Because I have been given much

I have been extremely stressed lately because well, I am a worrier. As a child my parents called me a worrywart. I have a job; however, the hours suck. I get maybe five hours per week (if any). I love the job and the people but I cannot live off of maybe $30 per week. I got really depressed. I finally decided to tell someone and the ball started rolling. Miracle number one: I was able to get the most needed things ready for BYUI (school supplies was on a super sell). Miracle number two: I was able to get help with my medical bills and also I was able to get some of my bills lowered. Miracle numbers three and four: I was able to get my physical done with less money and I am in the process of finding someone to do my dental examination for free! I am also in the process of getting my financial aid processed at BYUI. Miracle number five: I will get a refund check for $125 from Macomb Community College. It is not a lot but it is enough to pay my rent for this month (yes I know the month is almost over and I have to pay September’s rent) and buy the bus card to get to and from school. Miracle number six: I have a job lead as a nanny. I hope that it pans out. I love children and it would be nice to get even more experience in the field. I am crossing my fingers.

I have been overwhelmed by the love and attention that Heavenly Father has shown me. David told me that nothing matters until the next journey. I only have to get by right now. This is not the part that Heavenly Father is overly concerned about. He knows how strong I am. He knows where I will go from here. He just wants my will to be aligned with His. He wants me to know that He is here for me, He cares for me. I have struggled with that for a long time. Coming from where I have been, I find it difficult to just let Him direct me. I am so used to relying on myself. I always feel like whenever I do rely on someone, they let me down and it just breaks me even more. My dad said that Friday he would pay the $35 for my doctor’s visit; however, when Friday came he told me that he didn't have the money. That hurt me more than I thought it would. That meant that I either couldn't get the medical stuff done for my physical or I would have to ask yet another person to help. I feel like all I do is mooch off of Hallie and Mike. They have enough to worry about, the last thing they need is an adult asking them for money, food, shelter, support, everything. I just hate it so much. Self-reliance anyone? Hallie offered to pay because well that’s Hallie. Fortunately (what number miracle am I on?) I did not have to pay since it was just a follow-up to my TB test. I am learning that as long as I am on the Lord’s errand He will find a way.

Today in Young Women we had a wonderful talk by the 2^nd counselor in the Young Women Presidency. She told a story about a girl whose mother was divorced and could barely afford to give her children any necessities. The girl went to school with nappy hair and mismatched socks. Her seminary teacher asked a popular girl and boy to just be nice to the girl (walk her from seminary to school and just talk to her). The girl soon cared about herself and her appearance. She brushed her hair and eventually married in the temple. This story reminds me a little about me. No one knows much about my past. I am extremely guarded and hate attention. But today I feel like sharing. I was molested by a family member multiple times and finally I told my parents, my family became separated. My immediate and distant relatives were always close but then (and now) we separated (some on his side and some one mine). I was 11 wen I finally told. I went into this awful depression. It was like a huge part of me died. I got these fears. They were so contradicting of each other (for instance, two fears were I was afraid of the dark but I also was afraid of light, I was afraid of showering but I was also afraid of not showering. If I showered I thought he might come back but if I did not shower I thought something bad would also happen. I was afraid of that if it was dark he would come back but if it was light something else bad might happen.) that I became mentally paralyzed and physically I could not perform daily functions. Soon my parents had me hospitalized for fear that I would kill myself from my fears or from not eating, drinking, etc. Slowly but surely I was able to return to “normal.” I was not happy and I was still depressed; however, I was not as depressed as before. Soon I opened up and I began writing again (which calms me). I was ready to have God in my life, so the missionaries came. When I joined the church I was able to be around people who set examples for me. They helped me to learn that there is a way out. I can be happy. As a reminder of the place I never want to go, I wear mismatched socks. Is it a coincidence that this story had a girl that went from wearing mismatched socks to white clothes going to the temple to be sealed forever? I do not know. All I know is that just as that girl changed after having wonderful examples in her life, I also have changed. I can look at myself and know just how much God loves me. He has brought so many wonderful people into my life. He has strengthened me in so many ways. If I can go through that without knowing that he has been here all along: I think I can go through my current trials with no problem. Now brain, stop worrying! And everyone please excuse the large post. My heart is full of gratitude. This is going to be a lot to write in my journal.

The end of Chemistry

Thursday (July 28th) was my last day of Intro to Chemistry. Both Wednesday and Thursday were major test days (with Wednesday being the chapter test and Thursday being the Final). On both days I waited long after the test was finished to see my grade. I received an 80 percent! This was the first chapter test that I did not get a 70 percent. The next day was Finals! I did not get much studying in for the test; however, I figured that I have been studying like crazy so it should not matter. And I was right! I received an 85 percent! I could have gotten an 100 percent but I will not get into that today. I am so proud of myself. I worked very hard in this class. I managed to get an A- in Chemistry. I know that there were grade fairies that helped me.

I am very appreciative towards my teacher. Professor Wolf is a wonderful teacher. He helped me a ton - more than any teacher I know. He has spent countless hours with me almost every day helping me with homework and with the chapters. I do not know many teachers that are willing to spend three hours going over moles and the Stoichiometry Chart. He is willing to go over the same question ten times it if will help you understand it. He loves Chemistry. He even authored a Chemistry book for a high school and was (and still is) in the process of editing/ rewriting it and still was willing to stay hours after class to help those who struggled.

Now that school is over, it is time to figure everything out. My track at BYU-I starts in January. That means I have to buckle down and get things ready for the trek to Idaho. That means I really have to find a job. The job that I have has decided now that the Grand Opening is over with, to give us crappy hours. I worked less than 10 hours last week! At less than eight dollars per hour, that is not good enough to do anything. Either I find a second job or I find a new job completely. This sucks. I spent so much time finding a job, only to have to find another one. When life throws you lemons, I guess. I have to figure out travel arrangements: by plane, by bus, by train to get to BYU-I. Okay by plane or by train. Did you know that If I just travel to Utah (BYU more specifically) there is a cheap bus that can drop me off right at BYU-I! That's cool.

Work and Chemistry

Today I had a test in Chemistry covering solubility and chemical equations. While that may sound easy for most people, it was difficult for me. I dislike mole, Molarity, and Solubility with a passion. I enjoyed my labs very much. The past two weeks have been full of chemical reactions. I loved seeing things bubble, fizz, change colors, and blow up.

However, I have had a tremendously difficult time with getting to class (roughly on time) and getting along with a certain classmate. The past three days I have missed buses (because the first bus was late or the second bus was too early), had buses break down while on it, and other buses not show up at all. There is also a particular student who is extremely rude and harsh. This past week she sat across from me and my partner because her old partner dropped and she got a new partner (whose partner likewise dropped). Each time I asked my partner a question, she will butt in. Now I do not mind getting advice from her. The problem is she speaks rudely and harshly to me like I am a five year old asking stupid questions. I finally had enough and I told her how I felt (maybe a little too strongly) and the teacher finally intervened.

The tests are a pain. It is weird because I get As on the chapter and online homework but I repeatedly barely pass the lecture tests with a C. I was so nervous that I would fail this class. However, I have a 92 percent on labs, 95 percent on homework (book and online combined), and an 80 on tests (due to a 96 on the first test). Yesterday, he told me that I have an 86 percent (A-) in the class and all I need to keep my grade is to get a 60 percent on the test! After the test I stayed until he graded my test. I got a 75 percent. I am not as ignorant as I thought. I still have an A-; however, I have my last lecture/chapter test and final to do before I get too happy. I am proud of myself. I have worked hard in this class and while I am not getting the high grades that I want on the test, I do understand the material and I will continue to work hard.

I can not say that for everyone. On the test today there were three people cheating. One person tried to copy off of my paper (good luck with that buddy) and two girls were comparing answers on their test. My partner and I nicely went to the professor (who was in his office grading the tests) and let him know. He thanked us and told us that the situation is already being handled (this is not the first time they cheated). I cannot believe these people! How dare they. If I have to work my butt off to get a good grade in this class, what makes you think you are so special and you can get away with whatever you want? Are we all five years old and do not know any better. My fall schedule is already set. I have made the classes so I am in school only on Tuesdays and Thursdays (and I do not have to get up at five in the morning). I am taking Strength Training, Marriage and Family relationships (Sociology), and Intro to Organic Chemistry. A total of 9 credits.

This leaves me more hours to work. I love my company; however, they are not very good at scheduling hours or workers. I am only scheduled to work five hours this week! What is that? They have so many people working here that they are trying to get everyone something. Well that stinks for people like me (those who are not in high school just working because the parents said so). I actually have bills to pay. So I either have to find a new job or find a second job.

The First Day

Friday:

The bus arrived around 7: 30am. While on the bus I read from the current Ensign: Start Moving. I just finished reading when I reached my stop in order to catch the next bus. I stood at the bus stop for about ten minutes and the bus had not arrived (it was due five minutes after I got off). The article was still reeling in my head, thus I decided to walk to the previous street .I waited and the bus still had not come. With the article still in my mind I walked to another major street and the bus still did not show up. Another bus arrived and I asked the bus driver if I was in the right spot and he told me yes and that my bus was stuck at the Transit Center and should be there shortly. The bus finally showed up 25 minutes late.

I finally arrived to work (miraculously on time). There were eight of us and three managers. Tony (a manager) gave us an overview of the warehouse and his needs. We were each (Me, Brenda, and Andrew) given a box cutter and a price gun. I and Brenda were put together with Mary as our supervisor. Both Brenda and Mary are amazing. Brenda and I are the ultimate duo. We just instantly clicked. Two hours into work two high school girls were added to our group. We became their supervisors (because Mary left) and they were not very good listeners. But after awhile it was smooth sailing. Our job was to put the boxes (two 16-wheelers worth) in the right department and then to price check all of the miscellaneous items put into boxes (and items that were not priced).

After work Brenda was nice enough to give me a lift to the mall to catch the bus. She stayed until the bus arrived (6: 50pm). However, it was not in service. I ended up waiting until 8:10 before the bus came. A woman got on after me and told the bus driver that she got on the wrong bus and she didn’t have the twenty-five cents needed for a transfer. The bus driver got so angry with her and yelled. She, in turn, got angry with him and yelled. I gave her the quarter but he wouldn’t stop yelling and so she started back yelling at him. Luckily nothing happened.

While waiting for the last bus, I met the cutest seven year-old boy. The boy said that he wished that they had two cars so they wouldn’t have to get on a bus. The mom asked how they would get the car and the boy answered: “When I’m Mayor I am going to give everyone free cars and free gas for five months.” I and the mother started talking about work. He chimed in “Well when I’m President I will give everyone jobs and I will lower taxes too.” He said: “I am going to be an entrepreneur and I will make up good companies, not the ones that will hurt the country but very good ones.” While on the next bus (it came at 9:20pm) there was this HUGE Fish fly on the bus! It had two long wings and was just gross. As we were riding down Kercheval, the stores were crawling with those things: they covered businesses, lights, streets, and sidewalks (can you say creepy?). Then I ran home.

Miracles do happen and I have proof

After crying my eyes out every night (and day) for the past two and a half months a miracle happened. About twenty minutes ago I received a phone call that I had been longing for. I received a job. I had been nervous that I would have to live off of or depend on others for my basic needs but that is no longer the case. Just yesterday (literally 30 1/2 hours ago) I went to a job fair for the company 'Five Below'. The job fair lasts until tomorrow. I was interviewed by the best woman in the world. She is in her late thirties and is very funny. She commended me for being the only person to bring a cover letter with their resume. She then asked me two questions.

1. "Why do you want to work for my company"? To which I replied: "I must admit I did not know anything about your company when I heard about the job fair; however, after researching your company and looking at the website I feel that this will be a fun environment not only for your teen age customers but also for me as an employee- the layout of the store will be (since it does not open until July 17th) fun for me to be involved in helping to create. Also, I enjoy helping young people in any way that I can, I have worked with children since I was 11 years old as a nanny and I feel that I will fit right in.”

2. "Since you do not have any retail experience how do you think that you will fit in a company that is fast paced and in need of capable employees"? I said: "While I do not have retail experience I have excellent customer service and administrative skills. Again I worked as a nanny for close to 7 years and I occasionally received requests for babysitting every summer since and I have maintained close relationships both with the children but also with the parents...."

She then told me that by Wednesday she will call everyone who received the job and she went on to advise me not to look for any more job opportunities!

Today, again 30 1/2 hours later, she called me to let me know that I had the job!

While I am grateful that I have a job now, this would not have happened had I not listened and received help from others. David, Supervisor at the Resource Center, has helped me since January when I contacted him to tell him that I had to come back home in February to have surgery and I needed help finding a job after I got off bed-rest. He offered me a partnership/paid internship at the office, which gave me tremendous knowledge of Microsoft Office and other software that helped land this job. He also proved amazing at helping me to get the skills and courage to go out there and search/ seek a job. He called to check-up on me numerous times and also gave me advice on the job hunt. Mike and Hallie have been here for me more than anyone else. They have helped me also to get the courage to go out there in this scary world. When doors closed they promised me that windows would open and to not give up. Mike even lovingly pushed me to really go and put my face out there. If it was not for that I do not think that I would have been able to go to the job fair (after all there were tons of doors slammed). Hallie told me: "You are going to get the job." Mike, Hallie, David, and countless others helped me to improve my interview skills. James and Sean provided extra help and comfort; Sean even called a friend of his to give my resume personally to them in order for me to get some sort of job. Linda, a career specialist at Macomb Community College, gave me the lead about ‘Five Below’.

Of course none of this would have been possible without Heavenly Father. He provided this miracle. He prompted me to call the Resource Center in January to tell them that I was coming back home. He prompted me to move out of my parent’s home and into Mike and Hallie's and everyday they pushed me a little more to keep at it and not give up. He prompted me to go to the college's Career Services when I got out of class early which helped me to find out about the Job Fair. He definitely prompted me to go... I had just received five rejection emails the day before.

Yes miracles do happen. Heavenly Father really does know me personally. Often times I wonder if He really is there, if He sincerely cares about me... and then things like this happens. He may not show me in a big way, like getting a job, but He does let me know He's listening. I find it quite humorous to see how many times we, as humans, ask why me or please show me that you care when things go wrong but then just like that we forget (read about Laman and Lemuel in the Book of Mormon) him and do things our way. Of course I do that often but then, like this, He continuously gives me His answer: "Diamond, I never left"! or "I'm right here"! or "Why can't you just be patient... there is obviously a job that I think is better for you"! or my personal favorite that I think he says just to me: "Get off my nerves and just let other people help, that is what they are for"! I recently found the later to be true. The previous people mentioned are only a hand full of people who have helped me along the way (hence "TEAM DIAMOND"). He has brought so many wonderful people to help me. I am new to this whole "having faith" thing but boy it is real and it works.

Nothing to blog about...

However, since it is Father's Day I thought that I would post the main points of the Religion paper that I did in Sociology (I received an A). I thought it fitting since it is about marriage.

“Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh” (Genesis 2:24 King James Version). The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (2010) noted that in 2009 there were 2,077,000 marriages in the United States. However, in this world the lines of marriage and family have become blurred. Many people are opting out of the traditional family roles and instead are making new and sometimes costly ones. The media has turned love into lust. More people are becoming single parents or choosing to abort their family. The world is slowly losing out on the most important thing: family.

Many people are attacking the family roles. The mother is no longer being seen as gentle, and some mothers work outside of the home; the father is not always the sole provider, and some fathers choose not to help in rearing their children. Extended families are sometimes the ones rearing the children of parents who are avoiding taking direct responsibility themselves. Gordon B. Hinckley, former President of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (1995) said, “HUSBAND AND WIFE have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. . . . Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children.” In 2009, Maria Shriver (2011) reported, “Women now make up 48% of the US workforce and ‘mothers are breadwinners or co-breadwinners in a majority of families.’”

Latter-day Saints believe that marriage is extremely important; however, the media says the opposite. Gordon B. Hinckley, former president of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (1995) stated: “Marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children”. In the LDS religion the temples are the most important. The most important thing that is done is being sealed for time and eternity to your family. Although, the “Mormon” religion believes that marriage is important, many people are finding out the world simply does not agree. For instance, Bleakley, Hennessey, and Fishbein (2011) found that 50 percent of teenagers actively search for sexual content using the mass media. Many television shows depict women and men in sexual manners.

The world would lead people to believe that getting married to start a family (or getting married at all) is useless. Many people point out negative things about getting married, such as the cost, divorce, adultery, and so on. They question getting married when people can have sex without the official title. Sue Christensen and Ann Rosen (1996) found that the American pop culture glorifies sex. Music videos and television shows show women being lusted after. Many unwed people are fast becoming parents; people are having sex at a younger age and, as a consequence, are having children before they are twenty years old. “In 2002, 12% of all pregnancies, or 757,000, occurred among adolescents aged 15-19” (as cited in Ventura SJ, Abma JC, Mosher WD, Henshaw SK, 2006). The CDC also stated, “In 2009, 46% of high school students had ever had sexual intercourse” (Health Topics, 2010). Many people are opting not to wait to have sex, and as a result the idea of "marriage" has become lost.

To conclude, the family is important to the Latter-day Saints religion; however, if the world continues to put importance on others things such as having sex before marriage, they will risk losing the morality that we once had. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints believes that the family is essential to their salvation; however, the negative way that the family is depicted in the world will have a negative impact on the family. The youth should learn more about the consequence of their actions; only parents can teach them that. Love is clearly different from what the world shows it to be. People should not look to celebrities or the mass media to define love or family. Mothers, fathers, children, and extended family roles are important and should not be belittled or thrown away. The Latter-day Saint religion needs to stand firm in their view of the family and help put an end to the attack of the family roles. If we fail to do so, the children (next generation) will grow up without the beliefs needed to raise their family.

The End of Sociology

Today was my last classroom discussions day in Introduction to Sociology (although I have to go tomorrow to get my grade). It was a wonderful three weeks being in that class. I learned a lot about how important and the impact that sociology has in the world. My teacher Dr. Bonner was a interesting person. The students got away with a lot; although, I managed to learn more and do exactly what he asked. I did 3 presentations and papers: The LDS family versus the world; Choose Celibacy Instead of Moral Sin; and The Story of the Acadians. I also did 3 current events: Osama Bin Laden's Death; Naomi Campbell and Cadbury Chocolate; and A father's involvement in his son's life (Utah father embarrasses son). I enjoyed that the class was a discussion-centered classroom. I had not really had that before, we only read out of the book once.

Most importantly I was able to incorporate my religious beliefs into the classroom discussions. Although I was picked on by some of the students, I was able to stand firm in my beliefs- just as missionaries do (wink, wink). I was even able to give a Book of Mormon to 2 individuals (my teacher and a student studying to be a preacher). I have another Book of Mormon to give to a student tomorrow. I have learned just how much my religion has shaped who I have become. This is very remarkable. Just 3 years ago if you asked me about cohabitation, premarital sex, etc, I would not have a problem with it. Now I see the harm that it does and I was able to give that insight (and much more) to the students and teacher.

Yep, Sociology was an eye opener. Now I hope Introduction to Chemistry will be as well. I just bought my books for the class online! It really will happen. Wish me luck!