She is the most beautiful person in the world
Or so she says to herself at night
She is filled with tears,smiles,and know-it-allness
She tries so hard to be nice to me
But I see through it
She tries to be every inch of perfection
In doing so she loses herself
And me in the process
Drowned out by all the pettiness
She is surrounded by a wall of nothingness
Yet trying to be a somebody
Not wanting to be a nobody
She doesn't see any natural beauty
In herself or me
So she clamours to the store to buy the next best thing
But I see through her
To understand her is to be human
To try to help is to fail at something
As I watch her filled with tears,smiles,and know-it-allness
I am filled with relief
It must be hard being Lexi
Yet it is easy being me
I wrote this poem at 4:55am today after having a dream. For the past 2weeks I would have a dream about her. Each dream she was different (western: cowgirl, horror: killer, musical:singer, science fiction :alien, and so on). So finally today I wrote the poem so hopefully I can get some sleep. I hope you like it. Tell me what you think.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Annoyed at the hard work
It is one thing to be worried about something that would change your life, but it is another to conquer it and it feel like nothing. I studied for the GED for 6months (trust me 6months is an eternity). I have been so worried and so scared. When I entered the classroom for the first time yesterday I was scared out of my mind. But today leaving that classroom I was furious. That test is a waste of time. I got maybe (MAYBE!) 3 questions wrong on each section, I am only guessing so when I see my actual score I won't be surprised. When I say this test is a joke I mean it. Anyone who is studying to take the GED test in Michigan should do it now. It is so easy. .
The math has 1proportion problem; 3 area/perimeter/or volume problem; 2 fractions; 2percent or decimal problems; and the rest (41) addition, subtraction, multiplication, and division problems. You have no idea how stupid I felt for being so worried. The only problem I would say I had was getting started on the problem (word problems it was only 3). The bad thing about it is that the instructor showed us how to do 5problems( the test had 2 of each, so that is 10 questions I got right). I am so angry that the test wasn't harder. If you made it to 9Th grade this is a walk in the park. Anyone can get the GED. So I feel like I don't want it because it was too easy. I know that I am the only person in the world who can make a fuss about getting a good score (hopefully) on the test.
On the writing portion of the test, correcting the sentences was so easy. Even the GED book was harder. You only had to either omit a sentence, add a coma, take out a coma, choose past tense or future tense, or change the spelling of a word. It may sound hard but it isn't I mean wouldn't you change 'whether to weather' when you are talking about rain. The essay was frustrating because I forgot to write the introduction paragraph before the explanation paragraph so I might get a deduction for having an arrow on my paper. But I knew what I wanted to say: "My generation is important because it teaches the next generation how to be better by staying in school, enforcing abstinence, and refraining from going to adult parties."
Anyone that was my GED experience and I hope the ACT's is harder, but not too hard. I want a 21 or better. I know that I can conquer it. Mike I hope you can help. I am proud of myself for doing it and sticking with it. i am trying to be a better person by making a commitment to gaining more knowledge not just for school but for my future family. This is something to be proud of. I will be the first person in my family to go to college and finish(mom), that means a lot to me. I want to be a role model for my nieces and nephews. If you want it hard enough and you work at it, you can make it. As I am thinking about it I realize that maybe it(the test) was easy because of my blessing and fasting. At least I hope it was.
To everyone thank you for your support. It is really nice to have friends who care about you and wish you luck in your journey of finding yourself. I really appreciate all of you. You are so nice to me, even when you don't have to be. I am in the library crying I think people are watching so i better go.
The math has 1proportion problem; 3 area/perimeter/or volume problem; 2 fractions; 2percent or decimal problems; and the rest (41) addition, subtraction, multiplication, and division problems. You have no idea how stupid I felt for being so worried. The only problem I would say I had was getting started on the problem (word problems it was only 3). The bad thing about it is that the instructor showed us how to do 5problems( the test had 2 of each, so that is 10 questions I got right). I am so angry that the test wasn't harder. If you made it to 9Th grade this is a walk in the park. Anyone can get the GED. So I feel like I don't want it because it was too easy. I know that I am the only person in the world who can make a fuss about getting a good score (hopefully) on the test.
On the writing portion of the test, correcting the sentences was so easy. Even the GED book was harder. You only had to either omit a sentence, add a coma, take out a coma, choose past tense or future tense, or change the spelling of a word. It may sound hard but it isn't I mean wouldn't you change 'whether to weather' when you are talking about rain. The essay was frustrating because I forgot to write the introduction paragraph before the explanation paragraph so I might get a deduction for having an arrow on my paper. But I knew what I wanted to say: "My generation is important because it teaches the next generation how to be better by staying in school, enforcing abstinence, and refraining from going to adult parties."
Anyone that was my GED experience and I hope the ACT's is harder, but not too hard. I want a 21 or better. I know that I can conquer it. Mike I hope you can help. I am proud of myself for doing it and sticking with it. i am trying to be a better person by making a commitment to gaining more knowledge not just for school but for my future family. This is something to be proud of. I will be the first person in my family to go to college and finish(mom), that means a lot to me. I want to be a role model for my nieces and nephews. If you want it hard enough and you work at it, you can make it. As I am thinking about it I realize that maybe it(the test) was easy because of my blessing and fasting. At least I hope it was.
To everyone thank you for your support. It is really nice to have friends who care about you and wish you luck in your journey of finding yourself. I really appreciate all of you. You are so nice to me, even when you don't have to be. I am in the library crying I think people are watching so i better go.
Monday, January 26, 2009
My first half (before,11:25am,1pm,2pm, and end)
BEFORE(how my brain works)
I am so scared. What if I fell? I can always take it again. Stop worrying Diamond. You are going to do great. Am I going to be in a classroom by myself? What is the instructor like? Will I have a break in between the portions? What portions am I taking today? Am I going to take math? What if I fell. I can always take it again. What about my ACT's. That's to far in advance. What if I fell. Dad are we lost? I told you that you should have did it the way map quest said, but no you had to go on 75 when they said 95. Dad admit it you are lost. We are going to be late. They said if you come after 8:40 you won't take the test. Dad it is 8:30. IT'S RIGHT THERE!
11:45(science)
It wasn't that hard. But it did take me too long to finish it, because there was soo many paragraphs and charts that I have to read. I need to read faster. I wish I had some money to buy something do drink I am thirsty. We have to wait 25minutes before we do the next portion. I am sitting here bored out of my mind. I have nothing to do. I think I got most of the questions right. I only had to guess on 5.
1pm(social studies)
I just finished. It wasn't that difficult. The cool part is that I really studied hard on the s.s. and science. I had seen most of the problems before (not the exact same way but a lot like it). It is so cool to see the things I studied and conquer it. We have a 10min break before our final portion. I hope I pass. DIAMOND you can take it again. Stop yelling at yourself. Are you going crazy?
2pm(reading)
I just finished the reading portion. It was like I imagined it. On the GED practice I got 32 right and 8wrong. I hope I did better on the real test. The guesses that I made seemed rational to me. I am starving. You should have done what everyone told you and had a nice breakfast. I am so thirsty. In this big building you mean to tell me you couldn't have a water fountain put in.
After
THREE WEEKS! you have to be kidding me. Great now I have 3weeks worth of worrying. I have to pass in order to worry about my ACT's and college. This is going to be fun. Tomorrow I do math and writing. I hope the essay part is something I know about. It better not have anything to do with President Obama or I swear I will scream. Shut up Diamond.
I want to take this time and space and say thank you to everyone. It is so nice to actually get up and be happy. I talked to my mom yesterday and she told me that she was proud of me. Really proud of me. she and I both did not think that I would be getting ready to enter college. I may not go this year, but I definitely will next year.
I was so depressed growing up that we thought it was impossible for me to do anything other than stay glued to my room. I wake up with enthusiasm. Even when my family goes through drama I still know that I am a child of God and He wouldn't put me through things he feels I can't work out.
I got a blessing from Mike and all 8 missionaries. Then I got an extra dose of faith when I attended the fireside and I also fasted. It is so great to be apart of this family. I love it here. You guys have no idea how much I love and appreciate every single one of you. When I first entered the church I knew that it was a family. And I am blessed everyday even when we bicker quietly.
I can't wait to get my patriarchal blessing and go on a mission. I have never been this happy about leaving for a year and a half. Not once have I worried about it.............until now.
I should stop now this is going to be a long blog.
Wait...Mike thank you. I know you probably thought I was a nut job. I couldn't have done this without you. You believed in me even when I didn't believe in myself. I am so glad that I found you and this church because I have no idea where I would be without "my other family." Do you think I have a real shot at going to BYU?
Okay that's it no more writing.
I am so scared. What if I fell? I can always take it again. Stop worrying Diamond. You are going to do great. Am I going to be in a classroom by myself? What is the instructor like? Will I have a break in between the portions? What portions am I taking today? Am I going to take math? What if I fell. I can always take it again. What about my ACT's. That's to far in advance. What if I fell. Dad are we lost? I told you that you should have did it the way map quest said, but no you had to go on 75 when they said 95. Dad admit it you are lost. We are going to be late. They said if you come after 8:40 you won't take the test. Dad it is 8:30. IT'S RIGHT THERE!
11:45(science)
It wasn't that hard. But it did take me too long to finish it, because there was soo many paragraphs and charts that I have to read. I need to read faster. I wish I had some money to buy something do drink I am thirsty. We have to wait 25minutes before we do the next portion. I am sitting here bored out of my mind. I have nothing to do. I think I got most of the questions right. I only had to guess on 5.
1pm(social studies)
I just finished. It wasn't that difficult. The cool part is that I really studied hard on the s.s. and science. I had seen most of the problems before (not the exact same way but a lot like it). It is so cool to see the things I studied and conquer it. We have a 10min break before our final portion. I hope I pass. DIAMOND you can take it again. Stop yelling at yourself. Are you going crazy?
2pm(reading)
I just finished the reading portion. It was like I imagined it. On the GED practice I got 32 right and 8wrong. I hope I did better on the real test. The guesses that I made seemed rational to me. I am starving. You should have done what everyone told you and had a nice breakfast. I am so thirsty. In this big building you mean to tell me you couldn't have a water fountain put in.
After
THREE WEEKS! you have to be kidding me. Great now I have 3weeks worth of worrying. I have to pass in order to worry about my ACT's and college. This is going to be fun. Tomorrow I do math and writing. I hope the essay part is something I know about. It better not have anything to do with President Obama or I swear I will scream. Shut up Diamond.
I want to take this time and space and say thank you to everyone. It is so nice to actually get up and be happy. I talked to my mom yesterday and she told me that she was proud of me. Really proud of me. she and I both did not think that I would be getting ready to enter college. I may not go this year, but I definitely will next year.
I was so depressed growing up that we thought it was impossible for me to do anything other than stay glued to my room. I wake up with enthusiasm. Even when my family goes through drama I still know that I am a child of God and He wouldn't put me through things he feels I can't work out.
I got a blessing from Mike and all 8 missionaries. Then I got an extra dose of faith when I attended the fireside and I also fasted. It is so great to be apart of this family. I love it here. You guys have no idea how much I love and appreciate every single one of you. When I first entered the church I knew that it was a family. And I am blessed everyday even when we bicker quietly.
I can't wait to get my patriarchal blessing and go on a mission. I have never been this happy about leaving for a year and a half. Not once have I worried about it.............until now.
I should stop now this is going to be a long blog.
Wait...Mike thank you. I know you probably thought I was a nut job. I couldn't have done this without you. You believed in me even when I didn't believe in myself. I am so glad that I found you and this church because I have no idea where I would be without "my other family." Do you think I have a real shot at going to BYU?
Okay that's it no more writing.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
I don't know about this
Monday,January 26, I take the first half of my GED test. A GED is a high school diploma for people who dropped out. I am so nervous about the math part. Mike has been a great tutor. I don't think I could have made it this far without his help. I have been studying real hard. My pride is like on overdrive because I know that if I fell I can redo it, but I just don't want to fell it. In order for me to go to college or do anything with my life I have to have my GED. So hopefully in 2weeks I will blog about receiving my GED in the mail. If not, I have more studying to do.
Thanks to everyone at the church. You all have changed my life. If it wasn't for this church I would not be here getting ready for the test. I am so sure my life would be going down hill.
Anyway wish me luck!
Thanks to everyone at the church. You all have changed my life. If it wasn't for this church I would not be here getting ready for the test. I am so sure my life would be going down hill.
Anyway wish me luck!
Saturday, January 17, 2009
The only smile comes from within
Night time and music
The life I am living is now filled with butterflies and rainbows
Dancing in am ocean of sparkling onlookers
Smiling to myself and crying happy tears
My ears are tuning out all other noises
Suddenly I see a beautiful light like no other
Making me move my feet farther
Away away now floating on clouds
My life now feels its meaning
To dance and to sing
So sad now to see the sparkling onlookers leave
But I will always remember this memory
And forever love my night time and music
This next poem is too all of the married couples out there
Serenity of the Quietness
The birds chirping
The loud talking
The radio is cut on
The television is playing sports
The phone is ringing
The train is blowing
The moon light beautifully shining high
The stars illuminating the sky
Our bodies together
Hands clutched forever
Holding one another
As we bubble our serenity of quietness
Knowing that when we wake up we will forget all of it
The past week has been a little chaotic for me. My mom and our landlord got into it so we have to find a place to move, that can handle two families, and fast. My 15 year old nephew is in juvenile and we don't know for sure when he will get out. My older nephew is getting on my nerves. Something is going on with my nieces and no one will tell me what. I have been really studying for my GED test on the 26Th. Mike told me a good way to study, by getting school textbooks from the library, so that is what I am using. To my joy in just 1week I have finished reading history and science. Now all I have to do is remember what I have read and read math and english. My bright idea of making flashcards has turned into 200 index cards filled with important stuff about history and science, so all I have to do is actually READ THEM!!!!!!!!
I hope you liked those poems and my little recap of the week.
The life I am living is now filled with butterflies and rainbows
Dancing in am ocean of sparkling onlookers
Smiling to myself and crying happy tears
My ears are tuning out all other noises
Suddenly I see a beautiful light like no other
Making me move my feet farther
Away away now floating on clouds
My life now feels its meaning
To dance and to sing
So sad now to see the sparkling onlookers leave
But I will always remember this memory
And forever love my night time and music
This next poem is too all of the married couples out there
Serenity of the Quietness
The birds chirping
The loud talking
The radio is cut on
The television is playing sports
The phone is ringing
The train is blowing
The moon light beautifully shining high
The stars illuminating the sky
Our bodies together
Hands clutched forever
Holding one another
As we bubble our serenity of quietness
Knowing that when we wake up we will forget all of it
The past week has been a little chaotic for me. My mom and our landlord got into it so we have to find a place to move, that can handle two families, and fast. My 15 year old nephew is in juvenile and we don't know for sure when he will get out. My older nephew is getting on my nerves. Something is going on with my nieces and no one will tell me what. I have been really studying for my GED test on the 26Th. Mike told me a good way to study, by getting school textbooks from the library, so that is what I am using. To my joy in just 1week I have finished reading history and science. Now all I have to do is remember what I have read and read math and english. My bright idea of making flashcards has turned into 200 index cards filled with important stuff about history and science, so all I have to do is actually READ THEM!!!!!!!!
I hope you liked those poems and my little recap of the week.
Saturday, January 3, 2009
My 2008 life
I figured that you all should know what my life was like for 2008 (trust me it's not all that terrific or cool, so feel free to see someone else more fascinating blog.)
while reading The Owens blog of their review of 2008. I realized that most of my life has been gone down the drain. I have spent most of 2008 either in conclusion because of depression or in conclusion because there was nothing for me to do. either way I was in conclusion for all of 2008 up to Sept. when I met the missionaries. Everyone has these great stories of what there families have done in 2008 and I have only a few stories.
In 2008 I got baptized into the church (Don't get me wrong I am not belittling that. It was a major accomplishment which has in turned changed my life. I am only saying that is one of a few things that happened to me).
1. I decided to study to take my GED( Mike Owens you won't believe it but I took the post GED test in the back of the GED book and my average score is 536!
2. I celebrated my 18Th birthday with my family by going to Jeepers ( I wanted to be a kid for my last day of childhood).
3. I went to some great places with the Owens ( Henry Ford museum and the Macy's 2ND Monday to name a few) and that's about it.
How amazing is that? ( a joke )
I now know that I spent precious time being depressed as appose to living my life. I wish I hadn't because I am sure there are much better things I could have done.
I thank the church and everyone I have met because none of the most amazing things would not have happened if it weren't for getting baptized: like really studying to take my GED or hanging out with everyone and realizing how much I have been throwing away my life.
So here's is to the New Year of me being a better person and truly no longer being depressed!
Thanks again latter-day saints. You truly are saints to me.
while reading The Owens blog of their review of 2008. I realized that most of my life has been gone down the drain. I have spent most of 2008 either in conclusion because of depression or in conclusion because there was nothing for me to do. either way I was in conclusion for all of 2008 up to Sept. when I met the missionaries. Everyone has these great stories of what there families have done in 2008 and I have only a few stories.
In 2008 I got baptized into the church (Don't get me wrong I am not belittling that. It was a major accomplishment which has in turned changed my life. I am only saying that is one of a few things that happened to me).
1. I decided to study to take my GED( Mike Owens you won't believe it but I took the post GED test in the back of the GED book and my average score is 536!
2. I celebrated my 18Th birthday with my family by going to Jeepers ( I wanted to be a kid for my last day of childhood).
3. I went to some great places with the Owens ( Henry Ford museum and the Macy's 2ND Monday to name a few) and that's about it.
How amazing is that? ( a joke )
I now know that I spent precious time being depressed as appose to living my life. I wish I hadn't because I am sure there are much better things I could have done.
I thank the church and everyone I have met because none of the most amazing things would not have happened if it weren't for getting baptized: like really studying to take my GED or hanging out with everyone and realizing how much I have been throwing away my life.
So here's is to the New Year of me being a better person and truly no longer being depressed!
Thanks again latter-day saints. You truly are saints to me.
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