On Monday we met a new investigator named Dagi. She is a referral from the Nanto’s in the ward. She is awesome. She is German and is a recent widow and empty nester. Her children are in Germany for school. She knows a lot about the church and wants to know what happens when you die. We taught her the Plan of Salvation and how her husband is in the Spirit World learning about the church and choosing whether to accept it or not. We then talked about the three degrees of heaven and she insisted that Heaven cannot be like that. Everyone should be able to go to Heaven but she doesn’t believe that it should be separated. We told her that we will come back and explain it more to her.
On Tuesday we had zone conference with the Ashburn zone. It was great but I feel so overwhelmed at the things that I have to do and change. I struggle a ton with feeling inadequate and this just adds to my stress and during practice teaching Sister Jeppsen totally dominated and it was pointed out by the Elders that we practice taught with and it just made me feel even more inadequate and stupid. Then we had a lesson with Mary Jane and Kyle (a neighbor of the Heiner’s that Sister Jeppsen met while we were on splits). Kyle is super atheist but his mother is open to learning more. While at the Heiner’s, before we walked over to Mary Jane, I called Mary Rose (our investigator) and she told me that I had given her a cold and so we cannot see her for two weeks. Small thing, but it totally just broke me even more. I went into the bathroom and cried. I really felt like okay I am ready to go home. But then I decided to get up and keep moving. I don’t want this to be the end of my mission. I have too many people counting on me. I have to be that example to my family. I cannot let them see me quit. I have to finish.
Wednesday we met a less-active who said that God has called him another way. He is not sure where yet. We talked to him for a while and read some scriptures with him. He asked if we could come back another time. We then had a lesson with a guy from Bolivia named Miguel. He believes that truth is relative for each person. There is not a type of truth that all can believe in. Later on we had a lesson with Von, the less active, at the Belyea’s again. This time he was so dark. He must have been reading more anti-Mormon literature. He believes that God is not merciful if he has to change now. He believes that he can just wait until the afterlife to change (because then he can have proof- see God and Christ).
On Thursday we had zone training. President Riggs has given us some more mission rules. I again felt overwhelmed at the task at hand. We had a lesson with a recent convert, Luis, about the talk “The Fourth Missionary” by Elder Lawrence Corbrige. Sister Jeppsen had given it to him to read before I came. I have never read it before so it was a bit awkward but he learned a ton from reading it so that was awesome. It was good to hear too. I guess I am a lot like the third missionary (from what I heard). I am not giving my heart. It is hard to give my heart and feel like I am failing all of the time or feeling like that love is not being reciprocated.
On Friday we got to do service at the Olson’s, who are moving but will still be in the ward. That was exactly what I needed, to feel needed. We then had a wonderful lesson at the Walter’s with Peter. We watched the Atonement Bible Videos that the church put out. Brother Walter bore solemn testimony to Peter and his family. It was so wonderful. And I got to bear my testimony of tithing. Peter seemed to feel a lot better.
Saturday was an emotional low and spiritual high. I got to talk to Sister Riggs about everything. I got to really vocalize my concerns. She let me be completely upfront and absolutely, bluntly honest with her. It was just what I needed. I got to talk about my independent nature and how it is difficult to trust in God because I am use to doing everything by myself. I am also a very cautious person which makes it even more difficult to be open with people because I am always afraid that they will hurt me. I talked about how those things make it difficult here because my companion is the complete opposite. Because of her nature (loving, kind, social, etc.) people love her and compliment her all of the time (for instance, Brother Stark always talk about her and Sister Carter and the things that they did that I feel left out). I just feel like my weaknesses are so apparent in this companionship. I also opened up about something that I have struggled with ever since I joined this church that has also been weighing on my mind. I have the trials that my family is going through and I feel like I am constantly choosing the church over my family. I feel so stupid for ever thinking that I can be a missionary. I got to tell Sister Riggs all of this. She talked to me and helped me to see that I am not alone. I am not defeated. Nothing is wrong with me. I am not broken. I am okay. I can change and I can be better. But I have to really work on it. We went on splits again and I did member visits. It was great. We then had another lesson with Dagi and we felt like we needed to teach the Restoration. It was awesome her questions were all about the things that we covered. Like, while talking about prophets she asked: “So why aren’t there any prophets?” It was awesome.
On Sunday I had a pretty good day. We taught the Payne’s members who felt like they needed to meet with us weekly. It was a wonderful lesson. The theme of this year for them is becoming. But we felt like we needed to first talk about faith. It was perfect! The night before, Sister Payne wrote down some goals for Becoming and the first goal was to strengthen her faith. Then she talked about doubting and fearing and I got to talk to her about the things that I struggle with and how I have been able to realize how much God loves me and that has helped me to begin to strengthen my faith. During our revelation visit, Bishop Seneca (from the Seneca tribe, Iroquois nation, just saying how cool is that) gave us two referrals!
This week in my studies I have been studying the Priesthood. It has been so wonderful to learn so many things about it and its importance. It really is so amazing to have it on this earth. On Wednesday I got a Priesthood Blessing from Elder Belyea after the lesson with Von. It was such a tender moment and tender mercy to have felt the way that I did.
I love you all and miss you so much.
Love,
Sister Diamond Evans
Washington DC South Mission
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