School and Christmas

Things have been pretty crazy since I posted last. It has been hard sticking to applying six talks to my life. In the end I have been working on feeling the promptings of the spirit and having a stronger testimony. It has helped me out better than choosing the six talks. I have learned things about myself that I did not know before.
My first semester of college is finally over! I am so excited. I finished with a 2.6, which is very low in my opinion. I should not have put so much pressure on myself. I have promised myself to never do that again. At the same time I also did not manage my school, work, church, and social activities very well. I know that if I had, I would have done much better. I seemed to have felt like I missed out on a lot when I worked, so when I did not work I hung out more than I should. I have also never been around so many people so I took it for granted. I received a C in Biology, B- in French, B in English and Western Literature, and a P(Pass) in Volleyball. I will do better and I will work harder next time to balance and prioritize my life. Next year I will be on the Honor Code Revision Committee so that will be fun and awesome. I am going to try to apply to be on the Honorable Society next year(It's the Honor Code Committee).
I miss my Institute Classes. I only have room to take 1 Institute class. I will be taking Book of Mormon with Elder Cochran. The class is at 6pm so it will be interesting to see how that works out. Last semester my New Testament class was at 6pm and I was dead tired by the end of it and only about 10 people came.
I am spending Christmas break in Utah! I have been here since the 18th. I could not afford to go home for Christmas (It cost about $300 for a bus, train, or airplane ride and $200 to get to and from the bus, train, and airport). The Residence Halls closed on the 18th so I was afraid that I would have no place to go. Kaili (my awesome roommate) and her family invited me to come to their house for the break. I am so grateful for people like them. They have pretty much taken a stranger in and have treated me very well. I really appreciate what they have done for me. They even gave me a Christmas present! I received a MP3 player (which I am addicted to and when I go back to school have to set a time where I can listen to it, otherwise I will not get anything done).
I have visited the Salt Lake Temple and most of Temple Square. Their ward is bigger than the amount of students that go to SVU! It is beautiful (I love the mountains). It snows like crazy and the power has gone out twice since I have been here.
I even went on my first triple date. It was great. I had a lot of fun.
Thanksgiving break was awesome. I stayed at school and my Bishopric and their families had a dinner at the Institute building and invited the ward. It was great.
I have been having issues with my psoriasis and cannot wait to Spring Break when I go home and talk to my dermatologist. Many people in my family have died this year. I have never had so many people die in such a short amount of time. Since I have been at college two of my family members and one family friend has passed away (in the space of two weeks!). I learned two days ago that my uncle (who the family calls Scooby) has cancer in his liver, lungs, and brain and is on an aggressive chemotherapy treatment. The possibility of him surviving is only 2%. That will be four deaths in the space of one month.
I have been praying, reading my scriptures and the Ensign. I know that it is all a coincidence but I am very worried.
Things will look up and will work out. I have faith.
Tomorrow is New Years eve! It is time to think about my goals for next year and make a plan to do them.

a better update

Things have been pretty hectic here in Buena Vista. I have had great couple of weeks.

I was able to finish my second and third week of Burdens. I have learned a lot about myself and how I can do better.

Classes have been great for the most part. I am still doing not so great in science. I am trying really hard and I hope that I can do much better as I continue to try harder. I just had mid-terms; however, only Western Lit had a real mid-term the other classes had tests and essays. I think I did great in all of my tests except for science of course.

I have gone to plenty of school and Institute activities. Our football team had its first win of the season. Our girls soccer team is going to Nationals! The Bella Voce, Chamber Choir, and Orchestra had their first performance. Fading Point, our schools A Capella group of 9, had their first school performance. Fading Point has only been together for 5 weeks and they are ranked 6th out of 25 as the best school A Capella group. The Shenanigans, our schools comedy group, had their first performance. Institute had a Fireside which I loved. This past weekend was the regional Single Adult Conference which was pretty cool; although, only about 20 people who weren't from the school came.

School has been pretty fun! It seems like everyday there is something going on here. Since this is Halloween week there is a lot of Halloween stuff going on. Friday is "Wear a costume to class day" Although everyone must make sure to stay in the Honor Code and there are to be no masks. I am not sure if I am dressing up or not.

We had Ward Conference which was really fun. The Stake President and my awesome bishop, Bishop Olsen, spoke. I loved it. Bishop Olsen is awesome. He makes me cry all of the time, not in a bad way it's just that he cries all of the time which makes me cry.

I have a calling as Family genealogy co chair. I haven't started my duties yet because we need a "special computer".

I am going to two Institute classes. Book of Mormon and New Testament. I love my classes and the teachers. Elder Cochran teaches BOM and I love him so much. He is so funny and loves to make us laugh. He graduate BYU Summa Cum Laude. Elder Berrett teaches NT and I love him. He knows everything about everything and he even helps students with their school work.

I have met a lot of interesting people here.

I can not think of anything else so I will leave it here for now.

Another update

I apologize for being so preoccupied that I forgot to blog. I have been so busy. I had mid-terms last week. One class was a "real mid-term" and the other ones were a test and an essay. It was pretty hard but I survived. On the second part of my actual mid-term I got 110.75 out of 130. That is not bad for my first mid-term.
I have also been preoccupied with work. Granted I only work three days a week but it is a killer when you do not get home until 8pm and have to do homework, read the scriptures, and sleep.
On Mondays I also tutor elementary school children and it is awesome but sometimes after tutoring I am so worn out.
I go to all of the school functions so that means on Fridays and Saturdays sometimes I do not get home until after 10pm.
But things are great here and I love it.
I wish I could go into more details but I have to run to English literally so I will try to fill you in later. I just wanted you all to know that I am still alive.
I will also tell you about how My talk on Burden is going.
I also want to let you know that last Sunday I got my Patriarchal Blessing! I am so happy.

A "Burdenful" update

As you know a week ago I let you all know that I have decided to pick six topics and live them for a month. This month I chose burdens since my life has been full of them. Well it has been a week and I have finished my first test. I read and applied all of the scriptures on distress, afflictions, burdens, tribulations, oppression, grief, and suffering. I am so excited that I got to do all of them in time.

I have learned a lot in this short week, but I know that I have more to learn. I will share a few scriptures that I liked, learned, and will ponder as I start my new adventure of getting rid of my burdens.

Distress
* What I liked: People, like the King Abaz, continue to sin against Heavenly Father because they are in distress.
*What I learned: The Lord answers us when we are distressed; however, he may not answer us immediately.
*What I am pondering: 2 Corinthians 4:8

Afflictions
*What I liked: When I look to God and are pure in heart, and pray with exceeding faith, he will console me.
*What I learned: Heavenly Father sends afflictions so that I will remember my duties.
*What I am pondering: Mark 4:17; Alma 31:33 and 36:3; D&C 98:3 and 122:7

Burdens
*What I liked: Numbers 11:11-16 meaning Heavenly Father brings people into my life so they can help me with my burdens.
*What I learned: Psalms 55:22( If I cast my burdens upon the Lord my righteousness will not be moved).; Matt. 20:9-13( No one is more righteous than the other).; Acts 15:28 (burdens are necessary).
*What I am pondering: Matt. 11:28-30; Jeremiah 17:21; Mosiah 24:21

Tribulations
*What I liked: Deuteronomy 4:30(Listen to the Lord when I am going through trials).; Judges 10:14 (I can not be delivered out of my tribulations by other gods, only the true God).
*What I learned: Acts 14:22; 2Cor. 1:4
*What I am pondering: D&C 58:4

Oppression
*What I liked: D&C 109:67 I will be redeemed from oppression
*What I learned: Prov. 3:31; Psalms 9:9; Isaiah 53:7
*What I am pondering:Isaiah 5:7 and 2 Nephi 15:17

Grief
*What I liked: Eccl. 1:18 (grief comes from wisdom and sorrow comes from knowledge).; 1 Nephi 1:18 (I can pray unto the Lord for other people).
*What I learned: John 21:17; I John 5:3 D&C 103:4
*What I am pondering: Hebrews 12:11; D&C 63:55

Suffering
*What I liked: Psalms 101:5-7( Those who are faithful will dwell with God).; Matt. 19:14 (The kingdom of heaven is full of children).; Hebrews 2:18 (Because Jesus Christ knows what it is like to be tempted, he can help me through my temptations).; D&C 18:11 (Jesus Christ died so I can repent and come unto him). and 109:76 (For all of my suffering I will be crowned with glory and honor and gain eternal salvation).
*What I learned: Matt. 3:15; 1 Cor. 12:26; Hebrews 11:25
*What I am pondering: 2 Cor. 1:5-7; and 1 Peter 2:20

As you can see I have learned a lot and have a lot to ponder in order to learn more about myself and what to do to get rid of all the burdens I am carrying.

Next week my week's homework is to research talks on burdens and apply them to my life and write how it makes me feel and what I can do about it. I just went on the website and searched talks on burdens and there are over 3, 000. I am going to be swamped this next week; however, I know that it is well worth it.

Sunday I will also be getting my Patriarchal Blessing. I know that it will help a lot.

Thank you so much!

I know double posting is bad taste but I just had to post this. I have been worrying about not being able to pay the rest of my balance since I got here and realized that everything wasn't fully covered. I have been praying about finding a job and paying it off. Two days ago my dad gave me one hundred dollars to buy a homecoming dress and I gave it to the college to make my debt go down to $300 and also so I would be able to register for the Spring semester. Then today I found out that I got the cafeteria job here at college on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Saturdays and I was just so thrilled because I would be able to eventually pay off my debt and if I still had some money to save I would be able to go home for Thanksgiving or at least buy I phone so I would be able to talk to them everyday because I have been missing them like crazy.

To my surprise as I got on the computer about 10 minutes ago something told me to look on my SVU email, where teachers email you and the financial aid office talks to you about any problems they have, and to my astonishment I had an email from the financial aid office and it said that an anonymous donor paid off my remaining balance for the Fall Semester.

I just found out that not only did she or he pay off my remaining balance of the fall semester him or her paid most of my spring semester debt and so I only owe $96.25 for the Spring and since I have a job I have them taking money out bi-weekly until its covered. I am so relieved and happy.

Thank you so much! I know that in this economic time it must not be easy, but thank you. I will not let you down. You helped me out so much and I know that you will be blessed for this.

A test

I realized yesterday that we have six months before we hear from the prophet, his counselors, the apostles, the seventy, and other authorities of the church.

Monday, the day after General Conference, I went to the Book of Mormon Institute class and Elder Cochran told us that we all should read our notes that we made from General Conference everyday and try to apply them to our lives and then live them. This got me thinking about everything.

So I decided that I could do even better. What if I chose six talks that I can relate to and apply them to my life and live them or get rid of them?

But there are about 26 talks that I would have to go through and choose only six to live by? Yes, I know that was very hard for me so I am going one month at a time.


This month I am doing Elder L. Whitney Clayton's talk on burdens. I realized that there are some problems in my life that have become burdens and it is hard to be going through college with stupid burdens that I do not need. Some of the burdens are a result of my stupidity and others were caused by others. In any case they need to be gone and this is the best action to get them out of my life. If I just continue to be acted upon nothing will get accomplished-Elder Cochran taught me that.

I chose some very cool and informative ways to go about doing this talk:

For a week I will spend writing scriptures about burdens, grief, suffering, tribulations, and three other types of scriptures. I chose to look in the topical guide and choose the scriptures that were mentioned. This is going to be a test for me because I have a hard time keeping at this type of thing, However, I am so determined to do this that I know it will get done. I feel that it will help me because I will read about all of the people in the Bible and Book of Mormon that have went through things and made it out. It will be harder than just writing down word for word what happened and what was said. I will actually write how each thing makes me feel and how I can apply that to my life

The next week I will research seven talks on burdens. This will help me to see and feel what people felt and learn how they dealt with burdens and how they got over them.

The following week I will ponder what I have learned and continuously ask Heavenly Father if there is anything else I must learn in order to get these pesky little, and one huge, burden out of my way.

The very last week I will see if I can actually give a talk on burdens; however, if it doesn't work out I will listen to hymns and continue to ask Heavenly Father if there is anything else I should know.

I have a problem with feeling the spirit and I know that it will help me out a lot to do it this way. It will help me to know that the spirit is with me and that I am worthy of such a marvelous thing.

My test to you is to try this out for yourself and see if it helps you. You do not have to do yours the exact way I am doing mine, you don't even have to do yours on burdens. It doesn't even have to be for the six months, just try it out.

Needing a little pick me up

When I got here I knew that I would have to have a job to finish off college, I only needed $600 to pay off my tuition. That's not bad. However, when I got here I was sick for the first week and a half and just went to my classes slept and was dragged to some school functions. I was so scared and happy to be on my own that I totally forgot to look for an on campus job. Then after the week and a half I remembered and starting looking, after all it is a small campus and only a few people will need a job, well there was no on campus jobs available and I couldn't find anything around Buena Vista. I was able to bring my debt down to $400. And now there are two openings available in the school. One is in the mail room and the other is in the Cafeteria. The mail room job has interviews because so many people have applied and the cafeteria people are taking there time looking at the applications.
Well now because of my debt I can not register for the Spring semester until I either get a job or pay off my debt. I talked to my dad and he said that the money he was going to give me to buy a homecoming dress will have to go towards the debt, which I agree with, however, it is only going to be $50-$100. That is only 1/4th of the debt and I have until the end of the week to come up with it or I can kiss my education goodbye.
I feel so awful. I love it here. I mean I can do better spiritually but I have never felt like I belong to anything in my life like I do now. I don't know what to do. I have been praying and reading my scriptures everyday. I am glad Saturday is General Conference. I need Him so bad and I can just feel everything slowly starting to fall apart. I can never be happy for longer than a moment it's just doesn't happen for me.
The financial aid people have been trying to work with me and I totally understand, it's only right that I give them their money for this awesome education.
I just do not know what else to do. If I had the money I can give it to them and the problem would be over, but I don't so I am left teetering on am I staying or am I going.
Please just keep me in your prayers.

A bad week

I knew that it would happen sooner or later, no one can be happy forever. I just didn't expect it to happen so hard. I got a really bad grade on my first biology test (55/100) and it hurts my feelings and plans. It is my fault because I have spent too much time going to our school functions and not studying afterwards. I also could spend my Sundays better. I mean I am not spending them wrong (after all what can you do in a small town) but I can try to invite the Spirit more. It just gave me a huge wake up call.

I do not plan on not attending school functions but I will make sure I study before and after. I also have been battling feeling loved. I know that Heavenly Father loves me, but I don't feel it sometimes, this probably has a lot to do with all the "love" going on at SVU. It is the 4th school to have a high percentage of marriage. I just feel that I am incapable of feeling loved and loving others.

This of course is not on my high priorities list, I do not plan on getting married any time soon, but it is on the list. And most of you know that I am a list person. I am also lost on my career choice, I am not sure about Pre-Med, and it is really getting on my nerves that I am now unsure about myself.

Because I am failing Biology and having a hard time in French and English I am thinking about dropping Yearbook. It is sad because I really want to stay on the committee and they only have 10 people in Yearbook and it will be very hard for them. I do not know what to do. I have been praying to Heavenly Father about it, but so far I haven't gotten any response, this can be due to not feeling the Spirit.

However, I am not a total lost cause, Sunday most of my anxiety melted. I am still having problems but I felt totally at peace for the first time in 6 days. I went to church and I just felt so good. I got a calling as a Family History and Indexing co chair. This is a Ward and Stake calling. I am so excited. However, it is very ironic because I can not find anything on my family. I have also been praying about that as well. I also will get my Patriarchal Blessing on October 18th. I know that it will help me very much.

Last week we had our Stake Conference and it was talking about Temples, missionary work, and living righteously. I loved the talks they gave.

Last night we also had a mission fireside and it was awesome. We got to meet people who had served a mission and others who were thinking/planning on serving a mission. I loved it so much.

All of this got me thinking that this is all a part of life: Trying to feel the Holy Ghost, being unsure of love and your future, and just being all over the place.

During Fast and Testimony meeting today I said something that I really liked. " We are all different and sometimes being born on the difficult road helps you to see that there is another road." I never knew that there was a better way other than the difficult one and being baptized showed me that there was. I am so happy that I found the church and because I know that there is a wrong way I am more able to see the two.

I would like to add something to that. After having a horrible dream a few nights ago I now realize what it meant. "Even when you feel like you are at your worst and everything is going wrong, know that it can be worse." You can be starving in China or born in Africa with aids and die at 8 years old. You can be an orphan with no family and no one to love or love you. You can be a football player now paralyzed, never to walk again.

My life has had it ups and downs and will continue, but I am continuously fighting to stay on the right side of the veil, are you?

Dating Auction

Last night at 9:30 the school put on a dating auction. It is exactly what I said a dating auction. There were 18 guys were lookoing for the affection of the girls. the opening bids were between $10 and $20 dollars depending on how hot you were. All of the proceeds went to out school newspaper, which is actually a book. It was so much fun! The guys had to wear good guy or bad guy costumes. A guy wore Choose the Wrong costume and got a date for $50! He is actually really cute so it was worth it I think. Another guy wore Superman costume, and looked like Christopher Reeves, and he is going on a date worth $35! I think that it was a great experience and really fun! I know that probably sounds lame, but it was awesome! The guys were really fun and danced and was happy to be going on a date, even if it was only $10.

I love this school! It is so much fun.

I also went to the boys soccer game. Which was fantastic! Although we lost, we had a lot of spirit and it was a low scoring game; 2-1. I love our soccer team and it helps that they are literally around the corner from the lofts.

Shapiro

Friday night we had this awesome dance! It was so much fun and the music was awesome! I met a lot of people at the dance and had a lot of fun. I was dressed up in my pink, black, and white shirt and black slacks I had rolled up to make capris. It suffices me to say that I looked like a rock star.

But before the game I went to a play for the first time! It was our schools A Midsummer Nights Dream play! I can not give you much details on it because they are still playing this weekend, but I will tell you that it was awesome. I loved it so much. The people in it were awesome and I was laughing and crying the entire time!

At the dance I danced with a few people one guy I really liked and he was really awesome! I also hung out with the girls and we just had a blast!

Saturday we were treated with a concert! It was an up-and-coming band named Shapiro. You should check them out on Myspace and Facebook. They were awesome. They are basically soft rock, but they can make anyone dance. After their amazing concert we actually got to talk to them and take pictures. Me and my friend Tiffany got individual pictures of all of them and then a picture with all of them. She will probably have the pictures on her facebook soon. They really are awesome and I hope they make it big soon.

I also did study so don't worry about it. And sense as a rule on campus you can not do homework or study on Sunday I made sure to have everything done Saturday before the concert. I am so proud of myself. I have been handling this experience pretty soon. I think the volleyball girls have a game today and so if they do I will be there, that is of course if this cold doesn't get worse.

I am also on the Yearbook Committee! I am so excited this will be the first committee I have ever been on. I hope it is as amazing as I think it will be. We meet for the first time tomorrow and hopefully I am well enough to attend. Right now I feel miserable.

So anyway that is my update of the weekend.

Having a testimony

Today in Relief Society we talked about being alone. It couldn't have been a better subject for me.

My testimony couldn't have come at a better time. Yes I said that right, I did not have a testimony until today.

When the missionaries came, I was at a low point in my life, so much so that I would believe anyone if they told me that there was a better life out there. I would have been Catholic if they came to me first. I didn't gain a testimony in church because I was dealing with a lot at home. I got baptized because I felt that I had to, not for the missionaries, but for me. I felt that the only thing I had was a belief that there had to be something better and nothing could get worse for me. I came to this school because I wanted to get away from all of the drama at home.

But today, during Relief Society, when all of the women bore their testimonies and I saw that I was different from most of them. I saw that I brought something here. I realized that this is where I belong. This is who I am. I can be different. I can be better. I can be anyone I want, not in the sense of I can be Brittany Jacobs, but in the sense of I can be a doctor or lawyer. I don't have to wallow in my misery; I can pick myself up. I don't have anything to prove to anyone.

For now on I am not the girl from Detroit Michigan trying to prove that I am not a statistic, or trying to hide who I am or where I am from. I am the girl whose parents are drug addicts and entire family have so many problems that there isn't enough paper in the world to describe. I am the girl who has no money and next to nothing in her dorm room an only 6 days worth of clothes. I am the girl who may not be the prettiest girl on planet Earth and definitely not the thinnest ( although I am eating healthy, at least I am trying to). I am a girl who got here with a 574 on her GED test and 19 on her ACTs. I am the girl with PCOS and psoriasis so bad she has to wear a wig that is now falling apart. I am the girl who was sexually abused as a child. And I am the girl with no lap top or phone.

But I am also the girl who loves life and knows where she is headed, well at least the directions. I am the girl who although has been through hell and back was and is able to pick myself up and dust myself off. So yes I belong here and am happy to finally realize this and truly know that I am a child of God and there is a plan for me.

I am also the girl who knows when she talks to much, so goodbye for now.

A quick update before classes

Yesterday was my birthday. I turned 19. It was great. during lunch everyone sang Happy Birthday to me and another girl.
But let me tell you everything that happened before then.
Thursday we arrived around 9am and after checking in (and getting these cool hotel key card for my room) I began getting ready. I met my awesome roommate Kaili and her parents. We had awesome activities like orientation group where we met other freshmen and just hung out an did fun stuff, like play fuzzy bunny. It was awesome. We even had a stop light dance (where you wore those colors to describe your dating life). I can not remember all of the things that we have done these past few days but it has been awesome. I love it here.
I have another friend Kaile and she is awesome. The three of us have so much fun together and the guys here are HOT and smart.
I have learned so much about myself in the past few days.
I have awesome Resident Directors and an even more awesome Orientation leader (Kara). They have been helping me so much.
Because Pre Med is not actually a major I can major in Business and do pre med classes. I will not actually start my business classes until next semester, but I am very excited.
I met awesome people and met my academic advisors. We did a game to find out where everything is.
Our dorm (which is made like an upscale hotel) is on this huge hill and we have to go up and down 4 flights of stairs to get to campus, which is horrible but fun.
Anyway that is all for now. I do not want to be late for my first class. French.
Schedule: bio, french, volleyball, english, and western lit.

The party and the leaving

In case you haven't heard tomorrow is my going away/birthday party. I am excited about it, not the party but the going away. I can not wait to be there. Somewhere different where I don't know anyone. It will be a big change but well worth it.
I have been stressed so much about other things that I haven't had time to worry about college. I look forward to it. I am so ready to be gone that I feel like 5 days can not get hear fast enough.
My parents are driving me straight there only stops are for gas and rest rooms (yeah right). I am glad that they are driving me. I guess it's the goodbye part that I need.
My middle sister has been getting on my nerves. She refuses to make the potato salad and she said she will not come, because I should stay here. My brother said he is coming but I doubt it, the only way he will come to Michigan is if my mom is dying so I have at least 30-50 years before I see him. My oldest sister has been here. I am going to ask her to bring her awesome baked bbq chicken. She only makes it on special occasions and I figure this is one.
My parents have been good sports so far, but I know the tears will be shed as I turn around and head for my dorm.
It's a new life I am embracing well.

Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome

I was diagnosed with PCOS on April 9th, a day before I went to California. Unfortunately, the gyn I went to cost $75 for an office visit and everything was happening so fast that I never got the chance to go back. I did however, read a lot about PCOS and I still can not really tell you everything about it. I do know that it is when your ovaries are covered in cysts due to having a lot of male hormones with your female hormones. I know that some people with it can not have children and have acne, weight gain, irregular menstrual cycles, and hair on places that you don't want hair on. It is not curable, but it is treatable. The main treatment you get is birth control pills and a visit to a nutritionist.

Because, I never went back to the gyn, I got sever pains to my stomach 3 days ago and was rushed to the hospital. They told me that my left ovary had a cyst which is measured in 8 cm and it was leaning in a very bad direction. I had to choose between doing the surgery and not going to college because I would be on bed rest for 6 weeks or postponing the surgery for a few months. The pain was actually from constipation.

I chose to postpone the surgery, but if the pain doesn't subside I have no choice but to go through with the surgery. The doctor let me know who my new gyn would be in Virginia and gave me a few numbers to nutritionists near the university to help me choose a diet and exercise plan to help.

They say that if you lose weight and eat healthy you are least likely to have big cysts.

So please pray for me and wish me luck!

Thinking about doing a double

I have always known that I would be a doctor and after that instead of doing the retiring bit, I would buy a building and own a doctors office. But I put that dream behind me when things went sour. Fortunately for me things have been going great. I am so excited about going to college and being a physician assistant. However after talking to Mike, my dream came back. And so I am thinking, once again, about owning my own office when I am done with the hospital life. So why not do a double major and take up business management and leadership. Well I am a worrier and I am afraid of failing. But how do you know you are going to fail if you don't try?

That lead me to my decision to minor in business and if I like it after my first year I will have a double major!

SVU mode

I only have a two weeks before I am a Virginian (I hope that is right). So I am so excited. Today me and my mom did a little bit more shopping. We still have more to do though. I looked at my almost official class schedule: I have until the day I actually go to class before they call it official. I talked to Jacqueline who told me that the church is willing to pay for the books for the first semester. I also learned where my dorm is, but not who my roommates are yet. My parents calculated how much it will cost to rent a car and drive me down there ( a pretty penny I might add) We talked to a few car rental places and decided on Hertz (thanks Hallie). I called and cancelled my train ticket (they gave me a full refund and apologized for not telling me that there is no checked luggage to Virginia). I made my almost complete 72 hour kit (just missing the first aid kit). And realized that my mom didn't schedule a time to get a copy of my immunization record so we have to pick it up Monday. I also have to find out where I put my birth certificate and ssn (which is why my mom said that I am not leaving her house until I clean up my room).

She finally told me about the secret going away party she is throwing me. Actually she overheard me inviting Jacqueline. To all my branch friends you are invited. It is at my house on Sat. Aug. 22 at 4pm. Send me a message for the address, my phone is broken. And please bring something to share. Dinner will be my favorite: Spaghetti, turkey and dressing. (I know weird combination, but it is my favorite). We also will l have cake and ice cream. Running out of time. So bye for now.

I can not be more happy

Yesterday I realized that today was the last day to pay the housing deposit for college. I thought, "My dad doesn't get paid until tomorrow and the library will be closed. And what if he doesn't have enough to pay it" I was so scared. I talked to my dad and he assured me he would have the money and also a friend of his told him that there was a discount if we bought the train tickets tomorrow as well. I asked Hallie if I could come over, and being the nice person that she is, she said of course. I paid the housing deposit and train ticket.

Yesterday I also found out that because my parents have "HORRIBLE!!!" credit I was unable to get the parent plus loan. However, after talking to Chrystal (my admissions counselor) she and her boss nominated me for two grants worth $4000 and added another $4000 to a loan I was eligible for. I was so happy and relieved.

My god mother came into town and my mom told her about the trouble I was having getting the things for my dorm and she gave me $40 and I was able to get some stuff. I am hoping my dad will be able to get a job and help me buy the other things that I need.

Today as me and my dad were coming home, we passed the library and it was open. So I just had to let you all know the good news.

College Donations Needed

My aunt who was going to help me get the things I needed for college, is unable to. And unfortunately, I only have 4 weeks before I am off to college. I feel like the universe is conspiring against me. So as a last resort I am hoping that someone in blogger land can help. I have a list of things that I need and if you can help me out in getting it I will really appreciate it. But if you can not I understand. Right now things are tight here in America.

The list

Plastic shower tote (optional)

Alarm Clock

Umbrella

Roll of quarters

Tape recorder

first aid kit

can opener

Study Supplies:

Back pack

pens

collegiate dictionary

It's official

I am officially on my way to Southern Virginia university!

I yesterday I received the acceptance letter in the mail and was thrilled. However, I was a bit terrified because it is for the fall semester and I was unsure as to how I am going to pay for it. Then I got the surprise of my life! I called them today to see what I had to do to have the semester switched over to Spring (January) because I wouldn't be ready to go in August. The guy asked why and I said financially I am unable. Then he asked had I seen my financial aid report and I said no. He rattled off all of these grants, loans, and scholarships. Pell Grant for 5,600, academic scholarships for 4,000, a scholarship for books 800, and 3 loans for 13,000 ( and only one that comes with taxes and I can choose to pay as I go or defer it to later). They are also going to help me get down there.

I just might be able to go in August. I just have to pay the $250 registration fee and that goes to the housing fee instead of paying another $250. I also have to buy the things I need for the dorm.

I am so excited and scared at the same time. However, I know that if Heavenly Father wants me there in August that is where I am going to be.

An apology

I felt that it is only right that I apologize to some people that I offended with my last post.

I don't have much time to say everything that I want to say so I will just say the important stuff.

I did not mean to offend or hurt anyone. That was never my intention. I did not try to get anything out of anyone and definitely did not try to deceive anyone.

I did know MJ and I didn't tell ANYONE about it because me and my sister got beat up everyday we went to elementary school because my sister told a girl we knew him and this was a few years after the first molestation case. So I started not trusting anyone because I was afraid it would continue, even my best friend didn't know.

I went to Neverland twice, once when I was 5 and a year later both times I was with my sister. I didn't tell anyone about that because to be honest I didn't remember. My mom and sister were the ones to bring it up and I started remembering some of the things. You see after I huge incident with my family, I pretty much blanked out my childhood. After my sister and mom told me about it, I began remembering some things like: how nice he and his family were, how big Neverland was, and how much financial troubles we were in. My mom said that we went because we were about to lose the house and my parents were too prideful to take money from MJ, so he said fine then let the girls come to Neverland while you sort some things out. We stayed both times for 2 or 3 days. My sister said that I was so shy that when anyone l would talk to me, I would start crying and run to her. I of course don't remember any of it.

Anyway I again apologize to those who were angry at my post. I never intended it to be that way. Once I remembered about Neverland I guess I should have come to you, but I was just as stunned as you were.

For anyone who was angry about something other than the Neverland stuff, I apologize to you as well. You are a good friend and I never meant to write something that would make you angry. I was not angry at you or your family when I wrote the post. I was actually happy, I had the best time at camp.

And to those who helped me get to camp, I want you to know that I really appreciate it.

My first time at camp

This post will be a little long so bare with me.

Monday: I had to get up a 4am so that I would be ready when my ride arrived at 5am. However, they did not get there until 5:30am. We then got off at the wrong exit so we didn't get to camp until 6:30. But they only had 2 people filling up the truck so we didn't leave until 8:45. We dot to camp finally at 10:30. An hour after we arrived and finished packing, we were told to meet them at the flag pole. We got to the flag pole and was told that we were going high roping. I didn't know what that meant but I knew it wasn't a good thing. Finally we got up to where the high roping course was and all of the sudden I couldn't breathe. We walked all the way up and strapped in and told to get on the rope. There was no way I was getting on a little bitty rope and walking. My stomach was hurting (by this time it was 12 and I hadn't eaten since last night and the sun was right on us). I saw a girl named Katie, who was like me and couldn't for the life of her get on the rope, finally conquer it. Finally I got on the rope and walked half way until my stomach told me I wasn't going any farther. However, I had to walk back. The other girls were such pros at it. After that we had free time, so we got in the lake and hung out for the rest of the day.

Tuesday: The other girls came to camp and it was my job to get the 1st years situated. One girl named Kathryn was so shy and so afraid. I felt terrible that she was so scared. I had her hang out with some other first years and saw her changed completely, she was smiling and happy. I was the 1st years that entire day. I also got to conquer canoeing with them.

Wednesday: Presidents Lantz and Mackey came and we had what I liked to call a "spiritual enrichment". It was awesome Lauren was Esther, President Lantz was Joseph Smith, President Mackey was Moses, Brother Johansson was our Prophet, and another woman was Moses Mother. It was awesome. They stayed the night and we all got to talk to them.

Thursday: My branch president came over and gave us a devotional. It was about allowing God to help us when we are having trouble. We also got to take him out and show him the camp. It was very nice having him there.

Friday: In the morning we had testimony morning. All of the girls in our branch got up. I really loved Sophia's testimony. A few other girls went. But most of the people that got up were the leaders. However, it really was awesome. We finally had another free time where we could relax before leaving.

Also while I was there we did have smores and yummy food. I met a lot of girls and got to see all of the different personalities.

While there someone close to my family died and I felt so angry and sad that I couldn't be with my mom. I personally knew MJ. He was friends with both of my parents and he is actually the reason they met. I don't like to talk about him because not everyone was nice to him and I am very sensitive about the matter. He was truly a good person and I remember a lot of times spending my birthdays with him and his family. Since my birthday is a day after his I remember always hanging out with him and his family. I remember plenty of times going to the Neverland ranch for a few birthdays and just wanting to be around him (sorry Hallie for lying about not going to California before, I was just afraid of how you would react). He was the most intelligent person I knew and was always wanting to help everyone. The last time I saw him was last year in February, we just talked and hung out for a hour. He and my parents fell out because he wanted to help us financially but they wouldn't budge, but he told me if I ever needed him he would be here, it might be with a but load of cameras but he would come, and me and my sister felt so great. I am so sad right now words can not explain how sad I am.

If only for a moment

Yesterday while at the library I received an email congratulating me on getting in to Southern Virginia University. I was so happy and couldn't wait to tell my family. After boasting to my family about this huge accomplishment to my family. I realized that I was still at the library and could register right then. They asked me what my student i.d. was and I realized that I didn't receive one in a the email. I called SVU and the admission counselor said that it was a mistake and I am still in the admission process until I get my ACT scores sent to them. Since I only took the test a week ago I still have up to 5 weeks before I get the results.

However, even with that set back I am okay. I got into WCCCD-Eastern Campus for the fall semester. But their webgate is on the fritz. They said that it will be a week or so before it is fixed and registration doesn't start till Monday.

I was also unable to go to Youth Conference this weekend due to my not so smart Gyn. He won't tell me why I have to go to an emergency visit with him until tomorrow. Wish me luck. Hopefully I will be able to go to camp.

Anyway, blogging out.

Accepted

In December I applied to Wayne County Community College District ( WCCCD)- Eastern Campus, because I thought no one else wanted me. Anyway they sent the acceptance letter in January, but somehow I didn't get it until last month. I jumped up and down seeing that it was the first college that accepted me, granted it is only a community college. I felt great and it will be a good stepping stone. I plan to go there for a semester and transfer to a university.

Today I showed it to my uncle and to my surprise my uncle laughed and said that I should be there now because I was accepted to the Spring semester. I called to let them know that I applied to the fall semester and to my dismay the number doesn't work. So now I am at the library trying to find the updated number and so far no such luck. Looks like i am going to have to go up there and talk to a counselor.

I have chosen a field that I want and I will not change my mind. I am going to choose LPN and then go to a college for Anesthesiology and become a Nurse Anesthesist.

If somehow by some miracle I get married I will at least be a LPN in case something happens.


Anyway that is my story and I am sticking to it. At least for now.

Oh and does anyone know how long it takes to be a LPN and does BYU offer that or just RNs?

What I have been up to

I have been sick since Saturday. I went to the Relief Society Enrichment at the Stake Center. I learned about filling your bucket with good things. For some reason if I get in the rain for just a minute I catch a cold and it lasts forever. I think it might last for only a few more days. But because of my cold I missed Mother's Day at the church, I hope it was great.

I memorized the Presidency and 12 Apostles. I even made up a funny song to help me remember it. I also memorized 6 Scripture mastery's in 1 day. I have memorized 11 all together so now I have 14 more to go. But since then I have been trying to remember math stuff like y=mx+b. and the 30-60-90 stuff. I remember most of it.

I finished the fundraiser for camp. However, I could have done a better job.

I read the entire Book of Mormon and finished the Young Women Personal Progress. I can't wait to get my medallion.

I have to finish reading the New Testament now. I have to admit I haven't read much of it. I have been so busy worrying about other stuff. I will get back in the groove of reading though.

My sister had a little boy on April 7th. His name is Sylvester Christopher Anthony Pye. Everyone calls him Babee (Baby).

I am thinking about one day moving to Nevada. I don't know why.

I figure I might wear a wig for the rest of my life because the Psoriasis isn't getting any better.

Anyway, that is what I have been up to.

California

I know. I know. I have been home for a week and two days and I have yet to post about my time in Cali. I have had a lot going on in my small little world. 

  

California was awesome! I got to see and walk the grounds of the Newport Beach, San Diego, and Los Angeles Temples. I also got to go to Distributions (at the San Diego Temple) and Deseret Books. I bought a pocket size hymn book and the hymn on CD.

I got to see and get in the Pacific Ocean. My body never warmed up to its cold temperature. 

We got to go to a lot of shops and see beautiful children clothes. 

I got to go to lots of eateries and eat food like real Californians. I really loved the ice cream at Didi Riese.  

I got to stay at Embassy Suites for 4 days. I really hate elevators but as fate would have it we were on the 5th floor. We got complementary breakfast and a nightly Managers Reception. While there in San Diego we went to Seaport Village where Mike got his Kite. 

Before and after we were at Embassy Suites we stayed with Hallie's parents. They were so nice to me. Hallie's mom gave me sparkling lotion and a pillow case with the Los Angeles Temple on it.

 I also got to meet Hallie's sister-in-law Elise and her two beautiful children. Lily became so close to me, it was like we were best buds. She is so pretty with beautiful gold hair. Emerson is so shy and it was nice to see him warm up to me. His favorite word is 'this' and it is so cute to hear him say it.

While in Simi Valley I got to meet Mike's parents and his two nephews Haydn and Lucas. Haydn is so funny and we got to play with his cars. Lucas was also pretty shy and I only got to see him for an hour or so. 

I got to see 3 horses, Beverly Hills, the Hollywood sign, Rodeo Drive, The Chinese Theatre, and the Hollywood walk of fame (that had creepy impersonators). 

I got to go to church in Thousand Oaks and Simi Valley. The youth in both churches had went to their prom the night before so they had on their beautiful gowns. It made me think about the church prom I was missing by going on the trip. But you can't miss what you never had.

I also got to experience first hand what is widely known as California traffic. It took us so long to get to our destination. 

Our last two days was filled with water thanks to the hot weather. We went to the local pool to cool off. It was so fun seeing the children play in the water. 

However, none of that compares to the beauty of the mountains and flowers. Mike said that I was lucky because California isn't normally that colorful. He said that it is normally brown. While on a bridge I was able to look to my right and see the ocean and look to my left and see the mountains. It was such a breath taking sight. Which is something I hope to see when I start my own family.

Overall my trip to California was great and I hope to have many more trips like it. 

I want to thank Hallie and Mike for inviting me, everyone at the church for making this trip possible by letting me babysit for them, Hallie and Mike's parents for their hospitality, Elise and her family for making the trip fun, and Haydn for being such a great kid.  

The New adventure

Tomorrow I am going to California with Hallie, Mike, and Landon. This will be my first time going on an airplane so I am pretty nervous. I am excited about going to California and seeing if there are any mountains and hills. I look forward to seeing the Hollywood Walk of Fame and many other attractions laid out for me. I wonder if I will see any celebrities, however not the Britney Spears type. I will get to see the San Diego, Los Angeles, and Newport Beach temples while we are traveling. It is wonderful having the feeling of the spirit while on vacation. I thank all of the families for helping me pay for this trip by babysitting. If it wasn't for you I wouldn't be able to go. 

While on this trip I will also be able to continue studying for my ACTs with the help of Mike. I will have a lot of girl bonding time with Hallie and maybe we will even talk about boys. I will also learn how to be a mom by helping Hallie with little Landon. I will also learn tricks about being a woman, like shaving my legs. 

I have a list of things to do after I get back:

Studying for and taking my ACTs

Finding an inexpensive Drivers ED course

Talking to a nutritionist

Getting a job

And getting a work out program

Some of these things I will need a little help and encouragement with.

So please feel free to give me some advise.

Hello Goodbye

I wrote this poem yesterday night. I don't know what it means to me. I guess I just felt a little poetic. I really love the imagery. Tell me what you think. Be brutally honest.

There are days when I don't think I am pretty
Are there days when I think I am pretty?
There are times when I hate myself
Do I love myself?
I cry forever like a whining cat that's left in the pitch black, rainy and thundering, mother
nature hates you, outside
I am depressed like an over worked, unloved, unappreciated wife and mother of six
Or a single mother that stalkingly watches the car leave her driveway carrying her eighteen year old son packed tight between all his belongings wearing a Brigham Young university pride on his face
Teary eyed because it will be four long years before they see each other again
Acknowledging the brown dead like tree that has never born any fruit in its two hundred years
But I know that if it isn't here tomorrow I will be devastated beyond repair
Damaged so deep I wouldn't breathe
Oxygen deprived I will die
Or at least have a tear stained pillow on my naked bed
All alone I will follow the bright colorless stars at night...maybe
What will I do?
What can I do?
Live like a forty year old woman fighting breast cancer, chemotherapy, bald head, skinny and all

The Doctor's appointment

I had a doctors appointment at the Ob-gyn at 2:45. We made it to the clinic at 2:30, unfortunately it was the wrong one and my dad had already left. My mom figured that since I am 18 I can go by myself, it didn't matter that this was the first time and I was completely terrified.
A nice guy named David, the greeter at the receiving hospital, walked me over to the Old Hutzel hospital where a woman said that it was at. I had to walk to the Kresge Eye Institute where it really was. It was a good thing that it was only a minute from there. I got to the ob-gyn at 3:00. They said that they would still see me. I was seen at 4:00 to my dismay by a guy doctor. He saw that I was afraid because it was my first time and because he was a guy. He gave me a paper saying what he will do, told me that he will tell me everything he is doing, and that it will take less than 2 minutes. He made me feel better by asking me questions while he was doing the pap smear. He told me that I have an infection due to using scented soap and gave me a cream to use. He then told me that I will have to have some blood drawn and sent me over to the lab.
Well I didn't get my blood drawn until 6:00. I was in their waiting room from 4:30 until 6:00 and it only took them a minute to draw my blood. The bad part was that she did it wrong and I bled for at least 3 minutes afterwards. It was like someone cut me. Finally I went home.

Me and Me

Since I had to cut off most of my hair, I was very happy when my mom came home with this black wig for me to wear. I am extremely self conscience and so I was very sad having to cut off my hair and wear a scarf to church or any place else. The wig is black with annoying bangs and it is comes to right above my neck. It is cute though and very easy to manage. I don't have to do anything other than brush it and pull the bangs away from my eyes.

People were nice to me at church saying that my hair was pretty. I felt really special. At church I also got a calling to be a nursery teacher. I was really happy. After church I got a setting apart ( a blessing for my calling). It was nice. I was a little sad not being in Seminary but it is nice having a calling, that means that someone believes that I am great for the job of caring for little children. I am however nervous about teaching. Even though the kids do not know what I am saying, I still do not want to mess up.

I also got a calling as a visiting teacher. I know that will be fun.

I have applied to SVU, but I did not know that even though I have a GED I still have to give them my high school transcripts. Even though they day that they look at other things I am scared because I did horrible in high school. Seriously, I only have 20 credits out of 2,000. I am certain now that I am not getting in.

Saturday Hallie and Mike are taking me to Canada. It will be my first time there. I know it will be fun, but I am afraid of going i the tunnel. But I figure the tunnel is better than the bridge.

Anyway that is what I have been doing the passed two weeks.

I did it!

Okay so I knew that I did it on February 18Th, but finally it is official. I just got my GED certificate in the mail today. The missionaries was leaving and the mail man came as the went out the door. I told the missionaries that I hope it is my GED certificate. I had spoke to the woman at the place that I took the test and she told me that I will receive my certificate 3 to 4 weeks after taking my test if I passed not when I receive my results. So I figured exactly a month ago I took my GED test. I was pleased when I looked at the mail and saw a big envelope and it had my name on it! I am not exactly certain what I will do with it, but I have a lot of possibilities. I look forward to my next task: the ACTs. I am sure I will do good but I am hoping for great.

Seeing the beauty

I just got back from seeing one of the two doctors that I had to see. I was a bit nervous because both of the doctors have a difference of opinion about the reason for me being so sick the past two days.

The doctor that I just seen is my regular doctor. After giving him a whopping $35 for the office visit, I had to wait 30 minutes to see him. I get in the room and he does all of the tests and refuses to give me my TB shot because he said that it was too early, and that I have to wait another week and of course pay another $35 for an office visit. Anyway he says that I have some kind of hair problem in my head and that I will have to cut my hair. Practically all off really, because he is afraid that it will spread to my skin (face and body). I am so sad.

I will get a 2ND opinion ( at 4) when I go to the other doctor to see about my skin ulcer and white blood count. Hopefully he tells me something different.

If not I will look like Erykah Badu until the infection is gone or my hair starts growing back.

After crying for a few hours I realize that this will be a change for me. A change that I have not asked for but can learn from. I have been worrying a lot about change. Going to college hopefully, getting a job, and becoming an adult. I have been pushing to be older and thought that I was ready. But now I will be able to look at myself and see the difference in the person that I was and the person I will be.

I will have to deal with the change even if I don't like it. And look towards the future with an open heart and eagerness to learn how to deal and how to LIVE for myself.


I think applying to SVU was a mistake. Not because I don't want to go there but because I didn't have time to think everything through. I didn't have time to listen to my heart. I have been afraid of not pleasing my parents and knowing that I am a year behind and that just a year ago I did not think that I had the chance to go to college that it was too far out of my reach. But then I got that hope when I began studying for my GED.

So when I got the opportunity to apply I went for it, not for me but for everyone else, to prove myself. So looking ahead I think that what will I have if I go to SVU and graduate. Just a piece of paper saying I passed and the thought of okay now you have to go to college to be a PA. But what fun is that for a woman. Will that be all I need. Or will I say why a PA you can be a doctor. How stupid is that. It will only be a career, a career that consumes me everyday and makes me tired every night.

I am more afraid of failing as a woman than failing at a career. I mean if I don't like being a PA or doctor I can always change my profession or stick with it because I feel that it is my duty as the youngest of four to take care of my parents. And besides my mother says that I shouldn't get married until I am 30. I have to live for them and not for me, right? But if I am a terrible mother, wife, cook, or house keeper then I have nothing to live for. After all who wants to be a mother, wife, cook, and house keeper when you can be a doctor/PA.

I might not get into SVU anyway. But I still have a year to prepare if I do.

The Land of Promise

As I was walking, I noticed big trees with a small opening. It was calling my name so I had no choice but to enter. The leaves on the trees were brown and the place looked deserted. It seemed so forgotten.
As I came out of the forest of dying trees, I looked up to see the sky, so beautiful and serene. This place smelled of fresh rain and sorrow. I stood there, amazed at its beauty and quietness.
Until I saw a beam of light under a tree. I walked over and felt the wet tough leaves. Then I walked down the path and held on to the dark cold rail. I saw a rainbow come out of the sky.
I ran for what seemed like hours and finally stopped. I was stunned speechless. It was a pool or a lake, trying to decide which one it was, I walked around it at least five times and I still can not say. It had the reflection of the forgotten land in it. The clouds were dancing and everything looked bigger than it was. I wanted to stay forever.
I sat on the warm ground and stared at my reflection. The water was warm and asking for me to come in. but I didn't want to disturb it. However, I put my hand in and just tried to take it all in.
but before I knew it, sadly it was getting dark. I had to leave this magical place. I am so sorry to go land of promise. One day I will come back and the sun will be shining and you will be waiting for me to enter again.

The Cold, The GED, and The Hospital

The COLD

On Tuesday I kissed my nephew after finding out that he had been gone for a week up under my nose. I hadn't seen him but I just figured my sister was mad at my mom and decided not to bring him down. So I kissed him and told him that I missed him. Two hours later I started sneezing and coughing. I realized every time my nephew spends the night at someone house he always gets sick. So now I am sick, but the bad thing about it is that when I get sick I am unable to get rid of it. The longest time I have had a cold (a regular cold not the flu) is 8 months and the shortest time is 5 months. The doctor told me that I do not have a good immune system.

The GED

Also on Tuesday when I took my nephew upstairs after he declared that he wanted to go home, I noticed the mail on the stairs. I picked it up and handed it to my mom. She said that I got 2 letters and one was from the GED center. I opened up the letter and after reading it I saw that I passed! My average score was 574 that is 226 points under 800. I am average, but that is great considering I never passed the 8TH grade. I got a 700 in Reading, a 500 in Writing, a 550 in Science and Math, and a 570 in Social Studies. I scored at least 20 points hire in the actual test than in the practice test. Thank you Mike for tutoring me and preparing me for this. Thank you Hallie for allowing me to take Mike away from you and Landon. Also, thank you to everyone who gave me encouragement. It meant a lot to me.

The Hospital

Today at 8am I got in the shower to get ready for my day of babysitting for Mike and Hallie. As I was washing I notice that my arm smelt funny ( I know not the best thing to say), so I looked at my armpit. And to my astonishment I had a whole in it and I could see my tissue ( a little too graphic ). I went to the hospital and the doctor told me that when they drained my abscess the skin did not heal and they told me that I should go to the clinic and be tested for HIV if I was sexually active or using needle drugs (which I am not) and that they will test my for diabetes. They tested me and said that I am a borderline diabetic and I should go to my doctor and begin a diet. I have no problem with this, unfortunately my parents prepare the meals and I eat what they make. I can not wait to get a job so that I can take care of myself.

Oh well life goes on.

Diamond.......

1. Has a fear of heights, any animal that is not a cat or small dog, and being alone.

2. Is shy around people she doesn't know

3. Is a romantiac (Very Very romantic)

4. Loves Disney movies and movies set before the 1900s (Troy and Gladiator)

5. Loves the country, but can settle in the middle of nowhere.

6. Gets frustrated quickly

7. Has only been to Chicago

8. Loves Australian accents

9. Dislikes stupid funny movies

10. Has never been to the beach (Belle Isle does not count).

11. Eats the toppings off pizza, then the cheese, and finally the bread

12. Has eczema, which has gotten worse as she ages (abnormal)

13. Has Black Foot Indian in her (you can tell by the dents under her eyes and her cheeks or not

14. Has slanted eyes

15. Has not had a nightmare after watching scary movies. Not even when she was little

16. Would watch wrestling with her dad until she was 15.

17. Hate litter, but has littered (hypocrite).

18. Had her 1st kiss at 12 (sister dared her).

19. Loves blond hair blue eyed or dark hair green eyed guys.

20. Fell in love for the 1st time at 18 (Infatuation)

21. 1st tooth fell out at 12 (abnormal)

22. still believes in fairy tales

23. Has never been in any competition

24. Loves soccer boys

25. Has never seen any movie about vampire, scary ghosts, or haunted places (including Twilight) other than Vampire in Brooklyn, which is why she doesn't like them. She has however seen Xmen and Casper the Friendly Ghost.

College and the ACTs

I have decided against BYU since it is way too big for a shy girl like me. I have chosen and applied to Southern Virginia University (SVU). It is the perfect size for me.

Last week I received the ACT application in the mail, which I guess is their way of telling me it is time to study. I will either take the test in April or June, I am leaning towards June. So if I get into SVU it will be in January 2o10.

I still have not received my score from the GED and am getting a little antsy. I feel in my bones that I have passed but I need to see it in black and white.

If I get in I will go to SVU for Pre-med, go on my mission, come back to Michigan and go to Central Michigan University (CMU) for Physician Assistant, move to the country, and get married?

That is my plan so wish me luck.

To try in this house

Sacrifice who you are for what you want to be
change nothing but the bad
If you find yourself doing nothing, try doing something
the spot light is on you
Make it worthwhile
the shadows of forever is only here today
Looking at the picture on the wall will not help
Looking at the past will only make you linger
Shoot for the future it will not kill you
Make a change today that will help you tomorrow
Sheltering yourself will make it worse
The guide of sorrow will pass
Housing your pain is frustrating
So try me

The Unlikely likeness of mother and daughter

Where she is strong, I am weak
Where I am strong, she is weak
I wake up everyday hoping, she wakes up everyday aching
I listen whereas she talks
I cry whereas she screams
I say "Heavenly Father I thank thee" whereas she pleads "God please take me"
I am happy but she is feels sad
She is happy but I am sad
She LOVES black where I love any color but black
she watches the news but I avoid it

We both like puzzles
Her crosswords - my sudoku
We both read books
Her mystery - My romance
We look alike
She's shorter - I am taller
We love music
Her oldies - my country
We love to sing along to the radio
She does it quietly - I do it loudly
We cry a lot
She doesn't care where - me in the company of no one
Both took the GED test
She didn't study - I studied forever
We are family oriented
Her idea is see you when I see you - my idea is blaming myself when I don't see my "family"
We don't finish what we start
Physically she can't - mentally I am all over the place
We both look forward
She has her head up - I do it only after I have looked back
We both budget
She does it dreadfully - I do it enthusiastically
We don't worry about materialistic things
Her motto "why cry over what you don't have" mine is "If you don't have it you don't need it"
Motto for the future
both "Live, Laugh, Love, Heal, and Hug"


I wrote this poem or whatever you call it, on Sunday. I took the ACT practice test and got an 18. I told my mom and she said so did she. Back then an 18 was an average score, of course, now it is a 21. But it was still a start for us. A lot of days I yell and say I am not like her, even when we are watching CSI. But I know that we are unlikely alike. the bad comes with the good, you just pray you have more good.

A poem for all the Lexi's

She is the most beautiful person in the world
Or so she says to herself at night
She is filled with tears,smiles,and know-it-allness
She tries so hard to be nice to me
But I see through it
She tries to be every inch of perfection
In doing so she loses herself
And me in the process
Drowned out by all the pettiness
She is surrounded by a wall of nothingness
Yet trying to be a somebody
Not wanting to be a nobody
She doesn't see any natural beauty
In herself or me
So she clamours to the store to buy the next best thing
But I see through her
To understand her is to be human
To try to help is to fail at something
As I watch her filled with tears,smiles,and know-it-allness
I am filled with relief
It must be hard being Lexi
Yet it is easy being me


I wrote this poem at 4:55am today after having a dream. For the past 2weeks I would have a dream about her. Each dream she was different (western: cowgirl, horror: killer, musical:singer, science fiction :alien, and so on). So finally today I wrote the poem so hopefully I can get some sleep. I hope you like it. Tell me what you think.

Annoyed at the hard work

It is one thing to be worried about something that would change your life, but it is another to conquer it and it feel like nothing. I studied for the GED for 6months (trust me 6months is an eternity). I have been so worried and so scared. When I entered the classroom for the first time yesterday I was scared out of my mind. But today leaving that classroom I was furious. That test is a waste of time. I got maybe (MAYBE!) 3 questions wrong on each section, I am only guessing so when I see my actual score I won't be surprised. When I say this test is a joke I mean it. Anyone who is studying to take the GED test in Michigan should do it now. It is so easy. .
The math has 1proportion problem; 3 area/perimeter/or volume problem; 2 fractions; 2percent or decimal problems; and the rest (41) addition, subtraction, multiplication, and division problems. You have no idea how stupid I felt for being so worried. The only problem I would say I had was getting started on the problem (word problems it was only 3). The bad thing about it is that the instructor showed us how to do 5problems( the test had 2 of each, so that is 10 questions I got right). I am so angry that the test wasn't harder. If you made it to 9Th grade this is a walk in the park. Anyone can get the GED. So I feel like I don't want it because it was too easy. I know that I am the only person in the world who can make a fuss about getting a good score (hopefully) on the test.

On the writing portion of the test, correcting the sentences was so easy. Even the GED book was harder. You only had to either omit a sentence, add a coma, take out a coma, choose past tense or future tense, or change the spelling of a word. It may sound hard but it isn't I mean wouldn't you change 'whether to weather' when you are talking about rain. The essay was frustrating because I forgot to write the introduction paragraph before the explanation paragraph so I might get a deduction for having an arrow on my paper. But I knew what I wanted to say: "My generation is important because it teaches the next generation how to be better by staying in school, enforcing abstinence, and refraining from going to adult parties."

Anyone that was my GED experience and I hope the ACT's is harder, but not too hard. I want a 21 or better. I know that I can conquer it. Mike I hope you can help. I am proud of myself for doing it and sticking with it. i am trying to be a better person by making a commitment to gaining more knowledge not just for school but for my future family. This is something to be proud of. I will be the first person in my family to go to college and finish(mom), that means a lot to me. I want to be a role model for my nieces and nephews. If you want it hard enough and you work at it, you can make it. As I am thinking about it I realize that maybe it(the test) was easy because of my blessing and fasting. At least I hope it was.

To everyone thank you for your support. It is really nice to have friends who care about you and wish you luck in your journey of finding yourself. I really appreciate all of you. You are so nice to me, even when you don't have to be. I am in the library crying I think people are watching so i better go.

My first half (before,11:25am,1pm,2pm, and end)

BEFORE(how my brain works)

I am so scared. What if I fell? I can always take it again. Stop worrying Diamond. You are going to do great. Am I going to be in a classroom by myself? What is the instructor like? Will I have a break in between the portions? What portions am I taking today? Am I going to take math? What if I fell. I can always take it again. What about my ACT's. That's to far in advance. What if I fell. Dad are we lost? I told you that you should have did it the way map quest said, but no you had to go on 75 when they said 95. Dad admit it you are lost. We are going to be late. They said if you come after 8:40 you won't take the test. Dad it is 8:30. IT'S RIGHT THERE!

11:45(science)

It wasn't that hard. But it did take me too long to finish it, because there was soo many paragraphs and charts that I have to read. I need to read faster. I wish I had some money to buy something do drink I am thirsty. We have to wait 25minutes before we do the next portion. I am sitting here bored out of my mind. I have nothing to do. I think I got most of the questions right. I only had to guess on 5.

1pm(social studies)

I just finished. It wasn't that difficult. The cool part is that I really studied hard on the s.s. and science. I had seen most of the problems before (not the exact same way but a lot like it). It is so cool to see the things I studied and conquer it. We have a 10min break before our final portion. I hope I pass. DIAMOND you can take it again. Stop yelling at yourself. Are you going crazy?

2pm(reading)

I just finished the reading portion. It was like I imagined it. On the GED practice I got 32 right and 8wrong. I hope I did better on the real test. The guesses that I made seemed rational to me. I am starving. You should have done what everyone told you and had a nice breakfast. I am so thirsty. In this big building you mean to tell me you couldn't have a water fountain put in.

After
THREE WEEKS! you have to be kidding me. Great now I have 3weeks worth of worrying. I have to pass in order to worry about my ACT's and college. This is going to be fun. Tomorrow I do math and writing. I hope the essay part is something I know about. It better not have anything to do with President Obama or I swear I will scream. Shut up Diamond.

I want to take this time and space and say thank you to everyone. It is so nice to actually get up and be happy. I talked to my mom yesterday and she told me that she was proud of me. Really proud of me. she and I both did not think that I would be getting ready to enter college. I may not go this year, but I definitely will next year.
I was so depressed growing up that we thought it was impossible for me to do anything other than stay glued to my room. I wake up with enthusiasm. Even when my family goes through drama I still know that I am a child of God and He wouldn't put me through things he feels I can't work out.
I got a blessing from Mike and all 8 missionaries. Then I got an extra dose of faith when I attended the fireside and I also fasted. It is so great to be apart of this family. I love it here. You guys have no idea how much I love and appreciate every single one of you. When I first entered the church I knew that it was a family. And I am blessed everyday even when we bicker quietly.
I can't wait to get my patriarchal blessing and go on a mission. I have never been this happy about leaving for a year and a half. Not once have I worried about it.............until now.
I should stop now this is going to be a long blog.
Wait...Mike thank you. I know you probably thought I was a nut job. I couldn't have done this without you. You believed in me even when I didn't believe in myself. I am so glad that I found you and this church because I have no idea where I would be without "my other family." Do you think I have a real shot at going to BYU?
Okay that's it no more writing.