I don't get it

Ever since I came home, it has been one headache after another. I have yet to "rest" like the doctor said. I was already upset that I had to come home, I really wanted to stay at university, but I decided that I would make the best out of it. Unfortunately, there was nothing that I could do about the situation. My surgery got postponed three times before I had the surgery. I was forced on bed-rest before and after the surgery. Luckily the surgery went well. But home was another story. From the time I arrived I was "babysitter". Everyday I had to watch my nephews (even though the doctor told me to stay off my feet). I love them but I wanted to rest and continue to study my classes.

I thought that things would look up when I started working but of course no such luck. Instead, I found myself juggling work, school, and children. I was left feeling like a single mother! Also because of me working the family decided that they no longer had to spend all of their money of bills or food (which left me paying half the rent and all the food with my $500-$700 paycheck a month). I had no money for myself.

I decided that things would obviously have to change. I need to move out before I start summer classes at Macomb Community College (MCC). Unfortunately, the job that I have is temporary so I need to find another one and an apartment soon. I started actively looking in March. At first I only looked online (due to health reasons). The final week in March I bravely took the bus (for the first time alone) and traveled as far out as Macomb and Mt. Clemens. The jobs that were "available" of course said that I did not have enough experience (but really how much experience do you need to flip burgers or sale something).

To make matters worse I received bills for the doctor and emergency visits before my surgery (while at SVU), the surgery, and post op care totaling $3000! Double whammy- still no job which means I cannot pay the bills nor get an apartment

Then I thought, something will happen just focus on MCC. I did the placement test and orientation and I met with an advisor. How hard could it be. I am only here until January. But just when I thought things would get better, today I received a nice letter in the mail saying that I cannot receive financial aid because I either applied (for financial aid) too late or I did not register for classes. I forgot to register at my allotted date (April 4) because thanks to my parents not paying the cable/ Internet bill the Internet/cable got shut off. I was working from the library but I forgot to register. I finally registered April 7th (just 3 days late). As far as filing my Fafsa, I filed back in January but the school sent me a letter (4 days after MCC said the deadline was) asking my mother to verify her income. We sent it out the next day after receiving the letter. But now they said that everything was late.

I MUST take summer classes in order to not have to pay on my loans. If I do not get a job I cannot pay my loans. How am I going to pay if I don't have money? How am I going to pay for classes if I don't have money? How am I going to get an apartment if I don't have money?

I just don't understand why I am always having issues that are not that easy to solve.

Really?

All I have been able to think about (when I am not thinking about being in physical pain and having a stupid cold) is the recent disasters going on over seas. A couple of weeks before I left SVU in class we talked about how people usually feel sadness for a short time when another country is hurt (not having anything to do with war). Well that does not pertain to me. Seeing all of the death tolls rising in Japan just makes me want to cry. My mother always said that I was the most sensitive child she has ever known.

Why Japan? Why did the tsunami hit and where did the earthquake come from? Poor Hawaii. It was a miracle that most people had already moved to higher land. Then out of no where a nuclear plant is in trouble?

Now the United Nations issues a no-fly zone over Libya? Really? That's all you care about? Fighting Libya when Japan needs all the prayers they can get. Come on people. That is only going to lead to more death tolls. That is the last thing we need. Japan is predicting 18, 000 deaths and you want to go start another war.

I don't know all of the details- of the no-fly zone. I read about some rebels. But that's not the point. I am not into politics. That is not why I am writing.

I am writing because it just doesn't make since to me- the deaths. I believe in Heavenly Father. I trust in Him. I know that these innocent people are returning to Him. But I just cannot stop thinking about the children (both in Japan and in Libya).

No one that I have spoken to, about Libya, seems to care and if they do care it is directed at President Obama. I don't care who is to blame (the rebels or the United Nations- it was not just the U.S. President's decision) all I care about is the end result. No. I am not thinking about we need a win... I am thinking about death. Because that's all it adds up to. Libya, USA, France and any one else will lose people. Every one is fighting for something.

Japan is fighting for survival. Libya is fighting for power. The United States of America and France are fighting for stability. And every one will lose. Japan is already losing 18,000 people. Libya is losing their people. The United States of America and France are losing supporters.

Now do not get me wrong I believe in my military. I just don't believe in attacking unless being attacked or we are positive that there is an imminent threat to Americans lives.

I just cannot fathom people being fatherless, motherless, or childless. And that is just what's going on. Yes I guess my mother is right I am just too sensitive.

Surgery is over!

Well hopefully. I had the surgery Monday and I stayed in the hospital until Thursday. The dermoid cyst (teratoma) in my left ovary was so big that they had to do a partial hysterectomy (remove my left ovary). I was put to sleep and did not wake up until a couple hours later. The doctor said that every thing went well. I have to be on bed rest for two weeks do to a few complications but for the most part everything is okay.

I am still waiting to hear from BYU-I to find out what track I will be in. Thank you for your prayers offered up on my behalf.

Accepted and postponed

If you have a Facebook then you already know; however, I thought it is not official until it is on my blog. I am going to Brigham Young University- Idaho! I do not know when I am going... they are going to send me my track in the next few weeks. They have a paramedic program! But I will stick with becoming a pediatrician. I think I am going to enjoy it there. I have yet to figure out how I am going to get all the way to Idaho (seeing how much it took to get to Virginia) but I will get it done.

My surgery has been postponed...again. I am for sure having surgery on Monday. The reason it didn't work out this time is that my doctor is not doing the surgery. I am having surgery at Harper Hospital but my doctor wants to be there so they had to coordinate their schedules. I am not sure what time the surgery is scheduled for. I will be in the hospital for three days following the surgery.

Things are working out. Thank you all for your support.

I am here all you have to do is reach up

The reason: Monday I will have my meeting/ surgery. Am I nervous? Of course. But I am thankful for the gospel. It is the reason I am able to go into this surgery knowing that everything will be okay. Whether I can have children or not, I know that Heavenly Father has a plan for me. He knows the "secret pleadings of [my] heart". He cares for me so much. He was able to help me get a job as soon as I came here. He helped me to have a schedule (plan) to make sure that I do not fall back into the trap of the world. He is doing His part... all I have to do is reach up for Him.

I am very grateful for everyone who have touched me and been the example that I can live by. My little branch here full of people who want me to succeed and who encourage me everyday. My ward/ friends back in VA - especially my roommate Prisca who is such an amazing person and is okay with me ranting to her. The LDS Employment Resource Center for giving me a job and helping me get the skills that I need to continue on my path. And any one else who has helped me along the way. I truly appreciate it. I would not be able to survive this "transition" without you all.

Almost on the Road

As I write my dad is driving down to come and pick me up. He left Detroit at around 10am. I am hoping that he will be here around 10pm. I checked out of my room yesterday. I went to the financial aid office and my balance for this semester is $702.80 (housing, laundry, and meals). That is a lot cheaper than the $5000+ that we originally thought that I would have to pay. When I get home I will have a job waiting for me- Data Entry for Deseret Industries. I applied to BYU-Idaho for the fall, as a back up I applied to Wayne State University. I got into WCCCD and Oakland Community College for the Summer. I also applied to Washtenaw Community College for the summer; however, I have yet to hear from them. I think that Washtenaw is the college that I really want to go to. It seems so much fun and the summer is fast-paced which I like. Oakland is my next choice. It also seems like I will have fun here.


I do not know what Heavenly Father has in store for me. Mu surgery has been moved to Valentine's Day. I am praying and hoping that things go well. I got a Blessing last night and I have faith that everything will work out. I look forward to my future.

What do you call this again?

Sorry it has taken me so long to give an update. Things have been... well I have no idea what to call this past 2 weeks. I was so excited to be starting a new semester. I had it all planned out: study harder, more fun time, make new friends, and go on dates. And then life happened. Friday I woke up in so much pain- it felt like an evil leprechaun hopped into my side. I could barely move. Saturday and Sunday were not any better. I called my doctor on Monday (with the last phone minutes that I had) and he said that my dermoid cyst must be growing and that I need to have surgery sooner rather than later. He said that if it is growing fast there is a chance that it might rupture and that can be horrible. My mom got in contact with my gynecologist Tuesday and he is scheduling me for an emergency visit (in the hospital) to look at it and if it is as bad as he and the doctor here thinks, I can have the surgery right then. However, there is a 6-8 week recovery period. The doctor here sent my CAT scan from December off to the doctor in Michigan. He believes that the dermoid cyst may have grown on my ovary so bad that I may have to have my ovaries removed. As a result- I am taking a medical leave of absence from school and going home on February 1st. My parents are renting a car to come and get me.

I talked to the financial aid office here and apparently because I will not return until next fall, I will have to start paying off my loans. I have no idea what I am going to do. I cannot come back in the summer because I have to work during the summer to pay for school. They are going to see if there is a way to get out of it. I do not know what I am going to do if I have to pay. ARGH!!! Why can't things go right? I am praying about everything. I know that things will work out. I have to be patient through my trials. Heavenly Father has a plan for me. Oh and 2 weeks before I leave, I meet a very interesting guy. I will let you know how that goes.