Music Therapy

Words cannot describe the feelings that I have felt this past 2 weeks. Let's just say I needed a musical pick-me-up. And I got it with these songs and videos.

Worldly:

Michael Buble Ft. Blake Shelton- Home (live)

Hot Chelle Rae- Tonight, Tonight

David Archuleta- Crush

Dixie Chicks- Not Ready to Make Nice

Garth Brooks- Friends in Low Places and Dance

Javier Colon- Fix You

Keith Urban- Be Here Album and Where the Black Top Ends

Madonna Ft. Justin Timberlake- 4 Minutes

Taio Cruz- Dynamite

Inspirational:

Jessie Clark Funk- Everything Speaks His Name Album

Jenny Philips- Every Breath Album

David Archuleta- Christmas from the Heart Album

David Boye- Be Still My Soul

Josh Groban- Noel Album

Mark Geslison and Geoff Groberg- The Field is White Album

Michael McLean- Ninety and Nine

The songs and albums have been tremendous help to me. I am grateful for so many people who are willing to bless me with their talents.

A great week

This week has been really good to me. I am very grateful for all of the great things that have happened. I have tried to focus on the positive that has gone on.

Last Monday, to celebrate my birthday, Hallie took me out to Olga's for dinner and C.J. Barrymore's for some fun activities. It has been a long time since I had so much fun. We laughed and I learned more about her. I also faced a ton of my fears (drowning, going over a bridge, fast softballs, walking across a sewer hole, etc). There was so much to do! We had bumper boats, soft balls, and the Grand Prix. Okay I am obsessed with being a kid. I love just feeling like I can be and do anything! I did not have that opportunity when I was younger, so it makes sense to me to do fun stuff like that. Did you know that up until my 16th birthday I went to the state fair? And for my 18th birthday I went to Chuck E. Cheese's.

On Tuesday (my birthday) I had lunch with Sister Cooper (the Stake Relief Society President). She was so amazing. After that I went to my classes. I got home at around 10:30pm.

Wednesday I did part one of my physical. It took forever! But most of it was finished. My doctor is hilarious. The hold time he made references about my imaginary boyfriend. I also had a great conversation with the receptionist, her nephew served a mission! I also remembered that I had an astronomy observation due the next day. I tried to go out and look at the constellations and see two planets and the moon rise/set, unfortunately being a procrastinator failed because it was too cloudy to see anything more than four stars.

Thursday I had class again again got home at around 10:30pm.

Friday I babysat for the Nugents. Their daughters are so adorable and easy to care for. My parents told me to come over for dinner. They gave me a (not so surprise) birthday party! My sisters, nieces, and nephews were there and I was so glad to be around little people again. It was great, until my nephew decided to drop my camera! I have not used it since I was at SVU and the one time I bring it out, it gets broken! It does not turn off very well. Then my dad car was side swiped and it would not close, now that he got it to close, it does not open!

Saturday I worked all day. It was fun though! For the first time ever, I was able to verify fifty and hundred dollar bills. It was awesome. I also got to hang out with my friend Brenda! She is so funny. After that Hallie, Mike, and the kids picked me up and we watched the BYU Cougars play Ole Miss. I was not worried, I knew that BYU would win. I am good luck!

That's my awesome week.

Because I have been given much

I have been extremely stressed lately because well, I am a worrier. As a child my parents called me a worrywart. I have a job; however, the hours suck. I get maybe five hours per week (if any). I love the job and the people but I cannot live off of maybe $30 per week. I got really depressed. I finally decided to tell someone and the ball started rolling. Miracle number one: I was able to get the most needed things ready for BYUI (school supplies was on a super sell). Miracle number two: I was able to get help with my medical bills and also I was able to get some of my bills lowered. Miracle numbers three and four: I was able to get my physical done with less money and I am in the process of finding someone to do my dental examination for free! I am also in the process of getting my financial aid processed at BYUI. Miracle number five: I will get a refund check for $125 from Macomb Community College. It is not a lot but it is enough to pay my rent for this month (yes I know the month is almost over and I have to pay September’s rent) and buy the bus card to get to and from school. Miracle number six: I have a job lead as a nanny. I hope that it pans out. I love children and it would be nice to get even more experience in the field. I am crossing my fingers.

I have been overwhelmed by the love and attention that Heavenly Father has shown me. David told me that nothing matters until the next journey. I only have to get by right now. This is not the part that Heavenly Father is overly concerned about. He knows how strong I am. He knows where I will go from here. He just wants my will to be aligned with His. He wants me to know that He is here for me, He cares for me. I have struggled with that for a long time. Coming from where I have been, I find it difficult to just let Him direct me. I am so used to relying on myself. I always feel like whenever I do rely on someone, they let me down and it just breaks me even more. My dad said that Friday he would pay the $35 for my doctor’s visit; however, when Friday came he told me that he didn't have the money. That hurt me more than I thought it would. That meant that I either couldn't get the medical stuff done for my physical or I would have to ask yet another person to help. I feel like all I do is mooch off of Hallie and Mike. They have enough to worry about, the last thing they need is an adult asking them for money, food, shelter, support, everything. I just hate it so much. Self-reliance anyone? Hallie offered to pay because well that’s Hallie. Fortunately (what number miracle am I on?) I did not have to pay since it was just a follow-up to my TB test. I am learning that as long as I am on the Lord’s errand He will find a way.

Today in Young Women we had a wonderful talk by the 2^nd counselor in the Young Women Presidency. She told a story about a girl whose mother was divorced and could barely afford to give her children any necessities. The girl went to school with nappy hair and mismatched socks. Her seminary teacher asked a popular girl and boy to just be nice to the girl (walk her from seminary to school and just talk to her). The girl soon cared about herself and her appearance. She brushed her hair and eventually married in the temple. This story reminds me a little about me. No one knows much about my past. I am extremely guarded and hate attention. But today I feel like sharing. I was molested by a family member multiple times and finally I told my parents, my family became separated. My immediate and distant relatives were always close but then (and now) we separated (some on his side and some one mine). I was 11 wen I finally told. I went into this awful depression. It was like a huge part of me died. I got these fears. They were so contradicting of each other (for instance, two fears were I was afraid of the dark but I also was afraid of light, I was afraid of showering but I was also afraid of not showering. If I showered I thought he might come back but if I did not shower I thought something bad would also happen. I was afraid of that if it was dark he would come back but if it was light something else bad might happen.) that I became mentally paralyzed and physically I could not perform daily functions. Soon my parents had me hospitalized for fear that I would kill myself from my fears or from not eating, drinking, etc. Slowly but surely I was able to return to “normal.” I was not happy and I was still depressed; however, I was not as depressed as before. Soon I opened up and I began writing again (which calms me). I was ready to have God in my life, so the missionaries came. When I joined the church I was able to be around people who set examples for me. They helped me to learn that there is a way out. I can be happy. As a reminder of the place I never want to go, I wear mismatched socks. Is it a coincidence that this story had a girl that went from wearing mismatched socks to white clothes going to the temple to be sealed forever? I do not know. All I know is that just as that girl changed after having wonderful examples in her life, I also have changed. I can look at myself and know just how much God loves me. He has brought so many wonderful people into my life. He has strengthened me in so many ways. If I can go through that without knowing that he has been here all along: I think I can go through my current trials with no problem. Now brain, stop worrying! And everyone please excuse the large post. My heart is full of gratitude. This is going to be a lot to write in my journal.

The end of Chemistry

Thursday (July 28th) was my last day of Intro to Chemistry. Both Wednesday and Thursday were major test days (with Wednesday being the chapter test and Thursday being the Final). On both days I waited long after the test was finished to see my grade. I received an 80 percent! This was the first chapter test that I did not get a 70 percent. The next day was Finals! I did not get much studying in for the test; however, I figured that I have been studying like crazy so it should not matter. And I was right! I received an 85 percent! I could have gotten an 100 percent but I will not get into that today. I am so proud of myself. I worked very hard in this class. I managed to get an A- in Chemistry. I know that there were grade fairies that helped me.

I am very appreciative towards my teacher. Professor Wolf is a wonderful teacher. He helped me a ton - more than any teacher I know. He has spent countless hours with me almost every day helping me with homework and with the chapters. I do not know many teachers that are willing to spend three hours going over moles and the Stoichiometry Chart. He is willing to go over the same question ten times it if will help you understand it. He loves Chemistry. He even authored a Chemistry book for a high school and was (and still is) in the process of editing/ rewriting it and still was willing to stay hours after class to help those who struggled.

Now that school is over, it is time to figure everything out. My track at BYU-I starts in January. That means I have to buckle down and get things ready for the trek to Idaho. That means I really have to find a job. The job that I have has decided now that the Grand Opening is over with, to give us crappy hours. I worked less than 10 hours last week! At less than eight dollars per hour, that is not good enough to do anything. Either I find a second job or I find a new job completely. This sucks. I spent so much time finding a job, only to have to find another one. When life throws you lemons, I guess. I have to figure out travel arrangements: by plane, by bus, by train to get to BYU-I. Okay by plane or by train. Did you know that If I just travel to Utah (BYU more specifically) there is a cheap bus that can drop me off right at BYU-I! That's cool.

Work and Chemistry

Today I had a test in Chemistry covering solubility and chemical equations. While that may sound easy for most people, it was difficult for me. I dislike mole, Molarity, and Solubility with a passion. I enjoyed my labs very much. The past two weeks have been full of chemical reactions. I loved seeing things bubble, fizz, change colors, and blow up.

However, I have had a tremendously difficult time with getting to class (roughly on time) and getting along with a certain classmate. The past three days I have missed buses (because the first bus was late or the second bus was too early), had buses break down while on it, and other buses not show up at all. There is also a particular student who is extremely rude and harsh. This past week she sat across from me and my partner because her old partner dropped and she got a new partner (whose partner likewise dropped). Each time I asked my partner a question, she will butt in. Now I do not mind getting advice from her. The problem is she speaks rudely and harshly to me like I am a five year old asking stupid questions. I finally had enough and I told her how I felt (maybe a little too strongly) and the teacher finally intervened.

The tests are a pain. It is weird because I get As on the chapter and online homework but I repeatedly barely pass the lecture tests with a C. I was so nervous that I would fail this class. However, I have a 92 percent on labs, 95 percent on homework (book and online combined), and an 80 on tests (due to a 96 on the first test). Yesterday, he told me that I have an 86 percent (A-) in the class and all I need to keep my grade is to get a 60 percent on the test! After the test I stayed until he graded my test. I got a 75 percent. I am not as ignorant as I thought. I still have an A-; however, I have my last lecture/chapter test and final to do before I get too happy. I am proud of myself. I have worked hard in this class and while I am not getting the high grades that I want on the test, I do understand the material and I will continue to work hard.

I can not say that for everyone. On the test today there were three people cheating. One person tried to copy off of my paper (good luck with that buddy) and two girls were comparing answers on their test. My partner and I nicely went to the professor (who was in his office grading the tests) and let him know. He thanked us and told us that the situation is already being handled (this is not the first time they cheated). I cannot believe these people! How dare they. If I have to work my butt off to get a good grade in this class, what makes you think you are so special and you can get away with whatever you want? Are we all five years old and do not know any better. My fall schedule is already set. I have made the classes so I am in school only on Tuesdays and Thursdays (and I do not have to get up at five in the morning). I am taking Strength Training, Marriage and Family relationships (Sociology), and Intro to Organic Chemistry. A total of 9 credits.

This leaves me more hours to work. I love my company; however, they are not very good at scheduling hours or workers. I am only scheduled to work five hours this week! What is that? They have so many people working here that they are trying to get everyone something. Well that stinks for people like me (those who are not in high school just working because the parents said so). I actually have bills to pay. So I either have to find a new job or find a second job.

The First Day

Friday:

The bus arrived around 7: 30am. While on the bus I read from the current Ensign: Start Moving. I just finished reading when I reached my stop in order to catch the next bus. I stood at the bus stop for about ten minutes and the bus had not arrived (it was due five minutes after I got off). The article was still reeling in my head, thus I decided to walk to the previous street .I waited and the bus still had not come. With the article still in my mind I walked to another major street and the bus still did not show up. Another bus arrived and I asked the bus driver if I was in the right spot and he told me yes and that my bus was stuck at the Transit Center and should be there shortly. The bus finally showed up 25 minutes late.

I finally arrived to work (miraculously on time). There were eight of us and three managers. Tony (a manager) gave us an overview of the warehouse and his needs. We were each (Me, Brenda, and Andrew) given a box cutter and a price gun. I and Brenda were put together with Mary as our supervisor. Both Brenda and Mary are amazing. Brenda and I are the ultimate duo. We just instantly clicked. Two hours into work two high school girls were added to our group. We became their supervisors (because Mary left) and they were not very good listeners. But after awhile it was smooth sailing. Our job was to put the boxes (two 16-wheelers worth) in the right department and then to price check all of the miscellaneous items put into boxes (and items that were not priced).

After work Brenda was nice enough to give me a lift to the mall to catch the bus. She stayed until the bus arrived (6: 50pm). However, it was not in service. I ended up waiting until 8:10 before the bus came. A woman got on after me and told the bus driver that she got on the wrong bus and she didn’t have the twenty-five cents needed for a transfer. The bus driver got so angry with her and yelled. She, in turn, got angry with him and yelled. I gave her the quarter but he wouldn’t stop yelling and so she started back yelling at him. Luckily nothing happened.

While waiting for the last bus, I met the cutest seven year-old boy. The boy said that he wished that they had two cars so they wouldn’t have to get on a bus. The mom asked how they would get the car and the boy answered: “When I’m Mayor I am going to give everyone free cars and free gas for five months.” I and the mother started talking about work. He chimed in “Well when I’m President I will give everyone jobs and I will lower taxes too.” He said: “I am going to be an entrepreneur and I will make up good companies, not the ones that will hurt the country but very good ones.” While on the next bus (it came at 9:20pm) there was this HUGE Fish fly on the bus! It had two long wings and was just gross. As we were riding down Kercheval, the stores were crawling with those things: they covered businesses, lights, streets, and sidewalks (can you say creepy?). Then I ran home.