My hectic Christmas

It all started Christmas eve. My mother got me up at 11pm to start making the food for Christmas. I had only been asleep for an hour. We didn't have that much to cook seeing as we could only afford a little food. But my mom insisted that we should start cooking the food then. Because we eat Christmas dinner for lunch a 1pm. So we were up until 4am cooking and cleaning.

My nieces woke us up at 6 am to open their presents. It was fun seeing them open them, however my youngest niece threw a tantrum because she only got half of what she wanted. She did not get any Hannah Montana things. She did get the doll and stroller she wanted and many other things. But she was so unhappy with not getting any Hannah Montana, so we had to suffer 2hours of her crying.

But my nephew was a gem. He opened all of his presents and was only enthused by a learning computer. We were unable to buy him the car he can get in and drive because it cost $400 and my sister got a $200 ticket that we had to pay because it was overdue. So we got him another car that sings and dances. However, he was so terrified of it that he refused to be near it. He cried and pushed it away from him. He was so cute though. He would just stare at it. Today was the first time he played with it, but that was only because my dad got down on the floor with him and sung with the car.

My oldest niece loved all of her presents and was really appreciative. I didn't get anything my dad said that he will give me the money I need to go to California next month and I am okay with that because I know a lot happened this month to make my dad hard of money. He didn't get any of the jobs he was waiting on. However, I was a little upset when I didn't get the personal CD player I asked my uncle to buy me. It only costs approx. $20.

Then we noticed that my sister had taken the pot we were to make the dressing and turkey parts in. I told my sister to give us the pot and she told me that her turkey and dressing was in the pot. My dad had to go to five stores until we got a new pot which put us 3hours behind schedule.

However that wasn't all. Someone used our canned cheddar cheese for the macaroni and cheese. We went to 5 stores and everyone was out. Me and my mom was so upset. I couldn't believe someone would use it and not let us know. If they had told us the day before I am sure we would have found some. Most grocery stores were closed because it was Christmas.

The elders came over at 2pm when we had just finished cooking everything. They stayed over for about 10minutes. It was fun taking to them.

But the drama wasn't over. Everyone was grumpy and pouting. The only one who was not grumpy was my little nephew. It all made me so angry. We were suppose to be celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ. Jesus wasn't born grumpy and neither should we. People started arguing over nothing. My nephew got upset because he didn't got only $50 and nothing else. He got the $50 two days before and he thought my mom gave it to him to buy people stuff for Christmas, which is what I thought too. But my mom said that was his Christmas gift. So he bought people stuff and not himself and was angry. Even though I couldn't blame him it still made me mad because I wanted everyone to be happy. I did get anything not even $50 and I didn't pout, okay maybe a little.

I think we are the only family who can turn Christmas into a drama packed day. O well. Maybe next Christmas will be better. P.S. thank you to everyone who bought my nieces anything and to Hallie for buying me a coat I really needed it. even if I don't say so. Sometimes I am to proud for my own good. Also here are some pics of my nephew with the Christmas tree and him opening his presents.

the greatest memories

Yesterday a guy at my church got baptized. It was so much fun watching him get baptized. It was the first time I got to see someone get baptized. I was the last one at the church to get baptized before him so I never got to see anyone. When I entered the church I could just feel how anxious I was when I got baptized. It was so peculiar to me until I told my friend Damoni. She told me that she felt the same way when she saw her first baptism after being baptized.
It was like I could smell all of the smells that I overlooked before I got baptized; like the food and the different aromas of the people there. I could feel the water being cold and my clothes tightening as I bent down into the water. I could see Brother Hilton and the little children's' face right before I went under.
I was so proud of Adrian and was so happy that he decided to share it with us. I didn't get to talk to him very long, but I could tell that he was happy and nervous that he made the choice to get baptized.
I hope that I never forget the day I got baptized, because those memories are the greatest.

The story of my life (as told by other people)

Monday
Damoni: This is a fun trip to the mall. I can't wait to see what you are going to get me for Christmas. What should I give my mom she likes weird things...................like you. Maybe I should get her a old school cd. Cds aren't weird but it is something you would like.

Tuesday (at the Youth Christmas Party)
Joshua: We are going to win the wrapping game because you don't know how to do anything girly. OK truce because you don't know how to go to battle with a boy.

Sofia: You brought a youth to the party. You are such a geek. You are the only one that would do it.

Jacob: I hurt my leg but it looks like you are the one that need a hug.

Damoni: You look sad.

The lullaby in me

This past week has been pretty chaotic. I babysat twice this week and it was so fun. I missed it so much. I hadn't babysat in over 4months. So babysitting on two different days was so much fun. The children were awesome.
Tuesday though was pretty tough. I had some problems with my family and how they felt about my church. They didn't believe that you can have faith in a church the way I did. I spent the next couple of days proving to myself that the way I felt for the church is right. But I ended up forgetting about going church Tuesday and some funny things happened while I was gone so I was a little sad.
Thursday we had a dinner for the missionaries at the church. It was so funny. we had Mexican food and it was very spicy. One of the Young men was dared to eat this spicy hot sauce named After Death Sauce. He did and it was so hot it felt like it burned your intestine. One of the Young men leaders ate it and he said it was not hot at all. It was too hot for me and I only had a drop. Afterwards the young people there treated me like I was invisible. So I was upset at that. Sometimes the people there can be childish. Its like everyone started avoiding me. I felt so bad for myself.
The Young women and men had planned on singing at our Christmas party at the church Saturday but only me and Jacob, a young man at the church, ended up doing it. It was so much fun. I was a little scared getting up there and singing in front of the church, but it turned out great. I love Jacob he is so cool. However, some of the young women didn't like it and were upset with me. They didn't tell me to my face, but they didn't have to, they just didn't involve me with anything.
The next day, Sunday, I had to speak on Living By Faith. Everyone said that I did an awesome job. I hope I did because I was so nervous. However, the same young women weren't impressed because they seemed more angry than the day before. It's like I am the new girl so they do not feel I should be as involved as I am. I am only speculating. But I had no choice in the talk and the singing they were suppose to do with us they were the ones who decided not to do it. Sometimes they make me feel like an outsider. People can be so childish.
However the church can also be a Godsend. My nieces would have only had the things my sister old church gave if it wasn't for the people at my church getting them some things. I am so happy because I was worrying about them having somethings for Christmas. Don't get me wrong I am happy that the other church gave them some things. I really appreciate everyone going through the trouble for them.
Today I am going to hangout with a Young women from the church, Damoni, she and I are alike. We both have chaotic families and are both taking care of someone. I am taking care of my nieces and nephew and she is taking care of her brother. We both love poetry and reading. She is so nice and her and Jacob are the only young people at the church that I really like and who like me.
At home: my family came to my talk on Sunday and on Saturday at the Christmas Party my oldest sister came. My other sister has another dog upstairs that she is not taking care of. My mother back is hurting really bad. My nephew has problems with seeing people leave out of the house. He cried for 30minutes when I left to go to the store. He does that everyday now. My young niece that lives with me has a terrible attitude. She doesn't listen to me and will just scream she wants her mom when I tell her to do something. My dad two friends whom are living with us are getting on my nerves. Isabel gets angry when someone who doesn't live on our floor gets something to eat out of the refrigerator. Then she whines about little things it gets so annoying. My family now refuses to have family night on Mondays. My nephew now is acting like my sister with my phone. They all refuse to believe that it is my phone so now I am going to have to take it and not let anyone see it. Then they do not want to do anything fun for Christmas. I want us to make cookies and things like that but they don't. They make it so hard to get in the Christmas mood. It makes me so angry and sad. But whatever. A friend told me that shadows come and go but the sun is always here even when I don't see it.
So that has all been my chaotic week. I can't wait to see what this week holds.

Raining, feeling gloomy:Do I worry too much

It's raining outside and for some reason I am sad. The rain has never done this to me before. I don't know whether to laugh or cry. Every thing is okay at home and I just had a lesson with the elders.

Yesterday I met one of my visiting teachers, Sister Grange. She brought her daughter and I was so thrilled. They are very nice and I had fun.

I do not understand myself sometimes. Its like I am asking to be upset about absolutely nothing. My sister said it best, "You are a worry-aholic." I am worrying about my worrying do I worry too much do I worry to little. It is like I am stuck inside myself.

Two days ago my nephews and I hung out in my room. We ate food, drank vitamin water, and watched movies. It was so fun. But I couldn't help but worry about them. I don't want them to get into a worse situation then they are already in. I want them to graduate school and become someone. But it is so hard for them to focus they already see themselves as failures. I don't know what to do. And my family expect me to go to college, get a degree, and take care of my entire family. I am not going to be able to do that. So now I see myself as failing too. What am I going to do about them.

Everyday I worry about getting my GED. Then I worry about going on a mission, IN THREE YEARS!!!!!!!!! I have at least two and a half years to worry about it. Next I worry about going to college and getting a job which is understandable. But then I go on and worry about the people at church. Do they like me and am I unapproachable. It gets so ridiculous. I am a loose cannon sometimes.

Today I blame it on the rain. And tomorrow I will have something new to blame it on.

What a Poem!

Understanding


it is only here to make me cry
alone I feel at night
tears fall as I lay my head
on this pillow on the bed

I don't understand why I am here alone once again
I don't understand how I can feel this way again
every night I cry and everyday I smile
but deep inside I have no feeling at all
to understand is to know nothing
to appreciate is to feel everything

watching you go is the hardest thing I have done
but I know why and that makes it hurt more
you are gone and I can only cry
I am here and waiting

carrying your baby
inside of me is a little piece of me
inside of me is all of you

we will wait
wait
wait
wait
wait

we
understand

just starting

I am an 18 year old girl living in Detroit. I have been here forever and can not wait to leave. this life hasn't turned quite the way I want it to be. but something has to give, right? I have decided to start blogging because everyone important to me is.

I am going to college in the fall of next year, at least that is the plan. I am a member of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I got baptized in Sept. 2008, so I am pretty new. I do not have any family members in the church so it is just me.

My family is not that great. I wish they were but wishing won't make it happen. I am the youngest of 4. I am the only one without children. I love mountains and boats. I have never been out of Michigan. I want to live in a small town where everyone knows everyone. My life so far has been more chaotic than anything else. I love poetry and country music.