I knew that it would happen sooner or later, no one can be happy forever. I just didn't expect it to happen so hard. I got a really bad grade on my first biology test (55/100) and it hurts my feelings and plans. It is my fault because I have spent too much time going to our school functions and not studying afterwards. I also could spend my Sundays better. I mean I am not spending them wrong (after all what can you do in a small town) but I can try to invite the Spirit more. It just gave me a huge wake up call.
I do not plan on not attending school functions but I will make sure I study before and after. I also have been battling feeling loved. I know that Heavenly Father loves me, but I don't feel it sometimes, this probably has a lot to do with all the "love" going on at SVU. It is the 4th school to have a high percentage of marriage. I just feel that I am incapable of feeling loved and loving others.
This of course is not on my high priorities list, I do not plan on getting married any time soon, but it is on the list. And most of you know that I am a list person. I am also lost on my career choice, I am not sure about Pre-Med, and it is really getting on my nerves that I am now unsure about myself.
Because I am failing Biology and having a hard time in French and English I am thinking about dropping Yearbook. It is sad because I really want to stay on the committee and they only have 10 people in Yearbook and it will be very hard for them. I do not know what to do. I have been praying to Heavenly Father about it, but so far I haven't gotten any response, this can be due to not feeling the Spirit.
However, I am not a total lost cause, Sunday most of my anxiety melted. I am still having problems but I felt totally at peace for the first time in 6 days. I went to church and I just felt so good. I got a calling as a Family History and Indexing co chair. This is a Ward and Stake calling. I am so excited. However, it is very ironic because I can not find anything on my family. I have also been praying about that as well. I also will get my Patriarchal Blessing on October 18th. I know that it will help me very much.
Last week we had our Stake Conference and it was talking about Temples, missionary work, and living righteously. I loved the talks they gave.
Last night we also had a mission fireside and it was awesome. We got to meet people who had served a mission and others who were thinking/planning on serving a mission. I loved it so much.
All of this got me thinking that this is all a part of life: Trying to feel the Holy Ghost, being unsure of love and your future, and just being all over the place.
During Fast and Testimony meeting today I said something that I really liked. " We are all different and sometimes being born on the difficult road helps you to see that there is another road." I never knew that there was a better way other than the difficult one and being baptized showed me that there was. I am so happy that I found the church and because I know that there is a wrong way I am more able to see the two.
I would like to add something to that. After having a horrible dream a few nights ago I now realize what it meant. "Even when you feel like you are at your worst and everything is going wrong, know that it can be worse." You can be starving in China or born in Africa with aids and die at 8 years old. You can be an orphan with no family and no one to love or love you. You can be a football player now paralyzed, never to walk again.
My life has had it ups and downs and will continue, but I am continuously fighting to stay on the right side of the veil, are you?
3 comments:
Sorry you had a bad week. It sounds like you're getting back though. It's okay to drop a few things. You've got your whole life ahead of you to experience. Better to enjoy a few things at a time, than to be stressed by too many things.
Most people change majors in college. It's pretty normal. Do whatever you feel led to do. Maybe pre-med is right, and maybe not. If you don't feel led right now, then just stay in tune and you'll get your answer when it's the right time.
Sounds like you know what to do to do better in school. I failed a midterm my first year of college for the same reason -but still got a B in the class after a lot of hard work. Don't be discouraged. It's possible to bounce back.
You'll do great!
Hang in there, Diamond. I know that things will pick up and that you'll receive answers to your prayers. Sometimes they just come in a way that you wouldn't expect. You are doing amazing!
Thank you so much!
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