For the Beauty of the Earth

As I sit contemplating on what to write about the past month I am reminded of the hymn 'For the Beauty of the Earth.' I have truly been blessed with beautiful tender mercies lately and I just want to praise my Father in Heaven. As I have begun putting my life in the Lord's hands I have seen a transition like no other in who I am becoming. Yes, from time to time I have slipped up and made hilarious mistakes and I have even had a bout with sadness being away from home and the people that I love; however, nothing can be more sweeter than seeing my countenance change each day as I move one step closer to who God needs me to be.

Two days ago I asked my Father in Heaven to help me learn from a trial that I had been struggling with. Today in sacrament meeting through the tender words of my beautiful roommate Chyenne He answered me. In her talk, Chyenne, deciphered the first six words of Matthew 7:13 "Enter ye in at the strait gate." She invited us to imagine what it would look like. She gave us her interpretation of a long dark hallway leading to a light and the beautiful gate with our God there beckoning us to come inside. Along that hallway though lies many doors, doors of trials. As we try to find our way down that narrow, dark hallway we are pulled, enticed, or frankly walk through those doors. However, as we all know, our loving Savor is there the entire time; the Atonement is there the entire time. The Atonement brings us out of the doors and back onto the narrow path, the hallway, towards are Father in Heaven. It wasn't the trial that I had to learn from but it was the reaffirming, healing, powerful message that I am never alone!

I don't know why I have constantly struggled with this concept. You would think that after a while I would be secure in the fact of having a God and Savior rooting for me, standing here with me. But yet again, loneliness crept into my heart as I thought about my family back home and feeling inadequate like I have to prove to the world that I'm intelligent and deserve to be here at Brigham Young University-Idaho. On Facebook a friend of mine posted a question asking us what our nonphysical fears are. I guess mine would be a fear of feeling or being utterly alone. My entire life I was always afraid of my parents or siblings dying. Then as I came to join the church I was afraid of God and Christ abandoning me either because of me distancing myself from them or them "falling out of love with me." How silly. Then I gained a great friend who I too became afraid of losing. It has literally caused me to crawl up in a ball and cry myself to sleep. It is a real fear, one that can damage such a great relationship with this person. For a few hours I seriously contemplated not liking him for fear of losing him- I would rather be alone than feel betrayed or abandoned. I am so grateful for Chyenne and for the Spirit which teach me over and over and over again that I do not have to be afraid. I can trust in God and my Savior. They are here- Father beckoning me to come to Him and the Savior lifting me, encouraging me, and leading me down that scary, dark path. 

It Wouldn't Be Faith If You're Not Tested

I have been trying to come up with a way to say everything within the confines of the blog. I don't really know what to say other than I made it! I am so grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who stands right by me. I have always been the person who falters or runs away in the midst of trail or turmoil. I do not like drama and I never like being the center of attention. The beginning of the semester has been an adventure. I must admit that I have been at my highest highs and my lowest lows all in one. 

Just when I wanted to give up and call it quits the Lord engulfed me with his protecting arm. I don't know how he does it! I was at my low point and a very inspired woman invited me to go to the temple with her. I stepped into the temple and immediately was engulfed with an overwhelming feeling of love. 

Doctrine and Covenants 18:10-11 really encompasses how I felt that day. I felt so important, numbered and loved. I can imagine how Christ suffering in Gethsemane applied to me.  When He suffered, he literally felt everything that I ever have, do, or will feel. His life was real and it was for me. 

I have been studying from a packet that President Wilson (my last mission president) gave to the departing missionaries. It has been a comfort. I can see the person that I am becoming. Even in those horrid times when I feel alone, I know that I am not. I am so grateful to have served a mission so that I can lean on the testimony that I gained from there. It has been wonderful to actually trust in the person that I am becoming and to see the transformation that 18 months of service has provided. 

I tried out for and got into the Academy of Comedy Group and we performed the other day. I have no desire to be a full-time comic. I did it because I wanted to find new friends and be involved on campus. I love being part of this university because I can dabble in anything and still be a disciple of Jesus Christ. I told jokes about who I am and doing that I really got to see my progression in life. I am actually happy and I am stronger than I ever have been in my entire life. 

In the end, these last three weeks have been a spiritual strengthening experience. 

The Spirit of Ricks

The Weekend that I arrived at Brigham Young University- Idaho I signed up for 'Get Connected'. Get connected is the equivalent of a new student orientation and it happens the weekend before classes start. During a special seminar called 'The Spirit of Ricks' I learned the sacred nature of Brigham Young University- Idaho. I am so grateful for all of those early pioneers who sacrificed so much to start this university. They saw our day and they knew the potential of the students here. One particular notion stayed with me over the weeks: "The Lord has brought you here to become who He is."

As I pondered that comment, I few things came to mind. What exactly does it mean to "become who He is"? I don't mean that I will become Christ! Obviously that's impossible, right? Wrong!  Then, who is Christ? In Mosiah (in the Book of Mormon, pages 151-152) Chapter 3 versus 5-11 it talks of Him. Specifically it mentions that He is Lord Omnipotent (all Powerful), He works miracles, He suffered temptation, He’s the Creator, and eventually He Atoned (died) for the sins of the world. He is amazing! I am sure that He has done more than these particular scriptures mention. What I found particularly interesting is the lack of words like prideful, unloving, unforgiving, or selfish. That’s the point of it all. We become Christ as we develop our lives in such a way that our mind is the mind of Christ. If we were Him would we be mean, crude, immoral, vulgar, prideful, unloving, or unforgiving to name a few? In 3 Nephi (Book of Mormon, page 460) it reads:

 “…What manner of men ought ye to be? Verily I say unto you, even as I am.”

How do I develop my life in such a way that I can become Him? It makes me think back to that seminar in ‘The Spirit of Ricks’. I learned how the university (then known as ‘Ricks College’) had struggled at the beginning from money being low to needing professors and yet through it all they kept trucking along. The feelings of gratitude and admiration were strong as I left that building. Why does it matter? Those people sacrificed not really knowing what led ahead. Yes, they had a vision of one day being a religious university but how many of us say I want to be this or I want to do that and then do NOTHING. These pioneers pushed when they wanted to give up and they sacrificed money and time and many other things for the cause of this special university.

Like Ricks College, Christ knew our potential, He saw our faces in that Garden as He bled and I am sure He continued to see our faces when he was on the cross. He pushed when He wanted to give up (Luke 22:43-44).

The song sums up exactly how I feel:

Becoming like Christ means doing as Christ did. It means gaining the attributes that He possesses. It will take time and I am still working on it. When I do actually take the time to heed Christ’s counsel and His direction I notice how much I become more like the pioneers of old and most importantly I become more like the Savior. Oh how I love the spirit of Ricks. I testify that as we mold ourselves to become Christ, we will be happy, we will have added strength.  And as we make sacrifices to create our own spirit of Ricks, we will develop to become more like Christ. 

That Awkward Transition

So I am in the midst of preparing to go to university and thought it appropriate to end my travelogue of the mission by sharing something that I learned from the mission. Here I will share three things that I learned from my mission:

1. I learned that this work is not about me. I am just the vessel and the tool but Heavenly Father is the miracle worker. I do not know these people yet He does. He knows their name and their character. He knows who is ready to hear the gospel and who is not. He knows what to say for them to become interested in the Gospel. He knows what their fears are and how to help them. He knows what they need. I do not know any of these things. However, God has given me the Holy Ghost to direct me and to tell me all of these things. No matter how much I may look at myself and say that I have accomplished this or that, I haven't, Heavenly Father has through me.

 

2. I have learned what the miracle of the Atonement truly is. I am not perfect. The truth is no one is. The purpose of missionary work is to get everyone to partake of the Atonement. To know Christ and what He did and why He did it. He Atoned for us so that we all can have the opportunity to repent, which means change, and become more like Him. As I have served I have gotten to see my weaknesses which has allowed for me to go to Christ and beg for the Atonement to strengthen those things that I lack. A very wise person told me that the missionary name tag gives me the license to do things that I would not do... such as talk to complete strangers, be happy and perky all of the time, to invite members to give us referrals, etc. I have gotten to do those things and it is only through the Atonement that I can be a better person than I ever have been. President has said that there is no comfort is change and there is no change is comfort. That is so true. Each transfer I have changed in something and I tell you that none of that change has come easy. But as I exercise my faith in the Savior, He has strengthened me to change.

 

3. I have learned the importance of not looking back. With the mission change I catch myself either comparing President Wilson to President Riggs or comparing my current area to previous areas and each time that I do it leaves me frustrated or angry that I am in the Virginia Richmond Mission.  I would think about what I have done wrong to be placed here instead of thinking of the blessings that have come as a result. In the past few weeks as I talk to members and they remind me that I am leaving I reflect on my mission goals and my mission constitution and why I came out here. And I realize how blessed I have really been. I think about how much I love Sister Hammond and how she has helped me and I think about the sisters that I am over and how I have been a blessing to them and they to me. I think about the members and how much I love them. Last night, while talking to Sister Hammond I realized that there is not other place that I'd rather be than serving along side her. Had you asked six months ago if I would love the Virginia Richmond Mission I would say NO but ask me now and I'd say that I love it more than anyone could ever know. This is where I learned that trusting in God means giving up your will and letting Him take control. I am so grateful for the scriptures that teach of Lot's wife and Laman and Lemuel who spent their entire lives murmuring and prideful.

Joy to the World and Blitz with the YSA ward

This week has been a pretty weird week to say the least. On Tuesday we had district meeting and during our meeting we each went around the room and shared our converstion story. It was so amazing. Everyone's conversion is different yet it all has led us to the same place, a mission. I am so grateful for Heavenly Father in putting us all here and helping us to strengthen our testimonies as we serve him faithfully.

 

On Tuesday we had a lesson with a woman name Joy. She is a single mother whose husband was deported back to Mexico. She has two of the cutest boys ever! I love her so much. I am excited to continue to teach her. She really wants this gospel. She already wants t get baptized!

 

On Friday we went on an adventure trying to find a house of a former investigator. It was like craziness. We were driving up the Shenandoah Mountains almost at 1100 elevation. It was so much fun until... we didn't end up finding the house. Lame! We called but they didn't answer. So sad yet so worth it.

 

On Saturday we did exchanges with the Charlottesville YSA Sisters and then did a blitz with our zone in their area. They are struggling with finding new investigators so four other sets of missionaries and the Charlottesville YSA Elders came and we all took over Charlottesville. It was so much fun. I love serving with other missionaries. It is so much fun and you get a lot of things accomplished. That night I got a letter from my mom that freaked me out so I called President Wilson. I got a Priesthood Blessing from the zone leaders that calmed my entire frame. It was so amazing! I am so grateful for the Priesthood and that it was restored to allow for 20 year old men to administer to me and say the words that God wants to say to me.

 

Next week is going to be super crazy we have zone conference on Thursday (which we have to train at, it's going to be hilarious we hope we don't get in trouble), Tuesday/ Wednesday we will do exchanges, Friday we are going on exchanges with the Spanish missionaries, and Saturday is the day of service and the relief society broadcast! Busy, busy, busy.

 

Spiritual thoughts:

 

This week I studied both 'His Grace is Sufficient' by Brad Wilcox and 'Broken Things to Mend' by Elder Holland:

 

In Broken Things to Mend Elder Holland says:

 

 It seems clear that the essence of our duty and the fundamental requirement of our mortal life is captured in these brief phrases from any number of scenes in the Savior’s mortal ministry. He is saying to us, “Trust me, learn of me, do what I do. Then, when you walk where I am going,” He says, “we can talk about where youare going, and the problems you face and the troubles you have. If you will follow me, I will lead you out of darkness,” He promises. “I will give you answers to your prayers. I will give you rest to your souls.”

 

He continues:

Considering the incomprehensible cost of the Crucifixion and Atonement, I promise you He is not going to turn His back on us now. When He says to the poor in spirit, “Come unto me,” He means He knows the way out and He knows the way up. He knows it because He has walked it. He knows the way because He is the way.

 

I know that He hears us and He knows us. As we lean on His Atonement we can and will be healed. I know that He answers prayers.

 

As I have read the speech by Brad Wilcox one part in particular has been on my mind everyday for the past four days:

In all of these cases there should never be just two options: perfection or giving up. When learning the piano, are the only options performing at Carnegie Hall or quitting? No. Growth and development take time. Learning takes time. When we understand grace, we understand that God is long-suffering, that change is a process, and that repentance is a pattern in our lives. When we understand grace, we understand that the blessings of Christ’s Atonement are continuous and His strength is perfect in our weakness (see 2 Corinthians 12:9). When we understand grace, we can, as it says in the Doctrine and Covenants, “continue in patience until [we] are perfected” (D&C 67:13).
I constantly want to improve and get better but I find myself hitting those 'wrong notes' now I am realizing that it's okay to not be perfect right now. I need not beat myself up when I make those mistakes. I can and will be better but it does take time and it really is that process. I am so grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who helps us and who sent His Son to die for us so that we can have access to the Atonement and to His Grace.

Sisters Meeting, Crazy Week of Exchanges, and a Baptism

This week was a super busy week. On Tuesday we had Sisters Meeting with all of the sister missionaries in the Richmond Virginia Mission. It was very interesting. One of the speakers talked to us about mental and spiritual well being. She talked about how our personal worth is not dependent on our circumstances. She said that no matter where we are or what we are doing on worth is the same. She slammed a pole onto the ground and said: "I will not bend. My worth doesn't move, it doesn't change." It has impacted the past few days as I have tried to constantly remind myself of my needs.

Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday we went on exchanges with four sets of missionaries. We were so exhausted when we got home Friday night. It was so crazy but it was super fun. I got to teach in Spanglish with a set of Spanish missionaries. It was a lot of fun. On Saturday we went on two- two hour exchanges with sister missionaries in Charlottesville, it was a lot of fun. 

On Saturday Robin Blanco was baptized. The sisters had been meeting with her for a month. I had the opportunity to teach her some lessons before she was baptized as well. She is so great. Her baptism was super hilarious. Satan really did not want her to be baptized. Everything that could have gone wrong did go wrong. It was so stressful but seeing her finally, after two hours, enter the water and partake of the ordinance of baptism made it all worth it. 

I am so happy that I am here with Sister Hammond. She really is amazing. Everyday I learn from her how to be better. She is so great at loving the sisters and insuring that their needs are taken care of. Sometimes I get stuck in thinking about our area that I forget to take the time to really get to know the sisters and seek for revelation on how to help them.

Spiritual Thought: 

This week I have been focusing on my, and the sisters, spiritual well being. I have been reading the talk 'You Matter to Him' by President Uchtdorf and I am still studying the topic of Sacrifice. I have also been deciphering and personalizing the hymn 'I am a Child of God.' All of these things have been great sources of strength.

Sister Training Leader and Sacrifice

This week has been a week of adventure as I have taken on the responsibilities of Sister Training Leader. We are over seven sets of sisters and they are so fun. Two sets live close by (the neighboring area) however the other sets live 35-80) miles away! Because of this we are not often in our area (maybe two- three days per week) so when we are in our area we have to work really hard. Three of the sisters that we are over are struggling a lot so we have spent a lot of time in their area helping them and working with their other leaders and president. But it has been great to fervently pray to Heavenly Father to receive revelation for these sisters and then say the things that they need to hear. 

We had a baptism here of a part-member family. The Sisters had been teaching Natalie for months and she was baptized on Friday. I want to help her husband get back active. She seems like a great woman so I hope that she stays on the right path and will be a blessing for him. 

I am excited to continue in this adventure with Sister Hammond. Heavenly Father put us together for a reason. She is so funny just like me and we really get a long well. I am helping her with some things and she is helping me. I love her so much and I hope that we stay together for my last transfer. 

Spiritual Thought: 

This week I have been studying 'Sacrifice' along with the rest of the mission. President Wilson wanted us to. So as I have been studying I have seen the significance of the Atonement and what a huge sacrifice that was for our Savior. I have also studied the sacrifice of Joseph Smith. He sacrificed his entire life for the gospel to be brought forth. 

I decided that I wanted to sacrifice something for my Savior as gratitude and also be come closer to Him. I am going to sacrifice my comfort zone. There are those little sins of omission and even commission that we do everyday. We find a reason to continue to do them and even rationalize about them. I have determined now to do away with them! They hinder me from being closer to my Father in Heaven and even cause my Savior pain. Why would I ever want to do that? I am choosing this moment right now to stop doing/ not doing those things that will stop my progression towards exaltation. With the help of Heavenly Father I know that I can become better.