If I Don't Blog now I Never Will

Right now I am in the midst of figuring out what to take, what to ship, what to donate, and what to throw away. I have been doing this for the past 8 hours! I must admit I have the "what to throw away" all done but sheesh I still need to pack! In my defense this past week has been a little trying. I can feel the Devil watching me (kind of creepy). My mother is in the hospital and the doctors have run, will run, and are running tons of tests on her and all I want to know is WHAT IS WRONG. It is difficult because I feel like should I stay, should I go? Well that is already made up for me- run, drive, fly away ( you know since I have the airplane ticket that 2 people bought for me). I am just glad that I am done with that torturous Organic Chemistry. Saturday I will be in Utah and then off to Idaho! I am excited, scared, nervous, happy, anxious, and well excited.

Oh and by the way my mission papers have been submitted and I should get my mission call on January Th. Funny story so my Stake President "changed" the address to my apartment so that it will get there, unfortunately he switched my "home address" to Idaho instead of changing the address for "where to send your mission call". This normally would not be a problem. Well my apartment manager sent all of the tenants that she manages (not just my apartment) an email saying that we will not know our apartment numbers until check-in and NOT to send anything to the generic apartment building because that is actually the manager's office and all mail that is sent there will be sent back to sender. Hopefully I can get in contact with her and see if there is a way for that not to happen; otherwise, the church has no idea where I really am from or where my parents stay. One day I will find out where I am going to serve. Time to start guessing!

Bus, Finals, Grades, Packing, two Deaths and a Wake

This past week has been quite hectic with finals and all. To add to the craziness of final's week, the buses decided to make a new schedule. This meant that I had to learn what buses to take to get to class and finals on time! I was so panicky that I did not really think about taking the actual finals. Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays I have to be at work at 9am- luckily with the new schedules I got to work at 8:30 so I could get more hours in at work but getting home was another story. Getting to and from work required me getting on different buses so I had to remember what 3 buses I take in the morning and what 3 buses I take in the afternoon and I had to make sure that I did not switch them up.

Tuesday I was treated to lunch with the Stake Relief Society President she really helped me to relax from school and not worry too much. I knew that I was doing well in two of my classes so I was not worried about the finals but I was not doing very well in Intro to Organic Chemistry. After lunch I studied for my test in Chemistry. I then took my Chemistry test (not the final just a 5 chapter test!) Thursday I found out that I scored the highest grade, a 93, and then we took the final! I also took my Marriage and the Family and Astronomy finals on Thursday.

The results: A in Marriage and the Family and an A in Astronomy. I received a B+ in Intro to Organic Chemistry (a miracle because I had been getting C's in the class before the test and final). My overall GPA was lowered a little to a 3.69 from a 3.75. But I am happy and I hope to bring it up once I start classes at BYU-ID.

After finishing school and work I started packing (more like getting rid of stuff that I refuse to take with me). So far I have given away or donated clothes and books. Now I have to go through folders and paperwork to decide if I am going to keep it or throw away.

Saturday I usually go over my parents house to spend time with them and also so my dad can take me and my nieces to church on Sunday. Sunday after church we found out that a woman who I have known all of my life (kind of like an aunt to me) died and that her wake was today (as in today- Monday) and I knew that my real aunt had died and her wake was also today. Unfortunately my real aunt lives in Ohio and my poor dad's van will not make it. However, my other aunt paid to bring my aunt's body up here to Michigan (her funeral will be tomorrow). The other woman's wake was today so I spent Sunday night at my dad's house and today we went to her wake. It was so very sad. I wanted to talk to her daughter and tell her that there is more to life after death but she was so angry and bitter that I do not think that I could change her mind. I wrote her a little note though. I am so very grateful for this church and this gospel because I know that we can see our family again. With that being said I had a conversation with another woman from my church who told me that if my parents are not married when they die, I cannot be sealed to them. There is so much that I do not know about this church. How in the world can I serve a mission when I do not know enough?

Everything is Falling Into Place

As I am typing this, I am full of emotion ( the usual: worried with a mix of happy). I just got back from having a meeting the Stake President Lantz. He was interviewing me so that I can go a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. He, of course, was intense with a mixture of funny. I am very happy that everything is falling into place: I am leaving in a month to go to BYU-Idaho, have a few job interviews lined up, and now getting my mission call in the next two weeks. But now I have no control over: if the plane will not kill me when I am traveling to Idaho, if I will even like BYU-Idaho, if I will get the job, or where I will go on my mission (could be Texas, not Utah- please not Utah, Antarctica, Belgium- oh yes Belgium, France- not too shabby, or China but the point is I do not know where). There is just so much that I do not know. I know, I know, trust in Heavenly Father. I do... I just do not trust other people like the pilot, strangers in Idaho, unknown mission companions, just people okay! But I know that this is what Heavenly Father wants for me. This is what I want from me.

I have done a complete 360 in my life- no, I have never been a bad person but I have changed. I have gone from contempt with my life to hopeful and I like it! I like the direction that my life is headed. I have come from nothing, believed in nothing, gone nowhere, and wanted nothing to knowing that I come from Greatness; believing in myself, my capabilities, and my desires; going to Virginia, will go to Idaho, and then a mission; and I want what is best for me. I want to live a righteous life and graduate from BYU-Idaho, get married, have children, and make something out of myself. I want to close my eyes and not think of the bad things. I want to not have to make up "a fantasy life" in my head because it is too difficult to imagine a real man wanting to be with me. I want to breathe and not wonder if this is all a figment of my imagination. I just want to know if this is for something and not all for nothing. I do not want to come back from my mission and some how have my walls crashing down. I do not want to hear "there is no one out there for you" or "you are not good enough for this" or "you can never have this." Brain please shut up.

It's official... I really am leaving

I have been so preoccupied with school and work that I have not had time to notice the time going by. Yesterday I had a reality check. My boss asked me if I had received my schedule for next semester. We started talking about my church and what not when she asked what classes I was taking. I let her know that I could not register until November 16th and she replied that that is today!

That means that first: I have to register and second: there is only one month left in the semester! That is crazy. I feel like summer just ended not winter is here. I have so much to do and so little time. On a side note I got my first B in Chemistry! I have struggled this entire semester with Intro to Organic and Biochemistry. If this is how difficult the intro is, how difficult will the real deal be? Maybe I have to rethink my major. I got my "progress" report for the class and I have a 82% that is like a B- I feel like a failure; however, there is a another test and the final left so let's just hope that I can do better and pull out a solid B.

I finally registered for classes and I am excited for them. Here is my schedule for BYU-Idaho:

General Psychology (online class with Sister Amy Morris)

Human Resource Management with Brother D. Joshua Holt

American Foundations with Brother Ryan S. Johnson

Missionary Prep with Brother David Christensen

Science Foundation (online class with Sister Lynn S. Durtschi

Computer Basics (online class with Brother Raymond Dean Allen)

and Medical Law and Ethics with Brother Dan C. Dummar)

All together I am taking a full load (16 credits). By the way, I think it is funny that they call their professors Brother and Sister and not Professor. The classes that I have to take in order to start the program are Anatomy and EMT Basics; however, I cannot start them until after I get back from my mission. But the classes that I am taking next semester I have to take as graduation requirements. I am going to enjoy taking these classes, I am ready to get started.

Speaking of mission, everything is falling into place. Last Sunday I had my meeting with President Chirolla and he sent everything to President Lantz (the Stake President) I am hoping that I will get my call by next month because I leave December 31st and it would be nice to open it surrounded by people that I know.

The Dental Experience from Hockey Sticks! and a Little Bit of Life

A couple of weeks ago I had a dental exam. The dental hygienist was amazing and she told me that since I do not numb well, they would "put me under" when I get my two fillings. Well, today the doctor told me that they do not "put people under" for fillings. It took them 15 times (5 tries with three pokes each) and I was finally numb for the first fillings. While doing the procedure, the doctor told me that I had a "psychotic" tongue so each time she moved the hygienist had to move my tongue out of the way (she did this forcefully). The doctor then called in two more hygienist to "help" but the only thing they did was hurt me (for instance, one of the hygienist stabbed my tongue, tooth, and gums with the "mirror" numerous times, she even complained that she could not see and yet she "sucked" my jaw until I could barely breathe)! Of course, by the time it came to my second filling I was no longer numb. Well they were too busy talking to each other to notice that I was "SCREAMING" that I was no longer numb. Finally the doctor heard me and they poked me six more times until I was numb again. Needless to say, I am glad that it's over. Now everything is done and soon I will have my meetings so that I can go on a mission.

School and work have me so busy that I barely have time to rest. Last weekend I was able to have a breather. I helped Hallie with her Mom to Mom Sale. I was even able to spend a little bit of time with the kids. They are so adorable and they just brighten up my day. I cannot wait for the time where I get to work with little ones. However, school is another thing. Chemistry is going to be the death of me. The Coroner will write: "Death by Intro to Organic Chemistry." It is a tough class. Maybe I will be a therapist instead of a P.A. then I will not have to take any more chemistry classes. I have an A in both Marriage and the Family and Astronomy 1. I love my job at the college. My coworkers are so nice.

I have a cell phone now! It only took 2 years to replace my old one. If you want my number let me know. It is a MetroPCS phone, not the best service in the world, but better than no phone at all I suppose.

Sunday during Fast and Testimony Meeting I realized that I do not have long before I head off to BYU-Idaho. I am both excited and nervous about the whole thing. I hope, no I know, that it is going to be a wonderful experience. I am going to spend two nights in Utah staying with my Stake Relief Society President's family. Then I head off to Idaho for classes. I will leave for my mission sometime after April 6th, when Winter Semester is over. I cannot wait to see what Heavenly Father has planed for me.

School, Work, Family, and... A Mission!

These past few weeks has been nonstop work, school, and studying with a sprinkle of a fall cold. It has been stressful to say the least. I have had 2 exams and 2 Astronomy and Chemistry quizzes. Let's just say I do not get Organic Chemistry one bit. I do not care about carbons and lipids- I just want to be a Pediatric Physician's Assistant! That makes since right?

I spent last weekend with my family. Friday and the better part of Saturday I stayed with my sisters. We had a Comedy (i.e. Madea) and Action movie night and game day with yummy different foods that I have been craving- my sister's spicy Nachos are amazing! Saturday morning we had a game day, complete with Monopoly, Spades, and Trouble. Then I spent Saturday night and Sunday morning at my parents house. We likewise had a movie night (my dad's favorite movies: Avatar (He is like 63 and he LOVES it), Godzilla (the funny one), Planet of the Apes, and Major Payne. It was nice being with them.

This past week I have been busy at work and studying for my Chemistry exam. I have also been getting to know my coworkers and hanging out with them. Saturday one of my coworkers (though he does not work in my department I spend a lot of time in his building) invited me to Red Robin's for dinner with his friends. People are so friendly and laid-back. Hopefully I can relax this week though- I have been a bit sleep deprived.

Oh and about the mission thing. I just submitted my papers today! I cannot wait to have my interviews and start thinking about where they are going to send me.

Health Science and Technology

I am officially working at Macomb Community College. I work at the Health Science and Technology building as a Clerical Assistant. It is such a fun place to work! I am learning about children, pets, and food! Today the Associate Dean, Larry, brought over these amazing low-fat cookies that a coworker made for him. They were so delicious.

All of my coworkers are so nice and very helpful. Health Science and Technology's motto is: "You learn by doing" and I can totally see that. My first day at the building they had me do a fun walk-through. The first one was with them (Jennifer and Barbara, my supervisors, and Chris, another new employee). The second walk-through included me touching and trying to memorize everything in the office. I learned how to work the copier, printer, and fax machine. Then I answered the telephone (which was basically me asking them to hold while I found someone who could assist them). I also walked around campus and met other workers that I would work with closely (Mary the Copy Center Manager, Kim, my real boss who works in the Health and Human Services Department, Kim's other employees and Lois from the Learning Center. I can tell that I am going to really enjoy this job.

I have met so many interesting people at the college. It has been a fun experience being at this campus.

Music Therapy

Words cannot describe the feelings that I have felt this past 2 weeks. Let's just say I needed a musical pick-me-up. And I got it with these songs and videos.

Worldly:

Michael Buble Ft. Blake Shelton- Home (live)

Hot Chelle Rae- Tonight, Tonight

David Archuleta- Crush

Dixie Chicks- Not Ready to Make Nice

Garth Brooks- Friends in Low Places and Dance

Javier Colon- Fix You

Keith Urban- Be Here Album and Where the Black Top Ends

Madonna Ft. Justin Timberlake- 4 Minutes

Taio Cruz- Dynamite

Inspirational:

Jessie Clark Funk- Everything Speaks His Name Album

Jenny Philips- Every Breath Album

David Archuleta- Christmas from the Heart Album

David Boye- Be Still My Soul

Josh Groban- Noel Album

Mark Geslison and Geoff Groberg- The Field is White Album

Michael McLean- Ninety and Nine

The songs and albums have been tremendous help to me. I am grateful for so many people who are willing to bless me with their talents.

A great week

This week has been really good to me. I am very grateful for all of the great things that have happened. I have tried to focus on the positive that has gone on.

Last Monday, to celebrate my birthday, Hallie took me out to Olga's for dinner and C.J. Barrymore's for some fun activities. It has been a long time since I had so much fun. We laughed and I learned more about her. I also faced a ton of my fears (drowning, going over a bridge, fast softballs, walking across a sewer hole, etc). There was so much to do! We had bumper boats, soft balls, and the Grand Prix. Okay I am obsessed with being a kid. I love just feeling like I can be and do anything! I did not have that opportunity when I was younger, so it makes sense to me to do fun stuff like that. Did you know that up until my 16th birthday I went to the state fair? And for my 18th birthday I went to Chuck E. Cheese's.

On Tuesday (my birthday) I had lunch with Sister Cooper (the Stake Relief Society President). She was so amazing. After that I went to my classes. I got home at around 10:30pm.

Wednesday I did part one of my physical. It took forever! But most of it was finished. My doctor is hilarious. The hold time he made references about my imaginary boyfriend. I also had a great conversation with the receptionist, her nephew served a mission! I also remembered that I had an astronomy observation due the next day. I tried to go out and look at the constellations and see two planets and the moon rise/set, unfortunately being a procrastinator failed because it was too cloudy to see anything more than four stars.

Thursday I had class again again got home at around 10:30pm.

Friday I babysat for the Nugents. Their daughters are so adorable and easy to care for. My parents told me to come over for dinner. They gave me a (not so surprise) birthday party! My sisters, nieces, and nephews were there and I was so glad to be around little people again. It was great, until my nephew decided to drop my camera! I have not used it since I was at SVU and the one time I bring it out, it gets broken! It does not turn off very well. Then my dad car was side swiped and it would not close, now that he got it to close, it does not open!

Saturday I worked all day. It was fun though! For the first time ever, I was able to verify fifty and hundred dollar bills. It was awesome. I also got to hang out with my friend Brenda! She is so funny. After that Hallie, Mike, and the kids picked me up and we watched the BYU Cougars play Ole Miss. I was not worried, I knew that BYU would win. I am good luck!

That's my awesome week.

Because I have been given much

I have been extremely stressed lately because well, I am a worrier. As a child my parents called me a worrywart. I have a job; however, the hours suck. I get maybe five hours per week (if any). I love the job and the people but I cannot live off of maybe $30 per week. I got really depressed. I finally decided to tell someone and the ball started rolling. Miracle number one: I was able to get the most needed things ready for BYUI (school supplies was on a super sell). Miracle number two: I was able to get help with my medical bills and also I was able to get some of my bills lowered. Miracle numbers three and four: I was able to get my physical done with less money and I am in the process of finding someone to do my dental examination for free! I am also in the process of getting my financial aid processed at BYUI. Miracle number five: I will get a refund check for $125 from Macomb Community College. It is not a lot but it is enough to pay my rent for this month (yes I know the month is almost over and I have to pay September’s rent) and buy the bus card to get to and from school. Miracle number six: I have a job lead as a nanny. I hope that it pans out. I love children and it would be nice to get even more experience in the field. I am crossing my fingers.

I have been overwhelmed by the love and attention that Heavenly Father has shown me. David told me that nothing matters until the next journey. I only have to get by right now. This is not the part that Heavenly Father is overly concerned about. He knows how strong I am. He knows where I will go from here. He just wants my will to be aligned with His. He wants me to know that He is here for me, He cares for me. I have struggled with that for a long time. Coming from where I have been, I find it difficult to just let Him direct me. I am so used to relying on myself. I always feel like whenever I do rely on someone, they let me down and it just breaks me even more. My dad said that Friday he would pay the $35 for my doctor’s visit; however, when Friday came he told me that he didn't have the money. That hurt me more than I thought it would. That meant that I either couldn't get the medical stuff done for my physical or I would have to ask yet another person to help. I feel like all I do is mooch off of Hallie and Mike. They have enough to worry about, the last thing they need is an adult asking them for money, food, shelter, support, everything. I just hate it so much. Self-reliance anyone? Hallie offered to pay because well that’s Hallie. Fortunately (what number miracle am I on?) I did not have to pay since it was just a follow-up to my TB test. I am learning that as long as I am on the Lord’s errand He will find a way.

Today in Young Women we had a wonderful talk by the 2^nd counselor in the Young Women Presidency. She told a story about a girl whose mother was divorced and could barely afford to give her children any necessities. The girl went to school with nappy hair and mismatched socks. Her seminary teacher asked a popular girl and boy to just be nice to the girl (walk her from seminary to school and just talk to her). The girl soon cared about herself and her appearance. She brushed her hair and eventually married in the temple. This story reminds me a little about me. No one knows much about my past. I am extremely guarded and hate attention. But today I feel like sharing. I was molested by a family member multiple times and finally I told my parents, my family became separated. My immediate and distant relatives were always close but then (and now) we separated (some on his side and some one mine). I was 11 wen I finally told. I went into this awful depression. It was like a huge part of me died. I got these fears. They were so contradicting of each other (for instance, two fears were I was afraid of the dark but I also was afraid of light, I was afraid of showering but I was also afraid of not showering. If I showered I thought he might come back but if I did not shower I thought something bad would also happen. I was afraid of that if it was dark he would come back but if it was light something else bad might happen.) that I became mentally paralyzed and physically I could not perform daily functions. Soon my parents had me hospitalized for fear that I would kill myself from my fears or from not eating, drinking, etc. Slowly but surely I was able to return to “normal.” I was not happy and I was still depressed; however, I was not as depressed as before. Soon I opened up and I began writing again (which calms me). I was ready to have God in my life, so the missionaries came. When I joined the church I was able to be around people who set examples for me. They helped me to learn that there is a way out. I can be happy. As a reminder of the place I never want to go, I wear mismatched socks. Is it a coincidence that this story had a girl that went from wearing mismatched socks to white clothes going to the temple to be sealed forever? I do not know. All I know is that just as that girl changed after having wonderful examples in her life, I also have changed. I can look at myself and know just how much God loves me. He has brought so many wonderful people into my life. He has strengthened me in so many ways. If I can go through that without knowing that he has been here all along: I think I can go through my current trials with no problem. Now brain, stop worrying! And everyone please excuse the large post. My heart is full of gratitude. This is going to be a lot to write in my journal.

The end of Chemistry

Thursday (July 28th) was my last day of Intro to Chemistry. Both Wednesday and Thursday were major test days (with Wednesday being the chapter test and Thursday being the Final). On both days I waited long after the test was finished to see my grade. I received an 80 percent! This was the first chapter test that I did not get a 70 percent. The next day was Finals! I did not get much studying in for the test; however, I figured that I have been studying like crazy so it should not matter. And I was right! I received an 85 percent! I could have gotten an 100 percent but I will not get into that today. I am so proud of myself. I worked very hard in this class. I managed to get an A- in Chemistry. I know that there were grade fairies that helped me.

I am very appreciative towards my teacher. Professor Wolf is a wonderful teacher. He helped me a ton - more than any teacher I know. He has spent countless hours with me almost every day helping me with homework and with the chapters. I do not know many teachers that are willing to spend three hours going over moles and the Stoichiometry Chart. He is willing to go over the same question ten times it if will help you understand it. He loves Chemistry. He even authored a Chemistry book for a high school and was (and still is) in the process of editing/ rewriting it and still was willing to stay hours after class to help those who struggled.

Now that school is over, it is time to figure everything out. My track at BYU-I starts in January. That means I have to buckle down and get things ready for the trek to Idaho. That means I really have to find a job. The job that I have has decided now that the Grand Opening is over with, to give us crappy hours. I worked less than 10 hours last week! At less than eight dollars per hour, that is not good enough to do anything. Either I find a second job or I find a new job completely. This sucks. I spent so much time finding a job, only to have to find another one. When life throws you lemons, I guess. I have to figure out travel arrangements: by plane, by bus, by train to get to BYU-I. Okay by plane or by train. Did you know that If I just travel to Utah (BYU more specifically) there is a cheap bus that can drop me off right at BYU-I! That's cool.

Work and Chemistry

Today I had a test in Chemistry covering solubility and chemical equations. While that may sound easy for most people, it was difficult for me. I dislike mole, Molarity, and Solubility with a passion. I enjoyed my labs very much. The past two weeks have been full of chemical reactions. I loved seeing things bubble, fizz, change colors, and blow up.

However, I have had a tremendously difficult time with getting to class (roughly on time) and getting along with a certain classmate. The past three days I have missed buses (because the first bus was late or the second bus was too early), had buses break down while on it, and other buses not show up at all. There is also a particular student who is extremely rude and harsh. This past week she sat across from me and my partner because her old partner dropped and she got a new partner (whose partner likewise dropped). Each time I asked my partner a question, she will butt in. Now I do not mind getting advice from her. The problem is she speaks rudely and harshly to me like I am a five year old asking stupid questions. I finally had enough and I told her how I felt (maybe a little too strongly) and the teacher finally intervened.

The tests are a pain. It is weird because I get As on the chapter and online homework but I repeatedly barely pass the lecture tests with a C. I was so nervous that I would fail this class. However, I have a 92 percent on labs, 95 percent on homework (book and online combined), and an 80 on tests (due to a 96 on the first test). Yesterday, he told me that I have an 86 percent (A-) in the class and all I need to keep my grade is to get a 60 percent on the test! After the test I stayed until he graded my test. I got a 75 percent. I am not as ignorant as I thought. I still have an A-; however, I have my last lecture/chapter test and final to do before I get too happy. I am proud of myself. I have worked hard in this class and while I am not getting the high grades that I want on the test, I do understand the material and I will continue to work hard.

I can not say that for everyone. On the test today there were three people cheating. One person tried to copy off of my paper (good luck with that buddy) and two girls were comparing answers on their test. My partner and I nicely went to the professor (who was in his office grading the tests) and let him know. He thanked us and told us that the situation is already being handled (this is not the first time they cheated). I cannot believe these people! How dare they. If I have to work my butt off to get a good grade in this class, what makes you think you are so special and you can get away with whatever you want? Are we all five years old and do not know any better. My fall schedule is already set. I have made the classes so I am in school only on Tuesdays and Thursdays (and I do not have to get up at five in the morning). I am taking Strength Training, Marriage and Family relationships (Sociology), and Intro to Organic Chemistry. A total of 9 credits.

This leaves me more hours to work. I love my company; however, they are not very good at scheduling hours or workers. I am only scheduled to work five hours this week! What is that? They have so many people working here that they are trying to get everyone something. Well that stinks for people like me (those who are not in high school just working because the parents said so). I actually have bills to pay. So I either have to find a new job or find a second job.

The First Day

Friday:

The bus arrived around 7: 30am. While on the bus I read from the current Ensign: Start Moving. I just finished reading when I reached my stop in order to catch the next bus. I stood at the bus stop for about ten minutes and the bus had not arrived (it was due five minutes after I got off). The article was still reeling in my head, thus I decided to walk to the previous street .I waited and the bus still had not come. With the article still in my mind I walked to another major street and the bus still did not show up. Another bus arrived and I asked the bus driver if I was in the right spot and he told me yes and that my bus was stuck at the Transit Center and should be there shortly. The bus finally showed up 25 minutes late.

I finally arrived to work (miraculously on time). There were eight of us and three managers. Tony (a manager) gave us an overview of the warehouse and his needs. We were each (Me, Brenda, and Andrew) given a box cutter and a price gun. I and Brenda were put together with Mary as our supervisor. Both Brenda and Mary are amazing. Brenda and I are the ultimate duo. We just instantly clicked. Two hours into work two high school girls were added to our group. We became their supervisors (because Mary left) and they were not very good listeners. But after awhile it was smooth sailing. Our job was to put the boxes (two 16-wheelers worth) in the right department and then to price check all of the miscellaneous items put into boxes (and items that were not priced).

After work Brenda was nice enough to give me a lift to the mall to catch the bus. She stayed until the bus arrived (6: 50pm). However, it was not in service. I ended up waiting until 8:10 before the bus came. A woman got on after me and told the bus driver that she got on the wrong bus and she didn’t have the twenty-five cents needed for a transfer. The bus driver got so angry with her and yelled. She, in turn, got angry with him and yelled. I gave her the quarter but he wouldn’t stop yelling and so she started back yelling at him. Luckily nothing happened.

While waiting for the last bus, I met the cutest seven year-old boy. The boy said that he wished that they had two cars so they wouldn’t have to get on a bus. The mom asked how they would get the car and the boy answered: “When I’m Mayor I am going to give everyone free cars and free gas for five months.” I and the mother started talking about work. He chimed in “Well when I’m President I will give everyone jobs and I will lower taxes too.” He said: “I am going to be an entrepreneur and I will make up good companies, not the ones that will hurt the country but very good ones.” While on the next bus (it came at 9:20pm) there was this HUGE Fish fly on the bus! It had two long wings and was just gross. As we were riding down Kercheval, the stores were crawling with those things: they covered businesses, lights, streets, and sidewalks (can you say creepy?). Then I ran home.

Miracles do happen and I have proof

After crying my eyes out every night (and day) for the past two and a half months a miracle happened. About twenty minutes ago I received a phone call that I had been longing for. I received a job. I had been nervous that I would have to live off of or depend on others for my basic needs but that is no longer the case. Just yesterday (literally 30 1/2 hours ago) I went to a job fair for the company 'Five Below'. The job fair lasts until tomorrow. I was interviewed by the best woman in the world. She is in her late thirties and is very funny. She commended me for being the only person to bring a cover letter with their resume. She then asked me two questions.

1. "Why do you want to work for my company"? To which I replied: "I must admit I did not know anything about your company when I heard about the job fair; however, after researching your company and looking at the website I feel that this will be a fun environment not only for your teen age customers but also for me as an employee- the layout of the store will be (since it does not open until July 17th) fun for me to be involved in helping to create. Also, I enjoy helping young people in any way that I can, I have worked with children since I was 11 years old as a nanny and I feel that I will fit right in.”

2. "Since you do not have any retail experience how do you think that you will fit in a company that is fast paced and in need of capable employees"? I said: "While I do not have retail experience I have excellent customer service and administrative skills. Again I worked as a nanny for close to 7 years and I occasionally received requests for babysitting every summer since and I have maintained close relationships both with the children but also with the parents...."

She then told me that by Wednesday she will call everyone who received the job and she went on to advise me not to look for any more job opportunities!

Today, again 30 1/2 hours later, she called me to let me know that I had the job!

While I am grateful that I have a job now, this would not have happened had I not listened and received help from others. David, Supervisor at the Resource Center, has helped me since January when I contacted him to tell him that I had to come back home in February to have surgery and I needed help finding a job after I got off bed-rest. He offered me a partnership/paid internship at the office, which gave me tremendous knowledge of Microsoft Office and other software that helped land this job. He also proved amazing at helping me to get the skills and courage to go out there and search/ seek a job. He called to check-up on me numerous times and also gave me advice on the job hunt. Mike and Hallie have been here for me more than anyone else. They have helped me also to get the courage to go out there in this scary world. When doors closed they promised me that windows would open and to not give up. Mike even lovingly pushed me to really go and put my face out there. If it was not for that I do not think that I would have been able to go to the job fair (after all there were tons of doors slammed). Hallie told me: "You are going to get the job." Mike, Hallie, David, and countless others helped me to improve my interview skills. James and Sean provided extra help and comfort; Sean even called a friend of his to give my resume personally to them in order for me to get some sort of job. Linda, a career specialist at Macomb Community College, gave me the lead about ‘Five Below’.

Of course none of this would have been possible without Heavenly Father. He provided this miracle. He prompted me to call the Resource Center in January to tell them that I was coming back home. He prompted me to move out of my parent’s home and into Mike and Hallie's and everyday they pushed me a little more to keep at it and not give up. He prompted me to go to the college's Career Services when I got out of class early which helped me to find out about the Job Fair. He definitely prompted me to go... I had just received five rejection emails the day before.

Yes miracles do happen. Heavenly Father really does know me personally. Often times I wonder if He really is there, if He sincerely cares about me... and then things like this happens. He may not show me in a big way, like getting a job, but He does let me know He's listening. I find it quite humorous to see how many times we, as humans, ask why me or please show me that you care when things go wrong but then just like that we forget (read about Laman and Lemuel in the Book of Mormon) him and do things our way. Of course I do that often but then, like this, He continuously gives me His answer: "Diamond, I never left"! or "I'm right here"! or "Why can't you just be patient... there is obviously a job that I think is better for you"! or my personal favorite that I think he says just to me: "Get off my nerves and just let other people help, that is what they are for"! I recently found the later to be true. The previous people mentioned are only a hand full of people who have helped me along the way (hence "TEAM DIAMOND"). He has brought so many wonderful people to help me. I am new to this whole "having faith" thing but boy it is real and it works.

Nothing to blog about...

However, since it is Father's Day I thought that I would post the main points of the Religion paper that I did in Sociology (I received an A). I thought it fitting since it is about marriage.

“Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh” (Genesis 2:24 King James Version). The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (2010) noted that in 2009 there were 2,077,000 marriages in the United States. However, in this world the lines of marriage and family have become blurred. Many people are opting out of the traditional family roles and instead are making new and sometimes costly ones. The media has turned love into lust. More people are becoming single parents or choosing to abort their family. The world is slowly losing out on the most important thing: family.

Many people are attacking the family roles. The mother is no longer being seen as gentle, and some mothers work outside of the home; the father is not always the sole provider, and some fathers choose not to help in rearing their children. Extended families are sometimes the ones rearing the children of parents who are avoiding taking direct responsibility themselves. Gordon B. Hinckley, former President of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (1995) said, “HUSBAND AND WIFE have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. . . . Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children.” In 2009, Maria Shriver (2011) reported, “Women now make up 48% of the US workforce and ‘mothers are breadwinners or co-breadwinners in a majority of families.’”

Latter-day Saints believe that marriage is extremely important; however, the media says the opposite. Gordon B. Hinckley, former president of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (1995) stated: “Marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children”. In the LDS religion the temples are the most important. The most important thing that is done is being sealed for time and eternity to your family. Although, the “Mormon” religion believes that marriage is important, many people are finding out the world simply does not agree. For instance, Bleakley, Hennessey, and Fishbein (2011) found that 50 percent of teenagers actively search for sexual content using the mass media. Many television shows depict women and men in sexual manners.

The world would lead people to believe that getting married to start a family (or getting married at all) is useless. Many people point out negative things about getting married, such as the cost, divorce, adultery, and so on. They question getting married when people can have sex without the official title. Sue Christensen and Ann Rosen (1996) found that the American pop culture glorifies sex. Music videos and television shows show women being lusted after. Many unwed people are fast becoming parents; people are having sex at a younger age and, as a consequence, are having children before they are twenty years old. “In 2002, 12% of all pregnancies, or 757,000, occurred among adolescents aged 15-19” (as cited in Ventura SJ, Abma JC, Mosher WD, Henshaw SK, 2006). The CDC also stated, “In 2009, 46% of high school students had ever had sexual intercourse” (Health Topics, 2010). Many people are opting not to wait to have sex, and as a result the idea of "marriage" has become lost.

To conclude, the family is important to the Latter-day Saints religion; however, if the world continues to put importance on others things such as having sex before marriage, they will risk losing the morality that we once had. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints believes that the family is essential to their salvation; however, the negative way that the family is depicted in the world will have a negative impact on the family. The youth should learn more about the consequence of their actions; only parents can teach them that. Love is clearly different from what the world shows it to be. People should not look to celebrities or the mass media to define love or family. Mothers, fathers, children, and extended family roles are important and should not be belittled or thrown away. The Latter-day Saint religion needs to stand firm in their view of the family and help put an end to the attack of the family roles. If we fail to do so, the children (next generation) will grow up without the beliefs needed to raise their family.

The End of Sociology

Today was my last classroom discussions day in Introduction to Sociology (although I have to go tomorrow to get my grade). It was a wonderful three weeks being in that class. I learned a lot about how important and the impact that sociology has in the world. My teacher Dr. Bonner was a interesting person. The students got away with a lot; although, I managed to learn more and do exactly what he asked. I did 3 presentations and papers: The LDS family versus the world; Choose Celibacy Instead of Moral Sin; and The Story of the Acadians. I also did 3 current events: Osama Bin Laden's Death; Naomi Campbell and Cadbury Chocolate; and A father's involvement in his son's life (Utah father embarrasses son). I enjoyed that the class was a discussion-centered classroom. I had not really had that before, we only read out of the book once.

Most importantly I was able to incorporate my religious beliefs into the classroom discussions. Although I was picked on by some of the students, I was able to stand firm in my beliefs- just as missionaries do (wink, wink). I was even able to give a Book of Mormon to 2 individuals (my teacher and a student studying to be a preacher). I have another Book of Mormon to give to a student tomorrow. I have learned just how much my religion has shaped who I have become. This is very remarkable. Just 3 years ago if you asked me about cohabitation, premarital sex, etc, I would not have a problem with it. Now I see the harm that it does and I was able to give that insight (and much more) to the students and teacher.

Yep, Sociology was an eye opener. Now I hope Introduction to Chemistry will be as well. I just bought my books for the class online! It really will happen. Wish me luck!

Memorial Day

This Memorial Day hit me very hard. I do not know why. Maybe it is the hot and humid weather that got me going. All I can do is think about the wars (past and present). Sometimes it makes me want to cry, other times it makes me proud to be an American. In politics every one says "I want my soldiers home" or "I am glad that they are fighting for our freedom". I have no idea what the soldiers think of fighting a war.

So every Memorial Day, I talk to my uncle on the phone and thank him for his services in Vietnam. I thank him for giving up his time and protecting us. It almost becomes automatic- no feelings behind it.

But today as I for the first time went out to eat. Seeing the flags on poles, homes, and buildings, seeing other people walk around as if today is any other day. I am inclined to well...

What makes a soldier a hero?

One's strength?

One's courage?

A big gun?

A fast plane?

A heavy ATV?

A willingness to give anything

to protect their country?

Their beliefs?

What makes a soldier a strong?

Overpowering the weak?

A strategic plan against disorganization?

Outsmarting the ignorant?

Fighting the cowards?

Facing the unknown?

Ignoring Pain?

What makes a soldier memorable?

The noticeable battle scars?

A missing limb?

A slight limp?

Mental instability?

Sleepless nights?

Crazy rants?

Unrecognizable face?

Neat attire?

Nameless graves?

What makes a soldier a soldier?

Getting in the Swing of Things.

So I just finished writing 2 Papers! Oh how I missed school... NOT!! I had my first class Monday. Macomb Community College is not as bad as I thought. I love my interesting Sociology Class. There is never a dull day there. Everyday we talk about all of the controversial things that are going on in the world. Of course everyone has their own opinions- that's what makes it interesting. My class is very eclectic: a convicted felon, a few Detroiters, 2 Nigerians, 2 Bosnians, an Iraqi, 2 Afghanistan/ Iraq soldiers, 2 Police Officers (studying), an aspiring Priest (seriously), 2 Pre-medicine students, 3 Communication students, 2 know-it-alls, and a female Middle-east American. Yep. I love my class.

Because it is only a 3 week class, it is a fast-paced class. I have a Current Event due every Friday (3), a group Presentation and paper due this Tuesday (done), and three papers. I finished my first paper (that is due Wednesday). The paper is about the importance of family in religion and how it is different from the worldly view of family. It is a 5 page paper (including title page). I think it is pretty good; however, I am going to ask Mike to read it over for me. I do not quite like the way the teacher does things. I LOVE structure and order, I freak out when I do not have that. He is extremely unstructured. His idea of giving us a grading rubric is "Paper must be objective and subjective and must be in APA format." That's it!

The other 2 papers "Homosexuality" and "Race" are due June 6 and June 8 (2 days from each other). The group presentation is due Tuesday. Our group received the problem "Socialization from the perspective of life" meaning the problems that people have as they age. My subtopic is Toddlers- young children (basically 2-10). I decided to do my part of the presentation on stuttering. My nephew Shaun has that speech impediment. I only have 5 minutes to talk about it and about how we "as a community" can help children with speech impediments become more social.

I have had a ton of things to think about. Right now, I no longer have a job. My temporary job ended May 20. I do not know what I am going to do financially. I have applied everywhere and I am getting the run around. I need a job so bad. I am also thinking about other stuff and so far I keep getting answers that does not make since. There is just so much going on in my head. I worry way too much.

So far so...

So for whatever reason, I have yet to give an update about my life. As usual life is well, life. However, there have been some HUGE changes- for the best I hope.

I am no longer a Detroit resident. No. I am now a suburban girl. Well only by a few blocks. I am now staying with Hallie and Mike. For those of you who do not who they are, well they are like my rescuers. They have been here for me since I first began looking into the church. Mike was the Branch President when I was baptized and Hallie just has that nurturer mentality. I think she could sense that this new convert had TONS of issues and needed someone to lean on. Living with my parents just became so unbearable. I will not go into that. I have been here for almost 3 weeks. They have two adorable children who I just love to pieces. So far it’s been good.

I start classes at Macomb Community College on May 23. I will take Sociology (South Campus) until June 10. You say but that's just 3 weeks. Well it is for 4 hours everyday! Now I bet you aren't jealous. Then I have Intro to Chemistry (Center Campus) June 20- July 13 a 4 1/2 hour class. I am excited for them though. I need intro to Chemistry to prep me for the real thing. I think I will rather enjoy them.

What I will not enjoy is the 1 1/2 hour bus ride everyday. Especially like days today. I had the most interesting/ angering bus rides today. I went to Macomb Mall to look for jobs and then I needed to go to the college to get my Sociology books. The bus ride to Macomb was funny. The woman was talking to everyone over the sun! She told all of her business and other people’s business as well. I do not like it when people talk about me to other people- even if it is the truth. I am not that open of a person. Hearing this woman talk about herself (not in a good way) and other people just made me irritated. Good thing I brought a pamphlet/ excerpt, “The Holy Temple” by President Boyd K. Packer, with me or I would have exploded. I then went to the Mall to apply for jobs. Then I thought that the bus that I needed to get to the College was already at the bus stop so I ran (as best I could with two bags) to the bus stop. I tripped and smacked my face on the ground (kind of funny, no scars) only to find out that my bus wasn’t coming for another 10 minutes. That bus ride made me furious. I asked the bus driver if she would be able to tell me when we got to my stop. She said sure and another woman was getting off there too. The whole time she was arguing with someone and talking to someone else. The she said “Hayes” and people started getting off the bus. I asked her if this was my stop and she said “no, this is Center Campus”. Only after we passed the campus did she say oh this is South Campus… and she kept driving! I had to tell her that I NEEDED that stop. Finally she let me off. How is it that people like them can get jobs and not me? Oh that’s not the end of it. I ended up waiting over 30 minutes for the bus to get me back home; however, the bus that was suppose to come broke down. I need a car. I need a job so that I can get a car.

I will get a job- eventually. I love and appreciate all of the people who have helped me and continue to help me. I am very grateful to Mike and Hallie. They literally have been my angels in disguise. They have done so much for me. In less than 2 months they went from a house of 3, to a house of 4 (baby girl Eliza), to a house of 5! They had her little room/ father’s office all set up for Eliza and then they had to change it to my room/ Mike’s office. I know that it’s tough for them, especially with me being unemployed. I have to rely on them for everything. I hate it! I hate feeling like a freeloader. But I am thinking positive. I mean things are working out. I need this house. I need the Spirit that I feel here. For the first time ever I was able to just go downstairs and ask for a blessing. I obviously did not have that at my home (me being the only member) and it such a wonderful feeling having the Priesthood here. I just enjoy having that.

I also appreciate everyone who has been so wonderful to me. I find it difficult to tell people face to face what problems I am having. No one in my Branch or Stake knew how bad it was at home until the Spirit warned me that if something didn’t change I would go down a road that I would possibly not be able to return from. It is nice to be able to tell someone “Hey I’m having a bad day, can you help me”? I also appreciate my wonderful Branch for making things happen. Random but although I hardly ever speak to them just the thought of that wonderful Christmas Break in Utah, just makes me smile. No I am NOT moving to Utah- Idaho yes, Utah NEVER. Kaili has no idea how much of an impact her parents have had on me. They are so funny and so very spiritual. I think about my first “Father’s Blessing” and also wonderful talks I have had there. I actually still read it; although, I probably should have found someone else to give me a Father’s Blessing for this year. But still it has helped me.

I think that his year will be something great… maybe even extraordinary. No I am not getting married… at least not yet.

I don't get it

Ever since I came home, it has been one headache after another. I have yet to "rest" like the doctor said. I was already upset that I had to come home, I really wanted to stay at university, but I decided that I would make the best out of it. Unfortunately, there was nothing that I could do about the situation. My surgery got postponed three times before I had the surgery. I was forced on bed-rest before and after the surgery. Luckily the surgery went well. But home was another story. From the time I arrived I was "babysitter". Everyday I had to watch my nephews (even though the doctor told me to stay off my feet). I love them but I wanted to rest and continue to study my classes.

I thought that things would look up when I started working but of course no such luck. Instead, I found myself juggling work, school, and children. I was left feeling like a single mother! Also because of me working the family decided that they no longer had to spend all of their money of bills or food (which left me paying half the rent and all the food with my $500-$700 paycheck a month). I had no money for myself.

I decided that things would obviously have to change. I need to move out before I start summer classes at Macomb Community College (MCC). Unfortunately, the job that I have is temporary so I need to find another one and an apartment soon. I started actively looking in March. At first I only looked online (due to health reasons). The final week in March I bravely took the bus (for the first time alone) and traveled as far out as Macomb and Mt. Clemens. The jobs that were "available" of course said that I did not have enough experience (but really how much experience do you need to flip burgers or sale something).

To make matters worse I received bills for the doctor and emergency visits before my surgery (while at SVU), the surgery, and post op care totaling $3000! Double whammy- still no job which means I cannot pay the bills nor get an apartment

Then I thought, something will happen just focus on MCC. I did the placement test and orientation and I met with an advisor. How hard could it be. I am only here until January. But just when I thought things would get better, today I received a nice letter in the mail saying that I cannot receive financial aid because I either applied (for financial aid) too late or I did not register for classes. I forgot to register at my allotted date (April 4) because thanks to my parents not paying the cable/ Internet bill the Internet/cable got shut off. I was working from the library but I forgot to register. I finally registered April 7th (just 3 days late). As far as filing my Fafsa, I filed back in January but the school sent me a letter (4 days after MCC said the deadline was) asking my mother to verify her income. We sent it out the next day after receiving the letter. But now they said that everything was late.

I MUST take summer classes in order to not have to pay on my loans. If I do not get a job I cannot pay my loans. How am I going to pay if I don't have money? How am I going to pay for classes if I don't have money? How am I going to get an apartment if I don't have money?

I just don't understand why I am always having issues that are not that easy to solve.

Really?

All I have been able to think about (when I am not thinking about being in physical pain and having a stupid cold) is the recent disasters going on over seas. A couple of weeks before I left SVU in class we talked about how people usually feel sadness for a short time when another country is hurt (not having anything to do with war). Well that does not pertain to me. Seeing all of the death tolls rising in Japan just makes me want to cry. My mother always said that I was the most sensitive child she has ever known.

Why Japan? Why did the tsunami hit and where did the earthquake come from? Poor Hawaii. It was a miracle that most people had already moved to higher land. Then out of no where a nuclear plant is in trouble?

Now the United Nations issues a no-fly zone over Libya? Really? That's all you care about? Fighting Libya when Japan needs all the prayers they can get. Come on people. That is only going to lead to more death tolls. That is the last thing we need. Japan is predicting 18, 000 deaths and you want to go start another war.

I don't know all of the details- of the no-fly zone. I read about some rebels. But that's not the point. I am not into politics. That is not why I am writing.

I am writing because it just doesn't make since to me- the deaths. I believe in Heavenly Father. I trust in Him. I know that these innocent people are returning to Him. But I just cannot stop thinking about the children (both in Japan and in Libya).

No one that I have spoken to, about Libya, seems to care and if they do care it is directed at President Obama. I don't care who is to blame (the rebels or the United Nations- it was not just the U.S. President's decision) all I care about is the end result. No. I am not thinking about we need a win... I am thinking about death. Because that's all it adds up to. Libya, USA, France and any one else will lose people. Every one is fighting for something.

Japan is fighting for survival. Libya is fighting for power. The United States of America and France are fighting for stability. And every one will lose. Japan is already losing 18,000 people. Libya is losing their people. The United States of America and France are losing supporters.

Now do not get me wrong I believe in my military. I just don't believe in attacking unless being attacked or we are positive that there is an imminent threat to Americans lives.

I just cannot fathom people being fatherless, motherless, or childless. And that is just what's going on. Yes I guess my mother is right I am just too sensitive.

Surgery is over!

Well hopefully. I had the surgery Monday and I stayed in the hospital until Thursday. The dermoid cyst (teratoma) in my left ovary was so big that they had to do a partial hysterectomy (remove my left ovary). I was put to sleep and did not wake up until a couple hours later. The doctor said that every thing went well. I have to be on bed rest for two weeks do to a few complications but for the most part everything is okay.

I am still waiting to hear from BYU-I to find out what track I will be in. Thank you for your prayers offered up on my behalf.

Accepted and postponed

If you have a Facebook then you already know; however, I thought it is not official until it is on my blog. I am going to Brigham Young University- Idaho! I do not know when I am going... they are going to send me my track in the next few weeks. They have a paramedic program! But I will stick with becoming a pediatrician. I think I am going to enjoy it there. I have yet to figure out how I am going to get all the way to Idaho (seeing how much it took to get to Virginia) but I will get it done.

My surgery has been postponed...again. I am for sure having surgery on Monday. The reason it didn't work out this time is that my doctor is not doing the surgery. I am having surgery at Harper Hospital but my doctor wants to be there so they had to coordinate their schedules. I am not sure what time the surgery is scheduled for. I will be in the hospital for three days following the surgery.

Things are working out. Thank you all for your support.

I am here all you have to do is reach up

The reason: Monday I will have my meeting/ surgery. Am I nervous? Of course. But I am thankful for the gospel. It is the reason I am able to go into this surgery knowing that everything will be okay. Whether I can have children or not, I know that Heavenly Father has a plan for me. He knows the "secret pleadings of [my] heart". He cares for me so much. He was able to help me get a job as soon as I came here. He helped me to have a schedule (plan) to make sure that I do not fall back into the trap of the world. He is doing His part... all I have to do is reach up for Him.

I am very grateful for everyone who have touched me and been the example that I can live by. My little branch here full of people who want me to succeed and who encourage me everyday. My ward/ friends back in VA - especially my roommate Prisca who is such an amazing person and is okay with me ranting to her. The LDS Employment Resource Center for giving me a job and helping me get the skills that I need to continue on my path. And any one else who has helped me along the way. I truly appreciate it. I would not be able to survive this "transition" without you all.

Almost on the Road

As I write my dad is driving down to come and pick me up. He left Detroit at around 10am. I am hoping that he will be here around 10pm. I checked out of my room yesterday. I went to the financial aid office and my balance for this semester is $702.80 (housing, laundry, and meals). That is a lot cheaper than the $5000+ that we originally thought that I would have to pay. When I get home I will have a job waiting for me- Data Entry for Deseret Industries. I applied to BYU-Idaho for the fall, as a back up I applied to Wayne State University. I got into WCCCD and Oakland Community College for the Summer. I also applied to Washtenaw Community College for the summer; however, I have yet to hear from them. I think that Washtenaw is the college that I really want to go to. It seems so much fun and the summer is fast-paced which I like. Oakland is my next choice. It also seems like I will have fun here.


I do not know what Heavenly Father has in store for me. Mu surgery has been moved to Valentine's Day. I am praying and hoping that things go well. I got a Blessing last night and I have faith that everything will work out. I look forward to my future.

What do you call this again?

Sorry it has taken me so long to give an update. Things have been... well I have no idea what to call this past 2 weeks. I was so excited to be starting a new semester. I had it all planned out: study harder, more fun time, make new friends, and go on dates. And then life happened. Friday I woke up in so much pain- it felt like an evil leprechaun hopped into my side. I could barely move. Saturday and Sunday were not any better. I called my doctor on Monday (with the last phone minutes that I had) and he said that my dermoid cyst must be growing and that I need to have surgery sooner rather than later. He said that if it is growing fast there is a chance that it might rupture and that can be horrible. My mom got in contact with my gynecologist Tuesday and he is scheduling me for an emergency visit (in the hospital) to look at it and if it is as bad as he and the doctor here thinks, I can have the surgery right then. However, there is a 6-8 week recovery period. The doctor here sent my CAT scan from December off to the doctor in Michigan. He believes that the dermoid cyst may have grown on my ovary so bad that I may have to have my ovaries removed. As a result- I am taking a medical leave of absence from school and going home on February 1st. My parents are renting a car to come and get me.

I talked to the financial aid office here and apparently because I will not return until next fall, I will have to start paying off my loans. I have no idea what I am going to do. I cannot come back in the summer because I have to work during the summer to pay for school. They are going to see if there is a way to get out of it. I do not know what I am going to do if I have to pay. ARGH!!! Why can't things go right? I am praying about everything. I know that things will work out. I have to be patient through my trials. Heavenly Father has a plan for me. Oh and 2 weeks before I leave, I meet a very interesting guy. I will let you know how that goes.