Everything is Falling Into Place

As I am typing this, I am full of emotion ( the usual: worried with a mix of happy). I just got back from having a meeting the Stake President Lantz. He was interviewing me so that I can go a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. He, of course, was intense with a mixture of funny. I am very happy that everything is falling into place: I am leaving in a month to go to BYU-Idaho, have a few job interviews lined up, and now getting my mission call in the next two weeks. But now I have no control over: if the plane will not kill me when I am traveling to Idaho, if I will even like BYU-Idaho, if I will get the job, or where I will go on my mission (could be Texas, not Utah- please not Utah, Antarctica, Belgium- oh yes Belgium, France- not too shabby, or China but the point is I do not know where). There is just so much that I do not know. I know, I know, trust in Heavenly Father. I do... I just do not trust other people like the pilot, strangers in Idaho, unknown mission companions, just people okay! But I know that this is what Heavenly Father wants for me. This is what I want from me.

I have done a complete 360 in my life- no, I have never been a bad person but I have changed. I have gone from contempt with my life to hopeful and I like it! I like the direction that my life is headed. I have come from nothing, believed in nothing, gone nowhere, and wanted nothing to knowing that I come from Greatness; believing in myself, my capabilities, and my desires; going to Virginia, will go to Idaho, and then a mission; and I want what is best for me. I want to live a righteous life and graduate from BYU-Idaho, get married, have children, and make something out of myself. I want to close my eyes and not think of the bad things. I want to not have to make up "a fantasy life" in my head because it is too difficult to imagine a real man wanting to be with me. I want to breathe and not wonder if this is all a figment of my imagination. I just want to know if this is for something and not all for nothing. I do not want to come back from my mission and some how have my walls crashing down. I do not want to hear "there is no one out there for you" or "you are not good enough for this" or "you can never have this." Brain please shut up.