I did it!

Okay so I knew that I did it on February 18Th, but finally it is official. I just got my GED certificate in the mail today. The missionaries was leaving and the mail man came as the went out the door. I told the missionaries that I hope it is my GED certificate. I had spoke to the woman at the place that I took the test and she told me that I will receive my certificate 3 to 4 weeks after taking my test if I passed not when I receive my results. So I figured exactly a month ago I took my GED test. I was pleased when I looked at the mail and saw a big envelope and it had my name on it! I am not exactly certain what I will do with it, but I have a lot of possibilities. I look forward to my next task: the ACTs. I am sure I will do good but I am hoping for great.

Seeing the beauty

I just got back from seeing one of the two doctors that I had to see. I was a bit nervous because both of the doctors have a difference of opinion about the reason for me being so sick the past two days.

The doctor that I just seen is my regular doctor. After giving him a whopping $35 for the office visit, I had to wait 30 minutes to see him. I get in the room and he does all of the tests and refuses to give me my TB shot because he said that it was too early, and that I have to wait another week and of course pay another $35 for an office visit. Anyway he says that I have some kind of hair problem in my head and that I will have to cut my hair. Practically all off really, because he is afraid that it will spread to my skin (face and body). I am so sad.

I will get a 2ND opinion ( at 4) when I go to the other doctor to see about my skin ulcer and white blood count. Hopefully he tells me something different.

If not I will look like Erykah Badu until the infection is gone or my hair starts growing back.

After crying for a few hours I realize that this will be a change for me. A change that I have not asked for but can learn from. I have been worrying a lot about change. Going to college hopefully, getting a job, and becoming an adult. I have been pushing to be older and thought that I was ready. But now I will be able to look at myself and see the difference in the person that I was and the person I will be.

I will have to deal with the change even if I don't like it. And look towards the future with an open heart and eagerness to learn how to deal and how to LIVE for myself.


I think applying to SVU was a mistake. Not because I don't want to go there but because I didn't have time to think everything through. I didn't have time to listen to my heart. I have been afraid of not pleasing my parents and knowing that I am a year behind and that just a year ago I did not think that I had the chance to go to college that it was too far out of my reach. But then I got that hope when I began studying for my GED.

So when I got the opportunity to apply I went for it, not for me but for everyone else, to prove myself. So looking ahead I think that what will I have if I go to SVU and graduate. Just a piece of paper saying I passed and the thought of okay now you have to go to college to be a PA. But what fun is that for a woman. Will that be all I need. Or will I say why a PA you can be a doctor. How stupid is that. It will only be a career, a career that consumes me everyday and makes me tired every night.

I am more afraid of failing as a woman than failing at a career. I mean if I don't like being a PA or doctor I can always change my profession or stick with it because I feel that it is my duty as the youngest of four to take care of my parents. And besides my mother says that I shouldn't get married until I am 30. I have to live for them and not for me, right? But if I am a terrible mother, wife, cook, or house keeper then I have nothing to live for. After all who wants to be a mother, wife, cook, and house keeper when you can be a doctor/PA.

I might not get into SVU anyway. But I still have a year to prepare if I do.

The Land of Promise

As I was walking, I noticed big trees with a small opening. It was calling my name so I had no choice but to enter. The leaves on the trees were brown and the place looked deserted. It seemed so forgotten.
As I came out of the forest of dying trees, I looked up to see the sky, so beautiful and serene. This place smelled of fresh rain and sorrow. I stood there, amazed at its beauty and quietness.
Until I saw a beam of light under a tree. I walked over and felt the wet tough leaves. Then I walked down the path and held on to the dark cold rail. I saw a rainbow come out of the sky.
I ran for what seemed like hours and finally stopped. I was stunned speechless. It was a pool or a lake, trying to decide which one it was, I walked around it at least five times and I still can not say. It had the reflection of the forgotten land in it. The clouds were dancing and everything looked bigger than it was. I wanted to stay forever.
I sat on the warm ground and stared at my reflection. The water was warm and asking for me to come in. but I didn't want to disturb it. However, I put my hand in and just tried to take it all in.
but before I knew it, sadly it was getting dark. I had to leave this magical place. I am so sorry to go land of promise. One day I will come back and the sun will be shining and you will be waiting for me to enter again.

The Cold, The GED, and The Hospital

The COLD

On Tuesday I kissed my nephew after finding out that he had been gone for a week up under my nose. I hadn't seen him but I just figured my sister was mad at my mom and decided not to bring him down. So I kissed him and told him that I missed him. Two hours later I started sneezing and coughing. I realized every time my nephew spends the night at someone house he always gets sick. So now I am sick, but the bad thing about it is that when I get sick I am unable to get rid of it. The longest time I have had a cold (a regular cold not the flu) is 8 months and the shortest time is 5 months. The doctor told me that I do not have a good immune system.

The GED

Also on Tuesday when I took my nephew upstairs after he declared that he wanted to go home, I noticed the mail on the stairs. I picked it up and handed it to my mom. She said that I got 2 letters and one was from the GED center. I opened up the letter and after reading it I saw that I passed! My average score was 574 that is 226 points under 800. I am average, but that is great considering I never passed the 8TH grade. I got a 700 in Reading, a 500 in Writing, a 550 in Science and Math, and a 570 in Social Studies. I scored at least 20 points hire in the actual test than in the practice test. Thank you Mike for tutoring me and preparing me for this. Thank you Hallie for allowing me to take Mike away from you and Landon. Also, thank you to everyone who gave me encouragement. It meant a lot to me.

The Hospital

Today at 8am I got in the shower to get ready for my day of babysitting for Mike and Hallie. As I was washing I notice that my arm smelt funny ( I know not the best thing to say), so I looked at my armpit. And to my astonishment I had a whole in it and I could see my tissue ( a little too graphic ). I went to the hospital and the doctor told me that when they drained my abscess the skin did not heal and they told me that I should go to the clinic and be tested for HIV if I was sexually active or using needle drugs (which I am not) and that they will test my for diabetes. They tested me and said that I am a borderline diabetic and I should go to my doctor and begin a diet. I have no problem with this, unfortunately my parents prepare the meals and I eat what they make. I can not wait to get a job so that I can take care of myself.

Oh well life goes on.

Diamond.......

1. Has a fear of heights, any animal that is not a cat or small dog, and being alone.

2. Is shy around people she doesn't know

3. Is a romantiac (Very Very romantic)

4. Loves Disney movies and movies set before the 1900s (Troy and Gladiator)

5. Loves the country, but can settle in the middle of nowhere.

6. Gets frustrated quickly

7. Has only been to Chicago

8. Loves Australian accents

9. Dislikes stupid funny movies

10. Has never been to the beach (Belle Isle does not count).

11. Eats the toppings off pizza, then the cheese, and finally the bread

12. Has eczema, which has gotten worse as she ages (abnormal)

13. Has Black Foot Indian in her (you can tell by the dents under her eyes and her cheeks or not

14. Has slanted eyes

15. Has not had a nightmare after watching scary movies. Not even when she was little

16. Would watch wrestling with her dad until she was 15.

17. Hate litter, but has littered (hypocrite).

18. Had her 1st kiss at 12 (sister dared her).

19. Loves blond hair blue eyed or dark hair green eyed guys.

20. Fell in love for the 1st time at 18 (Infatuation)

21. 1st tooth fell out at 12 (abnormal)

22. still believes in fairy tales

23. Has never been in any competition

24. Loves soccer boys

25. Has never seen any movie about vampire, scary ghosts, or haunted places (including Twilight) other than Vampire in Brooklyn, which is why she doesn't like them. She has however seen Xmen and Casper the Friendly Ghost.

College and the ACTs

I have decided against BYU since it is way too big for a shy girl like me. I have chosen and applied to Southern Virginia University (SVU). It is the perfect size for me.

Last week I received the ACT application in the mail, which I guess is their way of telling me it is time to study. I will either take the test in April or June, I am leaning towards June. So if I get into SVU it will be in January 2o10.

I still have not received my score from the GED and am getting a little antsy. I feel in my bones that I have passed but I need to see it in black and white.

If I get in I will go to SVU for Pre-med, go on my mission, come back to Michigan and go to Central Michigan University (CMU) for Physician Assistant, move to the country, and get married?

That is my plan so wish me luck.

To try in this house

Sacrifice who you are for what you want to be
change nothing but the bad
If you find yourself doing nothing, try doing something
the spot light is on you
Make it worthwhile
the shadows of forever is only here today
Looking at the picture on the wall will not help
Looking at the past will only make you linger
Shoot for the future it will not kill you
Make a change today that will help you tomorrow
Sheltering yourself will make it worse
The guide of sorrow will pass
Housing your pain is frustrating
So try me

The Unlikely likeness of mother and daughter

Where she is strong, I am weak
Where I am strong, she is weak
I wake up everyday hoping, she wakes up everyday aching
I listen whereas she talks
I cry whereas she screams
I say "Heavenly Father I thank thee" whereas she pleads "God please take me"
I am happy but she is feels sad
She is happy but I am sad
She LOVES black where I love any color but black
she watches the news but I avoid it

We both like puzzles
Her crosswords - my sudoku
We both read books
Her mystery - My romance
We look alike
She's shorter - I am taller
We love music
Her oldies - my country
We love to sing along to the radio
She does it quietly - I do it loudly
We cry a lot
She doesn't care where - me in the company of no one
Both took the GED test
She didn't study - I studied forever
We are family oriented
Her idea is see you when I see you - my idea is blaming myself when I don't see my "family"
We don't finish what we start
Physically she can't - mentally I am all over the place
We both look forward
She has her head up - I do it only after I have looked back
We both budget
She does it dreadfully - I do it enthusiastically
We don't worry about materialistic things
Her motto "why cry over what you don't have" mine is "If you don't have it you don't need it"
Motto for the future
both "Live, Laugh, Love, Heal, and Hug"


I wrote this poem or whatever you call it, on Sunday. I took the ACT practice test and got an 18. I told my mom and she said so did she. Back then an 18 was an average score, of course, now it is a 21. But it was still a start for us. A lot of days I yell and say I am not like her, even when we are watching CSI. But I know that we are unlikely alike. the bad comes with the good, you just pray you have more good.