For the Beauty of the Earth

As I sit contemplating on what to write about the past month I am reminded of the hymn 'For the Beauty of the Earth.' I have truly been blessed with beautiful tender mercies lately and I just want to praise my Father in Heaven. As I have begun putting my life in the Lord's hands I have seen a transition like no other in who I am becoming. Yes, from time to time I have slipped up and made hilarious mistakes and I have even had a bout with sadness being away from home and the people that I love; however, nothing can be more sweeter than seeing my countenance change each day as I move one step closer to who God needs me to be.

Two days ago I asked my Father in Heaven to help me learn from a trial that I had been struggling with. Today in sacrament meeting through the tender words of my beautiful roommate Chyenne He answered me. In her talk, Chyenne, deciphered the first six words of Matthew 7:13 "Enter ye in at the strait gate." She invited us to imagine what it would look like. She gave us her interpretation of a long dark hallway leading to a light and the beautiful gate with our God there beckoning us to come inside. Along that hallway though lies many doors, doors of trials. As we try to find our way down that narrow, dark hallway we are pulled, enticed, or frankly walk through those doors. However, as we all know, our loving Savor is there the entire time; the Atonement is there the entire time. The Atonement brings us out of the doors and back onto the narrow path, the hallway, towards are Father in Heaven. It wasn't the trial that I had to learn from but it was the reaffirming, healing, powerful message that I am never alone!

I don't know why I have constantly struggled with this concept. You would think that after a while I would be secure in the fact of having a God and Savior rooting for me, standing here with me. But yet again, loneliness crept into my heart as I thought about my family back home and feeling inadequate like I have to prove to the world that I'm intelligent and deserve to be here at Brigham Young University-Idaho. On Facebook a friend of mine posted a question asking us what our nonphysical fears are. I guess mine would be a fear of feeling or being utterly alone. My entire life I was always afraid of my parents or siblings dying. Then as I came to join the church I was afraid of God and Christ abandoning me either because of me distancing myself from them or them "falling out of love with me." How silly. Then I gained a great friend who I too became afraid of losing. It has literally caused me to crawl up in a ball and cry myself to sleep. It is a real fear, one that can damage such a great relationship with this person. For a few hours I seriously contemplated not liking him for fear of losing him- I would rather be alone than feel betrayed or abandoned. I am so grateful for Chyenne and for the Spirit which teach me over and over and over again that I do not have to be afraid. I can trust in God and my Savior. They are here- Father beckoning me to come to Him and the Savior lifting me, encouraging me, and leading me down that scary, dark path. 

It Wouldn't Be Faith If You're Not Tested

I have been trying to come up with a way to say everything within the confines of the blog. I don't really know what to say other than I made it! I am so grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who stands right by me. I have always been the person who falters or runs away in the midst of trail or turmoil. I do not like drama and I never like being the center of attention. The beginning of the semester has been an adventure. I must admit that I have been at my highest highs and my lowest lows all in one. 

Just when I wanted to give up and call it quits the Lord engulfed me with his protecting arm. I don't know how he does it! I was at my low point and a very inspired woman invited me to go to the temple with her. I stepped into the temple and immediately was engulfed with an overwhelming feeling of love. 

Doctrine and Covenants 18:10-11 really encompasses how I felt that day. I felt so important, numbered and loved. I can imagine how Christ suffering in Gethsemane applied to me.  When He suffered, he literally felt everything that I ever have, do, or will feel. His life was real and it was for me. 

I have been studying from a packet that President Wilson (my last mission president) gave to the departing missionaries. It has been a comfort. I can see the person that I am becoming. Even in those horrid times when I feel alone, I know that I am not. I am so grateful to have served a mission so that I can lean on the testimony that I gained from there. It has been wonderful to actually trust in the person that I am becoming and to see the transformation that 18 months of service has provided. 

I tried out for and got into the Academy of Comedy Group and we performed the other day. I have no desire to be a full-time comic. I did it because I wanted to find new friends and be involved on campus. I love being part of this university because I can dabble in anything and still be a disciple of Jesus Christ. I told jokes about who I am and doing that I really got to see my progression in life. I am actually happy and I am stronger than I ever have been in my entire life. 

In the end, these last three weeks have been a spiritual strengthening experience. 

The Spirit of Ricks

The Weekend that I arrived at Brigham Young University- Idaho I signed up for 'Get Connected'. Get connected is the equivalent of a new student orientation and it happens the weekend before classes start. During a special seminar called 'The Spirit of Ricks' I learned the sacred nature of Brigham Young University- Idaho. I am so grateful for all of those early pioneers who sacrificed so much to start this university. They saw our day and they knew the potential of the students here. One particular notion stayed with me over the weeks: "The Lord has brought you here to become who He is."

As I pondered that comment, I few things came to mind. What exactly does it mean to "become who He is"? I don't mean that I will become Christ! Obviously that's impossible, right? Wrong!  Then, who is Christ? In Mosiah (in the Book of Mormon, pages 151-152) Chapter 3 versus 5-11 it talks of Him. Specifically it mentions that He is Lord Omnipotent (all Powerful), He works miracles, He suffered temptation, He’s the Creator, and eventually He Atoned (died) for the sins of the world. He is amazing! I am sure that He has done more than these particular scriptures mention. What I found particularly interesting is the lack of words like prideful, unloving, unforgiving, or selfish. That’s the point of it all. We become Christ as we develop our lives in such a way that our mind is the mind of Christ. If we were Him would we be mean, crude, immoral, vulgar, prideful, unloving, or unforgiving to name a few? In 3 Nephi (Book of Mormon, page 460) it reads:

 “…What manner of men ought ye to be? Verily I say unto you, even as I am.”

How do I develop my life in such a way that I can become Him? It makes me think back to that seminar in ‘The Spirit of Ricks’. I learned how the university (then known as ‘Ricks College’) had struggled at the beginning from money being low to needing professors and yet through it all they kept trucking along. The feelings of gratitude and admiration were strong as I left that building. Why does it matter? Those people sacrificed not really knowing what led ahead. Yes, they had a vision of one day being a religious university but how many of us say I want to be this or I want to do that and then do NOTHING. These pioneers pushed when they wanted to give up and they sacrificed money and time and many other things for the cause of this special university.

Like Ricks College, Christ knew our potential, He saw our faces in that Garden as He bled and I am sure He continued to see our faces when he was on the cross. He pushed when He wanted to give up (Luke 22:43-44).

The song sums up exactly how I feel:

Becoming like Christ means doing as Christ did. It means gaining the attributes that He possesses. It will take time and I am still working on it. When I do actually take the time to heed Christ’s counsel and His direction I notice how much I become more like the pioneers of old and most importantly I become more like the Savior. Oh how I love the spirit of Ricks. I testify that as we mold ourselves to become Christ, we will be happy, we will have added strength.  And as we make sacrifices to create our own spirit of Ricks, we will develop to become more like Christ.