I stepped back and let Heavenly Father help guide me. I decided that I did not want to have this anger inside of me (it just blocked out the Spirit and I lost focus on my mission). I understand that people are ignorant- they have not been around people of different ethnicity. I cannot get angry at them for something that they do not realize is wrong. Our mindsets are different- I have struggled through life thinking that I cannot accomplish anything because of my skin color- while they have struggled with other things (I do not know what but we all have trials). It makes sense that I will be extremely sensitive to their remarks and they will be oblivious to how their comments can hurt me.
After my blow-up against Brigham Young University-Idaho and my roommates, I was able to get involved with school organizations. I talked to the Dean of Students about my concerns (and hate of the school); however, he helped me to see things in a different light. He says that since I wish that these students can see things through my eyes, why don’t I help them? He got me in contact with the Student Association. They have an African Heritage Association, that needs a President and they are in the process of interviewing candidates, and if I want to I can be on the board and help get things up and running. Although, I do not know a lot about my actual African heritage, it will be nice to learn and also help the students to see people of color as more good-for-nothing prisoners, drug addicts/ dealers, and prostitutes. Not only am I now getting involved in the African Heritage Association but I am also on the Student Involvement Representatives, today is my first day (so I will let you know what my actual job is). I was told that we go to apartments and tell them about the different associations and activities available on campus. It will help me to get to know other people.
After meeting with the Dean, I was able to speak to both of my teachers about my feelings. They understood how I felt and apologize for the actions of the students. They reiterated that these students are mostly from all-Caucasian neighborhoods and probably have never seen any other kind of ethnicity. I agreed and thanked them for talking to me. I was never angry at the teachers, just the ignorant students.
I then was able to meet President Clark (the president of the university). That was intimidating but awesome. He was so very nice and kind. He talked to me about his son-in-law who is Hispanic/ Mexican. He gave me great advice for how to deal with the students and roommates. He told me that the best thing is to let them know how I feel in class (“I do not agree with that and this is why…” or “I am a minority and this is some of the experiences that I have that are not what the media portrays us to be.”). He told me to never be afraid to stand up against their opinions or if I do agree but I do not agree with the “why it is the way it is” let them know (“Although Detroit may have a lot of bad officials I believe that it has to do with … and not with their skin color.). He then told me to do service for my roommates instead of being angry with how they treated me. He said that more than likely they were having a bad day and I just happened to get caught in the cross fire. I took the trash out and wrote them a note saying that I loved them (Sunday they apologized for what they said and they, indeed, were having a hard time). He is such a smart man.
On Sunday I also went to the Dean of Students home for dinner. He has two teenaged daughters and a four year old son. We had rice, meatballs, orange pudding, and pina colata cake. It was awesome. Then we played Just Dance on the Wii Kinect. It was awesome and it was good to get away from the apartment too.
Monday was a normal school day. But we had Family Home Evening (FHE) at Brother Mooso’s amazing home. It is so big and so beautiful. Our apartment had the lesson (McKenzie talked about how we should really know who Jesus Christ is and find a way to bear our testimony about him). We had yummy tacos. After that we played “Murder in the Dark.” I got killed three times! It was so much fun (3 killers and 18 people -including brother Mooso and 17 students). As we left to go home the boys, in their car, played Chinese Fire drill at every red light. I have never seen it before so I freaked out and my roommates laughed their heads off at me. It was so much fun.
I got my (almost) one month report card. I have a 87% (B+) in Psychology, 97% (A+) in Human Resource Management, 100% (A+) in Mission Preparation, 98% (A+) in Computer Basics, and 100% (A+) in American Foundations! I totally bombed my very first test in Psychology which coincided with the day that I got my mission call so I was not really in the right mind-set to take the test. Since then I have received an A on all of my Psychology tests and I am slowly but surely bringing up my grade.
As you can see, I am doing much better both in and out of school. Life is great! I cannot wait to go on my mission. I have $1000 saved for my mission necessities. I cannot wait to get there and let those people know just how much Heavenly Father loves them and can change their lives (just like he has done for me).
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Trying to Beat up the Devil
This has been a trying week for me. I am learning to not be so sensitive and how to forgive others. I have run into the same things that I witnessed Southern Virginia University but unlike last time, I was ready. Some students in two different classes have said very ignorant and flat-out stereotypical things regarding people of color. I do not think that they realized just how stereotypical they sounded but I am learning that not all people know any people of color and therefore based their opinions, about a particular race, on what they hear on the news, television shows, and what their parents may say. If I return to BYU-Idaho upon serving my mission, I hope to find a way to help this campus really learn what diversity and culture is. I mean the Culture Clubs do a good job at showing the campus that there is diversity but I have not really seen anyone show how diversity is good and how culture is important. People of color born in the United States is different from say Mexico, Africa, and Asia. I know that my culture is way different from Africa (we do have tribal dance or wear boubous) but we are also more than gangs, drugs, and prisoners. The people here tend to think that only people of color go to jail- I wonder if they know that only 15% of African Americans make up the jail population of drug dealers and addicts. I want them to know our struggles and our concerns. Why is it that only a few percentage of African Americans go to college? I think that it is because of people like the students in class that say that the only thing that African Americans are good for is crime! Well if you tell us that we will be nothing and do nothing with our life then nine times out of ten that is what will happen! I have spent most of my life having people telling me that I cannot and will not accomplish anything in my life. I have been told on numerous occasions that universities and colleges are for Caucasian people- there is no reason to go to college when you will not succeed. I have had people that I thought were my friends make fun of me because I was smart and they told me that being smart will get me no where in life- I will just end up on the street. I am just so tired of people beating up on African Americans and then expect us to do better. How can we if you keep pointing out the bad in us? I am very sure that African Americans are NOT the only ones who commit crimes and I KNOW for a fact that we are not the only ones that are members of gangs. I am also equally sure that there is more to us than what the media depicts of us.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Studying, Mission Call, and a Trip to the Doctor
This past week I have been knee deep in school work. I have found that I do not like the feeling of being overwhelmed (which I am sure that many people can agree does not feel good) so I have been trying to "get ahead" in school work so that I will not feel that way. This past weekend was a five-day weekend for me (I do not have classes on Friday and Monday was a holiday) so I spent most of the weekend doing homework (with the exception of Sunday and most of yesterday). I also had all of my first tests last week. I found that Human Resource Management was not as tough as I thought but Psychology will be my tough class. I; however, really like my teachers and I enjoy how all of my teachers tie in gospel to each of our class discussions.
Thursday I got my mission call! I have been called to the Washington DC South Mission (English Speaking) and I report to the MTC on May 2nd, 2012. I; therefore, will be able to spend a few weeks with my family before I go. I am excited to go to DC. I love the Temple and I will really like to get to know the people. I actually know a few people who will be in the Stake there so that will be exciting. Hopefully there will not be too much governmental debates (I get enough of that in my American Foundations class).
Saturday I woke up with a sharp pain in my right leg and let's just say I cried like a baby. I did not want to have to pay to go to the doctor and it really was not that bad so I just dealt with it. I guess I was afraid that if something was wrong I would not be able to go on a mission and I did not have class until today so I tried not to do too much walking. This morning; however, it was a little unbearable so I paid the $10 and went to the on-campus doctor. He asked me if I had been doing anything out of the ordinary and I told him that I have been pushing myself a little more on the treadmill and bike because I want to be in shape for my mission. At first he thought that maybe I just sprained my ankle but he decided to take an x-ray (at no cost to me!). Well after class I went back for a follow-up and he told me something cool. My left leg is 1/3rd of an inch shorter than my right leg! My right leg is trying to compensate for the difference by working harder than my left leg. He said that I need inserts to try to close the gaps but that I should be fine. I think that it is pretty unique but at the same time I always feel like whenever I am happy the Devil has to knock at my door. Go away! No one is home you jerk! Anyway that's all for now.
Thursday I got my mission call! I have been called to the Washington DC South Mission (English Speaking) and I report to the MTC on May 2nd, 2012. I; therefore, will be able to spend a few weeks with my family before I go. I am excited to go to DC. I love the Temple and I will really like to get to know the people. I actually know a few people who will be in the Stake there so that will be exciting. Hopefully there will not be too much governmental debates (I get enough of that in my American Foundations class).
Saturday I woke up with a sharp pain in my right leg and let's just say I cried like a baby. I did not want to have to pay to go to the doctor and it really was not that bad so I just dealt with it. I guess I was afraid that if something was wrong I would not be able to go on a mission and I did not have class until today so I tried not to do too much walking. This morning; however, it was a little unbearable so I paid the $10 and went to the on-campus doctor. He asked me if I had been doing anything out of the ordinary and I told him that I have been pushing myself a little more on the treadmill and bike because I want to be in shape for my mission. At first he thought that maybe I just sprained my ankle but he decided to take an x-ray (at no cost to me!). Well after class I went back for a follow-up and he told me something cool. My left leg is 1/3rd of an inch shorter than my right leg! My right leg is trying to compensate for the difference by working harder than my left leg. He said that I need inserts to try to close the gaps but that I should be fine. I think that it is pretty unique but at the same time I always feel like whenever I am happy the Devil has to knock at my door. Go away! No one is home you jerk! Anyway that's all for now.
Sunday, January 8, 2012
A New Year, A New House, and A New School
Well things have definitely changed over the past few weeks. On December 31st I left for Brigham Young University- Idaho. My first stop was Brigham City, Utah where I stayed with a wonderful family. Of course it being Christmas/ New Years time, (almost) the entire family was there. Sister Cooper has such a wonderful family. It was nice being there. I spent New Years eating yummy Chinese food and making "New Years predictions" with them. They made predictions about where I will be serving my mission (as close to home as Ohio and as far away as Africa). It was very nice. We celebrated New Years twice (both Sister Cooper and I have family in the East so we celebrated East Coast New Years and also Mountain New Years) it was very exciting. We ended the night with them surprising me with gifts for my new apartment.
Then Monday I headed off to BYU-ID on the Salt Lake Express. I met some very interesting people on the shuttle. Upon arriving, I realized that I would have to pull all of my stuff to the apartment 3 blocks south and two blocks west of campus! The blocks are like a mile long! But some wonderful girls gave me a ride and even helped me bring the suitcases up 3 flights of stairs! I live in an awesome apartment. Well, it is actually pretty small but I like it. I have 3 housemates (Jessie and McKenzie are from Wyoming and Allysa is from New York). Me and Allysa have been getting along very well. She is so funny. She reminds of a friend that I had at SVU so it is nice.
The campus itself is so confusing! It is so big that it has its on zip code! In one of my classes there are 75 students. Other than being really big and yet at the same time having me feel claustrophobic I like this place. I like being around LDS people. I enjoy seeing guys wearing ties (sorry Mike I have not seen any Bow Ties) and opening the door for me. I especially love hearing teachers add the gospel to our conversation. Of course there are some things that I am not quite fond of (I agree that clothing should be BYU-ID approved but seriously do I HAVE to wear a BYU-ID
t-shirt to the gym?). But other than the randomness of clothing attire at the gym I can say that this university is quite awesome.
Church is another thing! Today I just about had a panic attack. No the ward is not super big (in fact we only have 120 students in the ward). The church is basically in the Institute building. This normally would not freak me out (at SVU the Institute building is also our church building); however, we do not have a chapel to have sacrament. As you already know I do not like change. This like blew me away. We have sacrament in a class room that has individual desks. We do not have pews or a podium. When people bore their testimonies, they had to do so by walking up to the front of the room and use a microphone (kind of awkward). I just have so much change happening and it is finally hitting me that I am not in Michigan and soon I will be getting my mission call (another major change). Am I ready to leave AGAIN and this time go to some place where I really do not know anyone? Yes I am ready. I am ready for the next chapter in my life.
Thank you all for your support. I know that none of this would be possible with out you all helping and supporting me.
Then Monday I headed off to BYU-ID on the Salt Lake Express. I met some very interesting people on the shuttle. Upon arriving, I realized that I would have to pull all of my stuff to the apartment 3 blocks south and two blocks west of campus! The blocks are like a mile long! But some wonderful girls gave me a ride and even helped me bring the suitcases up 3 flights of stairs! I live in an awesome apartment. Well, it is actually pretty small but I like it. I have 3 housemates (Jessie and McKenzie are from Wyoming and Allysa is from New York). Me and Allysa have been getting along very well. She is so funny. She reminds of a friend that I had at SVU so it is nice.
The campus itself is so confusing! It is so big that it has its on zip code! In one of my classes there are 75 students. Other than being really big and yet at the same time having me feel claustrophobic I like this place. I like being around LDS people. I enjoy seeing guys wearing ties (sorry Mike I have not seen any Bow Ties) and opening the door for me. I especially love hearing teachers add the gospel to our conversation. Of course there are some things that I am not quite fond of (I agree that clothing should be BYU-ID approved but seriously do I HAVE to wear a BYU-ID
t-shirt to the gym?). But other than the randomness of clothing attire at the gym I can say that this university is quite awesome.
Church is another thing! Today I just about had a panic attack. No the ward is not super big (in fact we only have 120 students in the ward). The church is basically in the Institute building. This normally would not freak me out (at SVU the Institute building is also our church building); however, we do not have a chapel to have sacrament. As you already know I do not like change. This like blew me away. We have sacrament in a class room that has individual desks. We do not have pews or a podium. When people bore their testimonies, they had to do so by walking up to the front of the room and use a microphone (kind of awkward). I just have so much change happening and it is finally hitting me that I am not in Michigan and soon I will be getting my mission call (another major change). Am I ready to leave AGAIN and this time go to some place where I really do not know anyone? Yes I am ready. I am ready for the next chapter in my life.
Thank you all for your support. I know that none of this would be possible with out you all helping and supporting me.
Thursday, December 29, 2011
If I Don't Blog now I Never Will
Right now I am in the midst of figuring out what to take, what to ship, what to donate, and what to throw away. I have been doing this for the past 8 hours! I must admit I have the "what to throw away" all done but sheesh I still need to pack! In my defense this past week has been a little trying. I can feel the Devil watching me (kind of creepy). My mother is in the hospital and the doctors have run, will run, and are running tons of tests on her and all I want to know is WHAT IS WRONG. It is difficult because I feel like should I stay, should I go? Well that is already made up for me- run, drive, fly away ( you know since I have the airplane ticket that 2 people bought for me). I am just glad that I am done with that torturous Organic Chemistry. Saturday I will be in Utah and then off to Idaho! I am excited, scared, nervous, happy, anxious, and well excited.
Oh and by the way my mission papers have been submitted and I should get my mission call on January Th. Funny story so my Stake President "changed" the address to my apartment so that it will get there, unfortunately he switched my "home address" to Idaho instead of changing the address for "where to send your mission call". This normally would not be a problem. Well my apartment manager sent all of the tenants that she manages (not just my apartment) an email saying that we will not know our apartment numbers until check-in and NOT to send anything to the generic apartment building because that is actually the manager's office and all mail that is sent there will be sent back to sender. Hopefully I can get in contact with her and see if there is a way for that not to happen; otherwise, the church has no idea where I really am from or where my parents stay. One day I will find out where I am going to serve. Time to start guessing!
Oh and by the way my mission papers have been submitted and I should get my mission call on January Th. Funny story so my Stake President "changed" the address to my apartment so that it will get there, unfortunately he switched my "home address" to Idaho instead of changing the address for "where to send your mission call". This normally would not be a problem. Well my apartment manager sent all of the tenants that she manages (not just my apartment) an email saying that we will not know our apartment numbers until check-in and NOT to send anything to the generic apartment building because that is actually the manager's office and all mail that is sent there will be sent back to sender. Hopefully I can get in contact with her and see if there is a way for that not to happen; otherwise, the church has no idea where I really am from or where my parents stay. One day I will find out where I am going to serve. Time to start guessing!
Monday, December 19, 2011
Bus, Finals, Grades, Packing, two Deaths and a Wake
This past week has been quite hectic with finals and all. To add to the craziness of final's week, the buses decided to make a new schedule. This meant that I had to learn what buses to take to get to class and finals on time! I was so panicky that I did not really think about taking the actual finals. Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays I have to be at work at 9am- luckily with the new schedules I got to work at 8:30 so I could get more hours in at work but getting home was another story. Getting to and from work required me getting on different buses so I had to remember what 3 buses I take in the morning and what 3 buses I take in the afternoon and I had to make sure that I did not switch them up.
Tuesday I was treated to lunch with the Stake Relief Society President she really helped me to relax from school and not worry too much. I knew that I was doing well in two of my classes so I was not worried about the finals but I was not doing very well in Intro to Organic Chemistry. After lunch I studied for my test in Chemistry. I then took my Chemistry test (not the final just a 5 chapter test!) Thursday I found out that I scored the highest grade, a 93, and then we took the final! I also took my Marriage and the Family and Astronomy finals on Thursday.
The results: A in Marriage and the Family and an A in Astronomy. I received a B+ in Intro to Organic Chemistry (a miracle because I had been getting C's in the class before the test and final). My overall GPA was lowered a little to a 3.69 from a 3.75. But I am happy and I hope to bring it up once I start classes at BYU-ID.
After finishing school and work I started packing (more like getting rid of stuff that I refuse to take with me). So far I have given away or donated clothes and books. Now I have to go through folders and paperwork to decide if I am going to keep it or throw away.
Saturday I usually go over my parents house to spend time with them and also so my dad can take me and my nieces to church on Sunday. Sunday after church we found out that a woman who I have known all of my life (kind of like an aunt to me) died and that her wake was today (as in today- Monday) and I knew that my real aunt had died and her wake was also today. Unfortunately my real aunt lives in Ohio and my poor dad's van will not make it. However, my other aunt paid to bring my aunt's body up here to Michigan (her funeral will be tomorrow). The other woman's wake was today so I spent Sunday night at my dad's house and today we went to her wake. It was so very sad. I wanted to talk to her daughter and tell her that there is more to life after death but she was so angry and bitter that I do not think that I could change her mind. I wrote her a little note though. I am so very grateful for this church and this gospel because I know that we can see our family again. With that being said I had a conversation with another woman from my church who told me that if my parents are not married when they die, I cannot be sealed to them. There is so much that I do not know about this church. How in the world can I serve a mission when I do not know enough?
Tuesday I was treated to lunch with the Stake Relief Society President she really helped me to relax from school and not worry too much. I knew that I was doing well in two of my classes so I was not worried about the finals but I was not doing very well in Intro to Organic Chemistry. After lunch I studied for my test in Chemistry. I then took my Chemistry test (not the final just a 5 chapter test!) Thursday I found out that I scored the highest grade, a 93, and then we took the final! I also took my Marriage and the Family and Astronomy finals on Thursday.
The results: A in Marriage and the Family and an A in Astronomy. I received a B+ in Intro to Organic Chemistry (a miracle because I had been getting C's in the class before the test and final). My overall GPA was lowered a little to a 3.69 from a 3.75. But I am happy and I hope to bring it up once I start classes at BYU-ID.
After finishing school and work I started packing (more like getting rid of stuff that I refuse to take with me). So far I have given away or donated clothes and books. Now I have to go through folders and paperwork to decide if I am going to keep it or throw away.
Saturday I usually go over my parents house to spend time with them and also so my dad can take me and my nieces to church on Sunday. Sunday after church we found out that a woman who I have known all of my life (kind of like an aunt to me) died and that her wake was today (as in today- Monday) and I knew that my real aunt had died and her wake was also today. Unfortunately my real aunt lives in Ohio and my poor dad's van will not make it. However, my other aunt paid to bring my aunt's body up here to Michigan (her funeral will be tomorrow). The other woman's wake was today so I spent Sunday night at my dad's house and today we went to her wake. It was so very sad. I wanted to talk to her daughter and tell her that there is more to life after death but she was so angry and bitter that I do not think that I could change her mind. I wrote her a little note though. I am so very grateful for this church and this gospel because I know that we can see our family again. With that being said I had a conversation with another woman from my church who told me that if my parents are not married when they die, I cannot be sealed to them. There is so much that I do not know about this church. How in the world can I serve a mission when I do not know enough?
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Everything is Falling Into Place
As I am typing this, I am full of emotion ( the usual: worried with a mix of happy). I just got back from having a meeting the Stake President Lantz. He was interviewing me so that I can go a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. He, of course, was intense with a mixture of funny. I am very happy that everything is falling into place: I am leaving in a month to go to BYU-Idaho, have a few job interviews lined up, and now getting my mission call in the next two weeks. But now I have no control over: if the plane will not kill me when I am traveling to Idaho, if I will even like BYU-Idaho, if I will get the job, or where I will go on my mission (could be Texas, not Utah- please not Utah, Antarctica, Belgium- oh yes Belgium, France- not too shabby, or China but the point is I do not know where). There is just so much that I do not know. I know, I know, trust in Heavenly Father. I do... I just do not trust other people like the pilot, strangers in Idaho, unknown mission companions, just people okay! But I know that this is what Heavenly Father wants for me. This is what I want from me.
I have done a complete 360 in my life- no, I have never been a bad person but I have changed. I have gone from contempt with my life to hopeful and I like it! I like the direction that my life is headed. I have come from nothing, believed in nothing, gone nowhere, and wanted nothing to knowing that I come from Greatness; believing in myself, my capabilities, and my desires; going to Virginia, will go to Idaho, and then a mission; and I want what is best for me. I want to live a righteous life and graduate from BYU-Idaho, get married, have children, and make something out of myself. I want to close my eyes and not think of the bad things. I want to not have to make up "a fantasy life" in my head because it is too difficult to imagine a real man wanting to be with me. I want to breathe and not wonder if this is all a figment of my imagination. I just want to know if this is for something and not all for nothing. I do not want to come back from my mission and some how have my walls crashing down. I do not want to hear "there is no one out there for you" or "you are not good enough for this" or "you can never have this." Brain please shut up.
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