions laid out for me. I wonder if I will see any celebrities, however not the Britney Spears type. I will get to see the San Diego, Los Angeles, and Newport Beach temples while we are traveling. It is wonderful having the feeling of the spirit while on vacation. I thank all of the families for helping me pay for this trip by babysitting. If it wasn't for you I wouldn't be able to go.

While on this trip I will also be able to continue studying for my ACTs with the help of Mike. I will have a lot of girl bonding time with Hallie and maybe we will even talk about boys. I will also learn how to be a mom by helping Hallie with little Landon. I will also learn tricks about being a woman, like shaving my legs.

I have a list of things to do after I get back:

Studying for and taking my ACTs

Finding an inexpensive Drivers ED course

Talking to a nutritionist

Getting a job

And getting a work out program

Some of these things I will need a little help and encouragement with.

So please feel free to give me some advise.

Hello Goodbye

2009-03-27T19:24:00.003-04:00

I wrote this poem yesterday night. I don't know what it means to me. I guess I just felt a little poetic. I really love the imagery. Tell me what you think. Be brutally honest.

There are days when I don't think I am pretty
Are there days when I think I am pretty?
There are times when I hate myself
Do I love myself?
I cry forever like a whining cat that's left in the pitch black, rainy and thundering, mother
nature hates you, outside
I am depressed like an over worked, unloved, unappreciated wife and mother of six
Or a single mother that stalkingly watches the car leave her driveway carrying her eighteen year old son packed tight between all his belongings wearing a Brigham Young university pride on his face
Teary eyed because it will be four long years before they see each other again
Acknowledging the brown dead like tree that has never born any fruit in its two hundred years
But I know that if it isn't here tomorrow I will be devastated beyond repair
Damaged so deep I wouldn't breathe
Oxygen deprived I will die
Or at least have a tear stained pillow on my naked bed
All alone I will follow the bright colorless stars at night...maybe
What will I do?
What can I do?
Live like a forty year old woman fighting breast cancer, chemotherapy, bald head, skinny and all

The Doctor's appointment

2009-03-18T10:09:00.003-04:00

I had a doctors appointment at the Ob-gyn at 2:45. We made it to the clinic at 2:30, unfortunately it was the wrong one and my dad had already left. My mom figured that since I am 18 I can go by myself, it didn't matter that this was the first time and I was completely terrified.
A nice guy named David, the greeter at the receiving hospital, walked me over to the Old Hutzel hospital where a woman said that it was at. I had to walk to the Kresge Eye Institute where it really was. It was a good thing that it was only a minute from there. I got to the ob-gyn at 3:00. They said that they would still see me. I was seen at 4:00 to my dismay by a guy doctor. He saw that I was afraid because it was my first time and because he was a guy. He gave me a paper saying what he will do, told me that he will tell me everything he is doing, and that it will take less than 2 minutes. He made me feel better by asking me questions while he was doing the pap smear. He told me that I have an infection due to using scented soap and gave me a cream to use. He then told me that I will have to have some blood drawn and sent me over to the lab.
Well I didn't get my blood drawn until 6:00. I was in their waiting room from 4:30 until 6:00 and it only took them a minute to draw my blood. The bad part was that she did it wrong and I bled for at least 3 minutes afterwards. It was like someone cut me. Finally I went home.

Me and Me

2009-03-09T10:48:00.003-04:00

Since I had to cut off most of my hair, I was very happy when my mom came home with this black wig for me to wear. I am extremely self conscience and so I was very sad having to cut off my hair and wear a scarf to church or any place else. The wig is black with annoying bangs and it is comes to right above my neck. It is cute though and very easy to manage. I don't have to do anything other than brush it and pull the bangs away from my eyes.

People were nice to me at church saying that my hair was pretty. I felt really special. At church I also got a calling to be a nursery teacher. I was really happy. After church I got a setting apart ( a blessing for my calling). It was nice. I was a little sad not being in Seminary but it is nice having a calling, that means that someone believes that I am great for the job of caring for little children. I am however nervous about teaching. Even though the kids do not know what I am saying, I still do not want to mess up.

I also got a calling as a visiting teacher. I know that will be fun.

I have applied to SVU, but I did not know that even though I have a GED I still have to give them my high school transcripts. Even though they day that they look at other things I am scared because I did horrible in high school. Seriously, I only have 20 credits out of 2,000. I am certain now that I am not getting in.

Saturday Hallie and Mike are taking me to Canada. It will be my first time there. I know it will be fun, but I am afraid of going i the tunnel. But I figure the tunnel is better than the bridge.

Anyway that is what I have been doing the passed two weeks.

I did it!

2009-02-25T14:25:00.004-05:00

Okay so I knew that I did it on February 18Th, but finally it is official. I just got my GED certificate in the mail today. The missionaries was leaving and the mail man came as the went out the door. I told the missionaries that I hope it is my GED certificate. I had spoke to the woman at the place that I took the test and she told me that I will receive my certificate 3 to 4 weeks after taking my test if I passed not when I receive my results. So I figured exactly a month ago I took my GED test. I was pleased when I looked at the mail and saw a big envelope and it had my name on it! I am not exactly certain what I will do with it, but I have a lot of possibilities. I look forward to my next task: the ACTs. I am sure I will do good but I am hoping for great.

Seeing the beauty

2009-02-24T12:34:00.003-05:00

I just got back from seeing one of the two doctors that I had to see. I was a bit nervous because both of the doctors have a difference of opinion about the reason for me being so sick the past two days.

The doctor that I just seen is my regular doctor. After giving him a whopping $35 for the office visit, I had to wait 30 minutes to see him. I get in the room and he does all of the tests and refuses to give me my TB shot because he said that it was too early, and that I have to wait another week and of course pay another $35 for an office visit. Anyway he says that I have some kind of hair problem in my head and that I will have to cut my hair. Practically all off really, because he is afraid that it will spread to my skin (face and body). I am so sad.

I will get a 2ND opinion ( at 4) when I go to the other doctor to see about my skin ulcer and white blood count. Hopefully he tells me something different.

If not I will look like Erykah Badu until the infection is gone or my hair starts growing back.

After crying for a few hours I realize that this will be a change for me. A change that I have not asked for but can learn from. I have been worrying a lot about change. Going to college hopefully, getting a job, and becoming an adult. I have been pushing to be older and thought that I was ready. But now I will be able to look at myself and see the difference in the person that I was and the person I will be.

I will have to deal with the change even if I don't like it. And look towards the future with an open heart and eagerness to learn how to deal and how to LIVE for myself.

I think applying to SVU was a mistake. Not because I don't want to go there but because I didn't have time to think everything through. I didn't have time to listen to my heart. I have been afraid of not pleasing my parents and knowing that I am a year behind and that just a year ago I did not think that I had the chance to go to college that it was too far out of my reach. But then I got that hope when I began studying for my GED.

So when I got the opportunity to apply I went for it, not for me but for everyone else, to prove myself. So looking ahead I think that what will I have if I go to SVU and graduate. Just a piece of paper saying I passed and the thought of okay now you have to go to college to be a PA. But what fun is that for a woman. Will that be all I need. Or will I say why a PA you can be a doctor. How stupid is that. It will only be a career, a career that consumes me everyday and makes me tired every night.

I am more afraid of failing as a woman than failing at a career. I mean if I don't like being a PA or doctor I can always change my profession or stick with it because I feel that it is my duty as the youngest of four to take care of my parents. And besides my mother says that I shouldn't get married until I am 30. I have to live for them and not for me, right? But if I am a terrible mother, wife, cook, or house keeper then I have nothing to live for. After all who wants to be a mother, wife, cook, and house keeper when you can be a doctor/PA.

I might not get into SVU anyway. But I still have a year to prepare if I do.

The Land of Promise

2009-02-21T12:20:00.001-05:00

As I was walking, I noticed big trees with a small opening. It was calling my name so I had no choice but to enter. The leaves on the trees were brown and the place looked deserted. It seemed so forgotten.
As I came out of the forest of dying trees, I looked up to see the sky, so beautiful and serene. This place smelled of fresh rain and sorrow. I stood there, amazed at its beauty and quietness.
Until I saw a beam of light under a tree. I walked over and felt the wet tough leaves. Then I walked down the path and held on to the dark cold rail. I saw a rainbow come out of the sky.
I ran for what seemed like hours and finally stopped. I was stunned speechless. It was a pool or a lake, trying to decide which one it was, I walked around it at least five times and I still can not say. It had the reflection of the forgotten land in it. The clouds were dancing and everything looked bigger than it was. I wanted to stay forever.
I sat on the warm ground and stared at my reflection. The water was warm and asking for me to come in. but I didn't want to disturb it. However, I put my hand in and just tried to take it all in.
but before I knew it, sadly it was getting dark. I had to leave this magical place. I am so sorry to go land of promise. One day I will come back and the sun will be shining and you will be waiting for me to enter again.

The Cold, The GED, and The Hospital

2009-02-20T19:24:00.002-05:00

The COLD

On Tuesday I kissed my nephew after finding out that he had been gone for a week up under my nose. I hadn't seen him but I just figured my sister was mad at my mom and decided not to bring him down. So I kissed him and told him that I missed him. Two hours later I started sneezing and coughing. I realized every time my nephew spends the night at someone house he always gets sick. So now I am sick, but the bad thing about it is that when I get sick I am unable to get rid of it. The longest time I have had a cold (a regular cold not the flu) is 8 months and the shortest time is 5 months. The doctor told me that I do not have a good immune system.

The GED

Also on Tuesday when I took my nephew upstairs after he declared that he wanted to go home, I noticed the mail on the stairs. I picked it up and handed it to my mom. She said that I got 2 letters and one was from the GED center. I opened up the letter and after reading it I saw that I passed! My average score was 574 that is 226 points under 800. I am average, but that is great considering I never passed the 8TH grade. I got a 700 in Reading, a 500 in Writing, a 550 in Science and Math, and a 570 in Social Studies. I scored at least 20 points hire in the actual test than in the practice test. Thank you Mike for tutoring me and preparing me for this. Thank you Hallie for allowing me to take Mike away from you and Landon. Also, thank you to everyone who gave me encouragement. It meant a lot to me.

The Hospital

Today at 8am I got in the shower to get ready for my day of babysitting for Mike and Hallie. As I was washing I notice that my arm smelt funny ( I know not the best thing to say), so I looked at my armpit. And to my astonishment I had a whole in it and I could see my tissue ( a little too graphic ). I went to the hospital and the doctor told me that when they drained my abscess the skin did not heal and they told me that I should go to the clinic and be tested for HIV if I was sexually active or using needle drugs (which I am not) and that they will test my for diabetes. They tested me and said that I am a borderline diabetic and I should go to my doctor and begin a diet. I have no problem with this, unfortunately my parents prepare the meals and I eat what they make. I can not wait to get a job so that I can take care of myself.

Oh well life goes on.

Diamond.......

2009-02-14T12:24:00.003-05:00

1. Has a fear of heights, any animal that is not a cat or small dog, and being alone.

2. Is shy around people she doesn't know

3. Is a romantiac (Very Very romantic)

4. Loves Disney movies and movies set before the 1900s (Troy and Gladiator)

5. Loves the country, but can settle in the middle of nowhere.

6. Gets frustrated quickly

7. Has only been to Chicago

8. Loves Australian accents

9. Dislikes stupid funny movies

10. Has never been to the beach (Belle Isle does not count).

11. Eats the toppings off pizza, then the cheese, and finally the bread

12. Has eczema, which has gotten worse as she ages (abnormal)

13. Has Black Foot Indian in her (you can tell by the dents under her eyes and her cheeks or not

14. Has slanted eyes

15. Has not had a nightmare after watching scary movies. Not even when she was little

16. Would watch wrestling with her dad until she was 15.

17. Hate litter, but has littered (hypocrite).

18. Had her 1st kiss at 12 (sister dared her).

19. Loves blond hair blue eyed or dark hair green eyed guys.

20. Fell in love for the 1st time at 18 (Infatuation)

21. 1st tooth fell out at 12 (abnormal)

22. still believes in fairy tales

23. Has never been in any competition

24. Loves soccer boys

25. Has never seen any movie about vampire, scary ghosts, or haunted places (including Twilight) other than Vampire in Brooklyn, which is why she doesn't like them. She has however seen Xmen and Casper the Friendly Ghost.

College and the ACTs

2009-02-11T15:22:00.003-05:00

I have decided against BYU since it is way too big for a shy girl like me. I have chosen and applied to Southern Virginia University (SVU). It is the perfect size for me.

Last week I received the ACT application in the mail, which I guess is their way of telling me it is time to study. I will either take the test in April or June, I am leaning towards June. So if I get into SVU it will be in January 2o10.

I still have not received my score from the GED and am getting a little antsy. I feel in my bones that I have passed but I need to see it in black and white.

If I get in I will go to SVU for Pre-med, go on my mission, come back to Michigan and go to Central Michigan University (CMU) for Physician Assistant, move to the country, and get married?

That is my plan so wish me luck.

To try in this house

2009-02-07T11:31:00.000-05:00

Sacrifice who you are for what you want to be
change nothing but the bad
If you find yourself doing nothing, try doing something
the spot light is on you
Make it worthwhile
the shadows of forever is only here today
Looking at the picture on the wall will not help
Looking at the past will only make you linger
Shoot for the future it will not kill you
Make a change today that will help you tomorrow
Sheltering yourself will make it worse
The guide of sorrow will pass
Housing your pain is frustrating
So try me

The Unlikely likeness of mother and daughter

2009-02-02T12:15:00.000-05:00

Where she is strong, I am weak
Where I am strong, she is weak
I wake up everyday hoping, she wakes up everyday aching
I listen whereas she talks
I cry whereas she screams
I say "Heavenly Father I thank thee" whereas she pleads "God please take me"
I am happy but she is feels sad
She is happy but I am sad
She LOVES black where I love any color but black
she watches the news but I avoid it

We both like puzzles
Her crosswords - my sudoku
We both read books
Her mystery - My romance
We look alike
She's shorter - I am taller
We love music
Her oldies - my country
We love to sing along to the radio
She does it quietly - I do it loudly
We cry a lot
She doesn't care where - me in the company of no one
Both took the GED test
She didn't study - I studied forever
We are family oriented
Her idea is see you when I see you - my idea is blaming myself when I don't see my "family"
We don't finish what we start
Physically she can't - mentally I am all over the place
We both look forward
She has her head up - I do it only after I have looked back
We both budget
She does it dreadfully - I do it enthusiastically
We don't worry about materialistic things
Her motto "why cry over what you don't have" mine is "If you don't have it you don't need it"
Motto for the future
both "Live, Laugh, Love, Heal, and Hug"

I wrote this poem or whatever you call it, on Sunday. I took the ACT practice test and got an 18. I told my mom and she said so did she. Back then an 18 was an average score, of course, now it is a 21. But it was still a start for us. A lot of days I yell and say I am not like her, even when we are watching CSI. But I know that we are unlikely alike. the bad comes with the good, you just pray you have more good.

A poem for all the Lexi's

2009-01-29T12:53:00.000-05:00

She is the most beautiful person in the world
Or so she says to herself at night
She is filled with tears,smiles,and know-it-allness
She tries so hard to be nice to me
But I see through it
She tries to be every inch of perfection
In doing so she loses herself
And me in the process
Drowned out by all the pettiness
She is surrounded by a wall of nothingness
Yet trying to be a somebody
Not wanting to be a nobody
She doesn't see any natural beauty
In herself or me
So she clamours to the store to buy the next best thing
But I see through her
To understand her is to be human
To try to help is to fail at something
As I watch her filled with tears,smiles,and know-it-allness
I am filled with relief
It must be hard being Lexi
Yet it is easy being me

I wrote this poem at 4:55am today after having a dream. For the past 2weeks I would have a dream about her. Each dream she was different (western: cowgirl, horror: killer, musical:singer, science fiction :alien, and so on). So finally today I wrote the poem so hopefully I can get some sleep. I hope you like it. Tell me what you think.

Annoyed at the hard work

2009-01-27T14:29:00.000-05:00

It is one thing to be worried about something that would change your life, but it is another to conquer it and it feel like nothing. I studied for the GED for 6months (trust me 6months is an eternity). I have been so worried and so scared. When I entered the classroom for the first time yesterday I was scared out of my mind. But today leaving that classroom I was furious. That test is a waste of time. I got maybe (MAYBE!) 3 questions wrong on each section, I am only guessing so when I see my actual score I won't be surprised. When I say this test is a joke I mean it. Anyone who is studying to take the GED test in Michigan should do it now. It is so easy. .
The math has 1proportion problem; 3 area/perimeter/or volume problem; 2 fractions; 2percent or decimal problems; and the rest (41) addition, subtraction, multiplication, and division problems. You have no idea how stupid I felt for being so worried. The only problem I would say I had was getting started on the problem (word problems it was only 3). The bad thing about it is that the instructor showed us how to do 5problems( the test had 2 of each, so that is 10 questions I got right). I am so angry that the test wasn't harder. If you made it to 9Th grade this is a walk in the park. Anyone can get the GED. So I feel like I don't want it because it was too easy. I know that I am the only person in the world who can make a fuss about getting a good score (hopefully) on the test.

On the writing portion of the test, correcting the sentences was so easy. Even the GED book was harder. You only had to either omit a sentence, add a coma, take out a coma, choose past tense or future tense, or change the spelling of a word. It may sound hard but it isn't I mean wouldn't you change 'whether to weather' when you are talking about rain. The essay was frustrating because I forgot to write the introduction paragraph before the explanation paragraph so I might get a deduction for having an arrow on my paper. But I knew what I wanted to say: "My generation is important because it teaches the next generation how to be better by staying in school, enforcing abstinence, and refraining from going to adult parties."

Anyone that was my GED experience and I hope the ACT's is harder, but not too hard. I want a 21 or better. I know that I can conquer it. Mike I hope you can help. I am proud of myself for doing it and sticking with it. i am trying to be a better person by making a commitment to gaining more knowledge not just for school but for my future family. This is something to be proud of. I will be the first person in my family to go to college and finish(mom), that means a lot to me. I want to be a role model for my nieces and nephews. If you want it hard enough and you work at it, you can make it. As I am thinking about it I realize that maybe it(the test) was easy because of my blessing and fasting. At least I hope it was.

To everyone thank you for your support. It is really nice to have friends who care about you and wish you luck in your journey of finding yourself. I really appreciate all of you. You are so nice to me, even when you don't have to be. I am in the library crying I think people are watching so i better go.

My first half (before,11:25am,1pm,2pm, and end)

2009-01-26T15:26:00.000-05:00

BEFORE(how my brain works)

I am so scared. What if I fell? I can always take it again. Stop worrying Diamond. You are going to do great. Am I going to be in a classroom by myself? What is the instructor like? Will I have a break in between the portions? What portions am I taking today? Am I going to take math? What if I fell. I can always take it again. What about my ACT's. That's to far in advance. What if I fell. Dad are we lost? I told you that you should have did it the way map quest said, but no you had to go on 75 when they said 95. Dad admit it you are lost. We are going to be late. They said if you come after 8:40 you won't take the test. Dad it is 8:30. IT'S RIGHT THERE!

11:45(science)

It wasn't that hard. But it did take me too long to finish it, because there was soo many paragraphs and charts that I have to read. I need to read faster. I wish I had some money to buy something do drink I am thirsty. We have to wait 25minutes before we do the next portion. I am sitting here bored out of my mind. I have nothing to do. I think I got most of the questions right. I only had to guess on 5.

1pm(social studies)

I just finished. It wasn't that difficult. The cool part is that I really studied hard on the s.s. and science. I had seen most of the problems before (not the exact same way but a lot like it). It is so cool to see the things I studied and conquer it. We have a 10min break before our final portion. I hope I pass. DIAMOND you can take it again. Stop yelling at yourself. Are you going crazy?

2pm(reading)

I just finished the reading portion. It was like I imagined it. On the GED practice I got 32 right and 8wrong. I hope I did better on the real test. The guesses that I made seemed rational to me. I am starving. You should have done what everyone told you and had a nice breakfast. I am so thirsty. In this big building you mean to tell me you couldn't have a water fountain put in.

After
THREE WEEKS! you have to be kidding me. Great now I have 3weeks worth of worrying. I have to pass in order to worry about my ACT's and college. This is going to be fun. Tomorrow I do math and writing. I hope the essay part is something I know about. It better not have anything to do with President Obama or I swear I will scream. Shut up Diamond.

I want to take this time and space and say thank you to everyone. It is so nice to actually get up and be happy. I talked to my mom yesterday and she told me that she was proud of me. Really proud of me. she and I both did not think that I would be getting ready to enter college. I may not go this year, but I definitely will next year.
I was so depressed growing up that we thought it was impossible for me to do anything other than stay glued to my room. I wake up with enthusiasm. Even when my family goes through drama I still know that I am a child of God and He wouldn't put me through things he feels I can't work out.
I got a blessing from Mike and all 8 missionaries. Then I got an extra dose of faith when I attended the fireside and I also fasted. It is so great to be apart of this family. I love it here. You guys have no idea how much I love and appreciate every single one of you. When I first entered the church I knew that it was a family. And I am blessed everyday even when we bicker quietly.
I can't wait to get my patriarchal blessing and go on a mission. I have never been this happy about leaving for a year and a half. Not once have I worried about it.............until now.
I should stop now this is going to be a long blog.
Wait...Mike thank you. I know you probably thought I was a nut job. I couldn't have done this without you. You believed in me even when I didn't believe in myself. I am so glad that I found you and this church because I have no idea where I would be without "my other family." Do you think I have a real shot at going to BYU?
Okay that's it no more writing.

I don't know about this

2009-01-22T12:56:00.000-05:00

Monday,January 26, I take the first half of my GED test. A GED is a high school diploma for people who dropped out. I am so nervous about the math part. Mike has been a great tutor. I don't think I could have made it this far without his help. I have been studying real hard. My pride is like on overdrive because I know that if I fell I can redo it, but I just don't want to fell it. In order for me to go to college or do anything with my life I have to have my GED. So hopefully in 2weeks I will blog about receiving my GED in the mail. If not, I have more studying to do.

Thanks to everyone at the church. You all have changed my life. If it wasn't for this church I would not be here getting ready for the test. I am so sure my life would be going down hill.

Anyway wish me luck!

The only smile comes from within

2009-01-17T12:07:00.001-05:00

Night time and music

The life I am living is now filled with butterflies and rainbows
Dancing in am ocean of sparkling onlookers
Smiling to myself and crying happy tears
My ears are tuning out all other noises
Suddenly I see a beautiful light like no other
Making me move my feet farther
Away away now floating on clouds
My life now feels its meaning
To dance and to sing
So sad now to see the sparkling onlookers leave
But I will always remember this memory
And forever love my night time and music

This next poem is too all of the married couples out there

Serenity of the Quietness

The birds chirping
The loud talking
The radio is cut on
The television is playing sports
The phone is ringing
The train is blowing
The moon light beautifully shining high
The stars illuminating the sky
Our bodies together
Hands clutched forever
Holding one another
As we bubble our serenity of quietness
Knowing that when we wake up we will forget all of it

The past week has been a little chaotic for me. My mom and our landlord got into it so we have to find a place to move, that can handle two families, and fast. My 15 year old nephew is in juvenile and we don't know for sure when he will get out. My older nephew is getting on my nerves. Something is going on with my nieces and no one will tell me what. I have been really studying for my GED test on the 26Th. Mike told me a good way to study, by getting school textbooks from the library, so that is what I am using. To my joy in just 1week I have finished reading history and science. Now all I have to do is remember what I have read and read math and english. My bright idea of making flashcards has turned into 200 index cards filled with important stuff about history and science, so all I have to do is actually READ THEM!!!!!!!!
I hope you liked those poems and my little recap of the week.

My 2008 life

2009-01-03T15:57:00.000-05:00

I figured that you all should know what my life was like for 2008 (trust me it's not all that terrific or cool, so feel free to see someone else more fascinating blog.)

while reading The Owens blog of their review of 2008. I realized that most of my life has been gone down the drain. I have spent most of 2008 either in conclusion because of depression or in conclusion because there was nothing for me to do. either way I was in conclusion for all of 2008 up to Sept. when I met the missionaries. Everyone has these great stories of what there families have done in 2008 and I have only a few stories.

In 2008 I got baptized into the church (Don't get me wrong I am not belittling that. It was a major accomplishment which has in turned changed my life. I am only saying that is one of a few things that happened to me).
1. I decided to study to take my GED( Mike Owens you won't believe it but I took the post GED test in the back of the GED book and my average score is 536!
2. I celebrated my 18Th birthday with my family by going to Jeepers ( I wanted to be a kid for my last day of childhood).
3. I went to some great places with the Owens ( Henry Ford museum and the Macy's 2ND Monday to name a few) and that's about it.

How amazing is that? ( a joke )

I now know that I spent precious time being depressed as appose to living my life. I wish I hadn't because I am sure there are much better things I could have done.

I thank the church and everyone I have met because none of the most amazing things would not have happened if it weren't for getting baptized: like really studying to take my GED or hanging out with everyone and realizing how much I have been throwing away my life.

So here's is to the New Year of me being a better person and truly no longer being depressed!

Thanks again latter-day saints. You truly are saints to me.

My hectic Christmas

2008-12-27T11:48:00.000-05:00

It all started Christmas eve. My mother got me up at 11pm to start making the food for Christmas. I had only been asleep for an hour. We didn't have that much to cook seeing as we could only afford a little food. But my mom insisted that we should start cooking the food then. Because we eat Christmas dinner for lunch a 1pm. So we were up until 4am cooking and cleaning.

My nieces woke us up at 6 am to open their presents. It was fun seeing them open them, however my youngest niece threw a tantrum because she only got half of what she wanted. She did not get any Hannah Montana things. She did get the doll and stroller she wanted and many other things. But she was so unhappy with not getting any Hannah Montana, so we had to suffer 2hours of her crying.

But my nephew was a gem. He opened all of his presents and was only enthused by a learning computer. We were unable to buy him the car he can get in and drive because it cost $400 and my sister got a $200 ticket that we had to pay because it was overdue. So we got him another car that sings and dances. However, he was so terrified of it that he refused to be near it. He cried and pushed it away from him. He was so cute though. He would just stare at it. Today was the first time he played with it, but that was only because my dad got down on the floor with him and sung with the car.

My oldest niece loved all of her presents and was really appreciative. I didn't get anything my dad said that he will give me the money I need to go to California next month and I am okay with that because I know a lot happened this month to make my dad hard of money. He didn't get any of the jobs he was waiting on. However, I was a little upset when I didn't get the personal CD player I asked my uncle to buy me. It only costs approx. $20.

Then we noticed that my sister had taken the pot we were to make the dressing and turkey parts in. I told my sister to give us the pot and she told me that her turkey and dressing was in the pot. My dad had to go to five stores until we got a new pot which put us 3hours behind schedule.

However that wasn't all. Someone used our canned cheddar cheese for the macaroni and cheese. We went to 5 stores and everyone was out. Me and my mom was so upset. I couldn't believe someone would use it and not let us know. If they had told us the day before I am sure we would have found some. Most grocery stores were closed because it was Christmas.

The elders came over at 2pm when we had just finished cooking everything. They stayed over for about 10minutes. It was fun taking to them.

But the drama wasn't over. Everyone was grumpy and pouting. The only one who was not grumpy was my little nephew. It all made me so angry. We were suppose to be celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ. Jesus wasn't born grumpy and neither should we. People started arguing over nothing. My nephew got upset because he didn't got only $50 and nothing else. He got the $50 two days before and he thought my mom gave it to him to buy people stuff for Christmas, which is what I thought too. But my mom said that was his Christmas gift. So he bought people stuff and not himself and was angry. Even though I couldn't blame him it still made me mad because I wanted everyone to be happy. I did get anything not even $50 and I didn't pout, okay maybe a little.

I think we are the only family who can turn Christmas into a drama packed day. O well. Maybe next Christmas will be better. P.S. thank you to everyone who bought my nieces anything and to Hallie for buying me a coat I really needed it. even if I don't say so. Sometimes I am to proud for my own good. Also here are some pics of my nephew with the Christmas tree and him opening his presents.

the greatest memories

2008-12-22T10:20:00.000-05:00

Yesterday a guy at my church got baptized. It was so much fun watching him get baptized. It was the first time I got to see someone get baptized. I was the last one at the church to get baptized before him so I never got to see anyone. When I entered the church I could just feel how anxious I was when I got baptized. It was so peculiar to me until I told my friend Damoni. She told me that she felt the same way when she saw her first baptism after being baptized.
It was like I could smell all of the smells that I overlooked before I got baptized; like the food and the different aromas of the people there. I could feel the water being cold and my clothes tightening as I bent down into the water. I could see Brother Hilton and the little children's' face right before I went under.
I was so proud of Adrian and was so happy that he decided to share it with us. I didn't get to talk to him very long, but I could tell that he was happy and nervous that he made the choice to get baptized.
I hope that I never forget the day I got baptized, because those memories are the greatest.

The story of my life (as told by other people)

2008-12-17T10:10:00.000-05:00

Monday
Damoni: This is a fun trip to the mall. I can't wait to see what you are going to get me for Christmas. What should I give my mom she likes weird things...................like you. Maybe I should get her a old school cd. Cds aren't weird but it is something you would like.

Tuesday (at the Youth Christmas Party)
Joshua: We are going to win the wrapping game because you don't know how to do anything girly. OK truce because you don't know how to go to battle with a boy.

Sofia: You brought a youth to the party. You are such a geek. You are the only one that would do it.

Jacob: I hurt my leg but it looks like you are the one that need a hug.

Damoni: You look sad.

The lullaby in me

2008-12-15T10:38:00.000-05:00

This past week has been pretty chaotic. I babysat twice this week and it was so fun. I missed it so much. I hadn't babysat in over 4months. So babysitting on two different days was so much fun. The children were awesome.
Tuesday though was pretty tough. I had some problems with my family and how they felt about my church. They didn't believe that you can have faith in a church the way I did. I spent the next couple of days proving to myself that the way I felt for the church is right. But I ended up forgetting about going church Tuesday and some funny things happened while I was gone so I was a little sad.
Thursday we had a dinner for the missionaries at the church. It was so funny. we had Mexican food and it was very spicy. One of the Young men was dared to eat this spicy hot sauce named After Death Sauce. He did and it was so hot it felt like it burned your intestine. One of the Young men leaders ate it and he said it was not hot at all. It was too hot for me and I only had a drop. Afterwards the young people there treated me like I was invisible. So I was upset at that. Sometimes the people there can be childish. Its like everyone started avoiding me. I felt so bad for myself.
The Young women and men had planned on singing at our Christmas party at the church Saturday but only me and Jacob, a young man at the church, ended up doing it. It was so much fun. I was a little scared getting up there and singing in front of the church, but it turned out great. I love Jacob he is so cool. However, some of the young women didn't like it and were upset with me. They didn't tell me to my face, but they didn't have to, they just didn't involve me with anything.
The next day, Sunday, I had to speak on Living By Faith. Everyone said that I did an awesome job. I hope I did because I was so nervous. However, the same young women weren't impressed because they seemed more angry than the day before. It's like I am the new girl so they do not feel I should be as involved as I am. I am only speculating. But I had no choice in the talk and the singing they were suppose to do with us they were the ones who decided not to do it. Sometimes they make me feel like an outsider. People can be so childish.
However the church can also be a Godsend. My nieces would have only had the things my sister old church gave if it wasn't for the people at my church getting them some things. I am so happy because I was worrying about them having somethings for Christmas. Don't get me wrong I am happy that the other church gave them some things. I really appreciate everyone going through the trouble for them.
Today I am going to hangout with a Young women from the church, Damoni, she and I are alike. We both have chaotic families and are both taking care of someone. I am taking care of my nieces and nephew and she is taking care of her brother. We both love poetry and reading. She is so nice and her and Jacob are the only young people at the church that I really like and who like me.
At home: my family came to my talk on Sunday and on Saturday at the Christmas Party my oldest sister came. My other sister has another dog upstairs that she is not taking care of. My mother back is hurting really bad. My nephew has problems with seeing people leave out of the house. He cried for 30minutes when I left to go to the store. He does that everyday now. My young niece that lives with me has a terrible attitude. She doesn't listen to me and will just scream she wants her mom when I tell her to do something. My dad two friends whom are living with us are getting on my nerves. Isabel gets angry when someone who doesn't live on our floor gets something to eat out of the refrigerator. Then she whines about little things it gets so annoying. My family now refuses to have family night on Mondays. My nephew now is acting like my sister with my phone. They all refuse to believe that it is my phone so now I am going to have to take it and not let anyone see it. Then they do not want to do anything fun for Christmas. I want us to make cookies and things like that but they don't. They make it so hard to get in the Christmas mood. It makes me so angry and sad. But whatever. A friend told me that shadows come and go but the sun is always here even when I don't see it.
So that has all been my chaotic week. I can't wait to see what this week holds.

Raining, feeling gloomy:Do I worry too much

2008-12-09T15:37:00.000-05:00

It's raining outside and for some reason I am sad. The rain has never done this to me before. I don't know whether to laugh or cry. Every thing is okay at home and I just had a lesson with the elders.

Yesterday I met one of my visiting teachers, Sister Grange. She brought her daughter and I was so thrilled. They are very nice and I had fun.

I do not understand myself sometimes. Its like I am asking to be upset about absolutely nothing. My sister said it best, "You are a worry-aholic." I am worrying about my worrying do I worry too much do I worry to little. It is like I am stuck inside myself.

Two days ago my nephews and I hung out in my room. We ate food, drank vitamin water, and watched movies. It was so fun. But I couldn't help but worry about them. I don't want them to get into a worse situation then they are already in. I want them to graduate school and become someone. But it is so hard for them to focus they already see themselves as failures. I don't know what to do. And my family expect me to go to college, get a degree, and take care of my entire family. I am not going to be able to do that. So now I see myself as failing too. What am I going to do about them.

Everyday I worry about getting my GED. Then I worry about going on a mission, IN THREE YEARS!!!!!!!!! I have at least two and a half years to worry about it. Next I worry about going to college and getting a job which is understandable. But then I go on and worry about the people at church. Do they like me and am I unapproachable. It gets so ridiculous. I am a loose cannon sometimes.

Today I blame it on the rain. And tomorrow I will have something new to blame it on.

What a Poem!

2008-12-08T12:06:00.000-05:00

Understanding

it is only here to make me cry
alone I feel at night
tears fall as I lay my head
on this pillow on the bed

I don't understand why I am here alone once again
I don't understand how I can feel this way again
every night I cry and everyday I smile
but deep inside I have no feeling at all
to understand is to know nothing
to appreciate is to feel everything

watching you go is the hardest thing I have done
but I know why and that makes it hurt more
you are gone and I can only cry
I am here and waiting

carrying your baby
inside of me is a little piece of me
inside of me is all of you

we will wait
wait
wait
wait
wait

we
understand

just starting

2008-12-04T14:17:00.000-05:00

I am an 18 year old girl living in Detroit. I have been here forever and can not wait to leave. this life hasn't turned quite the way I want it to be. but something has to give, right? I have decided to start blogging because everyone important to me is.

I am going to college in the fall of next year, at least that is the plan. I am a member of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I got baptized in Sept. 2008, so I am pretty new. I do not have any family members in the church so it is just me.

My family is not that great. I wish they were but wishing won't make it happen. I am the youngest of 4. I am the only one without children. I love mountains and boats. I have never been out of Michigan. I want to live in a small town where everyone knows everyone. My life so far has been more chaotic than anything else. I love poetry and country music.